CHAPTER 14

Andrew left the room before either Paul or Alex could reply, and they looked at each other as the angel walked out carrying his wife. He was right. This couldn’t continue, especially now that they were hurting someone other than just themselves. Alex moved slowly to the bed and sank down onto it. She felt like she needed to be the one to break the ice, but all the words in her head were jumbled and racing around. She glanced up at Paul and was shocked when he stepped forward and then knelt down in front of her.

“Before I say anything else, I want to say I’m sorry,” he placed both his hands on her knees. “Every time we start talking, instead of listening to you and reassuring you, I get defensive and dismissive. My careless words are what started this whole thing, and I have no right to act as if you’ve done something wrong. You haven’t done anything, baby. I love you and whatever questions or doubts you have, we are going to work through them. I’ll tell you I love you a million times if that’s what it takes for you to believe me.”

Alex’s eyes filled with tears at her husband’s words, and she covered her mouth with one hand to contain her little gasping sob. “I’m sorry too,” she sniffled. “Even if you say you’re the one who was wrong… if I hadn’t volunteered in the first place…”

He held his finger to her lips to silence her. “That was as natural to you as breathing, and I should have understood that. That doesn’t mean I would have been happy, but acting like a pissed off five year old wasn’t any way for me to behave.” He paused for a minute and just stared at her, making note of everything about her, of all the little things he loved. She seemed to know what he was about to say and she lowered her eyes and beat him to it.

“But I wouldn’t have blown things so out of proportion if I had been honest with you about things a long time ago,” she whispered.

Paul rose up and sat down on the bed beside her, gently draping one arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. “I think that’s partially my fault too. I never really gave you an opportunity. I never talked about her, and I should have.”

“You loved her a lot,” Alex said quietly, voicing her greatest fear.

She felt him nodding his head before he spoke. “Yes I did. She was really the first woman I loved completely.”

Drawing in a shaky breath she asked, “You still think about her, don’t you?”

There was a long pause before he hugged her tighter and replied, “Yes I do. I can’t lie to you, Alex. Every once in a while, I think of her. I think about how her life ended too soon… before she really got a chance to live it. But that’s all I think, sweetheart. I don’t think about what life would have been like for us. I don’t have an argument with you and then go off and think that she and I wouldn’t have fought.” He raised a hand to her cheek and turned her face towards his so that he could look into her eyes. “I have never, ever, ever made love to you and then rolled over and wished that you were her.”

“Never?” the word was choked with tears.

“Alex, I loved her, but she is a part of my past. A part that I wouldn’t give up, but a part I don’t want to return to either. I look at you and I see my whole future spread out in front of me in you eyes. You are my life. You are my love. You are my wife, and I have never wished or hoped or dreamt of another.”

He leaned in close and kissed her tenderly, tasting the salt from her tears and feeling the way she was still trembling with emotion. An instant later and she was crying openly and wrapping her arms around him. He held her tightly and closed his eyes.

“I… I love you so much… and I was so sure that you didn’t really want me. I always wondered, but I was so afraid to ask… I didn’t want you to know I was afraid. I didn’t want you to think I was so insecure…”

“Baby, I don’t think that at all. We talked about old relationships, and I know I just glossed over her. I shouldn’t have done that. It trivialized what she meant to me and it kept you from feeling comfortable to ask about it. It was painful for me and I didn’t like to think about it so I just decided to brush it under the rug. Of course that left you feeling unsure.”

“I was positive that I was over it,” she murmured. “I hadn’t thought about it for a long time… but then we fought… and suddenly it all came back to me…”

“I was a bastard for saying anything like that to you. I didn’t mean any of it. You believe that now, don’t you?”

A small nod was his answer, but he still felt he was going to have to do a little more to prove himself to her. “When I knew you were trapped, all I could think about was how I’d left things between us. I swear I will never do that again. You are the best part of me, Alex. Don’t ever forget that. Without you, I don’t even want to think about life. Andrew may have Monica, but every day I look at you and I feel like I have my own angel right beside me.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.”

