CHAPTER 2

Tess had left them her car, so it wasn’t long before the two angels had driven to the stables, had mounted their horses, and had set off down the trail. Andrew struggled to keep his frustration at bay, but Monica had said very little on the ride here, other than an occasional remark about looking forward to a ride, but it had sounded forced at best and he had a feeling that she was no more looking forward to a ride than she was going back to work tomorrow. She was trying to run away from all she was harboring in her heart and the older angel knew that there was no way she could run fast enough or hard enough to escape those things.

They rode in silence and he allowed her to take the lead, though his eyes never moved from her small figure as he was unable to shake the feeling of dread that had suddenly come over him though he was unable to place exactly where the feeling had come from. Andrew assumed it could simply be coming from her heart as he had no other explaination for it and she certainly wasn’t offering any at the moment.

Monica was far too occupied trying to force herself to remain calm to notice the distress of her best friend, as she struggled to focus her sights on the beauty that surrounded her, but her perception seemed more than slightly scewed at the moment. Though the trees formed a canopy of shade against the midafternoon sun, to her they only seemed to make the woods appear dark and ominous and she urged her steed onward a bit faster.

Before long, the forest gave way to large meadow and for a brief moment, the little angel felt relief at the feeling of the sunshine on her face, however the feeling only lasted until she was about halfway through the clearing. A sense of forboding passed over her as she found herself out in the open, the woods no longer acting as a shield around her as the unwanted images of her nightmares flashed through her mind. She suddenly felt as if she were too easy a target and she could almost hear Paul’s warnings in her head as she pulled her steed to a dead halt. Her sudden panic caused all other sounds to cease other than the drumming in her ears and the sound of her own frantic breaths which blocked out sounds of birds or even the breeze that had been floating through the air only moments before. Her long auburn hair blew around her face, temporarily blinding her and the sound of Paul’s voice reminding her to not allow it to wave around like a flag blocked out the sound of Andrew’s horse approaching her, as she found herself trembling.

Shocked to see the sudden paleness of her face and the way she was so still sitting on top of her horse, Andrew called out to her as he approached, “Angel, what is it? What’s the matter?” But his words sounded as if they were coming from the other end of a long tunnel to her.

In response, Monica urged the horse into a run as she turned him back to the woods, crouching low in the saddle. Her only thought was to escape and to get back to safety, wherever that might be and fear overrode her common sense as she never allowed the horse to slow down upon entering the woods.

Completely unsure of what had just happened, Andrew took off after her, his own heart pounding in his chest, “Monica, slow down,” but his words to her heart went unheeded and he was unable to catch up to her until she was already back at the stables.

Monica had already dismounted as he entered, his face a mask of worry and concern as he climbed down from his horse and turned to her, though her back was to him, “Monica, that was downright dangerous!” His words held a trace of anger that was fueled by his distress, but she never turned around to face him.

He approached her and saw her trying to unbuckle the girth and remove the saddle, but her hands were shaking so badly that they kept slipping, “Monica, stop. Just stop,” He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him, his eyes widening at the tears that shimmered in her eyes, “Baby, what is it?” He was almost pleading, her distress so apparent it scared him.

“Can we just go, please? I just want to go…” She whimpered softly, unable to meet his eyes.

He looked around and saw the stable hand nod to indicate that he would take care of the horses, and Andrew wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her outside to the car. He opened the door for her and guided her in with his hand to the small of her back, before he closed the door and got into the driver’s seat. Starting the car, he turned to face her once more and reached for her hand, “Angel, what is it? Please tell me.”

But she shook her head, not even knowing how to explain what had happened as she leaned her
head back and closed her eyes, willing her heart back to a normal rhythm, “I don’t know. Please, just take me back.”

Nodding his head, knowing he wasn’t going to get any answers right now, Andrew pulled the car off the dirt path and back onto the road, though he kept one hand firmly wrapped around hers.

Upon returning back to the house, Monica murmured something about needing a nap before she headed into her room, closing the door firmly behind her after Lucy followed her into the room and the little angel was still absent when Tess showed up just after 5:00.

She immediately noticed the pensive expression on Andrew’s face as he turned from facing the window, “I may be going out on a limb here, baby, but I’m getting the feeling things did not go well today.”

Andrew was quiet for a moment, contemplating his response as he walked away from the window and sank down onto the sofa, “She isn’t ready for this, Tess. There is no way she could possibly be ready for this.”

Tess sighed heavily as she sat down beside of him and met her eyes with his, clearly seeing his concern, “Andrew, she doesn’t have much of a choice. What happened?”

