CHAPTER 29

Paul lowered his gaze, trying to find words, “I guess when I saw Kristin and David together a little while ago, it just reminded me of how their lives are about to change, but also how they were both still alive. It was obvious that they love each other and I guess…”

“You don’t understand why things had to change the way they did with you and Lauren,” Monica offered softly, her heart aching at his pain.

“Yeah, something like that,” He mumbled, moving to pull his hand away, but the little angel wasn’t letting go, “David did everything wrong, but in the end, none of it mattered. Kristin still loves him and I have a feeling that she is going to stand beside him through everything. I tried to do everything right and none of it mattered. I lost it all and all because a friend betrayed me,” His voice was choked and he turned away in order to clear his eyes.

Silently, Monica pleaded for the right words, knowing that this conversation could be a turning point for her friend, “You know, God’s son lost his life because a friend betrayed him, but God’s grace allows good things to come from terrible tragedies. I know that losing Lauren has made it difficult for you to see that good things have happened since then, but they have, and don’t think that it was God’s will for her to die. He gives free will to all His children and many of them use that gift in terrible ways.”

“He could have stopped it,” Paul stated tensely, “If God had really wanted to, He could have allowed her to live.”

“A gift can’t be given, Paul, and then dictated as to how it can be used,” She replied softly, “Though it is hard not to question. I’ve done nothing but question Him the last two months as to why things were happening to me and I’m an angel. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you. But what he does promise is that He is always with us and that He will always love us.”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t seen a whole lot of that love you’re speaking of, sweetheart,” He replied softly as he lifted his eyes once more and froze.

The love he thought he had been missing was right in front of him in the form of a little angel who had thrown herself in front of a gun to save his life. She had thrown herself in front of evil because of who she was and because of who God made her to be. Monica hadn’t been the only one in that hotel room with him last night. God had been there and had sent his angel to spare his life. He had then spared Monica from going through the pain of dying, which Paul was certain would have destroyed him, despite the fact of who she was.

Just as the man who killed Lauren had used free will to murder, just as Mike had used it for his own personal gain, Monica had used it selflessly, because she trusted God. She had known that no matter what had happened to her, that she would be all right. When she had said last night that she wasn’t afraid, he had been convinced that the blood loss was causing her to become delusional, but that wasn’t it at all. Trust allowed her to not be afraid and where being shot might have scared her, or the pain had terrified her, the outcome of it all did not. She knew in her heart who was taking care of her and that because of that she had nothing to fear. God had turned David’s free will and Monica’s pain into something good-the fact that he was alive to be sitting here with her. The fact that he was alive to stop Mike from hurting anyone else and the fact that David had apparently realized all that he had done wrong.

“Paul?” Monica tilted her head, trying to catch his eye again. He had fallen silent and the cynical look in his eye had faded away.

He shook his head in a sort of disbelief. “I’m sorry, Monica. Looking at you and saying I don’t believe in God’s love… I don’t know how I could be so blind…” He bowed his head for a moment before looking at her again. “I guess I haven’t been seeing very clearly for a while now.”

A crooked grin played at the corner of the angel’s lips. “How does it go? ‘I once was blind, but now I see’?”

Paul chuckled. “Something like that, I guess.”

“God understands why you haven’t been able to see or feel the love around you, but He wants to open your eyes.”

“I know that now… I guess I’m lucky that He sent a particularly stubborn little angel down here to prove it to me. Although, next time I wouldn’t mind my proof with a little less drama.” He gently placed his hand on top of her immobilized wrist.

She quickly reached out her much smaller hand to cover his, “I’m not your proof, Paul,” she said gently. “Your proof is in your own heart. You’ve let me inside… now it’s time to let Him in too.”

“And I will, Monica,” he @ssured her. “I’m going to have a nice long talk with your boss… I promise. I just have one more thing to do first.”

Monica stared at him for a moment and a trace of Tess’ sternness flickered through them. “Paul… no. You don’t need to do that… I don’t want you to do that…”

“He’s the reason you were hurt and he’s still out there.” He was trying to rationalize himself to her.

“I don’t care. That doesn’t mean you have to be the one to catch him,” she insisted.

“He killed Lauren. He may as well have pulled the trigger himself. If I don’t owe it to you, I damn well owe it to her,” his voice turned hard and harsh and even the slight look of hurt on Monica’s face failed to quench the fire that sprang up behind his eyes.

“Please believe me… I understand, but going after him isn’t going to fix things. It isn’t going to make you feel better… not really.”

