CHAPTER 11

Another week passed and Alex, Paul and Andrew watched as Monica slowly crawled her way to where she’d been prior to the mock trial. They were all thankful that at least it was faster than it had taken her the first time. She only spent two days closed up in her room before she began venturing to the rest of the house again, and meals weren’t the struggle that they had been before, though it was obvious that she didn’t enjoy eating the way she once had. The only thing that didn’t seem to improve was her sleeping.

The night of the mock trial she woke up screaming in the middle of the night, and it was all Andrew could do to calm her. She had refused to give in to her fears by making him leave, but the way she fought him as the nightmare took hold made him wonder if his presence was harming or helping. She had been trying to wean herself from the sleeping pills, but that night it took two more to get her back to sleep after she finally calmed enough to even speak.

She still insisted that she was going to testify at the trial although Alex tried to convince her not to go through with it. The younger agent’s words fell on deaf ears, as she had almost known they would. She and Monica had grown closer, even taking walks around the farm, and watching sappy movies together, but Alex knew that in the long run Monica would always put innocents in front of herself, even when everyone was telling her she didn’t have to.

“Bad night?” Alex asked as she watched Andrew leave Monica’s room, rubbing a hand across his face and through his hair.

“What? Oh… no… well, no worse than usual. She dropped off pretty fast, and she only woke up once.”

“Think she’s in the mood for breakfast?”

“I think so… she didn’t even remember waking up in the middle of the night, so she’s pretty calm this morning. Where’s Paul this morning?”

“He ran into town to get some groceries.”

Andrew held up Monica’s empty pill bottle. “Do you think he remembered to refill her prescription?”

Alex’s brow furrowed as she took the bottle. “She’s finished them already?”

The angel looked upset, but also slightly defensive. “They’re the only things that get her to sleep,” he said, more sharply than he intended to. Alex looked taken aback and he softened his features as he continued. “I know she shouldn’t keep taking them, Alex, but how can I just take them away? She has little enough that gives her comfort these days.”

“I know, but Andrew, these aren’t good for her in the long run.”

“Do you just think you could give Paul a ring on his cell and tell him to pick them up? I already called in the refill yesterday.”

Alex sighed and turned around. “I’ll tell him. Breakfast’ll be on the table in about fifteen minutes. I can make up a tray if she doesn’t want to eat out here.”

“No, I think she’ll be out in just a few minutes. She was just getting dressed. I’ll do the same and I’ll be in to help you.”

“Thanks… and about the pills… I’m sorry if--”

Andrew shook his head. “No. You’re right. It needs to stop. I’m just not sure how to tell her.”



When Monica joined them at the kitchen table she actually had a little smile on her face and Andrew’s heart melted when he saw it. The slightest indication that she was feeling better always made him feel a hundred times better.

“No blueberries today, Monica, but I did manage French toast,” Alex said as she set a plate in front of the little angel. It was only half the amount that she herself had eaten but she still found herself hoping that Monica would be able to eat it all. The smile on her face told her that maybe she would.

“You look like you have something on your mind,” Andrew said, watching some of the old spark light in her eyes.

“Well… I was wondering… maybe… Do you think we could go for a ride today? Just a short one. I promise it won’t tire me out.”

Andrew and Alex shared a look of relief before Alex answered. “Of course we can! They just finished clearing the dead growth from the trail so now’s the perfect time to go.” She made a mental note to call down to the barn and make sure that all of the workers stayed away. The last thing they needed was for the sight of a group of rather burly men to send Monica into a tailspin.

“When do you want to go?” Andrew asked.

“Right after breakfast?” she was quick to reply, and Andrew chuckled.

“Sounds like a perfect plan. Just like old times.”

*****

The ride seemed to do wonders for the little angel and she had even playfully challenged Alex and Andrew to a race.  The blond angel’s heart had nearly burst with joy at the sight of her galloping through the fields with the wind in her hair as he hadn’t seen that side of her in what felt like years.  She was still quieter, and there was still sadness in her eyes that she tried to mask, but she was smiling and for that he was grateful.

He had left her with Alex to finish grooming the horses as he started back to the house, having noticed Paul’s car in the driveway and he didn’t want his friend worrying over where they might be. The agent had been watching Monica subtly like a big brother and his trained eyes took in every improvement that the little angel showed.  Andrew had been thankful for both Paul and Alex’s dedication the last few weeks and neither agent showed a desire or need to head back into the city to work.  He had a feeling that would not come until the trial and its aftermath.

