CHAPTER 9

Andrew woke to someone insistently shaking his shoulder, and sleepily blinked his eyes open to see Tess smiling down at him. Her broad smile was something he hadn’t seen in over a week and it instantly lightened his heart, driving more disturbing thoughts back to the shadows, at least for the moment.

“Tess, what’s going on?” He asked curiously. He was glad to see her happy, but obviously something had happened to bring out her cheerful nature, because she had looked just as defeated and worn out as him only hours earlier.

“Dinner’s just about ready and you need to wake up Monica and get her out to the living room,” Tess answered him with an enigmatic smile and a twinkling eye.

He glanced down at the angel he held, noting the way her features twitched slightly, even in sleep. “I don’t know if she’s going to feel up to leaving her room,” he said sadly.

“Trust me, Angel Boy… she’ll be glad she did, and I have every confidence that you’re just the one to convince her of that.” She raised one eyebrow and then patted his shoulder before turning and leaving the room, pausing to toss one more grin over her shoulder before she closed the door.

Turning his attention back to Monica, Andrew pondered the best way to wake her up without startling her. Very gently he traced one finger along her delicate jawline, and kissed the top of her head.

“Monica,” he said softly. “Angel, it’s time to wake up,” he continued as he very carefully moved his hand to her shoulder and squeezed. “C’mon… open those eyes for me,” he coaxed as he gave her the smallest of shakes.

The Irish angel hadn’t slept soundly in days, and without the aid of pills she was never far from consciousness and so it didn’t take more than that small shake to make her eyes spring open. Her heart pounded and she was instantly alert.

“It’s all right,” Andrew said apologetically as he eased his hold on her. “You’re safe.”

She felt her heart quickly slow to normal at the sound of his voice and tilted her face up to meet his eyes. “I know I am.”

His lips curled into a grateful smile as he said, “Tess just told me that dinner is ready and your presence is requested in the living room.”

“Living room?” she repeated, mouth taking on a worried pucker.

“Yes, and you’ll be just fine,” he insisted as he disentangled himself from her and got off the bed. He had decided that the best tact would be to simply act as if there was no other option.

“But dinner? I don’t think…” her stomach instantly tightened at the mere thought of food.

“Monica,” he said gently as he moved back to her side. “I know how hard it is, but you have to eat. You’ve already lost too much weight.”

She looked down, embarrassed. “I’m just not hungry,” she said as she worried her lip between her teeth, only looking up when he cupped her chin in his hand.

“Don’t hide yourself from me, angel. I know how hard it is and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I know how hard you’re trying and I’m just asking you to try just a little bit harder… just for tonight. I swear, if you’re too uncomfortable we’ll come straight back to this room.”

His words were urging, but not demanding and it was easy for her to see that he just wanted what was best for her, and nothing else. She slowly nodded her head.

“Will you grab the navy shirt out of the closet for me?” she asked.

Andrew knew the one she meant, it was so big it looked like a hand-me-down from Paul, but he didn’t even hesitate as he went to the closet and quickly pulled it off its hanger.

“Here you are,” he said as he approached her. She was standing by the bed and he wasn’t sure if he should just hand it to her or hold it open. He took the risk and was grateful when she shyly turned her back and let him help her into it, tenderly freeing her hair from the collar and giving her shoulders a loving squeeze.

“I think I’m ready,” she said as she turned to face him again, and together they left the room and headed down the hall.

When they reached the living room Andrew couldn’t hold back his smile or the little chuckle that bubbled up from his chest. Most of the furniture had been pushed to the side and a crackling fire was roaring in the hearth. A picnic blanket was set out on the floor, and a basket overflowing with food sat on one corner. Alex had managed to dig up a ‘sounds of nature’ CD and birdsongs floated lightly in the air, accompanied by the sound of a soft breeze.

“We thought a carpet picnic was in order,” Alex declared. “Since it’s too nasty to go outside, we have brought the outside, in.”

Monica was surprised to feel a smile spread across her face. They had gone to so much effort, just for her. Just to make her feel comfortable and at ease. She had spent so much time telling herself how unworthy she was that she had forgotten the fact that she hadn’t sent that particular memo to any of the people who loved her. Emotion threatened to choke her but Andrew’s strong hand at her elbow suddenly eased the tightness from her heart.

“Thank you,” she said, the sincerity shining in her dark eyes. She looked at each one of them as she sat down cross-legged on the blanket, hardly seeing anything but the affection they felt for her. “It all looks wonderful.”

