CHAPTER 4

Dinner had been a relatively silent affair as Monica had been rather quiet and quite absorbed in pushing the food around on her plate, though thankfully Tess had decided not to comment on the fact. Nor did she say anything when the little angel excused herself and headed upstairs to her room as soon as the meal was over.

"Well, are you going up or am I?" Tess stated bluntly when it was just she and Andrew left at the table.

He had to smile at the pointed look she was giving him as he pushed back his chair, "Let me help you clean up first…"

"I am quite capable of cleaning up, Angel Boy, but thank you for the offer. I’m more concerned about Monica right now as she is carrying some burden on that little heart of hers that needs to be unloaded. Now go. Shoo," She waved her napkin at him affectionately as he got up with a chuckle and headed up the stairs.

Monica’s door was cracked open but he still knocked softly before he opened it and slipped inside to find her sitting up in bed with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Her expression bordered on pitiful and under other circumstances Andrew might have smiled at the cuteness of it, but not now. She was hurting.

"How’s the ankle?" He asked softly, sitting down beside of her and trying to meet her gaze.

"It will be fine," She whispered, his concern making her feel worse than she already did.

"You didn’t eat very much. Are you feeling all right?" He had already figured out that he was dealing with some kind of guilt and he knew exactly how to drive it from her without having to come right out and ask.

Monica nodded her head, then shook it and though he knew his questions had paid off, he was dismayed by her tears when she finally looked up at him, "I got lost chasing Faith. I wanted to leave the basket there on purpose today to see if I could find her later as I knew she must be hungry. I should have told you and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to interfere with Tess’ assignment, and it seemed easier to convince you to take her car than to talk you into trying to find Faith, but either way I was being deceitful. I know that now…"

He forced back a small chuckle as he wrapped her up in his arms. He was sure she thought that her confession would hurt him, but instead he found himself loving her even more for being so upset at the thought that he might get upset by her little experiment in assignment meddling.

"I’m so sorry, Andrew…" Her tear-laced words pulled him away from his thoughts as he smiled.

"Angel, it’s all right," He soothed, feeling her begin to relax in his arms at his words. He was anxious to find out what she had discovered about the little girl, but reassuring her came first, "I’m not angry with you. If anything I’m concerned by why you felt you couldn’t tell me and touched that you’re this worked up about it."

She slowly raised her head from his chest and meekly met his eyes at last, "I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to talk me out of it, but if I had just told you and taken you with me, I never would have gotten lost."

"It’s that stubborn streak of yours, Monica," He winked at her, relieved when she smiled through her tears, "It gets you into trouble every time."

"So you’re not mad at me?"

She asked so pathetically, that he tugged her back into his arms and hugged her tightly, "Even if I was, you should know by now that I can’t stay angry with you for long, angel."

"Must be part of my charm," She giggled as he pulled away and then settled back against her pillows with her in his arms.

"Now, tell me what happened in the woods." He requested as he felt the last of the tension leave her small body.

"Faith was finishing up our lunch and it is her, Andrew. She is the girl in the picture; the same sad expression and when I called out to her, she ran away. I tried to follow her, but when I tripped, I lost her…as well as my sense of direction."

He wanted to ask "what sense of direction?" but he refrained, deciding that she had been through enough today and teasing her could wait until morning, "And why didn’t you tell Tess about your reaction to her father?"

She was quiet for a moment as she debated her answer, "Because I was wrong about him."

Andrew opened his mouth to express his surprise but quickly shut it and remained silent, leaving their soft breathing the only sounds in the room. "Why do you say that, Monica?" he said at last. "You were so certain this afternoon."

Monica shrugged her shoulders. "Sometimes even angels make mistakes," she countered.

"I know that, but Angel…" he took a breath. "You were frightened of him. I could see it in your eyes."

Silence filled the room again until Monica carefully pulled herself out of Andrew’s embrace. "People still scare me sometimes, Andrew. That’s my problem, not theirs." She pulled her nightgown from its hook on the back of the door and tossed it onto the bed. "Tess was right. I should probably get some sleep." She met his eyes and the meaning of her words and actions was clear. She wanted to be alone.

