CHAPTER 13

A week later, Andrew was convinced he was in the middle of a bad dream.
The transformation that Monica had undergone had both he and Tess
terrified as they watched her retreat further and further into herself.
The lines of communication had seemingly come to a halt overnight as she
refused to discuss anything that had happened with either one of them.

She rarely ate and was obviously having trouble sleeping. Her gentle
face was now gaunt and her eyes, reddened by tears and lack of sleep had
dark circles under them and they seemed to look at Tess and Andrew with
more sorrow than either of them had ever seen before in one person. It
was as if she were wasting away from them, both physically and
spiritually and what started with her friends as worry quickly turned
into fear.

They tried talking to her, but she would only insist that she was fine,
though everything else about her said otherwise. Whatever the burden
was that she was carrying, she was determined to do it alone, much to
the dismay of her friends. Andrew spent hours praying to the Father for
guidance, as did Tess, but things only seemed to get worse.

“I don’t think I can take much more of this, Angel Boy,” Tess remarked
softly to Andrew as she glanced into the living room where Monica was
curled up in the recliner, gazing at the fire that Andrew had started in
the fireplace,
“I’m starting to think we’ve let this go on long enough and it’s time
that baby gave us some answers before she disappears before our eyes.”

“What are you thinking, Tess?” He asked, worriedly. He knew he could
hardly bear for this to go on another minute, but on the other hand, he
was very protective of Monica right now, more so than usual and he knew
Tess’ temper all too well. He knew it was fueled by her fear and
concern for their friend, but he still worried about the impact it would
have on Monica.

“Well, Angel Boy, the way I see it, is that I’ve asked for answers and
Monica won’t give them. Now, I think it’s time to stop asking and start
telling. Whatever is inside of her is destroying her and if it doesn’t
come out…” Her voice trailed off, unwilling to voice the alternative.

Before Andrew could say another word, Tess was in the living room and
standing in front of Monica, her arms crossed in front of her and her ‘I
want answers’ expression on her mahogany face.

Monica opened her eyes and shrank back a little. She had seen that look
in her supervisor’s eyes before and it usually wasn’t good,
“Tess..”

“Don’t you ‘Tess’ me, Angel Girl,” She replied, looking directly into
her friends exhausted eyes,
“I want to know what is going on and I want to know now.”

“I..don’t know what you mean.” Monica faltered, trying to avoid that
knowing stare.

“Don’t you give me that. You know full well what I’m talking about and
I think it’s time you did some talking.”

“Monica,” Andrew intervened gently,
“We’re really worried about you.”

“Out with it, Miss Wings,” Tess demanded.

Monica’s heart began to beat loudly in her chest as she looked from Tess
to Andrew and back again. To say the words, would make it real, instead
of just being a thought in her mind. She didn’t feel strong enough to
be able to tell them the truth without losing herself to the greatest
pain she had ever known,
“Tess, please-.”

But Tess would have none of it,
“Baby, I have nowhere to go and I can stand here all day until the truth
be told. I love you too much to let this go on the way it has been and
if you think you are helping us, then you are sadly mistaken. Now, for
the last time, what is going on?”

Tears began to fill Monica’s eyes as she quickly got up and tried to go
around Tess, but her supervisor grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her
around to face her once more. Monica looked at her pleadingly, before
turning her sorrowful eyes to Andrew.

That look went straight to Andrew’s heart,
“Tess, c’mon-.”

“Hush, Angel Boy,” Tess retorted, never taking her eyes off of Monica,
“What is it, Monica? What is it that has you so afraid? Don’t tell me
‘nothing’ either because we both know better than that. You’re dying
inside and I cannot stand to watch it a minute longer. Why can’t you
understand that because we love you so much, we can’t watch you do this
to yourself any longer?”

Monica lowered her head as she began to cry,
“It isn’t enough.” She uttered, feeling trapped,
“Loving me won’t change what happens in the end…”

Tess reached out and placed her hand under her friend’s chin to raise
her eyes back to hers. What Tess saw in those tear-filled brown eyes,
nearly broke her heart as she felt her own eyes well up as well at her
friend’s pain,
“Tell us, baby,” She whispered gently.

