CHAPTER 3

The next morning began just as all the previous ones had; with Monica running to the bathroom, but this time both angels were able to feel relief rather than panic. There was a reason she was sick, and it was a wonderful reason. Just as before, Andrew wiped at her forehead and neck with a cloth and then carried her back to the bed.

"If I could be the one with morning-sickness, instead of you, I would."

"I know," she said with a little grin, "but somehow it doesn’t seem that bad anymore."

Alex knocked on the bedroom door, just a few minutes later, wanting to check on Monica. She didn’t know that Andrew had arrived during the night, and when he answered the door all she could think of to do was fling her arms around him and shout her congratulations. I moment later Paul was at the door as well, trying to find out what all the commotion was about, and then both couples smilingly agreed to meet on the porch for coffee and toast.

"That’ll be decaf for you, angel," Andrew joked.

"Yes, I know," she replied with a smirk. "Now I know why Alex was pushing the decaf yesterday! She already suspected!"

Andrew chuckled. "Well, she is a federal agent."

*****

Toast and coffee turned into a three course breakfast for those able to eat it, and Monica kept herself busy trying to pry all of the pregnancy information she could get out of Alex. She had no idea what it meant for an angel to be pregnant, but she figured she couldn’t go wrong with too much information. Nearly an hour passed as they enjoyed each other’s company, and Monica felt her appetite slowly returning.

"I can fix you some eggs," Andrew said as she stood up.

"No, don’t be silly. I can manage. I’m just going to have a little bit of toast, and maybe some strawberry jam."

"Well all right, but call if you need anything… anything at all." He didn’t want to completely smother her but he had a feeling it was going to be a constant internal struggle.

Monica smiled as she turned away and walked towards the door, and she was still smiling as she walked into the house. She paused inside the doorway, sensing something, and slowly walked through the kitchen and into the hall.

"Tess!" Monica exclaimed as she entered the living room and saw the older angel standing near the fireplace. "Did God tell you the news? Is that why you’re here?" she asked as she quickly moved to her side and hugged her tightly.

"Yes, baby, He did," Tess replied, her kind smile relaying so much of what she felt for the little angel. She gently touched Monica’s cheek and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "My little angel girl, having a baby." Shaking her head she let out a low laugh. "and to think I thought your marriage just about the biggest surprise I’d ever see."

Monica’s eyes were glowing with her obvious joy. "I know. I never imagined… not in a hundred years would I have ever thought this was possible. I mean, I’m an angel! I’m still not quite sure how we’re going to manage everything!"

"Well, as a matter of fact, that’s one of the reasons why I’m here." Her face took on a more serious air, and Monica’s brow furrowed slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"Is Andrew around? This is really a conversation we should all have together."

The fact that Tess hadn’t answered her question did not go unnoticed, but Monica tried to ignore the uneasy way that made her feel. "Yes. He’s just out on the back porch with Alex and Paul. Should I get him?"

Tess gave Monica’s shoulder a little squeeze. "Why don’t you go do that, and we can sit down and have a little talk."

Monica turned and fairly ran out to the porch, swinging the door open so hard that it slammed against the wall. Andrew and the Gatlins all started and turned to face her, but only Andrew picked up on the worry in her eyes and was instantly on his feet.

"What’s wrong, angel?"

"It’s Tess. She’s in the living room and she needs to talk to us. It has to be about the baby…"

"Monica, calm down," he soothed, gently taking hold of her hand. "Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not bad."

"Andrew’s right, Monica. It would be kinda silly to let you get pregnant just to have something be wrong," Alex reasoned.

"C’mon. Let’s go find out what’s up, and then you’ll be able to relax." He leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose before leading her back into the house.

Tess was seated on the loveseat, and the two younger angels sat down across from her. Andrew was looking relaxed and happy, but protective, while the corner’s of Monica’s eyes crinkled, just slightly, belying her nervousness. Tess noticed that Andrew kept the little angel’s hand held firmly within his own.

"It’s good to see you again, Tess," he said brightly. "I wasn’t sure when we were going to be able to tell you the good news."

"Well I just told Monica, I don’t think I’ve ever been so surprised, but when the Father told me I knew what a blessing it would be to you."

"But?" Andrew cut right to the chase. "I know that look in your eyes, Tess, and I know there’s a but lurking around."

Tess nodded as she appeared to contemplate her next words. "You’re right. There is sort of a but. Actually, quite a few."

