CHAPTER 1

Paul’s hand on her arm was slightly rougher than usual and Alex looked at him with a mix of confusion and irritation as he led her into his office. He shut the door behind them and closed the blind, and by the time he turned around his wife had her arms crossed and one eyebrow raised.

“Don’t give me that look,” he said gruffly. “What the hell was that about?”

“What are you talking about? They asked for volunteers… I volunteered. What’s the problem?”

“The problem?” Paul was still trying to keep his voice low although for the first time he found himself actually angry with her. “The problem is that I don’t want you to do it. You should have asked me first.”

Alex’s eyes held surprise and astonishment. “Asked you? For what? Permission?”

He realized that didn’t sound very good. “I don’t think it’s asking too much for you to discuss putting yourself in harm’s way before you do it,” he replied tightly.

“This is my job, Paul, and you’ve never stood in my way before.” She was still trying to grasp how angry he was, and she could tell that it was anger, lurking behind a calm mask. He had always been supportive of her, and had never questioned her when she was on a case.

“Your job is with missing persons now, and not with organized crime. Your job doesn’t involve throwing yourself into an undercover sting operation where you could get killed!”

“They needed a volunteer!”

“And you just had to raise your hand?”

She felt her own anger beginning to rise. “I’ve never backed away from a challenge in my life.”

“I know that, and I appreciate that, but we are married, Alex. We are a team. I gave up Witness Protection so that--”

“Well how big of you!” she cut him off. “I’m sorry it was such a sacrifice. I’m sure you really hate being the VCS section chief.” Her eyes were blazing.

“I didn’t mean it that way and you know it! I gave it up so that I would be out of the line of fire and off the road. So that we could be together. And I’ve never regretted it.”

“Well it sure as hell sounds like you do.”

“Alex…”

“No… no… I didn’t realize I was such a ball and chain to you,” she spat, not even knowing why she was saying such things when in her heart she knew they weren’t true.

Her accusation made the blood rush to his face as he felt his composure slipping. “Well at least I gave something up for this relationship. Apparently it doesn’t mean that much to you. Apparently proving yourself to the world is more important to you. Who the hell are you trying to impress? You’ve just gotta be the first in line to get yourself killed because you’re a woman, is that it? Still trying to push yourself through some barrier you’ve erected in your head.”

“It wasn’t in my head and you know it!”

“Not at first, no, but even now you’re still pushing when everyone already respects you. You’d rather stay here to have every guy in this office patting you on the back then come home to our bed.” He knew he’d gone just a step too far but it was too late to take the words and their implication back.

Alex’s blue eyes grew cold and hard as she stared at him, anger warring with hurt. “That is not true and you know it. Or haven’t I been good enough for you? I never heard you complaining before. I guess that wasn’t me with your dick in my mouth this morning.”

Paul ran his hand through his dark hair and clenched his jaw tightly. “That’s not what we’re talking about. What we’re talking about is the fact that you think it’s okay to throw yourself into danger without even thinking about me… about us.” Damn. How had this become an argument? What the fuck was he even saying? He could see she was hurt but he was still trying to make his point instead of just letting it go and giving them both a chance to cool off.

“No, what we’re talking about is that you don’t trust me enough to make decisions for myself, and apparently I haven’t been enough of a wife for you either.” Her throat was beginning to close and she knew that she had to get out of the office soon or she was going to lose it altogether and she wasn’t about to let that happen.

“Alex--” he was cut off by his pager going off and he almost growled as he looked at it and then slammed it back into its holder on his belt.

“What’s wrong? Big break in that case you’ve been working on? I guess you’d better get going.”

“Alex…”

“No, just go,” she insisted as she went to the door and threw it open. “This little discussion is over anyway,” she said over her shoulder, and she walked down the hallway without a second glance.

*****

Monica walked quickly down the sidewalk, darting in and out of the crowds of people that littered the walkway.  It still made her slightly uncomfortable to be surrounded by strangers when she was alone, despite the fact that Alex had taught her to defend herself against any unwanted advances.  Washington was an extremely large and rather intimidating city as it was and unfortunately, she didn’t have many memories of it that were all that pleasant. 

Her assignment was finally over after the better part of a week and even she had to admit that her first case after a long absence had gone well.  Tess had checked on her intermittently, making sure the little angel knew that she was never far away if Monica needed her and that had come as a relief.  But another heart now belonged to God and it was just another reminder of why she did love this work that she did. 

She missed Andrew terribly.  The ache over his absence was even greater now that they were married and the one downfall to the last few days was that sleep at best had been restless.  She missed having him beside of her and waking up in his arms each morning.  She was clinging to his words that this separation wouldn’t be for long, but her assignment was over, she hadn’t been told what she was supposed to be doing next, and she had still not seen him.  Her disappointment was a hard pill to swallow.