*****

Over the course of the next few days, Andrew watched some improvement in his friend, even though at times he had to look closely to see it.  There were still nightmares, but the panic attacks just as she was drifting off to sleep had more or less subsided.  He would give a soft knock on her door each night at bedtime, to find her sitting on the edge of her bed waiting for him, refusing to try to sleep without the warmth of his body beneath her and his arms safely surrounding her.  She continuously tried to rid herself of taking the sleeping pills, but her troubled mind relied on them too heavily and he knew that eventually, he was going to have to interceed, but he was putting it off as long as possible.

She rarely spoke of what had happened to her in those minutes before she fell asleep and exhaustion would claim her rather quickly still.  The older angel imagined it had to do with the struggle that was still raging inside of her that she was working so hard to keep at bay during her waking hours and though he wished she would confide in him more, he refused to push.  But he still occasionally saw glimpses of a pain that ran deep in her soul.

Alex and Paul had resumed work, but had made the decision to push paperwork from the house and Andrew knew neither of them, especially Paul was willing to journey back into the city with Monica still so fragile.  This came as a great relief to him, as keeping the little angel occupied, they had discovered, was the best way to keep her mind off all that had happened as well as the court date that was looming ahead of them.  Andrew was dreading it, afraid of another setback in her recovery, but she had not changed her mind about testifying.  He couldn’t imagine her having to face Grady and he knew she was terrified of that moment as well.  She still hadn’t so much as asked for his name; she knew all she needed to know about him.

Monica had only had one small panic attack in the daylight hours the day that Paul had been out on the porch when he knocked over a glass drink bottle.  The sound of it rolling down the porch had caused Monica to whirl around from where she had been standing in the kitchen, her eyes wild with fear as they had searched for the man she was expecting to see.  Andrew had remembered the feeling he had gotten when his foot had touched the glass bottle the night of her rape; the feeling that Monica had also touched it and it hadn’t taken him long to put two and two together. 

He had approached her carefully, taking her face into his hands until her frightened eyes found his and he held her gaze until the trembling had stopped and her rapidly quickening breathing had gone back to normal.  His touch still calmed her and for that he was eternally grateful.  There were still terribly long bouts of silence from her, when her thoughts would be miles away, but she was starting to reach out more for help, seemingly accepting that though she didn’t feel she deserved their love any longer, they still gave it to her unconditionally.  Now, when her thoughts became dark or frightening, he was no longer surprised to find her curling up the sofa next to him and he was quick to pull her close without question, knowing it was what she was seeking.

It was during one of those moments that Paul and Alex approached them and the expression on their faces told the two angels that this was not going to be a light and fluffy conversation.  Monica’s expression was instantly wary and Andrew tightened his hold on her slightly.

“We need to talk,” Paul announced as he and Alex took seats on the love seat across from them, “Actually, we have a proposition.”

“Okay,” Andrew kept his voice light intentionally in hopes of putting Monica more at ease, “Let’s hear it.”

Husband and wife exchanged a glance before Alex began to speak, “The trial is less than three weeks away, you both know that.  Paul and I thought it might make it a little easier on you, Monica, if we have a little dry run…here.”

Andrew felt the little angel lean into him more heavily as she found her voice, “I don’t understand…”

Rising from his seat, Paul moved to kneel down in front of the angel, “Honey, this guy’s defense attorney is good and the son of a bitch is going to do everything he can to rake you over the coals.  It isn’t personal, but it is his job. Alex and I were up all night last night worrying about you…about this.  We don’t want you to have any surprises while you are on the stand and the only solution to that would be to make you familiar with the questions he is going to be asking you; questions that you are expected to answer.” He laid a gentle hand on her knee, “There is nothing we can do to make this trial easier for you, but maybe we can make it a little less uncomfortable if you know what to expect.”

Monica met his eyes before looking up at Andrew.  She could see hesitation in his expression, but also support for whatever she decided.

“It’s up to you, angel,” He stated softly, putting aside his own discomfort with it.  He knew Paul well enough that he would be truthful with what he was asking her, and that is what scared him. 

She looked back to Paul and then to Alex.  She trusted them explicitly; it was herself she wasn’t all that sure of.

“You’ve been doing so much better, honey,” Alex added quickly, “This could easily make you stronger,” Paul had been resistant to the idea, but she had managed to convince him.  She knew Edward LeSalle personally; he was one of the best defense lawyers in Boston and the last thing she wanted to see was for him to destroy the little angel on the stand.  A dry run would have her surrounded by those who loved her, as opposed to the courtroom where to Monica, they would all seem a hundred miles away.