“We went riding and suddenly she…I don’t even know, Tess, to be honest. All I know is that suddenly she was terrified, but she refused to talk to me about it.”

Tess could see the defeat that dimmed Andrew’s eyes and colored his words. “Do you want me to try to talk to her, Angel Boy?” she asked gently.

“I wish you would, Tess. Obviously she’s not in the mood to talk to me right now.”

The older angel reached out a hand to keep Andrew from saying any more. She knew that the angel wanted to believe that whatever problem Monica was having, he would be able to help her through it, and now he was feeling like his help had been rejected. However, she also knew that nothing could be further from the truth.

“She’s confused right now, baby, and she doesn’t want to drag you into that confusion with her. You know how she is. She’d do anything to protect you… just the way you’d do anything to protect her.”

“Yeah, I know,” he replied, thinking of how Monica had nearly allowed herself to be shot just to keep him and Paul safe. “Sometimes I wish she didn’t feel that way.”

“But then she wouldn’t be Monica,” Tess said with a knowing look. “I realize that you would like to corner the market on protectiveness, but it just so happens that there is a little Irish angel who is never going to allow that to happen.”

Andrew had to grin at Tess’ remarks. “You may be right about that.”

“Of course I’m right. I’ve been around a long time, Angel Boy… and don’t you forget it,” she said as she patted his knee. “Now I’m going upstairs to have a talk with her, and I think we’ll both be hungry by the time I come down, so you can work on making some dinner.”

“Your wish is my command,” he chuckled.

“Hmph.… if only that were always true!”

The knock on the door was soft, but insistent, and Monica had a feeling that it didn’t belong to Andrew.

“Come in,” she said, her voice barely able to make it through the thick door.

The sound of the angel’s voice was enough to let Tess know that this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation and she rolled her eyes skyward. “Any help you could lend would be much appreciated, Father,” she said, and then her hand was on the brass knob and she was pushing the door open.
“How are you doing, baby?” she asked, taking in Monica’s pale complexion and the listless way she stroked the little kitten on her lap.

“I’m fine, Tess,” she said, trying to push some enthusiasm into her voice and failing miserably.

“Andrew was concerned, Monica, and I have to say that you don’t look any better than you did the last time I saw you.”

“Well, maybe it takes more than a few days for me to feel better after having a gun at my head,” the Irish angel snapped, then looked mortified at what she had just said. Her hands flew to her mouth. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean that, Tess.”

“Yes you did,” Tess replied, “and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m the one who’s sorry… it was a thoughtless comment.”

“No… you’re right. I should be feeling better… and I just don’t know why I’m not,” she said, the helplessness clear in her voice. “I’ve tried to forget. I’ve tried to give it all over to God. I’ve even tried to find it in my heart to forgive Douglas McArthur. But nothing seems to help, Tess… nothing. I’m still just as scared as I was a week ago, and now I’m going to have to try to push it all away and go back to work. Why Tess? Why is He asking this of me?”

Tess hated to see the tears in her young charge’s eyes, and she quickly sat next to her on the bed and wrapped a motherly arm around her shoulders. “You know I can’t answer that question, Monica. I just know that He thinks you’re ready, and He has an assignment that only you can do.”

Monica shook her head and stood up, carefully depositing Lucy on the floor before heading to the window. “I don’t think I’ll be able to help anyone, Tess… and I’m so afraid that I’ll fail and let everyone down.”

“That will never happen. No matter what, you cannot disappoint any of us, much less God, as long as you do your best, the way you always, always have.”

“But I’m so scared, Tess…”

“I know you are, and I know it feels like you’ll never be safe again, but you know in your heart that isn’t true.” She moved to Monica’s side and held tightly to her hand. “Now you just have to believe it, and believe that the Father will be there for you, even when you are more scared than you have ever been. He’ll be right beside you, the way he always has been.”

“I’ll try, Tess. You know I’ll try.”

“Then you will succeed,” she said with a broad smile. “Now, let’s get downstairs and see what Andrew is making for dinner. He’ll be glad to see you out and about.”

Monica looked slightly shame-faced and her voice lowered. “I kind of ran away from him and hid up here,” she admitted. “I didn’t want him to have to hear this all again. It seems like all I’ve been doing with him is leaning on him.”

“Trust me, Monica… he never minds.”

“I know he doesn’t, Tess,” She replied with a weary sigh, “But I do. I’ve depended on him so much the last few weeks-.”

“And he wouldn’t have it any other way, baby, so don’t shut him out now. He has every intention of seeing you through this and I believe he would be sorely disappointed if he could not,” Tess advised her as she gave the youngest angel’s hand a squeeze as she led her out of the bedroom.

