CHAPTER 1

The snow continued to fall in Washington, actually making a beautiful background for the many decorations that the city had in place, from the lighted wreaths hanging at Union Station to the National Christmas tree near the White House. People were rushing around town, trying to do last minute shopping with only two days to go until the holiday, trying to select that perfect gift for their loved one.

Alex smiled smugly, knowing that all her shopping had been completed weeks ago and it was all wrapped and under the tree in her townhouse where her family would gather Christmas night for the annual gift exchange. She had to confess to herself that she had gone a little overboard where Paul’s gifts were concerned, but he had made the last few months so perfect for her that a little spoiling was in order.

She would be meeting up with him at the farm tomorrow and then he would be joining her back here in the city on Christmas Day for her family get together. The lucky guy had seniority at the agency and had managed to get the four days before Christmas off work. While he had spent the last two evenings with her, he had grabbed a commuter flight back to the farm this morning to, "take care of some last minute wrapping."

Her smile remained in place as she passed the shops, stopping to look in at the holiday displays. Yes, everything in her life was going better than it ever had before and she could honestly say for the first time that she was truly happy. She loved God, her job, and an agent by the name of Paul Gatlin, who had turned her world upside down rather pleasantly. They had been dating ever since the whole Devin Jackson fiasco when she had nearly lost her life and though it had taken both she and Paul staring her death in the face to admit their feelings for one another, she would not change a single thing.

Alex came to a stop at one of the bridal shops, taking a moment to look at the dresses in the window. The long, red dress with white fur on the sleeves and around the neckline looked like something out of ancient times, but it was appealing in its own way and she allowed her imagination to wander, wondering what it would be like to marry Paul one day. The feelings he inspired in her heart and soul caused her to long to be united with him forever, but they hadn’t really talked about it as of yet. True, they had only been dating for a little over a month, but she had known him longer than that, and she had no doubts already that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

"Quite lovely, isn’t it?"

The Irish accent that disturbed her thoughts could only belong to one individual and Alex spun around to find the little angel standing behind her, "Monica!" She hugged her friend tightly, delighted to see her again, "What are you doing here?"

She smiled, pleased that Alex was so happy to see her as the feeling was mutual, "I have a little time off and I decided to try to find you and Paul to pay you a visit."

"And Andrew?"

The angel lowered her eyes briefly, feeling the twinge of sadness, which she tried to cover when she looked up once more, "This is a busy time of year for him unfortunately. I haven’t seen him," She could see that the agent was getting ready to pepper her with questions about her feelings about this, so Monica dove right in to beat her to it, "Looking at bridal gowns?" She raised her eyebrows in mischief as Alex giggled.

"Well, just a little future window shopping in case I ever need it," She replied with a wink.

"Soooo, things are going well?"

"Very well," Despite the fact that Alex was normally one to keep such things to herself, Monica was, after all, an angel and the one who had led her to God in the first place. Besides, Monica was innocent enough to find true joy in her happiness.

"I’m so glad, Alex," Her face was lit up with happiness and the flush in her cheeks was a combination of that and the cold.

"Me too. Can I buy you a cup of coffee? There’s a little coffee house right around the corner."

"Now you’re talking," She grinned as Alex linked her arm through hers and they set off walking, "So, where is Paul?"

"At the farm. I’m meeting up with him tomorrow, as today was my last day of work," She glanced at her angelic friend, watching as she took in the festive appearance of the city, "It’s beautiful, isn’t it?"

"Yes," Monica admitted truthfully. Washington didn’t hold many fond memories for her, but there had been definite advantages. Not even bad memories would keep her away from seeing Alex and Paul.

They walked in silence for a moment, before Alex spoke up once more, "You miss him."

Monica looked surprised for a moment but saw the agent looking at her knowingly and nodded her head, "This is normal though. Unfortunately, not everyone is so joyful during the holidays."

"No, I suppose they aren’t," Alex replied, knowing that she had spent her share of lonely Christmases alone, other than with her family. But it was definitely not the same as spending it with someone you were hopelessly in love with, "How long has it been?"

"He’s checked in a few times since Thanksgiving. You know Andrew. He likes to keep an eye on me," She rolled her eyes, but Alex didn’t miss the affection that lingered in her dark eyes as well as in her voice.

"Well, if you are still off tomorrow and Christmas Day, you are more than welcome to spend it with us."

"Oh no, I couldn’t," She was already shaking her head, "It’s your first Christmas with Paul and that makes it special."

Alex stopped walking and looked into the angel’s eyes, "And your being there would make it even more so. Please say yes?" If Andrew was not going to be around for her, she wouldn’t be able to stand knowing Monica was by herself and not on assignment.

Monica’s lips twitched in a little smile, "I’ll think about it," She consented finally.

*****

His breath hung in the air in front of him and he had to swipe one gloved hand along the window to brush away the fog. The store would be open for another two hours and Paul had walked by it four times so far and still hadn’t made it past the door.

"Looking for something in particular?"

Paul was so startled that he nearly smashed his forehead right into the plate-glass window.

"Andrew! What the hell are you doing here? And don’t you know better than to sneak up on a person? Man, and an angel of death at that. Sheesh… am I next on your list and your assignment is to scare me to death?"

