CHAPTER 3

Monica awoke that morning feeling disoriented as she took in her surroundings, though it didn’t take long for the memories of the previous day to come crashing back to her and made her feel like just hiding underneath the covers for the remainder of the day if not until this was all over. But she forced herself to get up and to grab a hot shower before changing into jeans and a lightweight sweater that God had provided.

Drawing in a deep breath to try to steady her emotions, she opened her bedroom door and found her way to the kitchen where Andrew and Paul already were, deep in conversation, and she wondered how long her best friend had known Paul.

"Good morning," Paul greeted her, before glancing at his watch, "Yes, it still is morning," He added with a smile in her direction, "I trust you slept well."

"Pretty well considering, thank you," She replied not missing the combination of warmth and concern in Andrew’s eyes. Lowering her eyes, she headed over to the coffee pot and found an extra mug sitting next to it, which she immediately filled with liquid breakfast, not feeling all that hungry and still slightly nauseous after what had happened yesterday, "Have you two been up long?"

"Not too long," Andrew replied, trying to settle into a conversation with her that felt far from natural. He watched as she sat down and before he could stop her, she had reached for the newspaper that Paul had discarded, hating the way her face paled slightly as she looked at the page.

Paul didn’t miss her expression either as he silently berated himself for not throwing the paper away when he was finished with it. Monica’s being here was reminder enough for her of what had happened last night and she certainly didn’t need the grizzly details that the press felt the need to put into print, not after she had lived in those moments. He knew that his need to protect went beyond her physical safety into her emotional state of mind as well and that article was not going to help much.

Monica set her coffee cup on the table as her eyes took in the article about Josh’s murder, her heart aching with each word, coming from a reporter who probably hadn’t even known the man. She had never really given much thought to newspapers, but now, being faced with news she had been present for, her eyes drank in each word, her fingers clutching the paper tightly. Though she was relieved that there had been no mention of her, she wondered how long before that could happen. Reporters didn’t like to see a top story go cold and she considered the fact that it would only take one over zealous person to drudge up the fact that someone had seen Josh’s murderer. But just reading the details of Josh’s killing did little for her nerves or her acute sense of guilt.

"I’m sorry you had to see that," Paul remarked as she quietly laid the newspaper back on the table.

"Monica?" Andrew asked gently when she didn’t respond and it took everything in him to not reach for her hand.

The truth was that the article had shaken her more than she wanted to admit and she clumsily pushed her chair away from the table, "Excuse me." She said softly, before heading from the room.

She started to head back to her bedroom but stopped herself. There was really nothing to go back to. It wasn't really her room… nothing there was hers… nothing was familiar, and nothing about the whole situation was right. She reversed direction and headed out the front door.

The morning air was cooler than expected but she kept walking; down the front steps and along the path that led to the back of the house. Under ordinary circumstances she would have given thanks for such a beautiful setting. The house was surrounded by a series of rolling fields, dotted with old growth trees. The little angel continued down the path, following it to the barn at the bottom of the hill behind the house.

It was a good sized building, but not huge, and its grey clapboard siding made it seem like it had been part of the landscape forever. The heavy double doors were painted a dark shade of red, and Monica hesitated for a moment before grabbing hold of one of them. The color was so like the blood she had seen the day before, and she hated the fact that even that could trigger an unwanted memory. She gave a small pull, and the door rolled slightly along its casters, opening just enough for her slight frame to be able to slip through.

Inside it was warmer and smelled of fresh hay, wood shavings and horses. Monica was standing at one end of the wide center aisle, with a row of box stalls on either side. Sunlight filtered in through a series of skylights set in the south side of the roof and it became obvious that the barn was not as old as it appeared from the outside. The aisle was lined with thick rubber mats, and Monica's footsteps made no sound as she moved further down. The only sounds were the soft rustling and occasional nicker from within the stalls.

"Hey there," she whispered as one of the horses poked his head out over the half-door that kept him contained. She walked over to him, a sweet smile appearing on her face without her knowledge.