As they entered the kitchen, Andrew’s back was to them and he was preparing a salad and already the smell of lasagne was floating through the air as it simmered inside of the oven.

“It smells mighty good in here, Angel Boy,” Tess remarked and he turned around at the sound of her voice, prepared to ask how Monica was, before his gaze settled on his best friend.

“Thank you,” He replied, though it was Monica’s weary gaze he continued to hold, “It should be ready in about twenty minutes, so you two can go and relax.”

“I’m going to take you up on that, Andrew,” The supervisor smiled in his direction as she released the younger angel’s hand and prepared to head off to the living room, “Just give a yell when you’re ready for me.”

As Tess departed, Monica approached Andrew slowly as he stood at the counter and she peered up at him almost shyly, “Can I help? I promise not to burn anything.”

Smiling warmly at her, he set a few fresh vegetables in front of her, along with a knife, pleased when she smiled as his allowing her to assist him, despite her numerous failed attempts in the kitchen. They worked in amiable silence for a few moments, before the Irish angel spoke up softly.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” She stated simply as her eyes remained focused on the broccoli she was cutting into even pieces, taking care to make sure they were as close to the same size as possible.

“You don’t need to apologize,” He informed her, glancing over as she lined the vegetables up on the cutting board. He was momentarily undecided about asking her about what had happened in the meadow, but on further contemplation, he knew that she had opened the door with her unwarrented apology, “Angel, what happened out there today?”

Monica fell silent once more, appearing to be concentrating on the task at hand, before she slowed down her chopping, though she never looked up at him, “I’m not exactly sure. I felt…exposed…too out in the open and I could almost hear Paul telling me that being in that meadow was making me too easy a target. It felt as if it were closing in on me all of a sudden…that I shouldn’t be there,” Her hands trembled slightly as she stopped cutting the broccoli for a moment as if to regroup, before she continued in action and words, “I’ve been feeling that way a lot lately.”

He felt his heart clench at her admission, but before he could comment, she began to speak once again, and he fell silent, wanting to know all that she was feeling and fearing.

“You said earlier that I must be enjoying time to myself, but I haven’t been. I hate being alone as it makes me feel afraid, but on the same token, I have no desire to be around strangers either. I’d rather just stay with you and Tess, which is why facing this assignment has been so difficult,” She swallowed hard, not wanting Tess to hear the things she was saying, but knowing she could confide them in Andrew, “I don’t want to do this, Andrew. I know that I have to, and I’ll do my best, but there is no part of me, not even a tiny part that feels ready to face this. I don’t feel in control of so much as my emotions right now. I can’t even help myself, so how am I supposed to help someone else?”

As he listened to her words, he began to understand much more than he had before. Not only her fears, but the meticulous way she was handling such simple things; it was all due to the fact that she was currently unable to put anything else in any semblance of order. Her world had spun out of control weeks ago and things she normally had control of, she had lost as he and Paul had struggled to keep her safe. Between their desire to protect her and McArthur’s desire to harm her, she had been completely stifled to the point that even walking out of doors had become a risk.

So now there was a struggle within her that she felt she could no longer control. The angel she had once been longed to be out in the world, helping the humans she had always loved, but the angel she now was had learned through being conditioned that being outside was something to fear, much like being alone was. Being alone had enabled McArthur to catch her and coupled with that was the fact that others had betrayed her trust.

Though part of him longed to simply encourage her; to tell her she would find a way to help whoever her assignment turned out to be, she was being so honest with him that he felt as if he needed to do the same, “Truth be told, angel, I don’t think you are ready for this either, but what I think doesn’t hold a candle to what God thinks. What I do know is that I will be there for you as much as I possibly can be and that I will do all I can to alleviate your fears. Just don’t close yourself off to me, Monica, please?”

Laying down the knife, she looked up at him, brown eyes showing her uncertainty, “I hate to take more from you than I already have…”

“You have taken nothing from me that I haven’t freely given to you, sweetheart. I’m here for you because I want to be,” His voice was firm and even edged with sternness, as he didn’t want there to be any question in her mind about this much.

He watched as tears welled up in her eyes before she blinked them back as she nodded her head, not trusting herself to speak at that moment. Moving closer to her, he wrapped her up in his arms and held her tightly for a moment, “We’ll talk more later, all right? Dinner is about ready, so why don’t you go and find Tess.”

“All right,” She whispered, hating to leave the safe haven of his arms as she reluctantly pulled away and slowly walked out of the kitchen.

Watching her depart, Andrew offered up a silent prayer as he realized that he was even more worried about her now then he had been when McArthur had been trying to find her.