CHAPTER 9

As she opened the door to the kitchen, their eyes met and she drew in a deep breath. But before she could say anything, he spoke first.

"You could have left a note," Though not cold, his voice definitely had a chilly edge to it that caused her to work her lower lip nervously, "I was up for three hours before I even realized you weren’t here. I had no idea what to think and even if you hadn’t left a note, you could have told me from where you were that you were all right," He was referring to the connection that they shared and she closed her eyes briefly. She hadn’t thought of that.

"I’m sorry," She stated softly, feeling the presence of tears once more.

"I know you are, but it shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Yesterday, her father threatened to find you the next time you were lost in the woods. Do you have any idea of how it felt to know that and to know that was where you were?"

"If I had been in trouble, Andrew, I would have called for you. You know that…"

"Providing you were able to," He interrupted her with a shake of his head, "For all I knew he had found you and you were lying unconscious somewhere, unable to call for help."

She hadn’t thought of that either, "You’re right. You’re exactly right."

"You’re quick to call for help, so I’m having trouble understanding why letting me know you are safe is not also a priority with you-," He stopped abruptly as she burst into tears. He felt his anger diminish immediately as he realized that she was not the only one still battling a few ghosts from the past, but his own had now caused her to cry and he had never allowed that to happen before. He felt terrible.

He was standing before her in a matter of seconds and didn’t waste another moment in pulling her into his arms, something he had longed to do since she had first burst through the door with Faith. "I’m sorry, angel," he whispered, pressing her head to his chest as he held her tightly.

He hadn’t even bothered to let her explain but had just lit into her and it was so out of character for him that he couldn’t begin to understand his own actions. Yes, she had scared him and yes, he had been annoyed, but it still didn’t excuse his tone with her as he could have handled it much better.

"I’m sorry…I’m so sorry," Her choked voice was pleading and only succeeded in making him feel worse than he already did.

"I know, angel and so am I. I handled that badly. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to make you cry," He closed his eyes as he heard her begin to calm and he only wanted to erase the hurt he had inflicted. Instead he was faced with trying to explain it and promising himself that it would never happen again.

He held her for another minute until her tears began to slow and then he carefully pulled back and looked down into her reddened face. He could hardly believe that he had been the one to cause her tears.

"I think we both need to take a few breaths and a step back," he said as he tenderly wiped the tears from her face with gentle fingers. "Sit down and let me get you some coffee."

He had brewed it when he first got out of bed, but it was still hot, if a little strong, and a bit of extra cream in their mugs solved that problem. She was still sniffling when he put her new mug in front of her and sat down beside her. She reached out and carefully switched the mugs’ positions, placing the painted mug in front of Andrew.

"I made it for you," she said quietly.

That statement was enough to make him feel like an even bigger heel and he squeezed her hand before she could pull it back. "I love it, Monica."

"Andrew… you have to believe I never meant for you to worry…"

"I know that. I knew it the moment you came through the door," he was still so mad at himself that he didn’t feel ready to talk about it yet. He took a breath. "I didn’t even give you a chance to explain what happened, so why don’t you do that now."

She could see that he was sorting something out in his mind but knew better than to ask what it was. "I woke up to another nightmare last night," she started, "and I couldn’t stay cooped up in my room so I went out to the porch to think."

Andrew knew her well enough to know that ‘think’ actually meant ‘pace’, but he didn’t interrupt her.

"I couldn’t stop thinking about her father and what he’d said, and somehow it was all muddled together with McArthur in my mind. All I knew for sure was that I needed to find her, and suddenly it was as if I was being drawn into the forest." She looked up and her eyes pleaded with him to understand. "I promise you, I never meant to be gone all night. I just wanted to check the cabin. It seemed like she would have to sleep, and the cabin was the logical place. Then, after I found her… I kept thinking about what he’d said… about finding me… even if I had been able to persuade Faith to leave with me, I was too frightened to go myself."

"Monica, you were right to stay there. It was the safest place for both of you," Andrew assured her.