"Quite a few?" Monica squeaked.

"Now don’t get all upset, baby. It’s nothing terrible, but you have to realize what a unique situation you two are in."

"I suppose we are sort of breaking new ground," Andrew commented.

"That you are… and bringing forth things that I never would have imagined," she replied with a chuckle.

"But God is the One who allowed this to happen," Monica interjected, "so it can’t be bad."

"Oh, no, Monica. Of course it isn’t bad! It’s just that there are some things that are going to have to change… for both of you… and you need to know what those things are before you make your choice."

"Choice?" Monica’s eyes widened as she laid a hand over her stomach.

"Yes, baby, you are going to have a choice to make, but I’ll get to that after I tell you the rest." Andrew tightened his grip on Monica’s hand as the older angel took another moment to think of her next words. "You know that what you are experiencing is the most human of conditions. Through your love for each other, and with God’s blessing, you have conceived a child." Andrew and Monica both nodded, and she continued. "This child is going to need your love, understanding, protection and care for many years into the future."

"We know that," Andrew interrupted. "Is this about us being good parents?"

"No, Andrew, it’s about you being human parents. Completely human."

"Wh-what?" Monica stammered.

"Even now, your body is changing, Monica, and once you have the baby, you can’t just be running off on assignments all the time. You can’t flit from place to place without really having any roots here on earth."

"But we do. That’s what this cottage is," Andrew insisted. "It’s our home here."

"And what about when you are both on assignment? Sometimes for days or weeks at a time?" Tess said, wishing that this wasn’t quite so difficult.

"Well…. I thought… maybe… we’d have shorter assignments, or at different times," Monica said.

"No, baby. The Father has told me that if you and Andrew decide to keep the baby, you will both be completely human until he or she is grown. Of course there may be the occasional assignment, but unless you are summoned, you will not be angels… not even human angels."

"If we decide? What do you mean?" Monica’s voice went up a notch both at the shock of Tess’ statement and the idea that there was a choice.

Tess looked at both of them, trying to convey as much understanding as possible through her expression. "This is a big change… for both of you," she said slowly, "and it isn’t anything that you asked for or could even have imagined happening. God knows this, and He will allow you to choose. You may give the baby up to another loving couple and remain angels."

"Give it up?" Monica’s voice was barely above a whisper. She could hardly imagine it. Already she felt a connection to the tiny little being growing inside her body. How could she give that up? But Tess was wrong. She had wished for this. Andrew was the one who hadn’t. Could she really ask him to give up so much? To not feel God’s presence all the time? To not be able to go Home? She bit her lip and trained her eyes on the hand that rested on her stomach.

"That’s not going to happen." Andrew’s firm voice broke into Monica’s thoughts and she turned to look into his eyes. "This baby is ours and we will be the parents… whatever the sacrifice is, the rewards will more than outweigh."

Nodding slightly, Tess watched as Monica snuggled closer to Andrew’s side and he pulled her in with an arm around her shoulders. "I had a feeling you both might feel that way," she said.

"When does it start?" Monica asked. "When the baby is born?"

"It starts right now, babies. You have made your choice… and just for the record I think it is the perfect one. I have to leave now, but you will see me again. Just because you’re human doesn’t mean old friends can’t come to visit," she said with a wink, and in an instant she was gone.

The feeling came instantaneously; a complete transformation unlike anything Monica had ever experienced. Yes, she had gone from angelic form to human form thousands of times before, but this was no "form". This was complete and utter humanity as feelings and knowledge that she had always before felt in her heart were suddenly no longer there. The truths she had always known, though still in her mind were no longer written on her soul. She could still feel God’s love, but it was more of a knowing than His physical presence.

Even her body felt differently, though it was difficult to put her finger on exactly how. Human forms took on flesh and blood, could feel pain, but beneath all of that had always lied the spirit of an angel. No matter what trouble she had found herself involved in before, she had always known she would be all right. That was no longer so and it left her feeling vulnerable and more frightened than she had ever been before.

Turning to face her husband, she could see her own shock and unease written on his face, but a split second later, her breath was nearly stolen as she rose to her feet, her hand covering her mouth as tears welled up in her grief stricken eyes.

"Monica…" Andrew whispered, knowing exactly what she had just realized as he stood up to face her.