She felt her husband’s love in her heart constantly, a reminder that wherever he was, he was thinking of her and loving her and that brought her much needed peace when he was unable to hold her physically.  Monica was only praying that they would be together by the first of the week as it was the four month anniversary of her rape.  It seemed a peculair thing to think of as an anniversary, but now she could look at it much more positively.  She could look back at that time and see how far she had come and could even feel proud of that accomplishment and there was no one she wanted more to share it with than the one who had done so much to see her through that time.

She left out a small sigh.  All she could do right now was to occupy herself and all week she had been well aware of the fact that Paul and Alex were working right across town and now with her job completed, she was hoping to be able to take her two friends to lunch.  Though it had only been a month, she missed them.  The thought struck her then that maybe they would be out on assignments of their own, and her eyes darted around for a pay phone.  Seeing one across the street, she waited for a break in the steady stream of city traffic and ran across, one hand digging into her purse for change.

She quickly dialed Paul’s cell phone number, knowing that if the agent was in the field he would have it turned off, and she was both relieved and a bit taken back by his gruff tone when he answered with no more than a “yeah?”

“Paul?”

“Monica?” He paused from where he stood out on the sidewalk outside of the FBI building at hearing her voice, as he struggled to put his still stewing anger aside, “Sweetheart, where are you?  Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Paul and only a few blocks away actually.  I was hoping to catch you-.”

“Is Andrew with you?” He hoped he was as he wasn’t completely comfortable with her wandering the city alone.

She was quiet for a moment, “No.  We’ve both gone back to work and I haven’t seen him,” Another pause, “I miss him.”

He felt a wave of guilt go through him that her words inspired.  He had the luxery of working with Alex everyday while Monica and Andrew faced separations from each other all the time.  She missed her husband and he had made his wife feel inadaquate in the bedroom.  Lovely.  Fucking lovely, “I’m sure you do, honey.”

He fell silent and Monica had a feeling something was wrong, “I was hoping to be able to take you and Alex to lunch.  I can be there in ten minutes.”

Great.  As much as he wanted to see the little angel, lunch with his wife was not an option at the moment.  Not until he figured out the best way to grovel and beg for forgiveness for being a complete bastard.  Yes, he was still angry about her volunteering, but the insinuations he had made were nothing short of below the belt.  How had he managed to get so angry and so fucking thoughtless? 

“Sweetie, I would love to, but I can’t.  I’m sure Alex would love to see you though, not that I wouldn’t, but now just isn’t a good time.”

“Oh.”

He could hear the disappointment in her voice and he cursed himself once more.  One more strike and he was out.  He had insulted his wife and was now blowing off the angel who was like a kid sister to him.  For the first time in a long while, he was craving a shot of whiskey.  Hopefully Alex would blow off some steam to Monica and the angel would calm her down.  It wasn’t a plan he was proud of, but he had no idea what else to do at the moment as Alex had dismissed him.  Not that he could blame her.

“I guess I’ll see you sometime then.  I’m not sure how long I’ll be in town,” She hesitated briefly, “Is everything all right, Paul?”

He managed a forced laugh, “Loaded question, Monica.  Listen, have lunch with Alex.  If you’re still around, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Sure, Paul.  Take care, okay?” She was unable to shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong.  As she hung up the phone, she sighed once more before turning and hurrying down the street to the FBI building where she could hopefully get to the bottom of what was bothering her friend.

*****

Alex sat staring at her computer screen, not really seeing any of the e-mails that had been waiting for her as her vision was blurred with angry tears.  They had never fought like that before; he had never hurt her like that before and the fact that he had, caused her emotions to well up deep in her heart.  She loved the son of a bitch with everything in her, and this was the thanks she had just gotten.  A slam about being selfish and obviously insufficient to pleasure him.  She knew he had been angry, maybe he even had a reason to be, though she would have thought he would have understood her reasons behind volunteering for the undercover work.  But instead he had insinuated that she had nothing to prove as a female agent and had insinuated she had been absent in their marriage.  She worked at marriage harder than she had ever worked at anything.  Not that being married to Paul was hard work, but she was deeply committed to the two of them, and to have her efforts trivialized was nothing short of hurtful.

“Knock, knock?”

The agent looked up, and a smile emerged at seeing Monica poke her head in the office door, “Monica!” She was on her feet instantly and pulling the angel inside for a hug as she took that moment to blink back her tears, “What are you doing here?  Where’s Andrew?  How was your honeymoon?  You must tell me everything!”

Monica laughed as she pulled away, feeling very happy to be in Alex’s company again as she contemplated her answers, “I just came off assignment, Andrew is working somewhere and the honeymoon….” A smile spread across her face, “Was perfect.”