Monica heard the change in Tess’ voice and the walls she had built up to
protect herself began to come crashing down. She saw the tears in Tess’
eyes and the ones falling from Andrews’ and the words she had kept
bottled up inside for so long finally were able to be said,
“I can’t bear the thought of losing you both!” She sobbed,
heart-brokenly,
“I know that after where I’ve been and what I’ve done, I can’t go
Home…God doesn’t want me now and you and Andrew can’t stay with me
forever! I know that, but I don’t think I can stand the thought of
never seeing you both again!”

Andrew’s head reared back as he heard her words. How could she have
carried the burden of that belief alone for so long?
“Is that what you think?” He asked hoarsely, everything now beginning to
make sense. Why hadn’t he seen it sooner?
He watched as Monica’s legs gave out from under her and he moved quickly
to help Tess catch her and get her over to the sofa. They sat on either
side of her as she cried as though her heart would break, leaning
against Tess.

Tess wrapped her arms around her tightly, tears racing down her cheeks,
“Oh sweetheart, you are so wrong about this.” She said softly, rocking
her friend soothingly,
“Do you really believe that God is going to leave you behind?”

“I..I chose to go with Kathleen-.” She wept, holding onto Tess
desperately.

“No, Monica,” Andrew whispered, his hand moving to rub her back,
“You chose to save Stacey. That’s a big difference.”

“That’s right,” Tess replied warmly, her rich voice calm and soothing,
“And the Father had never been more proud of one of His angels. I’m
gonna let you in on a little secret, baby. That horrible day, when
Kathleen took you to that dark place, who do you think brought you
back?”

Monica was crying too hard to answer, but she managed to shake her head,
hanging on for dear life to every word Tess was saying.

“It was the Father, baby,” Tess whispered with a gentle smile,
“He knew it wasn’t your decision to be there. You just wanted to help a
scared young lady and He knew that. Now, it’s time that you knew that
too.”

“It was never God’s plan to leave you behind, Monica,” Andrew continued,

“He brought me to you so that I could bring you here. He wanted Tess
and I to be with you in order to help you get better. He knew what you
had been through and He was afraid for you and He knows how much Tess
and I love you. He knew we would do everything in our power to bring
you back to us.”

“But I’m still human!” She sobbed weakly, trying to absorb everything
that they were telling her,
“If I’m human, I can’t go Home and if I can’t go Home, then I can’t be
with you both!”

“Angel Girl,” Tess pulled away so she could look into Monica’s
tear-filled eyes,
“The most important thing you’ve lost in all of this was your trust in
God. You know He is in control, even when it doesn’t feel like He is.
You’ve told so many people that message, Monica. How could you forget
it yourself?”

“Kathleen,” Monica uttered, lowering her eyes in shame,
“She told me that God would never want an angel who had been where I had
been. I..I felt so…unclean after this happened that I believed her.”

“Kathleen?” Andrew tried to keep the anger from his voice,
“When was she here?”

“She’s been here a lot lately,” Monica said softly, trying to bring her
tears under control.

“Why didn’t you tell us, baby?” Tess asked, her own eyes holding a touch
of anger for the dark angel who had caused her friend so much pain.

She shook her head helplessly, not knowing the answer herself,
“Maybe I thought she was part of my punishment for what I had done and
she was only one who knew how afraid I was of losing you both.”

“You figured you didn’t deserve any better.” Andrew concluded,
remembering things Monica had said to him.

She nodded her head sadly,
“All I could think about was waking up one morning and finding you both
gone,” She whispered, her voice trembling,
“And the only thing that kept me going was the thought that at the end
of my life as a human, that maybe you would be there waiting for me,
Andrew…to take me Home.”

Tears spilled onto Andrew’s cheeks at her words as he pulled her into
his arms and cried with her,
“That is never going to happen, honey. When you go Home, it will be
with Tess and I, as the angel that you are. I’m so sorry that this
happened to you, that you thought we would ever leave you. And I’m
sorry for my part in all of this, back when it started and for leaving
you that night in Stacey’s dorm room. I’ve learned that a minute, is
all it takes for a life to change completely. I’m just so glad that so
often, God gives us another chance to make it right again.”

Monica held him tightly as for the first time in such a long time, she
believed that all would be right again,
“I love you, Andrew and you too, Tess. You both are so near and dear to
my heart and that is why it hurt so much to imagine being without you
both. I think that two of the most important parts of me would go with
you because you are both so much a part of who I am.”

Tess smiled as she reached over to lay her hand on Monica’s cheek, and
her eyes, so full of love, looked up towards the heavens,
“I know your work here is not yet complete, Father, but now, let the
healing begin.”