“I love you so much, Paul. I’m so sorry it took so long for me to admit everything to you.” She hugged him tighter and then tilted her head up to look at him.

“Getting things out in the open was worth the wait. Frankly I was pretty stupid for not realizing it to begin with.”

“Well I didn’t give you a whole lot to go on,” she said with a wry grin.

“Yeah. We really need to work on that telepathic bond thing that Monica and Andrew have going for them.”

She let out a small laugh. “I don’t think that’s what they call it.”

“Well whatever it is, I wish I had it sometimes. I could definitely use it.”

“It doesn’t always stop them from hurting each other, though,” Alex said quietly. “They just seem to admit their problems and forgive a lot faster…”

“Yeah. It isn’t the first time I’ve thought we could take a lesson or two from them.”

“Well one thing they don’t have to teach me again. I love you. I’m not going to lock myself up anymore just because I’m afraid of getting hurt.”

Kissing the top of her head he stroked his hand through her hair. “You don’t have to worry about that, sweetness, because I’m going to do my damnedest to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Alex looked up at him, the trust in her eyes something he realized he had missed the past week.  Ducking his head, he kissed away the last of her tears before meeting his lips with hers in a tender kiss.  He felt her hand against his cheek as her tongue sought his and he parted his lips to deepen the kiss that was touching his very soul.  Her fingertips were lightly stroking the side of his face as if she had forgotten what touching him felt like and he realized how much he had missed this part of their love as well. 

They were both breathless when the kiss finally ended, desire shining in both of their eyes and Alex grinned up at him, “Please tell me it is time for the official making up now?”

Paul chuckled softly, though his eyes still held concern, “You’re still healing, sweetheart and I don’t want to hurt you.  Your ribs-.”

“Fuck ‘em,” She replied, smile still in place, “You’ll just have to be careful because I have no desire to wait any longer for you,” Not giving him a chance to argue, she kissed him once more, this time with more passion that cut off any argument he might have attempted and made him forget about it entirely.

Their tongues dueled hungrily as if finally being permitted to partake of something they had been denied for a very long time.  Alex’s hands were entwined in his hair as she pulled him closer forcefully, before she moved them to unbutton the pale blue shirt he was wearing.  Her hands fanned out over his strong chest and Paul’s breath caught in his throat at her touch.

“My God, how I love you,” He uttered after catching his breath, his hands on either side of her face as he looked into her eyes.

“Yeah, well, ditto, but can we save all that for after?  I’m feeling a little hot and bothered at the moment.” Her fingers had already moved to unsnap the button on his jeans and she was tugging at them impatiently.

A low chuckle escaped him as he undid the buttons on her sweater, “Gladly, sweetheart,” He growled into her ear before kissing her again, his fingers fumbling around the heated passion that was consuming him.

“Way too slow, Gatlin,” She grinned around his mouth as she moved to help him with her sweater before gingerly shrugging it off, “Can you handle the bra, or must I do everything?”

“Wench,” He retorted before he single handedly undid the clasp, freeing her breasts.

“Impressive,” Alex giggled, but a moment later, it had turned into a gasp as his mouth covered her nipple, sucking hungrily as the small bud hardened beneath his tongue.

A small sigh of pleasure escaped her.  She had missed this.  This physical pleasure that was so much a part of them, only now she fully realized just how much more defined the two of them.  He had put her fears to rest and for the first time in their eleven months of marriage, she felt herself completely relaxing under his touch.  She had nothing to prove and he was not comparing her to anyone else.  That knowledge was profound freedom.

She arched her back, pressing herself closer to his questing mouth, her body surrendering to all the things he was making her feel.  He was being careful to not apply any pressure to her rib cage as his hands stroked down her hips before he released the button on her jeans and tugged them down.  As his hand slipped down and parted her warm folds, she pressed herself up against his fingers.  Paul moved to her other breast, taking his time despite his own growing urgency.  He could feel changes in her lovemaking that he had never detected before, some of them so deep that they were really only matters of the heart. 

