CHAPTER 34

“I just wanted to see how Monica was doing,” she said as she poked her head inside. “I stopped by the hospital and they said that she had been released.”

“Why don’t you come on in and ask her for yourself,” he said as he stepped aside and let the young woman inside.

“Hi Kristin,” the little angel welcomed her with a smile.

“Monica, you look much better,” Kristin replied, noting that the bruises were beginning to fade, replaced by a more natural color. “Getting out of the hospital agrees with you.”

Monica nodded her head in agreement. “It’s nice to rest in my own bed… well, sofa anyway,” she said with a very small laugh.

Andrew picked Lucy up from the big easy chair and motioned for Kristin to sit down as he took up his usual spot on the edge of the sofa. Monica went to move her legs to give him more room but a gentle hand stopped her movement. Kristin felt a warm smile crossing her face as she sat down and watched that simple but loving exchange. She had to keep reminding herself that they were angels and she was witness to a love and a friendship that few people even dreamed of.

“How is David?” Monica asked, and Kristin was once again amazed that the little angel was able to see past the pain he had caused her.

“He’s fine,” she said slowly, an idea beginning to form. “Just waiting… There’s a lot of paperwork that needs to be done and he still has to go through psychological interviews and then more meetings with all the prosecutors. He’s getting time to think now and that’s exactly what he needs… at least mostly…”

Monica cocked her head and looked into Kristin’s face searching for the reason behind that hesitation. “What is it?” she said with a generous smile. “You don’t have to hold back with us, Kristin.”

She pressed her lips together for a moment. She knew she didn’t have to hold back but she also knew what the angel’s reaction would be and she wasn’t sure if it was right for her to force it. She had already been through so much.

“Kristin?” Andrew asked, becoming curious himself.

She leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees. “I’ve been trying to talk to him… you know… about God…” she said haltingly. “But he won’t listen to me. He knows that he needs to make a change in his life and I believe that he will, but it isn’t enough any more. He needs to believe again. I need for him to believe. I don’t think he’ll ever be whole until he does. Right now he wants to change for my sake, but I want him to want to change for God and for the sake of goodness alone.”

The smile faded gradually from Monica’s face, replaced by a thoughtful look. “I need to talk to him,” she said, and Andrew sat straight up and was about to say something until her eyes stopped him.

“I knew you’d say that… but I wasn’t sure if it was a burden I should give you. You’ve already done so much… too much,” Kristin explained.

“I’ve just been talking about burdens with someone else,” Monica replied, “and about how they should be handed over to God…” she smiled again, “or in this case, His angel.”

“I don’t know how to thank you, Monica. It seems like I keep needing to though,” Kristin said with a small grin.

“You can save your thanks for your prayers, and just concentrate on taking care of yourself.”

“I think I can do that,” Kristin answered. “In fact I just joined a prenatal class down at the hospital. I should probably stop bothering you and get ready to go there.”

She stood up and Andrew stood as well, still not saying anything.

“It was good to see you Kristin. Don’t worry about David,” Monica said as she turned her head to watch the woman and her friend move to the door.

Kristin could tell that Andrew wasn’t particularly happy about what Monica had just agreed to do and she felt badly about putting the slight scowl on his face. “She’s very special, isn’t she?” the words were whispered as she stood in the doorway.

Andrew glanced at over his shoulder and into the little angel’s dark eyes. “Yes,” he said as his face relaxed into a look of acceptance. “She’s very special. I’ve seen her get through to people I thought could never be reached. She’ll get through to David.”

Kristin reached forward and grasped the angel’s hand in a quick squeeze and then she was gone, hurrying down the hallway towards the stairs. Andrew sighed and went back into the apartment, closing the door with a gentle shove.

“Andrew…” Monica started before Andrew had a chance to say anything.

“I know I can’t talk you out of it.”

Monica smiled slightly and patted the sofa. “Thank you for not trying.”

He sat down with another sigh and took her hand, “I don’t necessarily like it, but I know better than to try to change your mind. I don’t want to see you hurt anymore than you have been already.”

She looked up into his green eyes, her own reflecting her love for him, “I know that you don’t and I love you for that. But for weeks now, we’ve been waiting for me to feel ready and now I am.”

Andrew smiled, knowing he had to be glad for that much, “That’s what is most important.”

She could tell that he was still unhappy with her decision to talk to David, but at least he wasn’t completely opposing it. She was prepared to say something more when Tess came out of the kitchen to announce that dinner was ready and Monica noted that Paul had elected to stay behind.

“Let me help you,” Andrew insisted as he got up and gently helped guide her until she was standing. He saw the determined look on her face and stood back to allow her to walk the short distance to the table, hating the fact that when she got there she looked a little bit paler. She flashed him a grateful smile as he pulled out her chair for her and he squeezed her good shoulder reassuringly, “I hope you’re hungry as Tess was bored all afternoon.”

