CHAPTER 27

The aroma of cooking food drifted down the hall to Paul’s room and he knew that he couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer. As he hastily pulled on his clothes without even bothering to shower, he tried to decide which he would prefer; to have Monica hiding out in her room or to have her pretending that nothing had happened. He stood staring at his reflection in the mirror above the dresser and then furiously combed his fingers through his hair, disgusted with himself over his mental debate. He knew that he had given Monica one more thing to worry about, and here he was busy thinking about what solution would be easier for him to handle.

As he approached the kitchen he heard low voices and took a deep breath, knowing that she was awake, and hoping that things wouldn’t be too awkward. He rolled his eyes as a tiny giggle rang lightly in the air. At least she still had Andrew to rely on for friendship, he was thinking. They had always seemed to get along perfectly, and he didn’t think his partner was going to be startling her with any unwanted advances any time soon.

“Paul!” Monica said, perhaps a touch too brightly, as he came through the door. Her nervousness showed in her eyes, but she managed to keep her voice steady. “We made breakfast,” she said, pointing out the various pans and dishes, “and I didn’t even set off the fire alarm this time.”

Andrew’s heart ached at the effort Monica was putting forward to make things normal again. One look at Paul had told him that it simply wasn’t going to be that easy. The agent’s eyes were dull, and he was exuding nothing but a business-like attitude.

“That’s great, you two,” Paul said, without much enthusiasm. “I’ve got a hundred calls to make, but save me some toast.”

The hopeful spark immediately vanished from the little angel’s eyes and even Paul noticed its leaving, but he couldn’t let himself dwell on it. He had a job to get done, and that’s what he was going to do. “Andrew, if she wants to go out, stay with her. A full team should get here within an hour after I make my first call, but let’s not take any chances.”

Andrew nodded silently, and Paul just as silently left the room. A few seconds later they heard him entering the study, and the door clicking closed. Andrew looked over at Monica, who had turned her back to him and was studiously tending to a bowl of hash browns; adding salt and stirring them continuously.

“Monica,” he started, tenderly, “he just needs some time right now.”

She didn’t stop her actions, afraid of what would happen if she didn’t have something to concentrate on at the moment. “I know,” she whispered. “I just can’t stand to see the look on his face and know that I put it there.”

Andrew wanted to repeat everything that he had already told her; that it wasn’t her fault and that she hadn’t put that look on his face or the feelings in his heart, but he knew that the words would mean nothing to her in her present state of mind. She needed time as well, and the only thing he could do was offer her support if she asked for it, and be alert enough to know when she needed it but couldn’t ask.

“How about a little trip out to the corral after breakfast?” he suggested, knowing that being around the animals was at least one sure way to improve her mood.

“Okay,” she agreed, and then her dark eyes were staring into his. “I know you want to take all of this away,” she said softly, “and I wish you could…”

“But it isn’t something that can just be brushed away. I know, angel,” he said sadly.

She finally put down her spoon and pushed the bowl away from herself. “You know,” she declared, “I really don’t think I’m up for breakfast after all. Let’s just go outside.”

Her expression was begging him to agree with her, and although he hated the fact that she was too upset to eat, he didn’t have it in him to push the issue. “Whatever you want, Monica. Maybe you’ll have more of an appetite after you spend a little time with some of your friends outside.”

“Perhaps,” She stated half-heartedly as she put the bowl and a few other things back in the refrigerator, before leaving the bread beside of the toaster in the event that Paul got hungry while they were outside. She had an hour of freedom left before the demarcation of other agents would once again be present, and she only wished her heart felt lighter in order to enjoy it.

Andrew followed her outside, the humidity in the air already present despite the fact that it was still quite early and the silence between them felt as heavy as the heat as they walked to the corral. He knew she was struggling with her thoughts and he wanted to give her the space to do that, though it was taking everything in him to not attempt to reassure her as best as he could that everything would work itself out in the end.

He absent mindedly stroked one of the horses after they arrived, while his friend turned her attention to the foals. Though she was now smiling, there was sadness behind it and he knew that all too soon the reigns on her independence would tighten once more to add to her problems.

“If I could just tell him the truth, then he would understand,” Her soft voice interrupted his thoughts as she looked up at him, a glint of hope in her eyes.