"Monica…"

"Please? I’m just tired. Can’t we talk in the morning?"

"Of course. We’ve got plenty of time."

Andrew pushed himself up off the bed, the bedsprings creaking as he did so. He so did not want to leave her like this. It had been a long time since she had carried a look of defeat on her face and he had hoped never to see it again. Maybe she really was just tired, and things would be better in the morning. He was hesitant to push her. She hated that and it usually only made her more determined to pull back. He walked to the door and paused before leaving.

"Sleep well and sweet dreams, Angel Girl."

Monica was sitting on her bed again, with the nightgown pulled across her lap. She looked into his face and gave him a lopsided smile. "Goodnight, Andrew. Sleep well."

The door clicked shut and Monica listened to his footsteps echo down the hallway and then down the stairs. A shuddering sigh escaped from her chest. Sending him away had been hard, but having him stay would have been harder. He already knew all of the reasons behind her sometimes irrational fears. He didn’t need to hear them again. He didn’t need to dredge up things that were better left buried.

A year had done a lot to bring peace and hope back into her soul, but that didn’t mean she had forgotten. She was a different angel now, but she wasn’t about to let her past affect the future, and she certainly wasn’t going to let it bias her against someone they were supposed to be helping. Tess would find Faith and bring her back to her father and she wouldn’t interfere again.

*****

"How’d it go, baby? She all better now?"

"I wish I knew."

Tess put down the pan she was scrubbing and turned her full attention to the angel leaning against the counter. "What do you mean, you wish you knew? Didn’t she talk to you?"

"Yes and no. She probably doesn’t want you to know, but I feel like I need to talk to someone just to sort things out in my own mind…"

"What doesn’t she want me to know?" One eyebrow rose to Tess’ hairline.

"She saw Faith out in the woods again. The girl was finishing up what was left of our picnic."

Tess chuckled. "Well that little sprite must run like the wind to have escaped from Monica twice in one day, but if she told you about it then why are you still troubled?"

"Because that isn’t all of it." Andrew idly picked up a dishtowel and started drying the plates that Tess had already washed.

Hands on hips, Tess took a step back from the sink. "Well, out with it, Mr. Halo. What is it that you’re trying so hard to pretend that you don’t want to tell me? Don’t worry, I’ll tell little Miss Wings that I forced it out of you."

Andrew looked at her with a wry smile. "Have I told you lately that I don’t know what I’d do without you?"

Tess smiled briefly and then let the stern mask fall back over her face. "Oh I know it, you don’t need to remind me. Now tell me what else is bothering her."

"That’s just it, Tess. She says it isn’t bothering her anymore."

Tess let out an exasperated breath. "What?"

"Faith’s father. She told you she saw him in the town, but she didn’t tell you everything. I met up with her right after he left, and Tess… she was scared. She told me she didn’t like him. She said she thought something was wrong, and she didn’t think Faith should go back to him."

"Well why didn’t she tell me that? She can be a little impulsive sometimes, but she has good instincts."

"She told me she thinks she was wrong about him." Andrew’s tone made it clear what he thought about that. "Tess, you know how hard she worked to convince herself that most people are good and loving. She’s spent a year rebuilding that trust between herself and all of humankind. Now she’s afraid to trust her own judgment."

"You think she’s right about Faith’s father." It was a statement not a question.

Andrew finished drying the last plate and threw the towel down onto the counter. "I think that I trust her feelings more than she does."

Tess nodded her head thoughtfully, "You didn’t see Faith’s father at all?"

"No. He was gone when I caught up to her," he fell silent for a moment before meeting her eyes once again, "Do you know what I really think is strange about this assignment? The fact that it belongs to you, but yet Monica is the only one who has seen Faith twice and has also met her father."

"I was thinking about that too, Andrew. It seems that Monica is involved, no matter how we look at it and if she is involved then it is because God wants her to be involved."

"The only problem is that I’m getting the distinct feeling that she no longer wants to be a part of it," He advised softly.

"She’ll come back around. She can’t deny the fact that there is a little girl living out in those woods anymore than she can deny her feelings about the girl’s father. She hasn’t been afraid of anyone in over a year and she has worked with dozens of assignments during that time. If she thinks she feels this way because of things that happened when you two were working with Paul, then she needs to look at it more objectively."

