CHAPTER 25

Tess sighed softly as she continued to watch Paul pace back and forth restlessly. Though it was nearly dawn, the agent showed no sign of wanting or needing to sleep but his constant movement was beginning to wear on the senior angel.

“Baby, please take a load off for a few minutes. All that pacing is wearing me out.”

He managed a wry smile before he sat down heavily in the waiting room chair across from her, letting out a sigh as he did so, “You’re sure she is going to be all right?”

“She will be all right in time, though unless the Father has other plans, it will take her a bit of time to completely recover. Now, why don’t you tell me what it is that is eating away at you?” She looked at him pointedly, having asked a direct question, fully expecting a direct answer.

“She’s here because of me, Tess. She took that bullet for me,” He shook his head sadly, “All I ever wanted to do was to keep her safe and in the end none of it mattered, and I’m not even sure of why she would do such a thing.”

“Because that is who she is, baby,” Her answer required no hesitation, “She knew you were in trouble and her nature has always been to help, no matter what the odds against her might be. Monica loves you, Paul, with the pure love that only an angel is capable of feeling,” She could see tears in his eyes before he looked away to hide them. “At a time when nothing in her existence made sense to her, she found a friend and an ally in you. She found in you goodness, which helped her to hold onto the hope that there was still goodness to be found in a world that was showing her mostly evil. The thought of David hurting you was more than she was able to bear.”

“Did she tell you this…when you were with her during the surgery?” He asked, still feeling a bit confused about the capacity with which Tess had been able to stay near the little angel as she had fought for her life.

“Not in so many words, Paul, but I know her heart,” She replied with a smile, “And I may be an old angel, but I’m not a blind one. I can see what she found in you.”

A slight blush rose to his cheeks as he ran a hand over his eyes, “How…how do I thank her for doing what she did? How do I thank an angel for saving my life?”

“With words straight from your heart, baby,” Reaching across, she laid a hand on Paul’s knee, “Though I have a feeling that just knowing you are all right is going be more than enough for that little angel.”

He was quiet for a moment, as if contemplating something, “Does she like flowers?”

“Lilacs are her favorite,” Tess smiled knowingly, thinking about how many times she had heard Monica state that their fragrance was like springtime in heaven.

Paul decided he would be asking the florist to deliver every lilac they had, as well as raiding the gift shop when they opened for anything he thought might bring a smile to her face when she opened her eyes. He knew he was going to have to go to the agency today and straight to the top at that, and he was already agonizing about leaving Monica’s side, but today was the day he was going to bring down the man who had started all of this trouble in the first place. Yes, he was going to bring Mike down…and then he was going to find David and make him wish that he had never been born.

“Did you get to see her, Angel Boy?” Tess’ question to Andrew pulled Paul from his planning as he too, looked up questioningly.

The angel nodded his head solemnly. Though thankful that she would be all right, just seeing her lying there was a reminder that she had been hurt to begin with and walking out of the recovery room had been the hardest thing he could ever remember doing. Though he knew she was never alone, it just hadn’t felt right to leave her in the event she might wake up and feel confused and afraid. He was counting down the minutes until she was moved to her room on this floor and he could take up permanent residence beside her bed.

“She hasn’t woken up yet,” He ran his hands over his face tiredly, his chaotic emotions wearing him down.

“She will when she is ready, baby,” Tess assured him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as he sat down beside of her, “She has been through quite an ordeal and so have the two of you.”

“The only difference is that she is one who has been beaten up and shot,” Andrew replied bitterly, his own tone of voice catching him off guard, but it was too late to turn back now, “I try not to question, Tess, but this, I don’t understand. Why was she assigned to David to begin with if she couldn’t make a difference? She tried to get through to him again tonight, Paul, right?”

The agent nodded his head, “She tried to reason with him…she tried everything short of…um…lighting up…but nothing she said was making a difference.”

“Sometimes, babies, differences are not made at the moment the words are spoken. Impact can occur much later and then he may be ready for her to ‘light up’,” She looked at Paul and raised her eyebrows.

Andrew’s eyes grew wide at her words, “Are you telling me this isn’t over yet for her?”