“Hey buddy,” Paul greeted him as he saw Andrew come in the back door, “The girls down at the stable?”

A grin spread across Andrew’s face as he nodded, “Monica wanted to go for a ride.  I think it did her the world of good.”

Paul looked both surprised and pleased, “We’re getting her back, Andrew, one day at a time.  She’s come this far; she’ll make it through the trial too.”

Andrew had his doubts about that part of it, but he nodded his head just the same, “Did Alex call you about refilling her prescription?”

Paul sighed before he turned from unpacking the groceries to face the angel, “Yeah, Andrew, she did, but I didn’t refill them.”

“What are you talking about, Paul?  She isn’t sleeping without them-.”

“Because for all we know she has developed an addiction to them,” Paul stated firmly, crossing his arms over his chest, “She needs to start coming off of them, buddy and we have all had this chat with her, but as long as they are available to her, she is going to continue to take them.”

Andrew was torn between knowing Paul was right and anger over him making this decision for Monica, “She has had enough control taken from her, Paul.”

“I know and I’ve thought about all that, but these are quickly becoming out of her control as well, whether they sit beside her bed or are not in the house at all.  Yes, she needed them at first, but you’ve said yourself that her nights are getting better.  She hates feeling like she needs them to sleep, but she can’t control herself enough not to take them. She’ll confront this, Andrew, just like she has everything else.”

Andrew gave a stiff nod of his head, “I know you’re right, but I’m just not sure of what her reaction will be to this decision being made for her.”

“I’ll take full responsibility and will tell her tonight.  I don’t want her worrying about sleeping all day today if she is in a good mood,” He looked up as he heard laughter coming from the porch and he smiled, “And it sounds like she is.”

“Hey, you’re home,” Alex smiled as she and Monica came in the back door and she moved to lay a greeting on his lips.

“Sure am and how are my two favorite girls this morning?” He wrapped his arm around his wife, and with his other hand reached out to touch the angel’s cheek.

“You missed a lovely ride,” Monica informed him as she moved to help unpack and put away the groceries.

“So Andrew was telling me.  Maybe you’ll have to owe me one this afternoon,” He grinned, thinking that tiring out the little angel might not be a bad idea in order for her to be able to sleep tonight.

“I could be persuaded,” She replied, shooting a grin at him over her shoulder.

Andrew’s lips twitched at her light mood, praying that it would not be destroyed tonight when Paul broke the news to her, “So what do you all want to get into today?”

“Monica and I have already planned a movie fest, and you two are welcome to join us providing there is no bitching about our choices,” Alex informed them, a hint of mischief in her eyes, “Angels are seriously deprived when it comes to entertainment, so now that we have time, I’m making her watch all my favorites.”

Paul rolled his eyes playfully, “I’m afraid to even ask.  Maybe Andrew and I should just split a six pack out on the porch.”

“I thought you liked old movies,” Andrew remarked, shooting an amused look at the agent.

“I do, but these aren’t just old movies.  These are Alexandra’s favorites,” He managed to move out of the way of her punch over the use of her given name, “And her favorites are chick flicks.  Judy Garland musicals, Little Women, just to name a few.  Then she walks around the house humming the songs from some of the them for the next few days until I feel like I’ve watched it all over again.”

“You said you liked them,” Alex turned to face him with her hands on her hips.

Grinning, he held a finger to her lips, “Baby, shhh, you’re destroying my tough guy image.”

Andrew chuckled as he watched the exchange between them, something in his heart feeling envious of their relationship.  Yes, he shared something very similar with the angel who was watching them with a smile on her pretty face, and he also knew or rather, hopefully knew that he and Monica would be together for all of eternity.  Yet it was different being tied together by a promise blessed by God. 

“So, are you watching or not?” Alex countered, eyeing her husband skeptically.

He groaned and looked over at Andrew, “What’s the verdict, buddy?  Are we being sucked in?”

The angel looked over at Monica and saw the hopeful expression on her face.  He had been sucked in all right, hook, line and sinker, “I’m in.  I may even enjoy it, especially since the company is so good.”