“As long as it isn’t hospital food, then yes, I’m starved,” She admitted though her eyes reflected that today had still left her feeling tired and a little bit discouraged.

“No need to worry about that, baby,” Tess replied as she carried in a platter that contained roasted chicken as Paul followed with sweet potatoes and green beans.

“It smells heavenly, Tess,” Monica remarked, trying to catch Paul’s eye but the agent seemed to be avoiding her gaze and her shoulders slumped slightly.

“Paul, would you do the honors of giving thanks to God for the meal?” The older angel requested as they all sat down at the table.

Monica’s eyes widened before she lowered them, feeling as if she was holding her breath wondering what Paul would do.

The agent felt cornered and he had noticed Monica’s expression before she had gazed downward, causing a stubborn expression to cross his face, “I’m a little rusty, Tess, so maybe you had better take care of that.”

Tess and Andrew watched as Monica’s head drooped a bit further and both older angels had to push aside their protective insticts in order to not cause a scene at the table. Andrew knew that that this was a battle of wills at the moment; Monica’s to get Paul to talk to God and Paul’s to resist, but he still didn’t like seeing his dearest friend hurt in any way.

Though Tess looked more than slightly disgruntled, she picked up where Paul had failed to follow through, “Heavenly Father, thank you for this bounty that You have placed before us, and thank You for friends to share it with…friends we are kind to, Father and that we don’t hurt to prove a point, lest one of your angels might get angry…Amen.”

Despite the situation, Paul had to hide a grin at Tess’ prayer and the way she accentuated the word “angry”, but the urge to smile quickly faded as he stole a glance at the Irish angel. She was pushing the food around on her plate and he suddenly felt terrible for wanting the upper hand. This was no game to her and she had saved his life only a few short days ago and already he had hurt her tender feelings and the thought was causing him to push his own food around, suddenly not feeling all that hungry.

He wished for the floor to open up and swallow him when after a few moments, Monica rose shakily to her feet and mumbled something about not being hungry and being tired. The tension at the table mounted as the little angel walked slowly and obviously painfully down the hall to her bedroom.

As Andrew stabbed angrily at a piece of chicken, Tess looked over at Paul and remarked, “Do you not like chicken, baby, or are you just feeling like one at the moment?”

The agent blinked in surprised, never ceasing to be surprised at the oldest angel’s forwardness, “I didn’t mean to upset her.”

“But you did,” Andrew stated flatly, his gaze cooler than Paul could ever have recalled seeing it, “Her body is trying to heal and the last thing she needs is to be upset.”

“I agree,” He replied softly as he rose to his feet and picked up Monica’s plate, before heading down the hall to her room. He knocked softly before he opened the already cracked door a bit more and found her sitting on the edge of her bed. It was obvious she had been trying to lie back against her pillows, but the pain in her rib as well as the pain from the incisions was causing her great difficulty and he was unsure if his actions or pain were what caused the tears that were in her eyes.

Quickly, he laid her plate down on the night stand and moved to her side, “Let me help you,” He offered, relieved when she didn’t resist and he supported her back while she swung her legs up onto the bed.

“Thank you,” She whispered weakly as he adjusted her pillows for her, but Paul noticed that she was avoiding his gaze as he sat down on the edge of her bed.

“I’m sorry. I was being pig-headed and that was wrong of me. Tough guys aren’t supposed to feel like they need to be thankful to God for food, I guess,” He was joking, but he did not win the smile he was hoping for. In fact, her reaction was completely the opposite of what he wanted as her tears spilled over, “Oh honey, please don’t cry.”

Monica struggled to stop her tears enough to be able to speak, “I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be here, Paul, and then more than likely, I am never going to see you again and I don’t want to leave not knowing how things are going to turn out for you. I know you can’t force it, but you at least have to try…”

‘Scum of the earth’ didn’t begin to touch how he was feeling at the moment as he moved to pull her as gently into his arms as he could, “You’re right, I do have to try, and I will. I promise you that I will. And what is this nonsense about never seeing me again?” He forced the words, knowing that he was feeling the same things about their impending seperation.

“Paul, I can count on one hand the number of times I have met up with an assignment twice and it has never been more than twice,” She explained tearfully, “and no matter how it turns out, the fact remains that I’m going to miss you.”

He closed his eyes briefly as he rested his chin against the top of her head, “Yeah,” He said softly, his eyes now focused on the wall as he managed to keep his own emotions intact, “It’s safe to say that I’m going to miss you too and for that reason alone, I am in no hurry for you to get better.”

Monica managed a small smile as she looked up at him, “You enjoy seeing me in pain?”

He chuckled softly as he kissed the top of her head, “No, but if it means keeping you around longer, then so be it.”

