CHAPTER 16

The blond angel walked for a long time until he was deep within the woods. Head down, shoulders slumped; he was the aura of someone defeated. His earlier behavior with Gregory Tate continued going around and around in his head and he was still scarcely able to believe that he had actually struck the man.

Not that he hadn’t know fury of that nature existed within him. Andrew was fully aware of the anger that had been dwelling deep in his heart for well over a year now. He had just never imagined that he would act on it and the fact that he had devastated him. The look on Monica’s face and the pleading in her words just added to the disappointment he felt in himself and though he knew he had many amends to make, he knew the One with which he had to begin.

"Father," He said softly, not so much as raising his eyes, "You know what happened back there…I…I should have come to you sooner with the anger that has been interfering with who You made me to be, but I thought I could handle it. Obviously, I can’t, but You knew that all along. Deep inside, I knew that Your mercy and Your grace were the things I needed, but yet I refused to come to You," He shook his head, "I was wrong, Father and I need your guidance with this. I struck one of Your children," He blinked back tears, hardly able to accept the fact that he was saying those words.

The angel fell to his knees upon the forest floor though his eyes remained focused on the ground, "Forgive me, Father and help me. I can’t control this emotion alone and it seems that no one is safe from it. You know I lashed out at Monica last week and then hit Greg this morning, not to mention the fact that I’ve been carrying this anger around with me for so long. I’m sorry. I need Your help and Your forgiveness."

He felt the warmth of God’s love fill his senses and a tear fell from his eye unashamedly as he basked in the light of forgiveness and mercy.

*****

"Faith?" Monica called out softly, trying with everything in her to keep her emotions intact. What had just happened with Andrew and the guilt that was running through the pit of her stomach was making it difficult, but she knew she had to reassure Faith before she could deal with her own feelings, "It’s okay, sweetheart."

She heard the movement from behind the chair in the living room before she ever saw her and the little angel drew in a trembling breath before she walked over to the chair and knelt down until she was at eye level with the frightened little girl. Faith’s eyes were wide and Monica was trying to decipher exactly what Faith was thinking.

"My daddy used to hit me," She whispered tearfully, before she bit her lower lip as if she never should have said the words.

"I’m so sorry, sweetie," Monica said softly, still trying to debate what else was going on in the little mind. But Faith’s next words made her want to weep.

"Does Andrew ever hit you like he hit my dad?"

"No!" Monica shook her head as her heart broke at the insinuation as she gathered Faith close to her, even as the angel blinked back tears, "Faith, listen to me. Your daddy wanted to hurt me and that made Andrew angry. No, he shouldn’t have hit your father, but sometimes…" Her voice trailed off. Sometimes what? Suddenly she had no idea what excuse to give.

"My mama used to tell me that daddy didn’t mean it. Did Andrew not mean it?" Faith uttered softly against Monica’s shoulder.

"No, he didn’t mean it and he was sorry it happened."

"My daddy used to tell me he was sorry too, but then he stopped saying he was sorry."

Monica closed her eyes, fighting against the tears that longed to escape. She had made such a terrible mistake. All along Andrew had been so concerned about her and how she was recovering and never once had she inquired about him, though she had known the anger had existed. His outburst with her last week had been so out of character and a sure sign of the emotions he was still harboring. He had even tried to explain it to her but she had nearly brushed it aside. He had been hurting and she had ignored that fact, concentrating more on her own feelings. She had never before felt so selfish and to tell him that would seemingly make it once more about her. She was the one who had gotten herself into trouble so many times in the past, to the point that men had wanted to hurt her. She should have trusted that God would keep her safe instead of showing Andrew her fear.

"Faith, he is so sorry and he would never hurt any of us. Ever," Her voice was nearly pleading. It would break Andrew’s heart to know that Faith was measuring him up against her father and she knew that the little girl couldn’t be more wrong, but at the moment what Faith had seen spoke louder than words, "How about I fix you some breakfast?"

"I’m not very hungry," the child whispered sadly, "Does my daddy know that I’m here?"

"No, sweetheart. He thinks I’m looking for you," Monica explained as she pulled away to look in her eyes, "But he will not find you and even if he does, you are safe here with us." Faith nodded her head, but the angel didn’t miss the flicker of doubt that was now in her eyes.