“Betrayed,” Paul retorted, “Not only by another man, but an angel.  Isn’t there a rule against that someplace?”

A small giggle escaped Monica as she shook her head, “I don’t recall anything about movies in God’s word, so I think you may be out of luck, Paul.”

The sound of her giggle was like music to his ears, “Well, I’m at least fixing the snacks.  Nice, manly snacks…”

“And which favorite of yours would that be, honey?” Alex grinned as she gazed up at him, “The apple slices with carmel, or the vegetable pizza?”

The afternoon passed quickly and everyone was so full of snack food that dinner wound up being salad that Monica volunteered to make. Andrew had stopped counting how many times he caught her smiling, and for the first time he felt that she was really going to be all right. Paul was watching her carefully as well, but each smile or giggle went through him like a knife. He was dreading the night, and nearly made another trip out to the store to get the pills.

Alex’s reaction had not helped. She had been one of the first to say that Monica needed to stop taking the pills, but she objected to the cold-turkey approach and was more than annoyed that he had taken it upon himself to make that decision. Even a playful kiss had failed to soften the hard look in her eyes. Now he was standing outside Monica’s door, hesitant to knock. He did not want to have this conversation, but a deal was a deal, and Andrew had just tag-teamed him in the living room, announcing that the little angel was ready for bed.

“Come in,” her lilting voice called out as soon as he knocked.

“All set in here?” he asked as he opened the door and saw her sitting up in bed, leaning against the pillows.

“Mm-hmm. It was a good day,” she answered, looking pleased.

“Yep, it definitely was. Let’s hope for a lot more just like them.”

Despite everything she had been through, Monica was still adept at picking up on other people’s emotions, and right now the emotion rolling off of Paul was anxiety. “What’s wrong?” she asked, silently praying that it had nothing to do with the trial.

Paul shoved his hands in his pockets as he paced at the foot of her bed, finally coming to a rest near her feet. “All right… I’m not very good at beating around the bush, so I’m going to come right out and tell you.”

Her eyes grew wide as she took on some of his worry. “Wh-what is it?”

The sight of her face made Paul mentally kick himself and he rushed to sit down beside her on the edge of the bed. “No… sweetie, it’s nothing that horrible. I’m sorry. Damnit… I’m not very good with conflict, have you noticed? If I can’t punch it or yell at it, I’d rather not deal with it at all.”

Monica looked at him, confused. “You want to yell at me?”

Paul rolled his eyes, exasperated at the poor way he was handling the situation. “Of course not, Monica.” He cleared his throat. “It’s like this. You know those pills you’ve been taking to get to sleep?” When she nodded hesitantly, he continued, “Well, Andrew told me to refill the prescription today… and I didn’t do it.”

A knot instantly formed in her stomach. “You didn’t?”

“No… and maybe I was wrong not to… but Monica, you know you can’t just keep taking them forever…”

“I know that,” she replied slowly, with a touch of defensiveness in her voice, “but… but I need them right now.”

“No you don’t. You need to try going without them.”

“Paul, you don’t understand. I just toss and turn and stare at the ceiling… thinking… about what happened…” her voice was beginning to get louder and Paul hoped that Andrew couldn’t hear it. “I only forget for a little while when I’m sleeping… please… is the store still open?”

“What about today? You had a good day. You were smiling and laughing with us. Didn’t that help you forget?”

“It’s not the same! When I’m here in the dark… I can’t stop thinking about it!”

“Is everything all right in here?” Paul’s fears were realized when Andrew opened the bedroom door and walked in.

“Andrew!” her voice was filled with relief. “Paul didn’t get my pills. Can you please go get them? Please?”

The blond angel gave Paul a dark look and then sat down in what had been dubbed ‘his’ chair. “It’s late, angel. The stores are closed.” He paused as he looked over at Paul’s guilty expression. “And I think Paul’s right.”

“No… Andrew…”

“Monica, you haven’t been having as many nightmares and you’ve been getting out more and using up your energy naturally. You shouldn’t need medication to get to sleep.”

She looked like she was about to cry, but she didn’t say anything.

“I-I think I’ll leave the two of you alone,” Paul said abruptly. He felt like an ass for dropping it all in Andrew’s lap but at the same time he felt that the angel would probably have better luck convincing her.

“See you in the morning, Paul,” Andrew said, never taking his eyes from Monica’s face.