The blond angel was having a very difficult time containing his laughter but he managed to keep it to a stifled chuckle as he shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "I was just in the area and I thought I’d take a chance you were around," he answered Paul’s first question. "Now, are you going to tell me what you were looking at?"

Paul moved to block more of the window as he said, "Nothing… well, nothing special…"

Andrew craned his neck to look over Paul’s shoulder and then squeezed himself in next to the agent. "I don’t know, those don’t look like nothing to me," he said teasingly.

Displayed prominently in the window was a selection of diamond rings, all laid out on pale blue velvet like bits of ice against a frozen hill. Here were a few other things in the arrangement as well, but Andrew didn’t think that the agent had been looking at snowmen cufflinks or rather gaudy Santa Claus pins.

"Yeah, well, maybe not nothing, exactly," Paul muttered and then he rolled his eyes in a much put-upon look as Andrew patted him on the back and grinned.

"You and Alex have been talking about marriage? I think that’s great, Paul. Why the big secret?"

Paul nervously shifted his shopping bag from hand to hand. "Well, we haven’t exactly discussed it. I think it’s what we’re both thinking about, but we’re afraid to mention it. Okay, I’m afraid to mention it. Alex brought it up once and I switched topics."

"I don’t get it. You were just looking at rings, but you won’t talk to Alex?"

Paul shrugged and started walking down the street, with the angel right beside him.

"I love her, Andrew, don’t get me wrong, I do. I love her more than I thought was possible, and I can only dream of living my whole life with her."

"But?"

"I don’t know. Every time I think about actually broaching the subject with her, much less popping the question, I feel a cold hand wrap around my heart. I’m scared shitless, Andrew," he said bluntly. "Sometimes I feel like a walking, talking curse, and if I say or do the wrong thing then something will happen to her. Something will take her away from me." He glanced over at the angel and they both knew precisely what that something was.

"So you’re just going to go on, stringing her along because you’re afraid asking her to marry you is going to make God strike her down or something?" Andrew said, hoping that it sounded as ludicrous to Paul as it did to him. The grimace on the agent’s face showed that it did.

"Yeah… I know… stupid…"

"I wouldn’t exactly say stupid, but Paul, you already placed her life in God’s hands. Why are you worried now?"

"I’m sure it’s hard for you to understand," Paul said, feeling suddenly a bit angry with the angel. "You haven’t watched someone you love bleed to death in your arms. I have. I have, and I came close with Alex. Let’s just say it’s made me a little more cautious."

Andrew knew where Paul’s bitterness was coming from but it still felt like the jab it was. "I think you’re forgetting how close I’ve come. Maybe you’ve blocked out the fact that Monica was just as close to death as Alex… closer."

Paul clenched his jaw. Of course he hadn’t forgotten. He was just being his usual insensitive self. "I’m sorry, man… you know I didn’t mean anything…"

"Yes, I know, but Paul, don’t you see what you’re doing? You’re talking about putting off commitment because you don’t want to lose Alex, but how long do you think it will be before lack of commitment drives her away?"

"Well, I would hope at least a couple of years," His lopsided grin showed he was joking, but the look Andrew was giving him showed it was not all that amusing.

"I can’t interfere with your free will, Paul, but it seems to me that you don’t chose girlfriends lightly. Between Lauren and Alex, how many ladies have you dated?"

The agent seemed to be concentrating for a moment, before he questioned, "Counting my brief thing for your best friend?"

"Doesn’t really count. You never dated her."

"But only because she’s an angel and you all can’t date."

"So it doesn’t count," Andrew replied, amused by this argument.

Another beat and then, "Well, can I count her anyway?"

Andrew let out an exasperated sigh, "Fine, count her."

"One," Paul grinned, and then explained sheepishly, "One sounded so much better than none."

"Which proves my point," Andrew chuckled, but giving him a pointed look, "You think about these things, Paul. This isn’t just some brief fling and I think you know it. So why not make sure Alex knows it?"

Paul sighed and hung his head for a moment before looking back up, "I thought you couldn’t interfere?"

"I’m not interfering."

"What would you call it then?"

"Weighing your options," He smiled smugly, "It isn’t my fault if you only really have one of those."

He gave his angelic friend a mock glare and continued walking down the street with the angel beside of him. They came to another jewelry store and Paul was starting to think the shops were simply mocking him as he hadn’t remembered there being so many of them.

"So where is Monica anyway?" He changed the subject and talking again gave him an excuse to stop in front of the store.

Andrew fixed his eyes on the display window in an attempt to keep just how much he was missing the little angel hidden, "I can only assume on assignment. I haven’t seen her in a few weeks now."

"How do you know she is all right?" His protective instincts kicked into gear as he shot a glance at his friend.

"I would know if she wasn’t," He replied firmly, referring to the connection he shared with his dearest friend.

"Must be rough."

"It is."

Paul let out another sigh and moved to push open the door of the store, not missing the way Andrew’s eyebrows raised in amusement, "Cufflinks. Need cufflinks."

Andrew stifled a grin and nodded his head, "Yes. You do dress up so often."