"But I hadn’t left a note… and I should have at least done that," she chastised herself. "I thought that I’d wake up as soon as the sun rose and we’d get back to the cottage before anyone was even up, but that didn’t happen…" she trailed off. Andrew already knew how that story ended. It ended with him being angry.

"A note would have been good, but I can understand how you weren’t exactly thinking clearly. It was the middle of the night…"

"But I should have made an effort to tell you I was alright. It’s just that I’ve never used our connection like that before… it’s always been almost by accident…"

"Angel, I was wrong to even mention that. You’re absolutely right. This connection between us is a precious gift, and I don’t think God intended us to use it like a cellular telephone." He was hoping to draw at least a small smile from her and was rewarded even more when she let out a little giggle.

"I’m just so sorry, Andrew. I know how worried you must have been. I hate that I put you through that. I knew you were upset as soon as I saw you." Her face still showed her distress and at the moment the blond angel would have done anything to erase that look from her eyes.

He was silent for a minute as he chose his words carefully. "Monica, the whole time you were missing I was worrying and praying that you were alright. When you came running through that door… I was relieved, and that’s all that you should have seen, but instead you saw anger too. But it wasn’t just at you… it wasn’t even mostly at you. I was angry at myself."

"Andrew, why?"

"Because you were out there and I knew you were out there and I just sat here. I should have been out looking for you. I knew there was a possibility that Faith’s father was in the woods, and still I just stayed here and waited."

She could hear the disgust in his voice and quickly moved her chair closer to his and ducked her head to look into his eyes. "You may not have even found me, Andrew, and what if he had followed us all the way back here? You wouldn’t have been here to help us."

He shrugged his shoulders, giving her the benefit of the doubt. "Either way, it doesn’t excuse how I acted toward you. You were already upset and I could see that, and I still lost my temper."

"You had a right to--"

"No I didn’t," he cut her off. "I had a right to be upset, but I never have the right to talk to you the way I just did."

Monica looked into his eyes and could see that just telling him that it was all right might not be enough this time, but she had to start somewhere. "What if we both say we’re sorry and promise not to repeat our mistakes," she said hopefully.

Despite the fact that he still felt like he needed to explain himself further, he decided to let it go for the moment. The corners of his mouth twitched into a grin as he answered her, "I think I could agree to that."

A huge burden seemed to lift from the Irish angel’s shoulders as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Andrew’s waist. "I’m sorry," she whispered.

"So am I, Angel, and I promise I’ll make it up to you. You will never cry because of me again."

She felt tears burning in her eyes once more and she gave a self conscious laugh, "Well, at least not in a bad way."

Andrew smiled as he hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. He had no idea how he was going to make it up to her, but he knew he would bend over backwards trying, though he had a feeling that she didn’t require it, he was the one who did.

He pulled away gently and took her hands into his own, "Now, tell me about this little girl."

"You know almost as much as I do," She replied honestly, relieved to be back on firm ground with him again, "She doesn’t say much, but she told me she was supposed to be quiet and she doesn’t want me to let her father know she is here. When we heard him in the woods, she was terrified…and so was I."

Guilt shot through him again like knife. He had been able to see her fear when she had come in the door and he had been a perfect jerk to her, but he tried not to dwell on it at the moment. There would be time for that later, "You never saw him?"

"No. It sounded like he was following us, but I kept looking and didn’t see him behind us…" Frightened eyes looked up into his, "He calls me ‘angel’, Andrew and I don’t know if he has heard you call me that or if…"

"He must have, Angel Girl. There is no way he could know the truth. Is she sleeping now?"

"Yes, the poor little thing. Her father must have done something to her…my dreams kept turning him into McArthur and Faith’s fear of him only solidifies it."

"Is it my understanding that a certain assignment has found her way here with the help of a certain angel while I have been tromping all over this mountain?"