She was shaking her head helplessly as if unable to fathom the truth, "I can’t…I can’t…feel you…I can’t feel you in my heart…"

There was pain in his own eyes as he looked at her, "I know, baby."

The agony at the loss in his eyes went right to her heart as her tears fell and guilt laden words poured from her lips, "This is my fault! I wished for this…I never told you, but when Matthew was born, for a moment, I wished it! I forced this decision on you! I should have talked to you about it…I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!"

"Angel, angel, no," Andrew approached her carefully, laying his hands on her small shoulders, "You’re not at fault, sweetheart, and even if you were, do you really think I would change this?"

"You should have had a choice before I was ever pregnant-."

"What the hell is going on?" Paul’s words were nearly growled as he walked into the living room. He would try to patiently wait for an answer, but all he knew right now was that Monica was crying and that was enough to raise his protective streak.

"Not now, Paul," Andrew’s voice held a trace of a warning as he never moved his eyes from his wife’s face, despite the fact that she was avoiding his eyes.

"Don’t fucking give me that, Andrew! Why is she crying?" He felt Alex’s hand on his arm to calm him, but he ignored it, his hazel eyes clearly demanding an answer.

His own frustration and his own new humanity caused him to snap as he released his hold on Monica to turn to his friend, "Damn it, Paul! For once in your life could you fucking back off?"

Paul had never seen the level of anger that was presently in his best friend’s eyes directed at him, until he was suddenly staring directly into them, only inches apart.

"Knock it off you two!" Alex demanded, moving between them. Though she was barely able to fathom what was happening, she was the only one to clearly see what it was doing to Monica.

The little angel was slowly backing away, silent tears tracking down her face and before Alex could stop her, she had bolted from the room, only the sound of the back door slamming once more causing the two male friends to cease their standoff.

"Damn it!" Andrew swore, as he ran his hands through his hair. Well, one thing was already apparent to him. The temper he had acquired as an angel had now been increased ten fold with his sudden humanity.

Keeping one hand on her husband’s arm, Alex turned to Andrew with an expression that was both inquisitive and demanding, "Andrew, what the hell is going on? What did Tess say?"

He drew in a deep breath, trying to get his emotions back under control, even as he kept one eye on the back door, hoping to catch a glimpse of Monica, "Alex…it’s hard to explain…we’re now human…fully human until our child grows up."

Paul was already shaking his head in confusion, "Andrew, what are you talking about?"

"Just what I said, Paul. Conceiving a child is a human condition, not generally intended for angels, but this was given to us as a gift. But there are changes that had to made to permit it to happen. The biggest one is our humanity, which took place right before you barged in here," He shook his head, trying not to be angry, "Our connection has also been broken, and it shook us both, more so than anything else did. Monica thinks its her fault; she wished for this apparently and feels she forced a decision on me."

"You had a choice?" Alex finally felt confident enough to release the hold on Paul as she waited for an answer.

"We could have given the baby up for adoption. It was never even an option."

"Shit, Andrew, I’m sorry, buddy. You know me and my mouth…when I saw her crying…I don’t know what the hell I was thinking…"

"She’s having trouble believing me, but she’s scared right now. We may seem exactly the same to both of you, but believe me, nothing could be further from the truth. Everything feels different…" A pained looked crossed his face, "Including the fact that I have no idea where she went and can’t feel even a trace of what she is feeling."

"Andrew," Alex reached over and touched his shoulder, "You still know all the important things. Like the places she runs to when she is upset or confused. She can’t be far and no matter what else has changed, she knows you love her. You’ll both learn to feel that in a new way, is all, but it will change nothing at all."

Andrew reached up and squeezed Alex’s hand. "Thanks… In my head I know you’re right. Now I just hope it doesn’t take my heart that long to catch up."

"Believe me. It won’t. Now get out there and find her." Alex gave him a little shove and Andrew couldn’t help smiling as he shook his head and hurried out the door to find his wife.

Alex was definitely right about one thing. Andrew knew exactly where to look, and he started down at the little dock. Even from the stairs he could see her sitting at the very end, knees tucked up to her chest. He couldn’t feel exactly what was in her heart, but it didn’t stop his from aching in sympathy.

Looking out over the lake, Monica could barely make out the opposite shore. Her tears turned everything into a blurry watercolor picture and she didn’t even bother trying to wipe them away. She had never imagined that losing her connection to Andrew could hurt as much as it did. She thought that she had shut him out after she was raped but that feeling of self-imposed isolation couldn’t hold a candle to what she was feeling now.