She giggled, but then sighed softly, “I’m going to miss you not being around. I’ve grown to depend on that, whether or not I should have.”

“I can say the same about you. I’ve come to depend on you keeping me on my toes in more ways than one,” He grinned, thinking about her disappearing acts in the days after they had met, not to mention when she had set off the fire alarm, “Don’t misunderstand, honey. I am thinking about the things you said earlier and I should have told you that straight away, instead of retreating and then retaliating. I was feeling a little vulnerable, I guess and us tough guys don’t enjoy feeling that way, but you have a way of doing that to me. Not that it is a bad thing.”

“Even tough guys need God, Paul, especially those that put their lives on the line for others day after day,” She spoke softly and hesitantly, “Trusting Him isn’t a sign of weakness, but of strength. Physically, you prepare your body to do your job by lifting weights or whatever it is you tough guys do. But you are spiritually weak right now and for a man who deals with murderers many days of his life, that is not a place that I feel comfortable with you being. God strengthens your soul just as weights strengthen your body and together you can face all the things that life throws at you, being certain that you have protected both body and soul with the best armor available.”

He was quiet, hearing her words and considering them carefully, “But what about Lauren? What does it say about my love for her to let go of my anger at the man who killed her?”

“You aren’t honoring Lauren by staying angry, Paul and you aren’t celebrating her life by hating Mike. Mike and the FBI brought her into your life to begin with and you said you wouldn’t change anything about that."

Paul let out a long sigh. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” He picked up the folding breakfast tray from beside the bed and settled it over her lap and then set her still full plate in the center of it. “I know that I should just be grateful for the time that we did have together.”

“It was a precious gift, Paul, and not even Mike can take those memories away from you.”

Andrew was making a half-hearted attempt to read a newspaper as he sat on the sofa. Tess was keeping herself busy clearing the table and cleaning the kitchen. Neither one of them wanted to interrupt Monica and Paul. Andrew rustled the paper impatiently and turned the page. His anger at Paul had quickly faded, but he was still annoyed.

“Are you sure you don’t need a hand in there, Tess?” he called out for the third time.

“Andrew, I have it under control,” Tess replied sounding only slightly exasperated.

The blond angel sighed and leaned back again. He turned the page he hadn’t really read, gave the paper another shake, and stared at the pictures on the next one.

“I have a feeling you’d prefer to be shaking me,” Paul said as he walked into the room.

Andrew looked up and raised one eyebrow. “Well…” he left the statement open-ended and Paul gave a low chuckle.

“I deserve that,” he said, “but I think we’re okay now. I’m sorry for spoiling dinner. I was being an ass and I’m lucky you’re an angel or I think I’d have a black eye right about now.”

The angel chuckled and tossed the paper to the side. “Well I wouldn’t go that far.”

Tess pushed open the kitchen door and stuck her head out. “No, not quite that far, baby… but close.” She let the door swing shut again and Paul laughed.

“She’s the one you really have to watch out for.”

“I’m getting that impression,” Paul replied.

“I see that Monica finished her dinner after all,” Andrew said, eyeing the empty plate.

“Yeah. We talked and then I made her eat while I told her stories about my early days in the bureau.”

“I’m glad you two sorted it out. I’m nervous enough about her going to see David tomorrow without her being upset about where you two stand with each other.”

Paul seemed to tune out all the words that followed Andrew’s announcement that Monica was going to visit the man who shot her. His eyes narrowed and he glanced back to the bedroom. Andrew, for his part, instantly realized his mistake and stood up to prevent whatever rash action the agent was thinking of taking.

“She’s going to see him?” the words were more growled than spoken.

“Kristin asked her to, and I think Monica was just looking for a good excuse.”

“You’re letting her go?” Paul turned his gaze to the angel and the fierceness there caused Andrew to take a step back.

“Paul, she has the freedom to do whatever she wants. And she wants to try to help David.”

Paul rolled his eyes but held his tongue for a moment. “Then I guess nothing I say will really change her mind.”

“No. And I think she’d rather have you supporting her than fighting her right now,” Andrew stressed.

“I’ll always support her. I just don’t have to like it.”

Andrew patted the man on the shoulder. “It isn’t easy sometimes, but trust me… if you ever see her really work God’s grace through her… it’s something you’ll never forget.”

Paul nodded, wishing that he’d had that opportunity. “I’m sure it isn’t.” He was already running through the numbers of all his contacts in the jail and wondering which of them would still be at the office. “Look,” he said, as he glanced at his watch, “I need to get going, and I should probably let you guys get to sleep anyway. Say goodnight to Tess for me?”

“Of course,” Andrew said as he walked him to the door. “She’ll be fine, Paul. In fact, I think she’ll be better than fine.”