CHAPTER 33

Four hours, two elevator rides, one physical therapy session, and countless discharge papers later, Monica stepped through the door and into her little apartment. She was out of breath and she longed to just collapse against the doorframe. The stairs had been quite a bit more of a challenge than she was ready for and even with Andrew practically carrying her up the last flight she still felt as if she had run a marathon. Tess was looking at her with a very firm look on her face, and Andrew had worry lines around his eyes.

“I’m fine now,” she said with a weak grin. “Isn’t it wonderful to breathe in air that doesn’t smell of antiseptic?”

Tess’ eyes narrowed. “Yes, just wonderful. Now sit yourself right down and I don’t want to see you move for the rest of the afternoon.” Tess had wanted Monica to stay in Andrew’s apartment and avoid the stairs and seeing the slight shaking in her charge’s legs convinced her that she should have fought harder.

“C’mon, Monica, we’ll get you all set up here,” Andrew said, a bit more gently, as he led her to the sofa and carefully eased her down. “Just sit tight and I’ll get a blanket from the other room.”

“Thank you, Andrew,” she sad. “And thank you, Tess,” she winked up at her supervisor and smiled. Yes, the older angel had probably been right to suggest that she avoid the stairs, but she was here now, and she was very pleased that she had won that little debate.

She didn’t have time to adjust herself on the sofa before a little streak of grey flew through the room and launched itself at her lap. Lucy’s purr sounded like it was coming from a much larger cat, and even Tess found herself chuckling.

“Looks like someone missed her Mama.”

Monica grinned as she picked the kitten up and held her to her face, loving the warmth and the softness and the comforting sound of contentment that rumbled deep in Lucy’s chest. “Did you miss me, my wee little girlie?” she said and then continued talking in a low babyish whisper.

Only Andrew’s stifled laughter made her raise her head and put Lucy down in her lap. She looked at her friend with mock annoyance.

“Sorry, Monica. I couldn’t help it… you reminded me of the time you caught those little worms.”

“Oh yes!” Monica nodded her head. “I suppose that they were my first pets.”

“Miss Wings, angels don’t have pets, and if they did they certainly wouldn’t be worms.”

Monica looked up sharply and pulled Lucy to her chest. “Well Lucy is a pet,” she argued, with a slight hint of fear causing her voice to waver. Tess had never officially said that she was allowed to keep Lucy, but she honestly wasn’t sure what she’d do if she had to give the little creature up. It was silly, but for some reason just being around Lucy cheered her up, and she was able to admit that she had needed a lot more cheering lately.

“Your little Lucy…” Andrew looked at Tess with his own stern look. The cat was going to stay unless God Himself ordered otherwise. “…is an exception,” Tess finished. “So I guess that makes her your first pet, not those wriggling little insects.

“Actually they’re nematodes,” Monica said with a yawn, “but you may be right… they never did answer to their names.”

Monica spent most of the afternoon and on into the evening napping. She was finally able to convince Andrew to get busy with all the work around the apartment building, but Tess had been an immovable object when it came to leaving the apartment. She declared that there wasn’t nearly enough food prepared and had set to work cooking, at the same time monitoring the little angel and making sure that she took her medication on schedule. It was an obvious excuse to stay, but by dinnertime there was enough food to feed several apartments full of people.

“I think you may have gone overboard,” Andrew laughed when he saw the food laid out on the counter.

Tess gave a little sniff. “I’m not very good at just sitting,” she declared.

“How has she been?” He nodded back towards the living room where Monica was once again sleeping.

“Just worn out, poor thing. I’ve been making sure she takes the pain medication, but I think that time is the only thing that’s really going to make her feel better.”

Andrew nodded. “Luckily that’s something we have plenty of, and frankly I don’t think that she and Paul are ready to say their good-byes yet.”

As if on cue, a light knock on the door captured both angels’ attention. “Anyone home?” The voice was Paul’s and Andrew smiled as he went to open the door.

The angel held a finger to his lips as he let the agent in the door, indicating Monica who was still napping on the couch and watched as Paul nodded his head in understanding.

“How is she feeling?” Paul asked in a hushed whisper.

“Wiped out. She insisted on coming the whole way up to her apartment instead of staying in mine, though she was extremely happy to be here and out of the hospital.”

“I’m sure she was,” Paul remarked with a small smile as his eyes rested on the Irish angel, who was just starting to stir. Though he was anxious to speak to her, he waited patiently as Andrew made his way to her side.

Monica was just opening her eyes as Andrew sat down on the coffee table across from her and he reached out to lay his hand over hers, “How are you feeling, angel?”