He bobbed his head up and down and she couldn't resist holding out her hand to let him sniff it, and then scratching the flat spot between his large brown eyes. Monica glanced down at his door and spotted a brass plate bearing the name 'BoyScout'. There were also several patches pinned to the door and she realized he was a former police horse. Looking down at the row of doors she saw that there were similar patches tacked to all of them.

"Well, Scout," she said, her voice soothing, "I guess you're enjoying a bit of retirement here, eh?" A shadow passed over her face. "I think that's a much better reason to be here than mine," she said quietly.

*****

"She isn't in her room?" Paul said, trying to keep the harshness from his voice. "This house isn't that big! Where is she?"

Andrew shook his head, at a loss as to what to say. It had been just as big a shock to him to push open her door and find an empty room. He involuntarily clenched his hands into fists as a way to contain his apprehension.

"Didn't I tell her not to go anywhere without one of us with her?" Paul asked rhetorically. "She saw what this guy's capable of, what the hell is she thinking?" his voice was growing louder, and Andrew took a step towards him.

"I don't really think she was thinking," he said evenly, meeting the agent's eyes. The last thing Monica was going to need when they found her was someone yelling at her.

Paul broke the gaze and looked down, shaking his head. "Sorry, man… You're right." He looked up, the trace of a haunted look quickly vanishing as he did so. "She's probably right outside… she couldn't have left more than five minutes ago. I'll check out front. She must have left through the front door or we'd have seen her."

"No problem. I'll take the back."

"Great. Meet back here in fifteen." Paul turned to go out the front door.

Andrew moved towards the kitchen and the back door, but spotted something out of the corner of his eye. He quickly grabbed it and hurried out of the house.

The blond angel could hear Paul calling Monica's name and he headed down the hill, scanning the area for a glint of auburn hair. He had only gone a few yards when he noticed that the barn door was partially open. Picking up his pace he headed straight for it, hoping that he would find the little angel safe inside.

He slid the door open a little more so that he could fit through, and paused inside as his eyes adjusted to the soft light. He couldn't remember when he had stopped breathing but his next breath felt like the first in quite some time.

"You forgot your jacket," he said as he walked down the aisle.

Monica's head swiveled quickly in his direction, her hand still stroking Scout's neck. She saw the anxiety drain from his face to be replaced by relief, and looked at him with remorse.

"Thank you," she said as she reached out for it.

He stopped her and held it open, waiting for her to turn around so that he could help her into it. Then, when she turned back around to face him, he pulled it snug under her chin.

"I'm sorry I made you worry. I just needed to get out… I guess I forgot about telling anyone," she said, avoiding his eyes.

"It’s ok, angel," he replied, tilting her chin up and forcing her to look at him. "What's not ok is holding everything you're feeling inside. Especially when I'm right here with you. Two ears… no waiting," he joked.

Monica felt a grin creep onto her face at his words. "I know you are, Andrew. Believe me… having you here is the only thing making this even partially bearable."

"Then tell me what's going on in that head of yours," he implored her.

She shook her head. "I don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet," she said, hating the disappointed look that flashed across her best friend's face. "It's not your fault, Andrew." She sighed. "In fact, as much as I want you here, having you with me actually makes me feel even more guilty. You should be out helping God's children, not cooped up with an angel who was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Andrew's eyes grew hard and he took hold of the smaller angel's shoulders. "You are one of God's children too, Monica," he insisted. "I am exactly where I need to be, and frankly I wouldn't have it any other way."

The Irish angel looked up at him and once again felt her emotions coming to the surface. He recognized the look in her face and pulled her into a tight hug before she could even think to protest. Feeling her relax against him, the blond angel let go of his own tension. Far too soon for either of them, he gently pulled away.

"C'mon. We need to get back up to the house. I think Paul's about to gather a search party," he said with a little grin. Monica gave a small sigh, hoping that dealing with Paul wasn't going to be like dealing with an unhappy Tess, as she resigned herself to following Andrew out of the barn. She resisted the impulse to reach for his hand, knowing at this point, she could not, which only added to her growing frustration.

