CHAPTER 5

"So is he getting the silent treatment or are you just gonna go all out and punch him as soon as you see him?" Paul’s question broke up the tension that was present on his wife’s face and she grinned over at him from her place next to him in the car.

"Is it that obvious I’m still pissed off?"

He chuckled softly and reached for her hand, "It could be motherly instincts mixed in with a mad rush of hormones, but what do I know?"

"Yeah, well, I’d have given you an ass chewing you wouldn’t soon forget had you spoken to me that way," Alex informed him, though her blue eyes danced teasingly.

"Yes and you have," He laughed in agreement.

"But Monica isn’t like that. She doesn’t fight back and he knows that about her. A few obscenities thrown back at him would have shut him up, though I’ve never heard a foul word come from her mouth. Would have shocked him into silence!"

Paul knew she was annoyed, but keeping a straight face was simply not possible and he wondered if Andrew had any idea of what he was in for. The angel’s wife might not fight back, but his certainly would, "Alex, they are probably all made up by now. ‘Total shithead’ level was achieved and you can give me payment for that later, by the way," He winked at her, grinning at her look of amusement, "Just want you to know that I follow orders, ma’am."

"Good. Then I’ll be giving you a few more orders later…privately." She replied coyly as he pulled into the driveway and into the garage.

"Gotta love a woman who knows what she wants." He replied, keeping up the playful banter as he parked the car and turned off the engine.

Unbuckling her seatbelt, she moved closer, her lips only a breath away from his, "Oh, I know what I want, all right," She kissed him gently and then shocked the hell out of him when her hand moved between his legs and she squeezed him gently.

"Shit!" His eyes widened in surprise and then narrowed at the fact that she could hardly contain her laughter, "Woman, you’re going to be the death of me! If there weren’t two angels in the house, I’d have you follow through on that little stunt just inside the front door!"

"Oh?" She asked softly, moving to kiss him once more, her tongue seeking entrance and he leaned his head back and obeyed her bidding, tongue plundering her mouth hungrily. His eyes opened once more as she unbuttoned his pants with one hand and tugged down his zipper, unsure if he could take anymore teasing. He felt her reach into his boxers and he groaned as her hand surrounded him.

Alex smiled against his mouth, already feeling him throbbing in her hand as she stroked him slowly. Pulling away, she whispered against his ear, "Be right back…"

His eyes were filled with lust as she lowered her head right there in the car and took him into her mouth, licking the tip of him, before sucking gently. His hands tangled into her hair as she slowly worked him into a frenzy, her heat against him nearly driving him to the edge and she seemed to sense this and she gave one more hungry lick upon him before raising her head and grinning up at him.

"This is not fair," He growled, pulling her up for another kiss, "The console is the only thing preventing me from taking you right here and now."

"Logistics," She murmured up against him as she reached down his side for the lever that controlled the seat. Their weight on the back of the driver’s seat caused it to go completely back more quickly than she had intended, but they never broke the kiss even as it was intermingled with laughter.

Paul was still a bit confused, but obviously his wife had been thinking about this for some time, as before he knew it, she had hiked up the long skirt she had been wearing and reaching under it, she hitched her panties to the side and positioned herself over him. Just her actions alone nearly undid him as she sank down onto him and he was surrounded by her warm, slick walls. A moan had escaped her as he filled her and he wasted no time in grabbing her hips as they set the rhythm together. It wasn’t the most comfortable of scenarios, but Paul found himself moving to completion rather quickly and he pulled her blouse from her skirt to reach up beneath her bra to tease her nipples as a surprised cry escaped her as she drove against him harder. From that moment, she was plundering to the edge and she caught his mouth with her own as she climaxed with him, their cries muffled against each other.

They were both breathless as she collapsed against him, still holding him inside of her and Paul wrapped his arms around her tightly, kissing the top of her head, "My God, how I love you."

"Is that just because I took advantage of you in the front seat of your car?" She asked with a soft giggle.

"No, though all the other commuters tomorrow are going to wonder about the shit-eating grin on my face the whole way to work."

She smiled and kissed him softly before moving to open his car door, so she could carefully climb out, though her husband kept a protective hand on her until she was standing in the garage, trying to put her clothing to right. He then stepped out beside her and rebuttoned his pants, chuckling softly the whole time, though it turned into a full blown laugh at her next worried question.