She smiled sleepily as she looked up at him, “Did you get everything done that was on your list?”

He chuckled softly, “Just about, but you didn’t answer my question.”

“A wee bit better,” the little angel confessed before she looked over and saw Paul standing across the room, “Paul,” She grinned, her obvious delight at seeing him warming his heart.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, sweetheart,” The agent stated as he moved closer to her and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Andrew watched the exchange with a mixture of pleasure and bittersweet sadness. The affection the two held for each other was obvious and he dreaded the moment when they would have to tell each other good-bye. In all the years of knowing Monica, he had never seen her get so attached to a human being, and he had a feeling it was going to break her heart to let go of the special friendship that had developed.

Monica searched Paul’s eyes and a frown slowly crept over her face, “Something’s wrong,” She said, her words both a statement and a question.

Paul’s expression went blank for a moment. He was never ceased to be amazed at Monica’s perception and she was probably the only being on the planet who was always able to see through to what he was trying to hide, “It’s nothing for you to be concerned with,” He explained, but he could tell by her stubborn expression that she was not about to be deterred.

“I’ll go tell Tess to set another place for dinner,” Andrew rose to his feet, trying not to be obvious that he wanted to leave the two alone to talk.

“What makes you so sure I’m staying?” Paul asked, though his eyes held a playful glimmer.

Andrew shot a wink Monica’s way as he replied and glanced upward, “I have it on the Highest Authority.”

The combination of confusion, then understanding and finally surprise that crossed Paul’s face, caused Monica to giggle, despite the fact that her rib was still aching and she stopped abruptly when the pain hit her, “Ow.”

Paul had to laugh at the slight pout that appeared on her face as he moved to Andrew’s vacated seat on the coffee table, “You okay?”

She sighed softly, “Yes, just tired of it hurting. Though it is lovely to be home.”

“It seems that your furry friend is glad to have you back as well,”

He remarked, indicating Lucy who was still napping on her lap.
Monica smiled, as she moved to stroke the kitten’s head, “I missed her too and it’s now official. Tess said I could keep her.”

“Should we throw you a kitten shower now that it is official?” He asked teasingly, delighting in her grin.

Her eyes danced happily for a moment, before they clouded with concern once more, “What’s the matter, Paul? Did something happen today?”

“And what makes you think that anything is the matter?” He asked her, trying to keep the joking inflection in his voice.

“I know you and I can tell when something is troubling you,” She stated firmly, her expression telling him that he was not going to get off the hook with this.

“I went and saw Mike today,” He stated simply, folding his hands in front of him.

Monica looked perplexed, trying to interpret what that entailed, “What happened?”

“Nothing much,” He lowered his eyes briefly before raising them once more, “I guess I had just hoped to see a tiny bit of regret from him.”

She nodded her head, now understanding what it was he was saying and what it all boiled down to. Lauren.

“I’ve called the man a friend for years, Monica. We played racquetball together, went to the Superbowl together, and got together for drinks after difficult cases. I trusted him. I just didn’t think it would be too much to ask for him to show some remorse for murdering my fiance.”

His voice held more bitterness than Monica had ever heard from him as he spoke the words, and her heart went out to him as she reached for his hand, “I’m sorry,” she whispered to him sincerely, “I know how hard it is to forgive something like that.”

“Forgive him? Honey, that isn’t even an option for me right now,” He shook his head firmly as if wondering how she could even suggest such a thing.

“I didn’t want to forgive McArthur either,” She persisted, a twinge of sadness in her Irish voice, “He changed the way I saw the world and instilled a fear in me unlike any I have ever felt before. I had no idea of how to forgive him for making me feel those things. But in order to make myself feel better, it was something that I had to do. Anger is much more cumbersome burden to carry, Paul, than forgiveness.”

He hesitated for a moment, looking directly into her large brown eyes, “You’ve forgiven McArthur?”

“Yes. Right after David shot me, I forgave him for becoming who he was instead of who he was created to be. God never intended for him to live the life that he was leading and therefore it was never intended for McArthur to put fear in me. Some people just refuse to hear the truth, no matter how many times they are presented with it,” She squeezed his hand gently, “I’m sorry for what Mike did to Lauren and the loss you suffered must have been horrible. Mike will now become a lonely man, as he has lost a true friend, and will spend the rest of his life in prison. Don’t allow that to become your burden as well, Paul, as it will not serve you in any way.”

He fell silent and though she knew he was contemplating her words, she continued, “Tell me about Lauren. I know she looked a lot like me, but what was she like?”