He had been a part of her soul for so long, and now that part was missing and knowing that he was feeling exactly the same way made it even worse. She knew she could never have given up the baby she already considered theirs even if she had known the full extent of the price, but that did nothing to stop her feelings that she had somehow, however unwittingly, trapped Andrew in this situation along with her.

She didn’t turn when she heard footsteps coming down the old wooden dock, steady and slow. Even without their connection she knew that it would be Andrew, but her heart gave a little surge of pain anyway. He sat down next to her and still she didn’t look up.

"Monica?" he said as he cocked his head to try and catch her eye. "I’m sorry about back there. I guess being human hasn’t helped my temper any," he said with a wry grin. "Angel?"

She finally looked up and he was startled by the desperate, almost pleading look in her eyes. "How can you joke? I…I… did this to us…"

His hands on the sides of her face were warm and strong. "You didn’t do anything, angel, and I can joke because in spite of everything that just changed, I still have the most wonderful wife and partner that I could ever, ever dream of, and together we are going to have the most beautiful baby."

A little sob escaped her lips as she fell into his arms and wrapped her own around him. "You really think so? You really feel that way?"

"Of course I do! I’d have to be the biggest idiot on the planet not to! Monica, we have been given such a gift… it takes my breath away to think about it… and if you want to believe that some wistful thinking made it happen… Well then let me say, thank you. Thank you, baby, for making me so happy."

"I want to be happy too," she murmured, "but I feel so afraid and alone. Not having you in my heart… it feels like you were ripped away from me."

"But I wasn’t. I’m right here holding you. I know it hurts. It’s going to take some getting used to for both of us, but it doesn’t change the way we feel. I love you and that feels exactly the same."

Monica was quiet as she listened to Andrew’s heartbeat and held him close. "Yes," she finally said quietly. "That does feel just the same." She tilted her head up to look at him. "I’ll still miss having you in my heart," she said slowly, "but maybe… maybe… this baby will be like a living reminder of it."

Andrew felt tears in his eyes as Monica guided his hand to her stomach. "Yes, of course she will," he murmured as he kissed the top of her head.

She relaxed against him and at last a tiny smile flitted across her face. "She?"

He chuckled as he held her tighter. "It may be greedy, but I wouldn’t mind having two angel girls," he replied.

"I still can’t believe this is happening."

"I have a feeling I’m going to have to pinch myself a few times too."

"I’m still scared. I don’t know what to expect… I don’t know what we’re supposed to do now.."

"Right now? Right now I think we’re just supposed to enjoy the fact that we are expectant parents. We’re going to have to help each other, Monica. This is going to be a big adjustment, but we’re going to be fine. I’ll be right here for you… even when you can’t feel me there."

"So will I, Andrew. I promise that will never change."

They held onto each other in silence for several moments, before he spoke up again softly, "Are you all right?"

Monica gave a little sigh and then nodded her head. They would make this work. After all, they encouraged the human race to do that all the time. She had just never expected to find herself part of it.

*****

By dinnertime, Monica was unable to help but smile as she gave Matthew his bottle. Holding the little baby in her arms, she couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to hold her own child and that thought alone made her more confident about their new situation.

"So Andrew," Paul looked over at his friend from across the table as he pushed his empty plate back slightly, "Am I assuming too much or is money going to be an issue?"

The angel looked startled for a moment, realizing he had never considered this before, but then again, he had never considered any of things that had happened in the last twenty four hours before, "I don’t think you’re assuming too much, Paul. Tess didn’t say anything about being provided for. Though I know God will be taking care of us, for what I understand, it will be in a much different way."

"Isn’t there an opening in your department, honey?" Alex asked, smiling as she watched her son finish his meal and Monica laid him against her shoulder and gently patted his back. Yes, the little angel was going to make a wonderful mother. She already knew more than most first time parents did.

"Sure is and you already know the ropes. I’d love to take you on, that is, if you’re game. I mean, maybe you’d rather wait tables or something," The agent grinned as Andrew shook his head.

"No, I’m thinking the FBI sounds much more stable, not to mention interesting," He replied with a wry grin.

Monica felt a tiny tremor in the pit of her stomach but remained silent. Paul was still involved with violent crimes and her husband was no longer an angel, and suddenly she was not only feeling her own vulnerability, but his as well.