"I have sex hair, don’t I?"

"Yep, but we’ll tell them the wind is picking up."

Alex was still smoothing down her tresses when they walked in the door, trying to look perfectly normal and upon entering, her expression turned to concern once more as she looked for the angels. Paul dutifully followed her to the kitchen and he immediately relaxed when he saw Andrew and Monica fixing dinner. It was obvious at a glance that things were much better between them, judging by the little looks and touches that were taking place.

"Hey, you two. Something smells good in here," He decided to announce their presence as he walked into the kitchen, noting that Alex remained at the doorway with a rather hard look directed at one certain angel still in her eyes.

"Chicken," Monica told him, smiling up at him as he placed his hands on her shoulders as if to assure himself she was all right, "And rest assured, Andrew did most of the cooking, so you have nothing to fear."

"I had a delightful assistant," Andrew countered gently, looking at his wife with tenderness in his eyes. She still looked tired with some residual pain in her eyes, but she was smiling and more relaxed than he had seen her in two days. For the moment, it was enough.

"Damnit," Alex muttered with a little sigh, "I left my briefcase in the car. I’ll be right back."

Before Paul could offer, Monica was already speaking, "I’ll get it for you."

"It isn’t necessary, Monica, but thank you. I can grab it."

"I don’t mind," The little angel stated softly, already moving to the door. Stopping she gave Alex’s arm a little pat, "You’re pregnant and have been working all day. It’s time for you to rest."

"I’m going to check the messages," Paul stated, knowing Alex wanted a moment alone with Andrew, if for no other reason, to place her mind at ease.

"Dinner will be ready soon," Andrew assured Alex, turning to face her for the first time and immediately giving pause at the look in her eyes. He managed not to look amused even as he wondered how Monica so unknowingly did it. She had no idea of the protective instinct she inspired in all those who loved her.

"Things are all right?" It was more of a demand than a question as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Yes," Andrew replied dutifully, "And I’m sorry about the scene at lunch, Alex. I was way out of line."

"Yes, you were," She stated, her voice still as hard as her gaze, "She didn’t deserve that."

"No, she didn’t. I was being a…’total shithead’ I believe is the phrase of choice," His eyes twinkled with mischief as he watched her lips twitch as she tried to hide her smile.

"Yes, that would be the phrase and unfortunately, all you men become one from time to time and apparently even angels are no exception."

"No, I suppose they aren’t as I proved today, unfortunately," At this point, he knew the conversation was part game, part seriousness as he had managed to break the ice a moment ago, "I have promised to do better and I will. I never want her hurt…especially not because of me."

"Glad to hear it," Alex smiled as she relaxed and only then took a seat at the table, still fidgeting self consciously with her hair.

"I brought in your paper right as you came around the corner," Andrew stated, enjoying the way her eyes widened slightly, "Funny, I never noticed how windy it had gotten." He winked at her, watching the color rise to her cheeks.

Unable to contain her laughter, she wagged a finger at him as she shook her head, "Yes, you are definitely still a total shithead."

She was still shaking her head and laughing under her breath when Monica came in carrying the briefcase in her hand. "It looks like there’s something wrong with Paul’s car," she commented. "The front seat’s all flat. I don’t think he can drive like that." She looked over at Andrew. "Maybe you could look at it with him after dinner," she said. He wasn’t exactly a trained mechanic but they had all done a multitude of jobs that they still retained little bits of knowledge from.

Andrew wasn’t sure how he managed to keep a straight face. It helped that he had turned back to the stove and couldn’t see the shell-shocked look on Alex’s face. "Yes," he agreed, "I’ll have a look. Can’t have them driving around the city like that."

Alex’s chair suddenly and loudly scraped back against the tile floor. "I… umm… I’ll be back down in a minute," she stammered, and hurriedly left the room.

"She’s probably just running upstairs to change," Andrew attempted to cover for her.

Monica nodded her head as she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around her waist. "She probably wants to run a comb through her hair too. It’s all rumpled from having sex with Paul in the car."

