CHAPTER 23

Monica was contentedly watching the fire that Andrew had kept burning in the old stone fireplace, as she relived the moments of the day.  It had been perfect in every way and had left her still feeling in awe of how what she had always considered to be the impossible had actually happened.  Somehow the words “angel” and “married” just didn’t seem to go together, but though that might take some getting used to, she knew that she and Andrew did indeed go together. 

She felt a flutter of nervousness in her heart.  She knew what honeymoons generally entailed, but Andrew had made no mention of anything either today or in the days that had proceeded their wedding.  The thought of intimacy was something that still unnerved her, but she trusted him explicitly and was trying to rest in that trust.  The things that Grady had done to her had left her feeling frightened and unsure and those feelings were still just below the surface.  What he had done had caused her pain, both physically and emotionally and she simply didn’t know what to expect if a moment of intimacy came to be between she and Andrew.  Yes, she loved him completely, but what she knew of the physical act of love was violent and painful and she nearly felt panic rising to her throat.

“Angel?” Andrew watched as she looked up at him, seeing the conflicting emotions in her eyes and he nearly went back on what he had planned.  He knelt down beside of her and rested his hand against her cheek, “What is it, sweetie?”

She lowered her eyes shyly, searching for what to tell him before she settled on “I’m scared.  I’m not sure of what you expect tonight and I’m not sure if I-.”

He held a finger to her lips to silence her, “I’m not expecting anything from you regarding what you are thinking about; not tonight or ever.  You have already fulfilled my greatest desire today and knowing that we have been joined under God for the rest of eternity is more than I could ever ask for.  I love you, angel; I have always loved you and just having you with me is more than enough.”

Monica bit her lip, seeing the love that he held for her in his eyes, “It isn’t you…and I want to be able to share this with you, but I’m still afraid.  It hurt so much before and…I don’t want to disappoint you, in any way.”

“Monica, angel, you could never disappoint me,” He uttered, taking her face into his hands as his thumb swiped at the tear that fell from her eye, “This choice is entirely up to you, but I want you to know that I would never hurt you.  What happened to you before was horrible and not in any way the way that God intended it to be for anyone,” He had never felt so nervous in his entire existence, but he calmed himself by kissing her gently first, and then taking her hand, “There is something I want to show you.”

She nodded her head as he helped her to her feet and led her upstairs, never releasing his hold on her hand.  She gripped his hand tightly, finding comfort in the simple gesture that they had been sharing for as long as she could remember.  He stopped walking right outside her closed bedroom door and turned to face her, taking her other hand into his own as well.

“Monica, whatever happens tonight is entirely up to you.  This is your night, sweetheart and if at any time you feel afraid or uncomfortable, I want you to tell me.  We can slow down or stop altogether and no matter what happens, it is perfectly fine with me.”

She searched his eyes, seeing nothing but love and understanding lingering there.  There were no assumptions and she knew whatever happened from this moment forward was the choice she had been denied before.  Monica swallowed hard, as she reached up to cover his hands with her own. 

Seeing her nod her head, he kissed her forehead, before taking her hand into his once more and he reached behind him to open the bedroom door.

A soft gasp escaped the little angel as she gazed around the room, completely overwrought with emotion.  There were candles lit on the dresser, the nightstands and in the windowsill, the soft light illuminating a room she no longer recognized as her own. The candlelight bathed the room in a beautiful golden glow, the light dancing on the walls gently. The bed was covered in a lush comforter and a single red rose rested on her pillow.  It was beautiful and she leaned back into his arms as he wrapped them around her, silently allowing her to take it all in and become comfortable. 

A minute later, he led her to the bed and he sat down on the edge of it, once again taking her hand into his own as he pulled her down into his lap as his arm encircled her small waist.  She had been quiet, but he could see the love in her eyes, “And just let me say in case I forget to later, that no matter what happens tonight, it has been the most wonderful night of my existence.”

Monica blinked back tears as she moved to kiss him before wrapping her arms around him, feeling the security he offered as he held her tightly in his arms.  He was in no hurry for anything, his only priority was her comfort and her knowledge that he loved her, whether they became lovers tonight or all he did was hold her until the sun rose in the sky.

Andrew pulled back gently and reached to lovingly stroke her cheek before he kissed her tenderly. He had never seen her look more beautiful.  The white lace nightgown she wore combined with the soft halo that the candlelight made around her auburn locks accentuated the pure and innocent angel before him and as he felt her respond as she melted into the kiss, she left her imprint on his heart forever.  He slowly parted her lips with his tongue and slowly explored the sweetness of her mouth as his tongue moved against hers.  Her hand was suddenly on his cheek as the kiss became more intense and he was content to stay in this moment alone forever.