"You can stay at the townhouse throughout the week and as the airport is nearly halfway between the farm and here, we can go our separate ways on the weekends," Alex was nearly beaming. She was eager to help after all the angels had done for them in the past and now with their newly transformed human-ness, she was seizing the opportunity.

Andrew glanced over at his wife, and she looked up briefly. He could tell she was still fighting to find her comfort level with everything and her expression was a bit on the troubled side. No, as much as he loved Alex and Paul, weekends alone with his wife would just not be enough for him, "We can’t impose on you like that, Alex. I think we’ll find an apartment or something in the city."

The city. Suddenly everything felt more complicated to Andrew. It had been hard enough taking Monica into DC when they had been angels, when they had a connection, but now all that was changed and unless her ability to locate trouble had been an angelic trait he was going to have plenty of adjusting to do.

Paul still appeared to be deep in thought, "Well, either that or for the price you’ll pay for an apartment, you can probably buy a house. I mean, this is going to go on for what? Eighteen, nineteen years? You’d may as well set down some roots."

"Paul," His wife interceded gently, giving him one of her looks that told him he maybe needed to slow down, "This is all pretty new for them. I mean, they’ve been human for four hours now…"

He let out a sigh, though Andrew could not help but chuckle and even Monica hid a small grin, "I know, I know. I get ahead of myself, but I’m onto something here, so just hear me out. Williams is getting ready to put his place on the market as he’s transferring out west. It’s going for a song…"

"Well, a song is about all I’ve got," Andrew laughed, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head, "And I’m not so sure anyone would want to hear me sing it."

It was obviously Alex’s turn to be deep in thought, "Paul, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, go right ahead," He watched as she rolled her eyes, "Oh! You mean talk! Gotcha!"

Andrew chuckled as Paul followed his wife from the room obediently, and then turned his eyes back to Monica. Matthew was now sleeping, happily sated from his meal, "You’ve been awfully quiet, angel." He observed, turning in his chair to face her and lying a reassuring hand on her knee.

She smiled faintly. The last thing she wanted to do was to start voicing every fear she suddenly had, "Everything is still just settling in is all. It’s going to take a wee bit of time."

He nodded his head, holding her gaze, "We’re in this together, baby. For better or for worse, and though this isn’t for worse, it is different. I need to know that you are going to talk to me about whatever is on your mind." Knowing he could no longer sense her heart was already beginning to worry him. He didn’t want her worrying about things he could reassure her about as long as he knew what those things were.

Monica looked at him, knowing he was adjusting as well, "I will." She replied quietly just as Paul and Alex walked back into the kitchen.

"We have a proposition for you," Alex announced, her blue eyes dancing happily, as she exchanged a look with her husband, "We’d like to loan you the down payment money on the house. You can stay at the townhouse for a few weeks until you get on your feet and until closing. Williams’ place isn’t far from ours, so we’ll be around for whatever help you may need," She saw the reserved expression on Andrew’s face and walked up between the two angels and knelt down, "Listen, I can only imagine how difficult this must be on both of you. While the circumstances are wonderful, they are entailing more changes then you ever could have imagined. Paul and I want to do this and we want you both to know that you aren’t in this alone. You two may have been and still are the experts on God, and we have reaped the benefits of that, so now let us return the favor," She giggled softly, "Ain’t nobody as human as Paul and I are, so use our knowledge, warped though it may be."

"It would mean a lot to us if you’d say yes," Paul added, resting his hands on Monica’s shoulders.

Monica leaned her head back and looked up at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes, before looking over to Alex. Her friend’s entire face was shining with hope and she had to blink back tears at the gifts of their friendship.

"It’s quite an offer," Andrew remarked softly. This morning he had been an angel, and though he suddenly wasn’t anymore, he already had a job and a potential place to live for his family. Family. He felt the emotion well up inside of him at the mere mention of that word. As unsure as he felt about everything, all he had to do was look at his wife to know that they could do this. God had given him the world in her and in the child she was carrying. He planned to take care of it.

Looking into Monica’s eyes, he saw her trust for him mirrored there and he drew in a deep breath, "Okay. Providing God gives us the credit we need to be approved, we’ll do it. I’m not sure of how to thank you both though, for everything."

"Trust us, Andrew, you don’t need to thank us for anything," Paul insisted. "What could be better than two more built in babysitters?"