“It’s over when the Father says it is over, Andrew and so far, I have not been given that news,” She replied firmly, but the blond angel was already shaking his head.

“I don’t want her anywhere near him, ever again.”

“It isn’t up to us to question, Andrew and you know that…” Tess argued. She was trying to be as gentle as she could manage, knowing he was tired and worried.

“I’m not questioning. I’m stating a fact. I don’t want David anywhere near her. Look at what he did tonight! Look at what he did two nights ago! How is she expected to carry on with this?” Not waiting for a reply, he rose to his feet, forcing himself to calm down, “I’m sorry. Obviously, I need to cool off. I’ll be back before they bring Monica to her room.”

Paul watched him go as his own eyes flashed with anger, his mind echoing every sentiment that the angel had said.

Andrew knew that he needed to get his temper under control. He stalked down the hospital corridors, his strides growing longer and faster. The last thing Monica had asked of him kept running through his brain. "Don’t be mad." He had to at least try to abide by that, but it was proving to be much more difficult than he had anticipated. Now his frustration had overflowed from David right up to God Himself. He stopped just outside the hospital and leaned against the cool bricks.

"Father," he sighed, "please forgive me. I’ve been trying to handle this on my own but I can’t. I can’t do it without Your help."

That realization was almost startling to him. He hadn’t meant to do it, but ever since McArthur, he had shut God out. He had felt the anger and hatred forming in his soul and he had been ashamed, but rather than take it to God he had attempted to take care of it himself. All along he should have been handing it over to God and letting Him shoulder the burden. He felt his heart lighten, and a warmth in his soul that could only come from the Father.

"Thank you," he whispered. His anger wasn’t gone, it wasn’t something that could instantly be taken away, but now it felt manageable. He didn’t know what the future held for Monica or for him but now he felt like he could face it. Whatever happened, they would all get through it and emerge safe on the other side.

Andrew looked up at the sky. It was close to four a.m. and the sun was already beginning to send up a haze of light that turned the blanket of stars from jet black to a paler navy. He suddenly felt a familiar weight in his pocket. Reaching down, he pulled out his pocket watch. He hadn’t carried it since just before Monica arrived in the witness protection plan. It was a reminder to him: all things with patience, and in God’s time. Taking in another deep breath to steady himself he pushed off from the wall and walked back inside the hospital. Monica would be in her room soon and he was going to be there when she arrived.

"Where is he Tess? Can’t you… I don’t know… "home in" on him somehow?"

"Paul, it doesn’t work that way," Tess explained patiently, hiding her rolling eyes and slightly amused expression by turning away.

"It’s been almost an hour…"

"He’ll be back when he’s ready. I think he needed to get a fresh perspective on things."

Paul nodded. He was feeling like he could use one of those as well. His prayers had been answered, and Monica would live, but he still felt a hollow place inside. It was the place Lauren had filled, and since her death he had kept it stuffed full of work. Now, with Mike’s betrayal, even work didn’t seem like a safe haven. Monica had shown him the beginnings of something else, but it was something he still couldn’t bring himself to completely trust. He was standing with his toes over the edge of an enormous darkened cliff with a tiny pinhole of light at the bottom. He knew that light could change everything, but it still looked like long way down.

"You know, baby, you could feel the same way. Just talk to Him. Let him in just a little way and He’ll do the rest," Tess said as she walked over to the agent.

"Yeah… I know. I just don’t think I’m quite ready yet…"

"Quite ready?" Tess shook her head. "You were born ready, Paul, but God will be waiting for you whenever you decide that you’re ‘ready’.”

Paul said nothing else, and Tess didn’t push, but she hoped that he was at least thinking about what she had said.

The heavy door swung open and they both looked up, hoping that it was Andrew and relieved to see the angel walk in, looking much calmer, and almost at peace.

“We were just talking about you, Andrew,” Tess said. “They should be bringing Monica up any time now.”

“I know. I’m sorry I was gone so long. I just had Someone I needed to talk to.”

Tess smiled knowingly. Monica was going to need all of their love and support and it was good to see that Andrew had released at least some of his negative emotions to God.