As they walked in the back door, Paul's head shot up, a look of relief clearly evident on his face, though it was quickly replaced by a more stern expression, and Monica sank down into a chair at the kitchen table to prepare for the lecture.

"I'm sorry," She offered, before he could say anything, "I didn't mean to worry anyone. I just needed some air."

Exchanging a look with Andrew, though he missed the angel's guarded expression, Paul took a seat across from her, "And that is perfectly all right, Monica. You just needed to take one of us with you. I know that having a constant companion is a giant pain in the rear end, but this isn't a game-."

"I know that," She replied, her voice holding a tinge of her Irish temper.

His concern for her fueling his own anger, he replied back to her as evenly as he could, "Then act like you know that. This man could turn up anywhere, Monica, and it is you he is looking for. You're our assignment, so allow us to keep you safe!"

Angry tears burned in the corners of her brown eyes and though she struggled to stop the words, her emotions were too raw right now to control them, "Well, Josh was my assignment and he's dead, so how-." She stopped herself before she could go any further as she shakily rose to her feet, "I noticed books in the living room. Do I need to take one of you with me?"

Andrew's stomach churned as he shook his head and watched her depart. He knew that there was something eating at her other than this entire situation. His gentle friend rarely lost her temper; even in the worst of scenarios, and for her to turn so defensive so quickly was not something he would have expected.

"I guess I blew that one," Paul remarked with a weary sigh, "I'll go and talk to her."

"Maybe you should let me do that first," Andrew suggested, hoping to not raise any suspicion with Paul, "If she is upset with you, maybe I can put it into perspective for her before you talk to her and apologize." He emphasized the last word as he met his eyes with Paul's, "I don't believe for a moment she thinks this is a game, Paul, and that is where you went wrong."

He nodded his head, knowing his partner was right, "I'm sure she feels trapped and her entire life has been turned upside down in less than 24 hours. She has every reason to be upset. Go and try to speak to her, Andrew. I'll make it up to her later, once she has cooled off," He rose to his feet, regret clearly showing in his blue eyes, "I'm going to go and run a check of the grounds and will be back later."

As Andrew headed to the living room, his eyes came to rest on his friend, who was curled up on the sofa with a book in her hands, though he was certain she wasn't reading and his watchful eyes didn't miss the tear that slid down her cheek. Quietly, he approached her and took the seat beside her, as he reached up and took the book from her trembling hands, "Angel."

The single word held such meaning and such love that all her defenses came crumbling down in the time it took him to say it. Feeling his arm wrap around her small shoulders, Monica leaned into him and at last allowed the tears she had been holding in since this had all begun to come to the surface.

"Let it out, sweetheart," Andrew stated softly, as he wrapped his other arm around her as well and held her tightly as she wept softly against his chest, "This has been hard on you and I know that."

Pulling away, she wiped at her eyes as she drew in a trembling breath, trying to rein in her emotions once more, "I didn't mean to lose it like that and I do know this isn't a game. I'm the one who found Josh..."

"Angel Girl, you don't need to convince anyone of that," He replied gently, wiping at a stray tear on her face with his thumb, "Paul was just worried about you is all. He takes protecting you very seriously, just as I do."

Shame filled her dark eyes as she lowered them, "I know."

Andrew couldn't deny the fact that he was feeling frustrated with her reluctance to confide in him about what was hurting her so deeply, but he also knew he couldn't force it out of her either. Whatever it was, she was holding onto it tightly and harboring it deeply in her heart, not yet allowing herself to be reassured about it, "You know that as soon as you are ready to talk, I'm here to listen. I know that you know that, but I just want to make it abundantly clear."

Monica nodded her head sadly as she looked back up at him, "Where is Paul?"

"Out checking the grounds to make sure everything is secure. He'll be gone for awhile," Andrew explained, as relief sprang into her eyes.

Moving to lean into him once more, she whispered quietly, "Then it's okay for me to stay here for awhile?"

Smiling, the older angel held her tightly as he replied just as softly, "I'd be disappointed if you didn't, Angel."