The sound of Tess’ voice caused both angels to turn around and it was quite obvious that the older angel was not in the best of moods after a day and a half of searching for Faith. "Let me fix you some tea, Tess," Andrew offered, hoping to remedy the mood with a nice hot cuppa.

"The Father said you found her last night, Monica. Why on earth didn’t you tell me this instead of letting me go out there again this morning, searching for a child that I was not going to find?" Her hands were on her hips as she awaited an answer.

The little angel’s eyes were wide and she felt Andrew place a comforting hand on her shoulder, "I did find her last night, Tess, but we stayed in the cabin for fear of running into Faith’s father, so we didn’t get here until after you were gone. I’m sorry."

"Hmph," Tess muttered, as she accepted the tea Andrew had moved to hand to her, "So where is she?"

"Asleep," Andrew replied gently, "Monica got her cleaned up and the Father provided clean clothes for her. By the time she had eaten, she was exhausted. She’s up in Monica’s room."

Monica watched a bit worriedly as her supervisor took a seat at the table with them. Her emotions were still feeling a little raw after a long night followed by her confrontation with Andrew and she didn’t think she could bear another scolding.

"Thank you for finding her, Angel Girl," Tess’ words surprised her, though she tried not to let it show, "Has she said anything about her father?" Tess was neither blind nor stupid and it was clear to her that tears had been shed not long ago. She could also see something in Andrew’s eyes that resembled a ferocious guilt and she had already put two and two together. She was not about to add to whatever had occurred between the two younger angels.

"She’s afraid of him and was insistent that I not call him. Other than that she has maybe said ten words. I think he hurt her, Tess. Her mannerisms and things that she says…she’s afraid."

The older angel nodded her head as she studied the little angel closely, "Why don’t you grab a nap, baby. You look like you could use one."

"Take my room, angel," Andrew agreed, relieved when she nodded her head wearily. He could tell that the morning had taken a toll on her and he hated the fact that he had been a part of that.

He stood with her and gently ran his hands over her hair, his eyes once again expressing his remorse, "Sleep well. We’ll keep an eye on Faith."

"Thank you," Monica smiled up at him, reaching up to take his hand and squeezing it, before she turned and headed out of the kitchen.

"You two had an unattractive morning, I take it?" Tess’ question was blunt and right to the point, but it was something he had come to expect from her.

"Something like that," He muttered as he moved to pour himself another cup of coffee, while taking Monica’s abandoned mug to the sink.

"Are you two all right now?"

"She seems to be."

"And what about you?" Again, Tess cut right to the chase.

"I hurt her, Tess. It’s going to take me a little longer to get over that."

Tess settled a hand on his as he sat down. "I can’t believe you could ever hurt that angel, Andrew. You don’t have it in you."

"You saw her face when you came in here, didn’t you?" She nodded and he continued on, "I did that." Just the thought of her red-rimmed eyes made him tighten his grip on his mug.

"I’m sure she was upset before she even got back here," Tess reasoned. She was still having a hard time believing that anything more than a mild disagreement had taken place.

Andrew’s mouth twisted into a grimace. "That’s right, she was, and then I made it worse. I don’t even know what was going through my head. Yes, I’d been worried when I found out she was gone, but I could tell she was sorry. All she wanted was a chance to explain and I ignored her, and when she tried again I lost my temper and practically bit her head off."

Tess leaned back, her expression one of confusion. "But Andrew, that isn’t like you at all! I’ve never seen you so much as raise your voice to her." She cocked one eyebrow. "I may have, but not you." Her attempt at levity went unnoticed.

"You’re right. It wasn’t like me, and the worst part is that if she hadn’t started crying I’m afraid I would have made things even worse."

"Andrew…"

"All this time we’ve been so carefully watching her, keeping track of every bit of progress she’s made, and apparently we should have been taking some time to watch me. I thought all that pent up anger I carried around was gone…"

"Angel Boy, it was one mistake. We all make them. None of us is perfect," Tess reminded him.

"Well it was one mistake I’m going to have a hard time forgiving myself for, even if she isn’t."