“All right,” Monica heard herself saying, even as a slight tremble went through her body, knowing it had not gone unnoticed by Andrew.

“Angel, are you sure?” He was watching her closely, his green eyes laden with worry.  He knew she had not put the rape behind her, instead she was trying to bury it and he had a feeling her current emotional state would make her want to do whatever pleased those who had been taking care of her.

She gave a little nod of her head as she looked back to Paul, “When?”

“How about this afternoon?  Alex has seen this guy in action and has prepared a list of questions already,” He made no mention of his wife’s angry outburst last night when she had been working on it and the tears that had been in her eyes when she had told him “This asshole is going to fucking destroy her, Paul!”  It hadn’t been a gentle ease in to the conversation that had followed when she had presented him with the idea, but it had been a real eye opener for him.

“All right,” Monica consented as Paul gave her knee a little squeeze.

Once the two agents had left them alone once more, Andrew turned in his seat to look into her eyes, “Monica, if you aren’t absolutely sure about this-.”

“I’m not,” She interrupted softly as she faced him and then he could see the pain in her eyes, “But when the real thing happens, I have no choice.  I’d rather know what to expect from myself here then to find out in three weeks.”

He let out a sigh as his hand brushed along her cheek, “I’ll be right here with you, just like I will be in three weeks.”

She nodded her head, knowing it was not quite the truth.  Yes, he would be in the courtroom…watching her along with everyone else who didn’t know her at all.

“I… I think I’d like to spend some time alone…” Monica said slowly, knowing that her words would hurt the sensitive angel in front of her. She hated to do it, but if she was going to be expected to answer questions about that night, then she needed time to collect herself. She had spent the past weeks trying to drive those memories as deep as they would go, and bringing them up again was going to require all of her strength. She hoped with all her heart that it would be enough.

Andrew dropped his hand from her face and stepped back. “Of course. Whatever you need,” he told her, not meeting her eye.

She quickly caught his hand in hers and held it tightly. “It’s not you. I just need to think.”

“I know that, angel. You go do what you need to do. I’ll be waiting if you need me.”

He was ashamed that she had so quickly picked up on his disappointment. She shouldn’t have to think about his feelings but as usual she was. She gently touched the side of his face as she turned to leave the room, and the simple gesture sent a tremor straight to his heart. At least that he was adept at concealing from her. He’d had nearly a week to adjust to the feelings that a mere touch of her hand produced. He watched her as she walked slowly to her room, and let out a long sigh as the door closed, still shutting him out of the hardest part of her existence.

*****

When she emerged from her room several hours later and walked into the kitchen all eyes were on her as she said, “I’m ready. Do you want me in the living room?”

Paul shook his head. He had decided that if they were going to do this they were going to do it in a room that she wouldn’t have to spend any time in afterwards. The last thing he wanted to do was send her back into seclusion in her room.

“I’ve set up the study instead,” he answered as he stood up.

Alex held him back as Andrew and Monica and Tess led the way into the seldom used study. “I’ve changed my mind, Paul,” she said as she shook her head, her eyes glassy with tears. “I don’t think this is a good idea. Let’s not do it.”

Paul felt the muscle in his jaw working as he tenderly ran his hand up her arm to her shoulder. “Sweetheart, you were right the first time. We have to do this. It will be better for her to see what she’s in for here… surrounded by those who love her.”

“But Paul… she’s been doing so much better…”

“And God will give her the strength to get through this and continue to get better.” He smiled as he ran his thumb over her cheek, catching the one stray tear that had escaped. “Don’t make me teach you that lesson about trusting Him, again.”

Alex managed a small watery smile. “I believe that Monica was the one who taught me that,” she countered.

He smiled wider and pulled her close for a quick kiss. “Then I’m sure you don’t want to disappoint her by doubting that now.”

Andrew and Tess had taken seats on the leather loveseat, but Monica was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room when Alex and Paul entered. Alex took a deep breath and sat down behind the desk and Paul motioned for Monica to sit down in the chair that had been positioned beside it.

“Not exactly an exact replica, but you’ve seen a courtroom before,” Paul said. “I think we can dispense with the swearing to tell the truth,” he continued with a wink, hoping to lighten the mood slightly and set the little angel at ease.

She knew what he was trying to do and mustered a little grin of her own, but it only lasted for seconds before the worried look was back on her face. Her hands gripped the chair seat and her heartbeat was already beginning to speed up. Paul clutched the list of questions in his hand, hating the fact that he was the one who had to ask them.