“Yeah… see you in the morning.” The door closed with an soft click and Monica continued to stare at it.

“Monica,” Andrew’s voice was soft and gentle, “what makes you think you can’t fall asleep without them? Aren’t you tired now?”

“Yesss… but when I close my eyes…”

Andrew’s throat tightened, knowing what her next words were going to be. “When you close your eyes you remember and you want that remembering time to be as short as possible.”

She nodded tearfully, not trusting herself to speak.

“Even when I’m holding you?” he asked, pain striking at his heart.

Another nod and the first of her tears fell. He moved closer and pulled her into his arms holding her tightly and resting his chin on the top of her head.

“I’m sorry, angel… I wish there was some way to make you forget.”

“Me too,” she said in a very small voice.

“But eventually the memories will fade, angel, and I’m going to be with you until they do,” he said, ‘and forever after that,’ he added in his mind. “I know it’s going to be hard for the first couple of nights, but I wouldn’t ask this of you if it wasn’t important.”

“I know. And I know you’re right… you’re all right. I shouldn’t be taking them, but it’s just so hard,” she sniffled, but kept her tears under control.

“We’ll take it one night at a time, angel. I’ll talk to you, I’ll read, I’ll do whatever it takes to help you fall asleep without the pills and without thinking about what happened. I want your dreams to be filled with nothing but joy, and I’m not going to stop trying until they are.”

He settled back with her nestled in his arms and slowly he began to cover any safe topics he could think of.  They covered past assignments, how pleased they were about Paul finding Alex, the horses, and what they thought Tess might be doing.  He noticed that every time Monica closed her eyes and he thought she might be starting to drift off to sleep, something would jerk her out of sleep fifteen minutes later.  Andrew tried reading, picking up where she had last left off in “The Swiss Family Robinson” and by the time he had read two chapters, she was still encountering the same problem. 

By two o’clock in the morning, the older angel was nearly at his wit’s end, Monica was all but tearful and Andrew was considering looking for an all night pharmacy.  He was more annoyed with the almost certain knowledge that Paul was probably sleeping peacefully.

When she woke up again, with a small cry on her lips, Andrew untangled himself from her embrace and got to his feet.  Walking to the closet, he pulled out a pair of her jeans and one of the oversized shirts she still insisted upon wearing, “C’mon, angel, get dressed and meet me in the kitchen.”

“Andrew…what..”

He smiled at her expression that was part exhaustion, part annoyance and part natural curiosity, “Just trust me, sweetheart,” He touched her cheek lightly before leaving her, though he decided against heading even as far as to the kitchen without her.  The house was dark and he didn’t want to risk her feeling frightened, so he waited patiently just outside her door until she emerged before he took her hand into his and led her to the kitchen and out on the porch. 

Andrew felt her tremble slightly and he knew this was the first time she had been outside, in the dark, since that night so he moved to wrap his arm protectively around her shoulders to pull her closer.

“Where are we going?” She asked after a moment and she had reigned in as much of her fear as she possibly could, mostly due to the reassuring presence of his arm around her.

“A little moonlit ride,” Andrew informed her with a tired smile as she looked up him.

“You’re tired…Andrew, I’m so sorry.”

He could see the guilt in her eyes and wanted to dispel it as quickly as he could, “Don’t be silly, angel.  You have nothing to be sorry for,” He was looking forward to spending some time alone with her when she wasn’t sleeping.

She watched as he saddled up Scout before he lifted her up onto the horse and climbed up behind her, waiting until she had nestled back into his arms before urging Scout out of the stable.  He was content to just allow the horse to walk through the field, one hand on the reigns and the other around the little angel’s waist.  Her head was resting back against his shoulder, her hair lightly brushing against his chin. 

Monica’s expression was remarkably peaceful and as she remained quiet, it was giving him ample opportunity to enjoy the look on her face and to watch her eyes as they took in the full moon that lit their way.  She was by far the most amazing creature he had ever encountered, either human or angelic and he felt the forbidden feeling rising up within his heart once more.  There was nothing he would not do for her, both in regards to her healing as well as for the rest of eternity.  He knew in his heart that though she was doing better on the outside, inwardly she was still possessing some of the same feelings she had voiced to him and he hated those feelings nearly as much as he hated the man who had caused them.  He only wished he had a way to show her just how truly beautiful and innocent she was and how she touched his heart each and every day.