*****

When Andrew walked into the house sometime later, he seemed a bit more at ease, though his green eyes showed apprehension as they came to rest on Faith and Monica.

The little girl had fallen back to sleep on the sofa, her head resting in Monica’s lap. He could see worry on the little face and he had a feeling he had been the one to put it there in the first place. Monica’s expression was unreadable.

"Is she all right?" He asked softly as he approached somewhat cautiously.

Monica looked down at the little girl, struggling for an answer that would not make him feel worse than he already did, "She was a bit shaken up."

His heart sank. He had begun to sense his dearest friend withdrawing her feelings from him as he had walked back to the cottage and now he was certain of what he had already assumed to be true, "And what about you?"

She raised her head, but it seemed to be a forced gesture, "I’m just worried about you is all. Did you talk to the Father?"

"He has forgiven me. Now I just need to know if you do."

She shook her head, "There is nothing to forgive."

"Then why have you pulled away?" He asked pointedly. His heart was racing. Had he done more damage than he realized?

She was quiet for a moment before responding softly, "It’s the best thing for you right now. Please don’t question it."

Andrew crouched down in front of her and rested both hands on her knees. "The best thing for me? Monica, how can you expect me not to question that?"

The Irish angel turned her full attention back to Faith. "Because I’m asking you not to," she said flatly.

He leaned back on his heels, at a loss for words. "I… Monica… whatever I need to do…"

She said that she forgave him. That didn’t mean that she wasn’t upset and disgusted over what had happened, and he could only assume that was why she wouldn’t talk to him. When she raised her dark eyes to meet his he saw how wrong he was to assume anything when it came to this particular angel.

"Andrew, I’m doing this for you," she said quietly. "You need to concentrate on yourself right now and not worry about me."

He attempted a weak smile. "But Angel, that’s part of my job, remember?"

"It doesn’t need to be," she replied, trying to inject a tone of cheerfulness into her voice. "God’s watching over me, and I think He’s pretty much got it covered."

Andrew swallowed past the tightness in his throat. "Of course He is… does… but Monica…"

He knew there was much more that needed to be said, but he didn’t know where to begin. The one thing he could sense from Monica was that she felt somehow guilty for what had happened outside and he couldn’t imagine why. She was pushing him away, and while she had done that before out of misguided attempts to protect him, he didn’t remember it ever hurting quite as badly. In the past her retreats had been brought on by outside forces, but this time he had no one to blame but himself. If only he hadn’t hit Gregory Tate, they wouldn’t be staring at each other uneasily now.

"Angel… I’m going to be fine…" he decided to give one more try at getting her to open up. Of course he wasn’t being entirely truthful. God had taken away his current anger, but keeping it under control was something he needed to work on. Even the greatest faith wasn’t a cure-all, and God didn’t just magically fix things.

A faint murmuring from Faith halted Andrew’s words. The girl shifted slightly and clutched Monica’s hand before sleepily opening her eyes.

"Well, good morning, Faith," Andrew said, keeping his voice light and even although inside he was wondering how she was going to react to him now.

"Good morning, Andrew," she replied and then pushed herself into a seated position and pressed herself close to Monica’s side.

Andrew caught her wavering gaze and held it, ducking his head a bit to keep her from looking down at the floor. "Faith, I’m really sorry about what you saw this morning."

"I know." She bit her lip and studied his face. "Monica said it was an accident and you didn’t mean to do it."

He shot Monica a thankful look and answered, "Yes that’s right, but there’s still no excuse for what I did. It was completely wrong and I’m very, very sorry that I did it, and I’m never going to do anything like that ever again."

Monica looked over at Faith and prayed that the child wouldn’t mention her father’s promises or any of the other things she had said earlier. Andrew already felt so badly, and she didn’t want to see him hurt any more. It was strange that he had managed to knock down a fully-grown man, but a small child held his feelings in the palm of her hand.

Faith peered into his eyes as if looking for something, and then gave a little nod and slid forward off the sofa. She wrapped her thin arms around Andrew’s neck and nestled her head against his shoulder.

"It’s okay," she said softly, and then in a barely audible whisper she continued, "Sometimes I used to wish I was big enough to hit him back."

Andrew closed his eyes and hugged her tightly. "Well you don’t need to wish that anymore. You’re never going back to him and he’s never going to hurt you again."