Andrew was about to say more, but the door eased open again, and a nurse held it open while two orderlies wheeled Monica in on a stretcher, IV bags nestled beside her. Paul’s heart was thudding almost painfully against his chest as he saw her for the first time.

“We’ll have her settled in just a minute,” the nurse said. Her face was kind, and she looked around at the assembled group with sympathy and compassion.

Tess nodded and the three of them stood back to give the medical personnel room to work. Five minutes later the little angel was tucked into her new bed and the nurse was reconnecting the IV and oxygen lines. She turned to them when she was done and noticed again how drawn and tense their faces were.

“I can have another cot brought in, and one of you can use the other bed,” she said, motioning to the second, unoccupied bed. “I’m afraid two cots won’t fit.”

“That’s all right, I’m not going to be staying,” Paul said abruptly.

“Okay, then I’ll just see about getting that cot,” she said, and then quietly left the room, sensing that what they really wanted was to be left alone with their friend.

“You don’t have to leave,” Andrew said as soon as the door slid shut. “She’ll want you here.”

“And I want to be here,” Paul replied, “but I have things that need to be done, and if I don’t leave soon I know I won’t be able to leave at all.” He looked over at Monica and moved closer to her bed. I just wanted a few minutes with her, if that’s okay?”

“Of course, baby. We’ll be right outside.”

Paul’s eyes showed his thanks as the two angels left and he sat down in the chair beside Monica’s bed. “Hey there, Monica,” he said lightly, a futile attempt to keep his emotions in check. “I’m not… I’m not very familiar with having this kind of conversation,” he continued awkwardly. He picked up her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You probably can’t even hear a thing I’m saying, but I just felt like I needed to tell you how… how… unbelievable doesn’t even begin to describe it… how incredibly, brave and selfless and loving you are. You saved my life, Monica… that’s not something I’ll ever forget. I have a lot more to tell you, but I have to leave for a while, little angel. Andrew and Tess’ll take good care of you I’m sure.” He leaned in and for the first time placed a delicate kiss on her cheek. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Andrew looked up and met Paul’s eyes as the agent emerged from the room, clearly seeing the raw emotion on his friend’s face and the angel’s eyes filled with understanding. Paul simply nodded in his direction, not trusting himself enough to speak at the moment as he turned away and headed down the hall.

The angel hoped that Paul got some sleep before returning as all he had uncovered today and all that had happened tonight had taken a visible toll on the man and Andrew’s heart felt heavy for him. He waited until the agent had gotten into the elevator before he turned and followed Tess into Monica’s room.

She looked much the same way as the last time he had seen her; still pale and still sleeping and he hoped she continued to sleep for a while. She had been exhausted before tonight had ever happened as she had not been sleeping well and he welcomed the rest for her.

“Hello, baby,” Tess’ words brought him from his thoughts and he watched as the supervisor covered the little angel’s hand with her own as a loving smile formed on her face, “You did just fine tonight with David, Angel Girl, just fine.”

Andrew felt a lump rise to his throat, knowing how much those words from Tess would mean to Monica and he hoped that she was able to hear them. He had no doubts that she felt as if she had failed in helping her assignment, but her supervisor was telling her otherwise and the Irish angel rarely doubted the things that Tess said.

“Angel Boy, I need to go as well,” She watched as Andrew’s eyes widened in surprise, unable to believe that she was willing to leave Monica. Seeing his distress, she held up her hand, “I’ll be back as soon as I can, but I still have an assignment. Kristin left David yesterday and I need to find her. Your assignment is stay with Monica, just as you have done all along,” She assured him before he could even ask and she watched the relief cross over his face.

“You’ll be back soon?” He asked hopefully, knowing Monica was going to want to see both her and Paul as well when she finally awoke.

“As soon as I can, baby. I promise,” She approached the Angel of Death and gave him a warm hug, “Get some rest, Andrew. She’ll be sleeping for a while, I’m sure, so use the time wisely.”

As he nodded his head, she vanished from sight and he sat down in the chair that Paul had abandoned not long ago. Taking the angel’s hand, he folded it into both of his, as his eyes rested on her sleeping face, “I’m here, angel,” He whispered, “I’m here.”