As they continued to ride for the better part of an hour, he smiled as he watched her eyes slowly slide shut in sleep, her face turning slightly towards him.  He knew that if she hadn’t woken by the time they reached the stable, then the chances were good that she would sleep through what was left of the night and he offered up a hopeful prayer and God consented.

“Where have you been?” Paul asked in a hushed whisper, not wanting to awaken the sleeping angel that Andrew was cradling in his arms.  He was standing in the kitchen, looking slightly annoyed as he had opened the back door to let Andrew inside.

“Riding and as you and I are in this together, buddy, Scout needs a quick rubdown,” He shot a wink at his friend as Paul ran a weary hand through his hair. 

“She had a rough night, I take it,” He remarked, feeling another stab of guilt over the decision he had made the previous morning.

“Yes, but she is sleeping now and I’m not about to leave her.  I told Scout you would be on your way,” He turned to head down the hallway to Monica’s room, chuckling softly at the annoyed mumbles that were escaping Paul.

He was careful in laying the little angel down on her bed and then covering her with the blanket and he held his breath as he took his place next to her and she stirred slightly.  But it was only long enough to snuggle closer to him in sleep, her arm stretched across his waist and her head tucked beneath his shoulder.  He watched her for several more minutes and then, convinced she would not awaken, he allowed himself to sleep.

*****

Andrew was awoken far too early by a shaking of his shoulders that could only be coming from Tess.  Groggily, he opened his eyes and managed a sleepy smile, “You’re back.”

“Yes, I am, baby, and we need to talk.  Paul and Alex are already in the kitchen.  I know you two had a long night last night, so try not to wake her.  She is going to need her rest in the event she has some conflicting emotions about what she will soon find out.”

Andrew was completely awake immediately, “Tess, what are you talking about?” He cast a glance down at the sleeping angel, his expression laden with worry.

“I’ll explain it all as soon as you join us, Angel Boy,” She gave his shoulder a squeeze and then left the room.

Andrew moved with painstaking slowness in order to not wake Monica.  She had scarcely moved for the few hours she had been asleep and he chalked it up as another victory for her, but now Tess was here with some kind of news that had to pertain to the little angel and he couldn’t get out there fast enough.

He kissed Monica’s cheek before he left the room, closing the door behind him in the event whatever Tess had to tell him might cause him to get loud.  He hated feeling that way, but the mere thought of anything endangering the progress Monica had made was enough to make his stomach churn.

When he walked into the kitchen, it was obvious that Paul and Alex had already been told the news and Andrew was quick to cut to the chase, “What’s going on?”

The threesome exchanged a glance and it was Paul who spoke up first, “Grady’s dead, Andrew.”

His eyes widened at the news, feeling a flurry of emotions go through him.  His first thought was that there would be no trial, while his second thought of wishing he had been the one to kill him quickly overshadowed first.  Then angelic guilt set in regarding the fact that he had wished the man dead more times than he could count, “How?”

“A fight broke out last night, baby, and he was one of two casulties,” Tess explained solemnly, “A few of the inmates had knives and by the time the guards had broken it up…well, it was too late for anyone to help him.”

“You were there? You saw it?” Andrew was shocked.

“Yes, that’s where I went when I left last week,” she answered, readying herself for Andrew’s inevitable explosion.

Paul beat him to it. “Wait a second… that’s how you know about him? You were sent to him? To help that fucking son of a bitch?” He shook off Alex’s hand as he stood up and paced the length of the kitchen. “Monica’s here suffering, barely able to make it through the night, and God sends one of His angels to help the bastard who hurt her?”

At first Tess’ expression was sympathetic, but it quickly turned stern. “Baby, you need to calm down. Yes, I was sent to him, but not to help him, not to save him, to observe.”

“Observe?” Andrew sounded as outraged as his friend.

“Yes, observe. Regardless of what we all think about this man, God’s forgiveness is open to all, even to him.”

“So you were sent to lead him to God. That bastard gets peace while there’s a little angel in the room down the hall who still thinks she’s a worthless piece of trash because of what he did to her,” Paul was almost shouting, and Alex grabbed onto his hand as he passed and stopped his restless movement.