The agent’s face softened as memories of his fiance filled his mind and before he could stop himself, he began to speak, “She was a bit rough around the edges at first, but in all honesty, once her walls had been torn down, she was a lot like you. Compassionate. Trusting, despite the fact that she had seen her parents murdered. She wanted to see justice done, but she never wished the killer dead. She loved music and loved to sing. She loved doing the crossword puzzles in the back of the television guide. She enjoyed cooking and was good at it,” He grinned and winked at the little angel, “That was a definite difference between the two of you. No offence.”

“None taken,” Monica smiled reassuringly, “What else?”

“I don’t know. She loved winter and I hate the cold, but she managed to convince me to go skiing and snowboarding and I actually enjoyed it. She had a game she loved to play when we had nothing else to do and that was to get into the car and we would just drive and she would flip a coin. Heads we turned left. Tails we turned right. I never knew where we might end up! She was spontaneous that way, “ He shook his head, “Looking back, I realize just how many risks I took with her safely while she was in my care.”

“Seems like the biggest risk you took was falling in love with her,” She observed softly, “Knowing now how it would all turn out, would you have stopped that from happening?”

He felt tears sting his eyes at her question, “No. Not in a million years.”

“Then that is what you need to remember. You can let your soul fill up with hatred and resentment or you can keep it full of the love you shared with Lauren. It’s very difficult to do both and I think I know which Lauren would tell you to choose,” she said very quietly.

Paul lowered his head and wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I’m not going to argue with you, Monica. I know better than that. I guess the problem is that no matter how right you are it doesn’t really change the way I feel. I wish that it did, but it doesn’t. Maybe someday.”

“Someday could be sooner than you think.” She reached over and tugged on his sleeve. “Remember what you told me?”

He looked up with confusion on his face and she smiled.

“You told me that after Mike was caught you would be able to talk to God. Well, he’s in jail now. You saw to that, and now it’s time that you carried through with that promise.”

“Monica…”

“Just a few words, Paul and you can feel your burden lifted.”

He stood up abruptly and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well maybe I don’t want to have it lifted. Maybe it’s the only thing I still have to remind me. What would it say about our love if I just turn around and forget about how she was ripped away from me?”

“Paul, where are you going? Please don’t leave.”

“I’m not leaving. I just think maybe Tess could use some help in the kitchen,” he said, and with that he disappeared around the corner.

Monica sank back against the pillows with a long and tired sigh. This was not going quite as well as she had planned and she wasn’t sure how much time she had left. She plucked at the blanket that covered her legs and absentmindedly pulled it tighter while wishing that she had the strength to chase after Paul.

The kitchen door swung open and familiar footsteps slowly crossed the room.

“Monica?”

She opened her eyes and gave him a smile as he sat down on the edge of the sofa.

“Is everything alright?” Paul, who normally needed to be pried from her side, had suddenly appeared in the kitchen and asked if anything needed chopping. That was reason enough for his question.

“He’s still not ready, Andrew,” she said it very matter-of-factly, but there was no hiding the tinge of disappointment in her voice.

“He’ll come around.”

“But when? I thought that I…” She shrugged and looked at her hands. “He’s our friend. I want to be here… I know it’s silly and selfish but I guess I wanted to be the one to lead him back to God.”

“You have,” he insisted. “Whether he talks to the Father today, tomorrow or next month, it will be thanks in part to you. You’ve started him on the path, Monica. He needs to go the rest of the way alone.”

She looked up again and smirked at him. “When did you get so smart?”

“Well, hanging around with you has helped. After all, you do keep me on my toes,” he used her favorite little catch-phrase. “Now, let me get your pain medication and I think Tess will have dinner ready.” He quickly left the room and was back before she had a chance to miss him. “Here,” he said as he held out his hand, two small pills nestled in his palm.

“I will be so glad when I stop hurting,” she murmured.

“Every day will get you that much better. You just need to rest and let us take care of you.”

“I know, but Paul…”

“Monica, you need to stop worrying about him for right now.”

She pouted but it was short-lived as he leaned forward to kiss her lightly on the forehead. “I’ll try,” she said as her face softened.

“Good. God is working within him right now, even if he doesn’t know it. Let Him do what He does best.”

Despite feeling completely safe in Andrew’s presence a knock on the door still caused Monica to flinch. He looked at her with concern as she relaxed an instant later. Some things were going to take longer to heal than others he realized. He squeezed her shoulder as he went to answer the door, not surprised to find Kristin on the other side.