"Maybe she doesn’t want to be right," Andrew ventured, "She doesn’t want to think that the father of a lost little girl feels anything more than fear and loss. She’s trying to force herself to see goodness that might not even be there, because her mind is telling her that is how it should be," It was like trying to piece together a jigsaw puzzle, but he enjoyed the challenge of figuring out the little angel’s thought process.

"That is how it should be, but that doesn’t mean that is the way it is. Let’s face it, Angel Boy, if things with this man had been on the up and up, Monica would have already recruited him as part of search party or at the very least, would have invited him for dinner. Her actions speak louder than her voice ever could."

He smiled, feeling like he had a much better grasp of the situation now and he was already determined to take the little angel into town again tomorrow in the hope that he could get a look at the man that had frightened her. If he got the same impression, he would have a basis to discuss it further with her.

*****

Monica awoke with a start, her heart racing as she bolted upright in bed. The dream still felt all too fresh in her mind and she had almost felt the dead leaves and pebbles beneath her feet in the woods. She had been running after Faith only to find out that her father had been chasing her, but when she had felt his hand close on her arm, she had turned to find herself looking into the face of Douglas McArthur. She had been terrified.

The initial fear was now fading and in its place was anger over her old fears resurfacing. She hadn’t thought about the man who had held her at gunpoint in the better part of a year and suddenly he was once again invading her dreams and it infuriated her as she was not about to be held hostage by him again, even if it was in her mind.

Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she got up, relieved that her ankle was already feeling a good bit stronger. As she walked slowly downstairs, she was surprised to see a light still on in the living room and she almost considered retreating back to her room, but before she could, Tess sensed her presence and looked up at her.

"What are you still doing up, baby?" She asked, patting the seat next to her on the sofa, smiling gently when Monica accepted the offer.

"I was asleep. I had a bad dream," She mumbled with a slight shake of her head which spoke of annoyance with herself.

"I see. What would this dream have been about?"

She hesitated, giving a small shrug of her shoulders before she felt Tess reach for her hand.

"Angel Girl, sometimes, whether we like it or not, our old demons can come back to haunt us, especially when we are trying way too hard to push them away."

The little angel’s eyes widened in surprise, "How did you know?"

"Andrew told me about Faith’s father and about your reaction to him and it made sense that you would have a bad dream after all that. Especially if you are denying what it is you felt in the first place," She remarked, releasing her hand and wrapping an arm around her shoulders to pull her closer.

"I have to be wrong about him, Tess," She murmured as she closed her eyes tiredly for a moment.

"Since when have your instincts ever been wrong, Monica?"

"Since now."

The older angel ran a soothing hand over her charge’s arm as she spoke slowly, "Do you want to be wrong because you cannot fathom how any man who has a missing daughter could somehow be anything other then upset and afraid, or do you want to be wrong, because being right means that you are once again being faced with a man you fear?"

The little angel closed her eyes once more and managed not to cry, "Maybe a little bit of both, which is why I’m not leaving this house until your assignment is over. Finding out if I’m right isn’t up to me, it’s up to you."

"Something tells me, baby that you are already involved…"

"No. I’m not. I’m on vacation and tomorrow I am finding a good book and staying in all day to read it."

Tess knew that this was not the way her young charge would generally act, which was telling her that this man and her nightmare had rattled her more than she had realized, "It seems that this man upset you and is upsetting you more than just a little, Angel Girl…"

"No, because I was wrong," She stated flatly as she pulled away and rose to her feet, "He’s just a man who is buried in grief. That’s all."

Tess frowned as she stood up to face the little angel, "What was it about this man that scared you so much, Monica?"

"Nothing. I’m not afraid. He was perfectly fine, Tess…" Her voice wavered slightly, "I just want to go back to sleep." She wondered if she would even be able to, but right now, she only wanted to escape Tess’ line of questioning.

"Angel Girl…"

"Good night."

The older angel watched as her charge all but fled from the room and retreated back up the stairs as she shook her head. Monica was running. She only wished she knew what from.