“All right,” he began. “You’ll be called by the prosecuting attorney and she’s the one who’ll ask you to tell what happened.” He watched as Monica’s eyes dropped to her lap. “I’m not going to ask you to repeat all that now. You’ll have a meeting with her just before the trial and you will have to answer her questions then, but she’ll be as gentle and kind as she can, Monica. She’s there to help you and Alex tells me that she’s very good.”

Monica looked at Alex for confirmation, relieved when the agent smiled and nodded.

“So what I’m going to do now is ask the questions that Gr—that his attorney is going to ask.”

“Okay… ask me,” Monica said as she clenched her jaw and tried to harden her heart against what she knew would be difficult questions.

Paul turned away for a moment and when he faced her again his eyes were hard and Monica felt some of her resolve fade. “On the night in question, it was raining, correct?” he asked, straining to keep the emotion out of his voice.

“Y-yes,” she answered voice wavering, and then, “Yes it was,” she repeated, stronger.

“And you were wandering around Piedmont Street at two in the morning. Can you tell us why?”

Monica glanced around the room nervously. “I was looking for some friends… we were supposed to be working and… and I got lost…”

“So you were meeting friends in the middle of the night?”

“Y-yes,” she replied, and this time she didn’t repeat herself.

“What kind of work do you do?”

Monica felt a kind of panic sweep over her. Obviously she couldn’t tell a room full of people that she was an angel. “We help people,” she answered.

“You help people in the middle of the night?”

Monica shrugged. “S-sometimes.”

With every answer her voice got weaker and Paul felt like a bastard for putting her through it. He hadn’t even gotten to the difficult questions yet. “You told the court that the defendant raped you.” The word seemed to hang in the air long after it was said. No one had spoken it in her presence. It had always been “hurt” or “injured” or even “assaulted”, but never raped.

“Yes… he did,” Monica’s answer was barely audible.

“Yet you were walking in a bad area of town, in the middle of the night, dressed in your ‘working clothes’” he put a snide emphasis on those words that made the little angel flinch, “and you never imagined that to be a bad idea?”

“I… no… I was just…”

“Looking for your friends, I know. And your claim is that the defendant is not your friend. That it wasn’t reasonable for him to assume that a woman walking that street in the middle of the night, in the rain might be looking for a different kind of work?”

“No… that isn’t… he dragged me… I tried to scream…” Monica could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and she could barely see.

“If he grabbed you from behind, in the dark, in the rain, how can you even be certain that the defendant is the man you claim…”

“I remember! I know it was him! I know! I’ll never forget! Never in a hundred years! Never!” Monica was screaming and Paul dropped the now crumpled sheet of paper and let it drift to the floor.

Andrew was on his feet an instant later shouting, “That’s enough! What the hell are you doing? What the hell are you trying to prove?” He pushed the agent out of the way as he knelt in front of the little angel. “Angel Girl, baby, it’s all right. It’s all right. Shh…”

“I know who it was, Andrew… He raped me… He did! I swear I begged him not to! Please, please, won’t they believe me?” Her tortured eyes went right through him and he gathered her into his arms and lifted her up.

“We’re done here,” he said angrily as he once again pushed his way past Paul.

“Andrew… Paul was just…” Tess started, trying to smooth things over.

“He went too far!” Andrew growled and then he quickly carried Monica from the room and the next sound they heard was the little angel’s bedroom door slamming shut.

Paul lowered his head, having never felt worse in his life.  Monica was an angel of truth and even assignments who didn’t want to accept God could not deny that it was truth she was telling.  The thought of anyone doubting her was a concept she just couldn’t grasp nor understand and what made it even worse was that she shouldn’t have to.

Looking over, he saw that Alex had her face buried in her hands and his heart broke all over again.  The two most important females in his life and he had them both in tears, “Alex,” He whispered miserably as he approached her and knelt down in front of her, “Baby, I’m sorry.  I should have listened…”

“I never should have suggested it,” She uttered tearfully, “It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I was wrong!  What does it matter if a jury destroys her?  We just damn near did that ourselves and she’s our friend!”

Paul gathered her close as she managed to pull herself together, “You’re right, baby.  The intentions were good, but she isn’t ready and there is no way she is going to be ready in three weeks.  Our priority has always been justice, but now I’m seeing justice in a different light altogether.”

She pulled away as he wiped at her tears, “Yes, me too.”