If it were possible, Andrew’s eyes would have popped out of his head and plopped down into the chicken dish he was cooking. As it was he spun around and stared down at his wife.

"Monica!"

She grinned up at him smugly. "I may still be a little off when it comes to trusting people, but lately I have become an expert in what a well-loved person looks like."

Andrew started laughing so hard he thought tears would spring from his eyes. "Priceless, Monica. You are priceless." He pulled her close and kissed her until she was breathless. Apparently the stressful day had caused a surge of hormones for all of them.

*****

They were almost through with dinner when the phone rang, breaking into their casual and completely non-work related conversation. Monica immediately reached for Andrew’s hand under the table. The last time the phone had rung it had been to tell them that Krista had been found.

Paul motioned for Alex to stay in her seat and he quickly walked to the counter and grabbed the phone. As he talked he walked out into the hallway. If it was anything bad he didn’t want Alex or Monica to have to hear it that way. The three of them remained at the table, staring at each other and praying for the best.

When Paul came back into the room he wasn’t exactly smiling but he didn’t look upset either. "She’s going to be all right," he announced. "That was our liaison down at Mercy and they just took her off the ventilator. They think she could start to come around in the next day or two."

"Oh thank God," Alex breathed, not even noticing how her hands had drifted to her slightly swollen belly.

"Yeah, I’m pretty sure He had a hand in it," Paul agreed. "She’s got some healing ahead of her but she’ll be fine."

None of them noticed how Monica’s face had drained of color as they spoke, but they all noticed as she pushed her chair back and stood up. Andrew looked up at her questioningly, but her eyes were already focused on the hallway.

"She’ll be fine, but she won’t be the same," she whispered to them. "She won’t ever be the same." Paul stepped out of her way as she walked out of the room and a moment later they heard her footsteps on the stairs.

Andrew’s jaw was clenched as he watched her go, and then he turned to his two friends.

"I guess you didn’t get a chance to ask her how her visit with Krista went," Alex offered.

"No, but I think we all knew it didn’t go well. I’m sorry, Paul, do you mind cleaning up? I just don’t want to leave her up there alone."

"Of course not. Get up there."

It was all the invitation he needed, and he immediately stood up and headed quickly upstairs. Their bedroom door was closed, but he opened it quietly, his heart immediately going out to her. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, head lowered and her arms wrapped protectively around herself and he didn’t miss the slight trembling of her body.

He approached her carefully and slowly knelt down in front of her, resting his hands gently on her legs, waiting to see if she would offer anything so he wouldn’t have to ask.

"I’m sorry," Monica whispered after a moment, "I just-."

"Angel," He interrupted, reaching up to stroke her cheek, "Don’t you ever apologize for anything you are feeling. Whatever your feelings are, you are entitled to them, baby."

She pressed her lips together tightly, trying to ward off tears. Her emotions had been all over the place the last two days, and it was exhausting her, but yet she couldn’t seem to control them. A part of her wanted to shut everyone out, but she was fighting to keep that from happening again. She had done that in the early days, and she had learned eventually that staying open and honest with Andrew was imperative.

"I think you are also entitled to cry if you want to," Andrew whispered to her, and watched as her dark eyes welled up at his words. She was immediately trying to blink them back, not wanting to give into them, but he continued tenderly, "If it hurts, Monica, let it out. You never have to pretend to be strong with me, angel. Right now, let me do that for you."

It was all it took for her to crumble and he moved to the bed quickly and pulled her into his lap, pillowing her head under his chin and rocking her gently. He remained quiet, allowing the soft sobs to escape from her as she clung to him. Andrew could tell by the way she was trembling that memories were in the forefront of her mind and he worried that she was trying to hide how she was really feeling again. Had she really been as happy as she had seemed an hour ago in the kitchen, or was she trying to cover up the pain that had been hitting her full force since coming with him to Washington?

It took many long minutes for her sobs to quiet and he continued to stroke her hair and her back, laying kisses on her head, "Better?" He asked her softly and felt her give a little nod, "Can you talk to me about what happened at the hospital today?"