But he shook his head, hating to be the one to squelch that desire for truth, “You can’t yet, angel. The Father hasn’t told us that it is time and without His help, Paul would only think that the stress had really gotten to you,” He had hoped for another smile, but was sorely disappointed and further dismayed with the words that followed.

“It doesn’t seem right to be an angel when I can’t even tell the truth about it to alleviate hurt that I’ve caused.”

“Monica, what if you weren’t an angel? Would anything about this scenario change?” He was treading on thin ice, not for her but for himself, as he wasn’t certain he wanted to know this answer. He had entertained these thoughts when the situation with Paul had first come to the surface and he had been battling jealousy, wondering what would happen if all three of them were simply humans placed in this situation. He knew that regardless of her answer, it didn’t change anything on the surface, only possibly in his heart.

Monica looked away, considering his question, “No, it wouldn’t change a thing. I care about Paul very much and though being completely human is hard for me to imagine, I don’t think that even in that situation, I’d have those kinds of feelings for him.”

He breathed an inward sigh of relief, though he almost felt embarrassed by the fact that her answer meant so much to him. It made not one bit of difference either way, as it didn’t change who she was, but knowing she was a bit of a dreamer, he was still relieved to know that she wasn’t engaging in thoughts that if she was human then things would be different, “So no matter what, the result would still be the same, so you can’t really blame this on the fact that you are an angel.”

“He would barely look at me this morning, Andrew,” Her eyes clearly showed her hurt and guilt and he wasn’t sure that there was anything he could say to her to take it away.

“I know, honey,” His own voice held sadness, “But hopefully that will change with a little time.”

“All the hoping in the world doesn’t seem to be changing very much lately,” She remarked dryly, not liking the pessimism she felt coming over her while at the same time, not feeling as if she could stop it as so much had changed in her existence in the last few weeks.

Andrew watched her go back to stroking the foals as he made a decision to take a chance and try to talk to Paul. He had little control over what happened with McArthur, but perhaps he could make some impact on the agent. Though physically it was the least of her problems, emotionally it could make a difference in her opinion of the world, which was quickly diminishing.

*****

At the sight of the unfinished and uneaten breakfast, Paul felt the guilt wash over him like a wave. It was just another piece of evidence that he had upset Monica and he was having trouble digesting that fact, though he had been completely uncertain of how to act now that she knew the truth. His own appetite now diminished, he sighed as he put the bread back in the drawer.

“Care to talk about it?”

Andrew’s voice startled him slightly as he turned around to come face to face with his partner. Leaning up against the counter, he folded his arms across his chest and shook his head, “I don’t see where there is much to discuss. I take it she told you about what happened last night?”

The angel nodded his head, praying for the right words to make this situation more bearable for both Paul and Monica, “She’s pretty worked up about it, to be honest. She doesn’t want to lose your friendship.”

“That won’t happen-,” Paul began, but his partner quickly cut him off.

“Your actions this morning told a different story, Paul. I’m sure you were feeling awkward, but so was she and only trying to make things comfortable once more,” Andrew explained, trying to be as gentle as he could, seeing the slightly defensive look on Paul’s face.

“Where is she now?” he asked.

“Down at the corral. She wanted a minute alone.”

“She feels safe there,” He stated after a moment, with another heavy sigh, “And after all that has happened, I certainly can’t blame her. You and I are the only two stable things she has going for her right now, I suppose, and I blew one of those last night.”

“You said things to her she didn’t know how to answer,” He replied, wishing he could tell Paul the entire truth, but knowing that was not a possibility, “And now she feels terrible for hurting you.”

He shook his head hard, “It isn’t her fault. I never should have let myself get to this point.”

“I told her that, but she doesn’t believe it coming from me, or at least she won’t let herself believe it,” He corrected himself, knowing Monica really didn’t doubt his words to her, but more that with everything else going on, she couldn’t hear it.

Paul couldn’t find anything else to say to his partner. He knew that he had behaved badly, and there really was no excuse besides his injured feelings. Andrew was tactful enough to leave without saying any more, but the agent didn’t need to have the truth pounded into him before he realized it for what it was. He still had a few calls to make and retreated to the study again, but this time he was also thinking about what to say to Monica the next time he saw her.