Reaching for her hands, Alex squeezed them tightly, “Just tell me if I was right…about things….if you even…” She felt a flush rise to her face, “I must be going to hell for wanting to know if an angel had sex on her honeymoon.”

Monica turned crimson, though a laugh escaped her, “You were right…about everything.”

“Good, then it appears I know something then.”

Monica could pick up traces of bitterness in her friend’s voice and it only added to her belief that something had transpired between she and Paul, “Can you leave for lunch?  My treat.”

“Best idea I’ve heard all day, honey, and we have lots of catching up to do.”

Monica noticed how the woman’s hands shook just slightly as she shut her computer down and she caught the high color in her cheeks. She was acting cheerfully enough but the angel was very adept at reading people’s body language and it was blatantly obvious that whatever was bothering Paul was bothering Alex as well.

“Okay, I’m ready, let’s go. There’s a good place right around the corner.” She led Monica out of the office and down the hall towards the elevators.

“Too bad Paul can’t come,” Monica said, trying to make it sound like an offhand remark.

Alex hesitated in her steps and had to force herself to keep moving. “Oh? You talked to Paul?” she asked, trying to keep her voice light.

“Yes, I called him on my way here. He said now wasn’t a good time.” She was sneaking glances at her friend and wasn’t happy with what she saw, as Alex’s clear blue eyes suddenly clouded over.

“Oh. He did?” Alex replied, her voice softer. Paul had turned down lunch with Monica because he didn’t want to be around her. Her stomach tightened and she wondered how she would be able to get through lunch herself.

“Alex, did something happen?” Monica wasn’t usually that forward, but Alex was, and the little angel decided to take a page from her book.

“It’s nothing.”

Monica bit her tongue to stop herself from saying that it didn’t look like nothing. She pushed the button for the elevator instead, still watching Alex to see if she was going to offer any more information. Unfortunately the agent seemed determined to remain silent, even though she now looked even more distracted than before. She waved to a few co-workers as they passed, and kept her face a study in neutrality, but it did nothing to hide the storm in her eyes.

“Finally!” she announced as the elevator arrived. “Now remember,” she said as she stepped aboard, pushing everything to the back of her mind and trying to concentrate on the present moment, “you have to tell me all about your honeymoon. Well… not aaalll about it,” she smirked. “After all a girl’s entitled to keep some secrets, but I do want to hear about where Tess took you.” She hit the button for the lobby and grinned at Monica, feeling as if she was doing a passable job of hiding her distress.

She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to do so. Monica was her friend, and an angel to boot. Who better to talk to? Then again, Monica was also Paul’s friend, a newlywed, and an angel, and perhaps discussing her sex-life with her was not the way to go. She let out a little sigh and hoped that Monica didn’t notice. She and Paul had gotten into little spats before, but they had always ended before they really began. This one didn’t feel like that at all. For the first time ever, he had hurt her, and the heartache she felt was much more than she expected. It had been an offhanded comment, hadn’t it? Said in anger, right? He didn’t really feel that way, did he? But very old fears wormed their way to the surface and Alex forced them away. She needed to keep talking.

“So, how long have you been on assignment?”

“Just a week, but it feels like longer.”

“You were on honeymoon up till then?” she asked with a sly grin, waiting for Monica to blush.

“Yes. Way off in the mountain--”

Monica’s words were cut off as a rumbling suddenly passed through the building, growing louder and stronger like an approaching freight train, until the lights flickered and both she and Alex screamed. The elevator was still going down, but much faster, and Monica clung to the bar along the back wall. Then, they were suddenly screeching to a halt, and thrown against each other and the floor, as a sickening squeal came from above.

The elevator was totally dark and silent and Alex pushed herself into a sitting position and hardly dared to breathe. She could hear shouting from outside, but the doors weren’t opening.

“Thank God, the emergency break must have stopped us,” she said, voice barely above a whisper, as if talking louder would somehow make the elevator plummet to the ground. Her whispers were met by silence and she looked over to where Monica had been. “Monica? Monica! Answer me!” She crawled across the floor and her hand brushed against the angel’s side. “C’mon, girl! Wake up!”

She felt for a pulse and felt it strong and steady. Then she moved up Monica’s body and felt the bump at the back of her head. She couldn’t feel any blood and she struggled to slow her racing heart. Just knocked out. She’d come around in a few minutes. Alex leaned against the wall and pulled Monica’s head into her lap and gently patted her cheeks trying to rouse her. It was utterly silent in the elevator once more, but the screams from outside were getting louder and more frantic. This was much more than just a malfunctioning elevator, and she prayed that Monica woke up soon. They had to get out… they had to get out fast.