“Paul, if you would calm down and listen for a minute, maybe I could tell you what I was doing there,” Tess voice showed her growing impatience, and Paul wisely made the effort to contain himself. “Forgiveness was open to William Grady if he asked for it, but God did not send me to him to help him find his way. God doesn’t often pick and choose who deserves a second chance, He sends angels to those in need. This time was different. He knew what was going to happen and He sent no one to interfere or intervene. William Grady didn’t even know I was there.”

“So he never asked for forgiveness?” Andrew asked, needing to know. He wasn’t sure what he wanted the answer to be. Thinking that he was unrepentant made the man much easier to hate, but he also wanted him to feel guilty for what he had done to Monica.

“No, he never did. He died a slow, painful death in his cell, cursing every man, woman and child he’d ever known. There was no angel to take him Home to God,” she answered solemnly.

“Well thank Heaven for small mercies,” Paul muttered. “I’m sorry, Tess. I’m sorry that I don’t think that bastards like him deserve a second chance, but I don’t. I guess that’s why I’m just a lowly human being, and He’s the Big Guy,” he said angrily as he pointed his thumb towards the ceiling.

“Paul…” Alex warned.

Tess reached over and covered the younger agent’s hand with hers. “It’s all right, Alex. Paul has every right to feel the way he does. Lord knows, I’ve been an angel for centuries upon centuries, and I still don’t always understand or agree with the things that God does. Just remember, Paul, God’s ways are His own, and known only to Him. You may not understand them, but you need to respect them.”

“Yeah, I know. Any rules about liking them?”

“Nope, go right ahead. That’s all part of free will,” she said with a wink.

“What about free will?” All eyes turned to see Monica walking into the kitchen. She was wrapped up in a heavy robe and still appeared to be half asleep.

“Monica, come sit down. We’ve got some news,” Andrew said as he pulled her chair out.

“Tess! You’re back!” she exclaimed, as she realized that her supervisor was seated at the table. Her excitement quickly faded at the sight of the serious expression on the older angel’s face. “Wait… what’s wrong? Is this about the pills? I swear, Tess… I didn’t take any last night and I know I was a lot of trouble, but I did sleep for a few hours I think.”

Paul and Andrew both looked guilty as Tess replied, “Pills? No, baby, this doesn’t have anything to do with that, and I’m sure you weren’t any trouble at all.”

“What is it then?” she asked as she sat down.

“The man who attacked you… he died last night at the jail,” Tess said simply, not wanting to increase Monica’s agitation by drawing it out.

“He… he died?” The words seemed to stick in her throat. “He’s dead?” She thought about the hundreds of times she had wished him dead; nearly as many as she had wished herself dead.

“There was a fight and he got hurt,” Paul said, watching as the color drained from her face.

“He’s dead.” She repeated the words again. They sounded strange to her ear, as if they weren’t real words, or if they were they certainly couldn’t mean what she thought they did.

“Yes, angel. He’s gone. He can’t hurt you or anyone else, ever again,” Andrew said quietly, resting his hand lightly on her leg.

“But… but the trial… and the jury…” Monica looked around, as if these obvious facts should have occurred to all of them. It couldn’t just be over like that. There had to be more. How could it be over when she still felt like there was a dark hole deep inside?

“There isn’t going to be a trial,” Alex answered. She understood why Monica wouldn’t be overjoyed to hear about Grady’s death. It was over for him, but for her the pain continued on just the same.

The sound of Monica pushing back her chair seemed overly loud, and the little angel grimaced slightly. “I think I’m going to go lie down again,” she said softly. “I… I didn’t really get much sleep last night.” Her voice sounded hollow and forlorn and Andrew’s own heart ached at the sound of it. She moved to leave the room and then turned her head slightly, asking, “What was his name?”

Alex swallowed hard and squeezed Paul’s hand before answering, “William Grady.”

A slight nod was the Irish angel’s only response, and a minute later they heard her door quietly close.

Oh boy I love this scene that Andrew takes  her for a ride when she cannot sleep... *sighs *

[i]She was by far the most amazing creature he had ever encountered, either human or angelic and he felt the forbidden feeling rising up within his heart once more.  There was nothing he would not do for her, both in regards to her healing as well as for the rest of eternity.[/i]

Gosh, reading this is soooo incredibly good! And I’m glad that bastard died!