CHAPTER 4

She had never felt such heat in her entire existence. She could feel the flames scorching her skin and the smoke burning in her eyes. She began to cough, feeling as though she couldn’t breath, suffocating from the smoke fumes she was inhaling. She was surrounded by darkness and fear made it impossible for her to move. She tried to cry out for help, but her voice made no sound.

The sound of mocking laughter made her cower close to the ground, as the voices spoke words of hatred and anger, saying that her soul now belonged to them.

“No!” Her mind screamed as she tried to see through the darkness. She had always been able to find light before, even in her bleakest moments, but now all was black. The voices grew louder and she clamped her hands over her ears, trying to block them out, but her attempts were only met with more laughter. The human angel trembled violently from fear and her heart pounded so hard that she thought it would surely burst from her chest.

“Oh Father,” Her mind cried,
“Please help me! I wanted to save her, but I don’t think I can do this!”

“You have no voice here!” The dark angel growled, hearing the pleas of her mind,
“And now you shall have no soul!” She began to laugh, a loud, bone-chilling cackle that made the angel go numb with fear.

Suddenly, it seemed as though hundreds of talons were tearing into her flesh, plunging into her in an effort to take from her all that she was. Her screams of pain were silent as no sound came from her throat. She tried to fight, but the darkness made it impossible to see her attackers. The laughter rang in her ears as the heat grew more intense and the pain more acute. She felt as if she was engulfed in flames of pain and it was unbearable.

She felt herself being lifted up, even as the claws continued to tear at her tender flesh. She closed her eyes and in her troubled mind, she heard someone singing a song about a bird. She tried to listen, but she was being taken farther away from the voice and as it became more distant, her heart was filled with sorrow.

Images then began to appear in her mind’s eye of people she felt she should know, but at best were vaguely familiar to her. The pictures came faster and faster, the images laughing at her. She began to cry, not understanding what she was being shown. The images passed through her mind so quickly that they became nothing more than a blur, before they stopped on one man-a man with gentle green eyes and blond hair. He was so familiar that her heart began to ache. She reached out a trembling hand to him, her eyes pleading with him, but he sadly shook his head,
“You chose this and I cannot intervene,” He said softly.

Her eyes welled up with tears and her lower lip began to tremble as her lips mouthed the words,
“Please…Oh please help me.”

His eyes were filled with anguish as he stood there helplessly and as the image began to fade, she began to cry. The sobs shook her body with great intensity as it all became more than she could bear. There was nothing on her body that did not hurt and the darkness surrounded her in a way it never had before. She hated the dark; it always made her feel lost and alone. But this time it was more than a feeling, it was truth. Truth like she had always spoken of. Truth, like all she had ever known and she finally surrendered to the pain and the darkness………

“Monica,” Andrew pleaded, tears in his eyes,
“Please wake up, honey.” He had been trying to awaken her for the last ten minutes from the nightmare that would not release her from its grip. He had watched in agony the wide range of emotions that ran across her pale face, watched as she had trembled and fought. Her lips had mouthed words that he couldn’t understand as he had tried to gently shake her to no avail. Now she lay, sobbing violently in his arms, still asleep, but caught up in her own private hell that would not let her go.

Andrew could barely stand it any longer. Seeing her suffer like this was breaking his heart into a million pieces. He had never heard her cry like this before, her sobs filled with such agony and defeat.

“Monica, please,” He cried out, before breaking into tears himself,
“I’m so sorry! I don’t know how to help you! I don’t know how to help you!”

At that moment, her sobs ceased and he felt her go limp in his arms, but he continued to hold her close to him as he sobbed into her soft, auburn hair. He had seen a glimpse of where she had been and what she had been through by watching her dream and he knew how horrible it had been. The Father had healed her physical wounds, but the ones on her soul seemed at the moment to be unreachable and the reality of that was tormenting him in a way that nothing ever had before. He longed to heal her, to bring back the cheerful angel she had been the other morning at the hospital, but he was helpless to do so. He hated this feeling, this feeling of not knowing how to “fix” it for her, for them.

Tess stood in the doorway, watching with tears in her own eyes as Andrew sobbed brokenly. It was almost more than she could bear to see both of her babies so wounded and not knowing how to make it better for them.

Quietly, she approached Andrew and laid her hands on his shoulders,
“Angel Boy.” She whispered softly, not wanting to startle him.

“Why wasn’t it me, Tess?” He sobbed, his hand stroking Monica’s hair even as he cried,
“I’d trade places with her in a heartbeat. It should have been me!”

Tess closed her eyes, his anguished words tearing at her heart,
“It wasn’t meant to be you, Andrew. I don’t have the answers as to why it was Monica, baby, but there has to be a reason for it. Maybe it’s because it’s your strength she’s going to need to get better. Or maybe it’s because once she comes to terms with this experience, it will make her an even better angel than she already is. Those are just guesses, baby, because that is all I have to go on right now.” Her hand moved to stroke his hair soothingly,
“I really think you need to take a little break, Angel Boy. I’ll stay with her.”

Andrew opened his mouth to argue, but then thought better of it. He could use a little air having been up with Monica all night,
“I think I will take a walk, Tess,” He uttered weakly. He carefully returned the sleeping Monica to her pillow as he stood up and turned to Tess,
“She had another nightmare, Tess and through it, she showed me a little of what she went through.” His eyes clouded, remembering the dream. He swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat,
“Tess…..I’m not sure she’s going to recover from it.” His voice broke off, as tears fell from his eyes.

Tess’ expression hardened as she met her fiery brown eyes with Andrew’s,
“Don’t you ever let me hear you give up on her,” She fumed,
“That is not what she nor I need from you, Mr. Halo. How would Monica feel if she heard you say that? I can tell you how she would feel—hurt! No one wants to know that their best friend has given up on them. Now I suggest you go for that walk and clear that blond head of yours before you come back here!”

Andrew starred at Tess, speechless for a moment,
“I didn’t mean---.” He stopped himself from continuing as his emotions began to well up inside of him once again,
“I’d better go,” He whispered, before turning on his heel and walking out of the room.

Tess watched him go, already regretting the harsh tone she had used when he had already been so upset. Looking up towards the heavens, she uttered miserably,
“Oh Lord, what have I done?”