His hand ran down her back and back up again, settling at the back of her head as his fingers worked into her hair.  Never breaking his contact with her mouth, he rose to his feet, lifting her into his arms to lay her down on the bed, moving in beside of her.  He then pulled away to search her eyes for any kind of hesitance and saw none as she smiled softly up at him.  It was all the more invitation he needed to continue.

His lips traced a line from her mouth and up her jaw, listening to the soft sighs that emerged from her.  He was patient, wanting her to be able to feel with all of her senses the treasure she was to him as he kissed softly down her neck as she moved to give him access.  As he worked his way up her neck to her delicate earlobe, he took it softly into his mouth and felt the shivers run up her spine.

He gave pause then, as his fingertips lightly traced along her delicate jaw as he held her gaze in his own, “You are so beautiful, angel,” His voice was thick with the emotion he was feeling at finally being able to say all the things aloud he had only been able to say in his mind for so long, “Just so beautiful.”

She closed her eyes and her hands sought his face, the need to taste his mouth again urgent.  As their tongues intertwined, she felt his hand moving up her arm and every part of her he touched suddenly felt alive with electricity.  A bit hesitant, her hands slid up the inside of his shirt, exploring his strong chest and somehow amidst their kissing, the shirt was suddenly gone, allowing her the freedom to touch him with less effort.  She felt the subtle ripples of muscle and his warmth beneath her hands and her breath caught in the back of her throat.

Andrew was somewhat hesitant to go further, terrified of frightening her, but she was inspiring things in him he was having trouble controlling.  He reigned himself in however, knowing this night was for her.  Slowly and tenderly and a bit nervously, his hand moved to her breast, cupping it gently in his hand through the material of her nightgown.  He heard her sharp intake of breath and he separated his lips from hers, searching her eyes once more.

Seeing his need for reassurance, she nodded her head, her dark eyes stormy with the passion he was evoking in her body and heart, before she wrapped her arm around his neck to pull him closer for another kiss.  She had never felt this way before in her existence; this need to be close to him, closer physically then she had ever been before.  His touch was gentle, as if he was touching something delicate and intricate and her heart was pounding in her chest as she felt Andrew work his way down the tiny buttons of her white nightgown, never once breaking contact with her.  A moment later, it was over her head and for a split second she froze as she watched his eyes take in every aspect of her body.

His own breathing had caught in his throat as his eyes slowly traced her lovely curves and the fullness of her breasts, as they rose and fell with her breathing.  He reached up a hand to stroke her cheek as he captured her eyes, seeing the slight trace of apprehension in them that he quickly alleviated, “You’re perfect, not that I ever doubted it.  You’re as beautiful outside as you are inside, angel.” He smiled as happy tears filled her dark eyes, content for a moment to simply take in her expression. She was beginning to relax and he felt a moistening of his own eyes when she took his hand from her face and kissed it softly.

“Thank you,” She whispered, not for the compliment, but for that fact that she could see it was the truth in his eyes.

He kissed her again, slowly, passionately as his hand moved to her right breast, his thumb lightly rubbing over her hardened nipple.  Her body jerked slightly at his touch and he smiled as he kissed his way down to the hardened bud, his tongue making small, wet circles around it.  His other hand moved to the left, giving it attention as well with his hand as he took her right nipple into his mouth and suckled it gently.  He was careful to not give even the smallest amount of pain; only pleasure and she arched her back in response, urging him on. 

A soft moan of pleasure escaped Monica’s lips as her fingers entwined in his hair.  Every inch of her body felt as if it were on fire and she whimpered as he removed his mouth from her, only to move to her other breast and repeat the action.  Her legs moved restlessly beneath him as she closed her eyes, only paying attention to the sensations he was bringing to her with his mouth.  She had never imagined it would feel like this and with nothing to compare previous experience to, she had been expecting to feel pain and emotional discomfort.  But this was different; a wonderful different. This was Andrew; her Andrew, her eternal protector and she trusted him with every part of her, body and soul. 

Andrew glanced up, his heart nearly bursting at the look of pleasure on her face as her head moved slowly from side to side.  He sucked the small bud gently, feeling his own arousal and need to claim her not just as God’s, but as his, but he slowed his actions to calm himself.  Still suckling her, his other hand moved from her breast and traced down her flat belly, taking his time as her breaths came faster.  He found the mound of curls outside of her core and gave a soft squeeze, hearing the gasp that escaped her as her hips moved restlessly.  His fingers parted her, moving through her slick folds and she cried out softly.