*****

For the rest of the afternoon Andrew kept looking for an opportunity to talk to Monica alone, but she stubbornly refused to leave Faith’s side. She even sent him to the kitchen to make lunch rather than doing it herself and risking the chance that he would join her.

As far as he could tell she thought that he needed to work out his issues with his past and present anger without being influenced by her, but she had forgotten one very important thing. Even if she refused to talk about how she was feeling, it didn’t stop him from thinking about it and worrying about it. He was the one who was supposed to be holding his feelings inside, not her.

When Tess entered the cottage the first thing she noticed was the silence. Faith was certainly not a chatty girl, but over the time they had been watching over her she had become playful and fun-loving, and her giggles were often heard spilling from one room to another. At the very least the older angel expected to hear the three of them talking, but there was nothing.

"Hello?" she called out. "Where is everyone?"

"In the kitchen, Tess," Monica’s voice guided her.

She walked into the kitchen and saw Faith sitting at the table painting while Monica watched and Andrew cut vegetables for a salad. No one said a word as she entered and the tension was impossible to ignore. She looked at the two angels, who didn’t meet her eyes, and then looked down at Faith. The little girl rested her chin in her hand, stared up at her and sighed.

"They’re fighting," she stated simply.

At those words, Monica and Andrew both looked up, shocked expressions on their faces.

"We’re not fighting," Andrew said quickly, and "Sweetheart, Andrew and aren’t fighting," Monica said at the same time.

"Faith, sweetie," Tess said as her dark eyes sized up her fellow angels, "I think maybe you should run up to your room for a few minutes. I need to talk to Monica and Andrew."

The girl nodded her blonde head and pushed her chair back. "Can you make them talk to each other again?" she asked as she passed by the older angel.

"Oh, there’s going to be a whole lot of talking going on, child, don’t you worry about that."

As soon as Tess heard soft footsteps on the stairs she pointed at Monica and Andrew. "Sit, both of you."

They knew better to argue. They sat down next to each other at the table.

"Now I know I said that the two of you are my assignment, but I didn’t think you’d take it so much to heart," Tess said with a trace of sarcasm.

""Really, Tess, everything is fine," Monica said. "We’ve just been quiet after everything that happened this morning."

"Quiet, eh?" Tess said, one eyebrow rising high on her forehead.

Andrew glanced at Monica out of the corner of his eye but he wasn’t sure what to say. Yes, he wanted them to talk, but telling Tess that the little angel had been avoiding him felt an awful lot like tattling, to quote Faith.

"Well, I’m just going to jump right in then and make a little noise," Tess replied. "I know that what happened this morning has shaken you both, and from what I hear you’re both doing your darndest to protect each other and hurting each other even more in the process."

"Tess, I don’t think--"

An upheld hand stopped Andrew short. "No, you two are going to listen to me now, and you can do your talking afterwards."

Andrew shut his mouth and his shoulders slumped just a bit.

"Now, I haven’t been around today, but I think I can pretty much guess what went on after I left. First, you went to talk to the Father and came back deciding, once again, that what happened was completely your problem and that you would be able to take care of it on your own.," Tess said as she looked at the angel of death. "Meanwhile, you got it into your head that what happened was really your fault, and if only you hadn’t been so needy, then surely Andrew never would have started harboring anger in his heart."

Monica lowered her eyes and studied the surface of the table.

"Am I getting warm?" There was no response. "I think I asked a question," she said sternly, and both younger angels nodded slightly. "That’s what I thought, and that’s what I was afraid of. Andrew, you need to stop thinking that you are the only one who can offer comfort and an ear to listen. Monica is your best friend and she would do anything for you. Why don’t you give her a chance? And, Monica? You carry so much guilt on those tiny little shoulders. Baby, I know that you have seen some horrible things, but everything horrible that happens is not your fault, and it is also not your fault that Andrew puts himself in the role of your protector. He loves you, Angel Girl… what else would you expect him to do?"

Andrew and Monica remained silent although they exchanged glances both with Tess and with each other. Tess was speaking the truth, and it was impossible to deny.

"All right then. I am going upstairs to give Faith a bath before dinner. By the time we get down here, I trust that the two of you will have talked this out." She didn’t say anything else, but pushed back from the table and silently left the room.