Monica drew in a trembling breath, choosing not to look up into his eyes, but remaining where she was as she began in the softest of whispers, "I’m not even sure of why I went. She’s only seven, but she’s the only other person I know of who…who…knows…" Tears threatened again, but Andrew soothed her gently until she could speak again, "I found out her room number and was waiting for the elevator and that’s when I met Shawn. I suppose he could see that I was uncomfortable with him at first, but he starting talking to me and he seemed nice. He was telling me about Krista, about how they didn’t know if she was going to make it… and he said something about not being able to imagine what kind of life she would have if she survived, because of having been raped… he said he didn’t see how anyone could ever get over that." She shook her head sadly and her voice trembled, "He’s right. I didn’t realize it before, but though it will get better, it has gotten better most of the time, but there will always be something to bring it all back again. Some sound, or a word, or a touch…it’s never going to go away completely…"

Andrew hugged her tighter, his own emotions threatening to choke him, "No baby, probably not. But you will get stronger and those times will be fewer and more far between."

"I know…I guess I just hadn’t realized the full truth until today. It has been hard to accept. I kept waiting for some magical moment when it would all just disappear and that moment isn’t ever going to happen… not for me, and not for Krista…"

His jaw clenched and he fought back tears, "No, angel, but I promise to always be here and to always love you and to always help you through the moments that are hard."

"I know that too," her voice was still a whisper, "and I hope that when Krista grows up, that she can find someone like you, who understands how hard it is and who is so gentle with her heart and with all the other places he hurt." Almost frantically, she sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face against him. "I love you… I love you so much… you have no idea how much it means… how much it means that you understand and that you never lose patience with me… to know that you’re never going to walk away because of it… I know that some women don’t have that and I don’t know… I don’t know how they survive, Andrew!"

The blond angel felt tears pricking the backs of his own eyes as he held her tightly to his chest, his large hands spread out across her back, cradling her. He could hardly breathe. Her words now only made his own angry ones that much worse. He had been a fucking bastard and she had not only instantly forgiven him, she was clinging to him for dear life. Her rock. That was what Paul had called him. No one paused to think that without her he would crumble and wash away to the far reaches of existence.

"Angel," he was finally able to speak and he wanted her to hear every word. "Monica… my little angel…" he turned his head to kiss her tear-streaked face and almost had to close his eyes at the depth of her grief… and the depth of her trust in him. "I love you baby. I love you and you’re right. You never have to worry about me leaving because that’s never going to happen. Never." He squeezed her tighter to make his point. "But don’t thank me for my patience, angel. I learned that from you… from watching you every day come back stronger and braver and always so perfectly loving and generous with everyone who touches you. I will be by your side for eternity, but I know in my heart that you could survive without me."

"No… no… I couldn’t," she was shaking her head and clutching him tighter.

"Yes you could, Monica. I’m the one who wouldn’t want to survive without you. There’s an inner strength in you that you may not be able to see, but I can and I think God has given it to every woman who has ever been hurt that way. He’s given it to Krista, Monica, and He’ll be watching over her always. You know that."

"It will still be so hard… just so hard…" she continued to cry although it was no longer the bone deep sobs from earlier.

"She’ll have help, Monica, and her parents will be there for her… the same way I’m here for you."

"I hate this, Andrew. I really, really, hate this," her words were muffled against his shirt. "I don’t want this to be happening to anyone else, and I don’t want to be remembering it all over again. Whoever is doing this… I hate him. I hate him so much it scares me."

"That’s all right, baby," Andrew kissed her gently and stared into her eyes. "I hate him too, Monica. I hate him for what he’s doing and I hate him for what this is all doing to you. You’re not alone. Please just keep telling yourself that. I am here for you any time… just like back at the farm. If you need to cry and scream, let me be there to hold you. Don’t hold it in, baby, and please don’t close yourself off from me. Even when I’m acting like a complete ass, I still love you more than anything… more than my own existence…"

"I won’t forget, Andrew… I promise." Her tears had finally stopped but she remained on his lap, arms wrapped around his strong chest, and heart beating beneath her ear.

"Alex and Paul have things covered downstairs, and I really don’t want to let go of you yet. Is that all right?"

Monica nodded wordlessly. He knew that she wasn’t ready to leave his embrace but he wasn’t going to make her do the asking. Yes, he was probably right. She would be able to survive even without him, but she wouldn’t really be existing.