Releasing her breast, he moved up slightly to claim her mouth once more and she raised her head to take him in, her fingers digging into his shoulders.  He nearly groaned at his desire for her, but it wasn’t yet time.  There were still concerns lingering in the back of his mind.  His own need made him want to take her fast and hard, but that was not for this night.  He could not remember a time when he hadn’t loved her and it was finally being realized in completion tonight.  After this, they had the rest of eternity.  Tonight, was about the fact that he loved her and about showing her the way she deserved to be treated, now and always.

To slow down his own body, he kissed softly down between her breasts and her belly, moving down lower to lay tender kisses on her inner thighs, before his tongue searched and found the pleasure nub he was looking for as another cry escaped the beautiful angel before him.  He lapped at her, savoring her sweet taste as he ran the length of her before he probed into her core.  Andrew felt her buck at the exploring of his tongue as he slid his hands beneath her in order to draw himself into her further.  His heart was soaring that she was responding to his touch and not fearing it.  She had been so afraid for so long and now she was confronting the last of her fears, without holding back.  She was truly amazing and even if she didn’t realize that about herself, he saw it with each new sunrise.

Soft cries were escaping the Irish angel as she felt something within her body building; a cliff she was nearly ready to fall from and she longed to plunge into its depths.  His tongue was warm as it explored her and lapped at her and the intensity within herself was rising.  She had no idea of what to expect from her own body as these feelings had been denied her before, but the things he was doing to her made it nearly impossible for her analyze her body’s reaction and she wasn’t sure she was supposed to be doing that anyway.  Monica only knew that the feelings were nothing short of absolute pleasure.

Sensing how close she was, Andrew pulled away.  The rest of his clothing had been shed and he moved up to position himself between her legs, for the first real moment, feeling afraid for her, “Angel,” He whispered, his voice heavy with passion as he watched her open her eyes.

Her chest was rising and falling with her rapid breathes, but she saw what he was asking.  Her body trembled as she reached up to crush her mouth to his, leaving him breathless and more than ready, “I love you,” She uttered when she released him and he felt tears dampen his eyes at her trust in him after all she had been through.

With painstaking slowness, he entered her, closing his eyes briefly as he felt her warmth surround and enfold him, as he pushed himself into her completely.  Her cry caused his eyes to snap open, fearing the worst.

The physical union brought tears to her eyes, but not because of the past.  The sudden closeness, his gentleness, the incredible love that filled her heart even in the heat of passion suddenly made her understand at long last.  What had happened before had only been about her body; about someone’s need to empower her and hurt her, but this…this was love.  This act of love was about all that she was and would become and all that was Andrew and what they would become together.  It was an expression of trust, and honesty and devotion, of putting herself in his safekeeping tonight and for all eternity.

“Angel?” His urgent voice caused her to meet his eyes and she could see the great worry in them.  He was afraid the memories were overtaking her, but a split second later, she was moving her hips against him.

“Andrew, please…”

His eyes, filled with love, held hers, as he began to move within her, slowly at first, and then gaining momentum.  He felt her tighten around him and he slowed down slightly, bringing her down ever so gently before his thrusts intensified once more.  Her cries filled the room and he felt her tighten around him as she threw her head back, a scream dying on her lips as she climaxed and her body shuddered at the intense release. Her hold around him caused him to shudder as he himself was completed inside of her and it was her name on his lips as he filled her.

For a moment, they were seemingly frozen in time, neither of them wanting the moment to end and when Andrew slipped from her she felt a great sense of loss for a moment before she felt his fingers tenderly brushing at her bangs, calming her through the remaining shudders of her body.  Finally able to catch her breath, she gazed up at him, her eyes bright with tears and her heart aching at her love for him, “I love you so much…” She whispered tearfully as he tugged her into his arms and kissed away the tears that fell.

He had brought her back from the depths of despair and shame, and what he had shown her was sweeter than anything she ever could have imagined.  There with a contented smile on her face, her arm stretched out across his chest, and her tousled head against his shoulder, she began to drift off to sleep, safe and secure within his love.

Andrew watched her before he kissed her forehead, amazed once more by the innocent and trusting angel she was and his voice was thick with emotion as he whispered into her last waking moment, “I love you too, my angel.”