“I know that, but it’s something I just have to do. I’m sorry, Monica. I’m sorry that I can’t just let it go, but that’s not who I am… maybe one day it’s who I’ll become, but right now… let’s just say I’m no angel.”

Monica closed her eyes against the feeling of hopelessness that suddenly pressed in around her. Paul was so close, but she couldn’t force him to talk to God, and she couldn’t keep him from going after Mike. Paul felt like the lowest piece of dirt as he watched her hopeful expression crumble.

“Hey, now! I don’t want you thinking about him, or me or anything other than getting better and getting out of here,” he said with a forced joviality.

“It isn’t my job to interfere with your free will,” she said, ignoring his comment and deciding to try to change his mind just one more time. “It isn’t my job, but I’m asking you as my friend, to please reconsider. You don’t want his blood on your hands Paul. It might make you feel better in that moment, but the stain will never wash away.”

“I’ll think about it, Monica. I can’t promise you any more than that.”

She nodded sadly, willing to settle for whatever she could get. “Will you at least promise me that you’ll be careful? I don’t think…”

A finger against her lips stopped her words. “That is something I can definitely promise you. Don’t worry about me, Monica.”

An ironic smile flitted across her face. “I’ll think about it… I can’t promise you any more than that.”

“Touche,” he said, with a matching grin. “I’d better get going, but I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

“Make sure that you are,” Monica replied, her breath coming a little shorter. All of the emotions, on top of the drugs and her injuries suddenly appeared to be sapping the last of her energy.

“You just rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.” His hand was on the door knob and he pulled it open and nearly ran into Andrew, who was carrying two large and very hot looking coffees.

“You’re leaving already?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’ve got a few things I need to wrap up. I’ll be back in the morning,” Paul replied.

Andrew looked from one less than happy face to the other and thought that there was definitely more to the story than a few things that needed wrapping. “Well here, at least take one for the road,” he said, handing the agent one of the coffees.

“Thanks, Andrew. Say my good-byes to Tess.” He shot another look at Monica but she just gave him a small wave and he sighed and left the room.

“What just happened?” Andrew said as soon as the door was closed.

“Andrew… Go after him. I want you to go with him,” Monica said in a rush.

“What? Monica, what are you talking about? Where is he going?” He was now completely confused and the fact that Monica looked even paler than before was not making him feel any better about the situation.

“He’s going to find Mike and kill him. You can’t let him do that, Andrew… you just can’t!”

“He’s what?”

“He is going to kill Mike. You know that will just give him one more thing to feel guilty about. Please… you have to stop him.”

“Angel, calm down,” Andrew said as he sat down on the edge of her bed. “You know I can’t keep him from doing anything… no matter how much I may want to.”

“I know, but Andrew, I have such a horrible feeling right in my heart. Something’s going to happen to him. Please go with him. Even if you can’t stop him, you can still be there to help keep him safe.”

“Paul isn’t my @ssignment, Monica… and I don’t want to leave you.”

“He may not be you @ssignment, but he is your friend, and I’m asking you to please follow him. At least if your together I won’t worry as much.”

Andrew sighed as he stood up. “Yes, but I’ll be worrying twice as much about you.”

The little angel let out a breath of relief. “Oh, thank you, Andrew!”

“No, you’re right. He’s my friend, and if I can help him by sticking close to him, then that’s where I belong.” He leaned over and brushed a light kiss against the top of her head. “But you’re responsible for explaining it all to Tess,” he continued, and then in an instant he was gone.

As he left, Monica closed her eyes, suddenly feeling more acute pain with the tension that had invaded her body and mind. She forced herself to breath slowly, but each breath hurt and she let out a soft whimper of pain.

“Angel Girl?”

Hearing Tess’ voice, she opened her eyes and forced a smile, but her supervisor could clearly see the strain behind her attempt.

“What’s the matter, baby?” She was at Monica’s side in an instant and she laid her hand over that of her charge.

“I’m just not feeling all that well, Tess. It’s probably perfectly normal, but…”

The words were no sooner out of her mouth that Tess had hit the button to call for a nurse, “You’ve had entirely too much excitement for one night,” She scolded gently as her watchful eyes traced the little angel’s pale face, “And what happened to Andrew and Paul? I can’t believe they left you alone.”

“Paul went to find Mike and I asked Andrew to go with him,” She whispered tearfully, “I don’t want Paul to do something he might regret and I’m afraid that something might happen to him.”

Tess had a lecture on the tip of her tongue, but she stopped herself due to how fragile Monica looked at the moment. Her dark eyes were clouded with pain and worry and the older angel found herself wishing that the agent she was growing so fond of had not announced to her charge what his plans were.