It wasn’t long before the first contingent of agents showed up at the house, and after a brief introduction, they took up their appointed rounds and Monica closed herself up in her room, claiming that she wanted to read. Andrew had a feeling that she really just wanted to pretend that she was in the house of her own free will. He didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize whatever bit of peace she had been able to make for herself so he forced himself to stay away.

Paul noticed what Monica was doing as well, and now he realized that having her cloister herself was definitely not what he wanted. Even if she couldn’t return his feelings, he still wanted to be able to see and talk to her as a friend. It had been less than a day and he already missed the sound of her laugh. He knew that Andrew had spoken to him in order to get him to change the way he was acting, so that Monica wouldn’t feel so badly. However, he felt like he needed to do something a little more direct as well.

He took in deep breaths of the hot desert air as he walked down the hallway to her room. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been so nervous. Facing death seemed like a piece of cake compared to confronting one rather small, Irish woman.

His light tapping on the door barely made a sound, but he followed it with a quiet, “Monica? Could I speak to you for a minute?”

Inside the room, Monica’s eyes grew wide and her face paled. She had been sitting on the floor, in the middle of a Navaho rug, playing with the kittens and trying not to think about Paul or anything else outside the room. Now, here was one of the objects of her distress, knocking on the door.

“Of… of course,” she called out, praying that she would be able to hold her emotions in check.

The door opened slowly and Paul stepped inside and immediately sank to the floor across from her and started absent-mindedly dangling a piece of string that one of the kittens had been playing with. There was silence for a minute, as Paul gathered his thoughts, suddenly wondering what had possessed him to enter the room.

“Is everything all set outside,” Monica was the first one to break the silence, but she didn’t let her eyes leave the floor.

“Ummm… yeah… yes… everything’s all set,” Paul snapped out of his reverie, and he looked directly at her, wishing that she would glance up and meet his eyes the way she always had before. “Monica,” he started, his voice quite different from the all-business tone from the morning. “I just wanted to apologize for last night.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she replied, shaking her head, and distracting herself by rolling Lucy over and rubbing her tummy.

Paul raised one eyebrow and looked at her doubtfully. “That’s not the way I see it, Monica.”

“You were just telling me how you felt,” she said, wishing that something, anything, would happen and make the conversation end. “I’m the one…”

“You’re the one who what?” Paul asked. “Told me the truth in the gentlest way you could?”

She shook her head again, still not ready to listen to those words that absolved her of guilt. “It’s my fault you felt that way in the first place… and now you’re hurting because of it.”

“That is just not true, Monica, and you know it’s not true. You didn’t do anything but be yourself. I let myself get carried away, and I have no one but myself to blame. Then I go and tell you all about how I feel, when you’re going through what is probably the worst time in your life, and then I don’t even have the decency to talk to you this morning.” Paul let his head hang down, feeling even more disgusted with himself after saying those words aloud.

Monica’s eyes, on the other hand, finally moved from the floor to the agent’s distressed features. “You didn’t know what else to do. I know you didn’t do it to hurt me. I know that’s the last thing you’d ever do,” she said, feeling slightly more in control than she had since breakfast.

“You’re right about that. I don’t want you hurting, and really don’t want to be the cause of it. So please, believe me when I tell you that you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

She still had her doubts about that, but she could see how sincere he was, and she ducked her head a bit and met his eye at last. “Okay, but only if you do the same.”

Paul gave an exasperated little grin, even as his heart clenched, recognizing that this kindness was one of the many reasons he had fallen in love with her in the first place. “That sounds like a fair deal,” he agreed, and he held out his hand, noticing that Monica only hesitated for a fraction of a second before reaching out her own to shake hands.

“Now that that’s out of the way,” he said brusquely, “let’s see if we can’t make the most of this day. It’s beautiful outside, and I don’t want you spending all your time cooped up in this room. Trust me, the agents here are under special orders… you’ll hardly even know they’re around.

*****

He hung up the telephone in disgust, the words of his superior still running through his mind.

“Stop playing around with her and get the job done. You can be terminated as easily as she can, so if you know what is good for you, when you check in tomorrow night, it will be to inform me that the problem has been eliminated.”

He had been enjoying his games with her. The look of sheer terror on her face each time particularly delighted him and he had been looking forward to tormenting her a bit more before actually killing her. But he was left with no choice now.

By tomorrow night, she would be dead and the hunt would be over.