“Everything all right?” Sarah poked her head in the door and frowned at the look on Monica’s face, “What’s wrong? Are you having pain?”

“Yes, Sarah, she is and don’t let her convince you otherwise,” Tess stated firmly before Monica could even think about arguing, “She just told me she wasn’t feeling very well and her color doesn’t look good to me at the moment.”

“I’m sure upping her dosage of pain medication is not a problem but just let me go and clear it with the doctor on call. I’ll just be a minute.”

“Tess, no…I want to be awake when they come back…I have to know that they are all right!” The little angel’s eyes were flooded with tears as she pleaded, knowing that an increase in medication was going to ensure that she sleep.

“Angel Girl, listen to me, all right? You know that no matter what happens, God is watching out for them, the same way He watched out for you last night.”

“But Paul…he isn’t quite ready. I just need a little more time.”

Tess watched the tear that slid down Monica’s face and she took a seat on the bed next to her and took her hand into her own, “Monica, you’re making it sound like Paul isn’t going to come back, when only the Father knows what is going to happen out there. You can’t convince Paul to trust God if you aren’t doing that yourself.”

“I do trust Him, Tess. It’s Paul I don’t trust when it comes to facing the man who was responsible for killing Lauren. He’s going to do something he will regret forever-,” Her weak voice caught in a small sob as her eyes held both sorrow and pain.

“I know that Paul is your friend and that you love him, but you cannot change his heart, baby. Only God can do that and in order for that to happen, Paul has to open the door for Him first. There is no other truth to it, Monica and the Father is fully aware of what is happening,” She reached a hand out to stroke the little angel’s tangled hair in an attempt to calm her until medication could, “You getting yourself all worked up isn’t going to change anything.” She watched in dismay as her charge turned her eyes away.

“I’ve got the okay,” Sarah smiled as she returned to the room and made some adjustments on the IV machine. She could clearly sense a tension in the room and felt a bit relieved that Monica would soon be sound asleep, though she made a note in her chart about increased pain for the doctor, just to be safe. She laid a gentle hand on Monica’s leg, “You’ll start to feel a bit better in just a few minutes.”

“Thanks, Sarah,” the little angel mumbled sadly as she watched the constant drip and despite her attempts to fight it, she was soon sound asleep.

”Son of a-,” Paul nearly drove rental car off the road when Andrew appeared in the p@ssenger’s seat, “You scared the hell out of me,” He remarked with a small grin once he had gotten over his initial shock, “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Monica asked me to come and she was very insistent. You’ve got her worried sick, Paul,” His heart clenched as he remembered the paleness of his friend’s face before he had left and he knew that Monica wasn’t the only one who was worried.

“Yeah, I know and I’m sorry about that, but it can’t be helped,” His voice was hard, but regret also shone in his hazel eyes.

He was ready to remark that yes, it could have been helped, but he figured the words would do little good, “Where are you headed?”

“I got a call from a contact who has spotted Mike going into a hotel just outside of the city,” He explained, unable but to help but feel relieved at having the angel’s company as in his mind they were still partners. Plus, it never hurt to have an angel around.

“Are the police meeting you there?” Andrew asked, hoping for an affirmitive answer.

“No.”

“Paul, this is not the answer and you know it. Let the police handle it.”

“He killed Lauren, Andrew,” The agent replied tensely, “The bastard looked me straight in the eye and accepted being my best man in my wedding and knew that Lauren would not live through the following day. It’s time for me to settle the score about that.”

“Did you not hear anything Monica said to you earlier?” He asked as knowledge of their conversation filled his heart, “What you are planning is no better than what Mike did or what David did and while you may get some temporary satisfaction from it, in the long run it will haunt you.”

“I can live with that,” Paul replied as he drove the car into the parking lot of the hotel and killed the engine, “Anything is better than being haunted by the memory of her bleeding to death in my arms and it is time for her to have justice. It’s my job to see that it happens.” He climbed out of the car and checked his gun in the holster.

“You don’t really want to do this or you never would have told Monica it was what you were planning,” Andrew argued as he closed his door and faced his friend once more, “You wanted her to stop you but you didn’t give her time to do that. You knew in your heart that she would not want this for you and neither would Lauren for that matter.”

Something in Paul’s eyes flickered for a moment before his expression hardened once more, “Lauren is dead.”

“Lauren is with God, but the whole time she was down here, she never once expressed a need or desire for the man trying to kill her to die. Lauren trusted God, but she didn’t discuss that very much with you because you were unwilling to hear it as you felt you were the one responsible for keeping her safe, but it was never up to you, Paul. Lauren was being kept safe with God.”

“Then why didn’t she live, Andrew?” He snapped, making the angel fully aware that he was hitting a nerve.

“She does live…she lives with the Father and she is waiting for you there when it comes your time to go. But first you have to allow God into your heart for that to ever happen,” He countered, offering silent prayers that something would cause Paul to change his mind about his intentions.

He was quiet for a moment before he shook his head, “and I will do that, just as soon as Mike pays for what he did to her.”

Andrew hung his head briefly as he followed Paul into the hotel and he remained silent as the agent gave the employee at the counter a picure of Mike after showing him his badge. The clerk did remember Mike and gave Paul a key card to his room with no hesitation and Andrew could clearly see the satisifaction in Paul’s eyes that he was that much closer to what it was he thought he wanted.

As they exited the elevator at the penthouse, Paul drew his gun and shook his head, “He certainly didn’t spare any expense,” He remarked angrily as he quietly approached the door, but a hand to his shoulder caused him to turn around to meet Andrew’s eyes.

“If nothing else I said has had any impact on you, know that if you go through with this you will break Monica’s heart.” His words were quiet, holding a trace of sadness and he sighed when Paul elected not to respond.

Mike looked startled when the door opened but only for a split second, before a smile crossed his face, “Paul, if anyone was going to find me, it was going to be you, I suppose.”

“I wasn’t stopping until I did, Mike,” He replied tensely, his knuckles white from how tightly he was holding the gun on the man who had been responsible for Lauren’s death.

“I’m sure that you know everything by now,” He mused, raising an eyebrow, “The money was too good, Paul…it was too good to p@ss up.”

“That was all you cared about?” Paul asked furiously, “The stupid money? You killed people, Mike! Good people we were trying to keep safe because they were willing to testify to put the bad guys in jail. You were no better than the killers we were trying to keep them safe from. You even had me fooled into thinking you were my friend, but a friend would not have seen to it that the woman I loved was killed. My God, you even helped me plan her funeral! I loved her and all you loved was the money!”

Something resignated deep in his soul at his words; something he fought to understand better. He had loved Lauren. He had loved her with everything inside of him and each day spent with her had been a blessing. With her, he had felt things he had never felt before and he had gained so much from the experience, despite the fact that in the end, he had lost her. Nothing would bring her back, not even killing Mike, and at the very least Andrew had @ssured him weeks ago back in the barn that Lauren was happy, unlike a little angel who was lying in a hospital bed worrying about what he might do.

Paul shook his head slightly, trying to physically rid his mind of such thoughts. The man standing before him deserved to die, but maybe that was too easy. Avoiding spending the rest of his life in jail would be a blessing and he had nothing else to keep him here. Mike’s wife had left him years ago and instead of opening his heart to the possibility of all that life had to offer, he had focused on getting rich off other people’s misfortune to try to fill the empty space that his life had become and Paul realized that just as easily, that could have been him.

He could have not allowed Monica and God to change his heart. He could have remained bitter and angry, but he now realized that these were emotions he was struggling to hold onto because they felt safer and little by little he was losing his grip on them.

“Andrew,” He said softly, unable to believe what he was about to say, “Call the police. Tell them we have him.”

Relief flooded the angel’s features as he moved to the telephone and placed the call, thanking the Father for what had just happened, though he wasn’t at all sure of why Paul had just changed his mind, but he was grateful for whatever the reasons had been.

“I came up here to kill you,” Paul stated as his angelic friend hung up the telephone, “Because I thought you deserved it and while I still think you do, it won’t be me to do it, Mike,” The man had once been his friend and not matter what evil he now knew about that Mike had been involved in, on some level that fact weighed enough to keep him from pulling the trigger.

As Paul lowered the gun slightly and glanced over at Andrew, Mike wasted no time in grabbing the lamp off the nightstand beside of him and he swung the gl@ss fixture violently at Paul’s head, smiling when he made contact.

The blow took Paul by surprise as pain exploded around him and shattered gl@ss rained down on him along with a sudden warm flow from his head. He saw Mike lunging for something and the agent realized that the direct hit with the lamp had caused him to drop the gun.

Andrew’s eyes filled with distress, knowing he could not interfere but not having any idea how he would ever tell Monica that she had basically sent him here to take Paul Home. He saw both men fighting for the gun and he silently pleaded for Paul’s safety. It was impossible for him to tell if either of them had a grip on the weapon but his questions were answered a split second later when the sound of a shot filled the room and it all went quiet.