She was slick with her own desire and he groaned softly against her breast as he pressed two fingers into her and felt a slight shudder go through her body.  Somehow he managed to free himself of the rest of his clothing, all the while suckling her before he yanked off the rest of hers as well.  Her legs fell open in an invitation he was unable to resist as he moved lower and covered her with his mouth, his tongue running over her.  She was crying out softly, urgent pleas for him to complete her and he lapped at her slowly, savoring her sweetness, her warmth, her scent.

“Paul…Paul…please…” She was begging, desperate to be joined with him once more, in body, heart and soul, only this time completely and without fear, “I need you, please…” Stressing her point, she reached down and grasped him firmly in her hand, guiding him to her core.

He surrended willingly, pressing into her yielding flesh as she stretched to accommodate him, a contented sigh escaping her lips at the long awaited union.  She matched his strokes with her hips, pulling him to down to kiss him as she whispered, “You now have all of me, Paul and I trust that to your safe keeping, now and always.”

He blinked back tears, his voice thick with emotion over this gift as he managed to whisper, “Thank you, baby,” before she was urging him on faster.  He thrust into her with long, powerful strokes, her constant soft cries spurring him on as she began to tighten against him.  He moved his fingers down between them and softly rubbed her sensative nub and she immediately tumbled into oblivion with his name on her lips.  Her sudden grasp on him caused him to follow immediately after, still feeling the shudders from her own body against him as he completed himself into her.

Alex felt the warmth of all that he was and she was surprised when she found herself wishing that maybe this would be the time; the time when all they were would join together to create new life.  These were new feelings for her, though they had not been doing anything to prevent a pregnancy, but now she realized how desperately she wanted it.  In the moments as they caught their breath, she imagined his face at being able to tell him she was pregnant and the thought warmed her heart.  She had always loved him, but never more completely than at this moment.

She came back to reality at the feeling of his lips on her forehead and she smiled peacefully up at him, “Best part of fighting with you, I’d say.”

But Paul’s hazel eyes were serious as he replied, “I’m thinking we can enjoy this benefit without the fighting, sweetness.  I never want to hurt you like that again.”

Happy tears shone in her eyes as she ran a hand across his chest, “You won’t as so much of that was due to my own insecurities, which you have put completely to rest.” 

“I’m glad of that, baby.  I don’t ever want you to be afraid to tell me anything that is troubling you,” His fingers traced her face tenderly, his expression one of complete love that made her wonder how she ever could have doubted.

“No.  I know better now,” She felt him pull her closer and she rested her head against his chest.

“I have some making up to do with a couple of angels,” Paul remarked after a minute had passed, “I’ve been a real son of a bitch with them lately and I feel terrible about that.  Monica is still upset with me and I’ve made some rather judgmental remarks about her angelic status to Andrew.  I’ve apologized for that, but don’t think I truly realized just how much being an angel has no affect if she is in pain, until today.  Not until I saw the look on Andrew’s face.  I could tell all he wanted to do was to take the pain from her, and that was when I realized that with you, I’d had that power all along and hadn’t done anything about it.”

Alex smiled softly, gazing up at him, “And Monica made me see that showing you a little vulnerability isn’t a bad thing.  I’ve always tried to avoid it in the past and I don’t know if it was my past or our jobs that made that so.”

He ran his fingers through her hair thoughtfully and then sighed, “Well, if it was our jobs, there may be one less of those to be concerned with by morning.  Despite what Rob said, the city is looking for someone to blame and even though we could not have prevented what happened, I’m that guy.”

“Paul, don’t say that.” She propped her chin on his chest as she draped one arm around him.

“I’m sorry, Alex. You’re right. Let’s just not think about it right now.”

Alex sighed and then grimaced as she felt her ribs beginning to protest all the activity and her current position lying partially on her chest.

“What’s wrong? Are you all right? I told you we shouldn’t have done anything!” Paul’s words were stern and rushed as he carefully moved her off of himself and cushioned her among the pillows.

“Oh stop with the fussing. I’m just sore,” Alex said as she slapped his hand away all the while soaking in the attention in a way she never had before.

“I seem to remember Monica telling us she was just fine too.” Paul was unimpressed with his wife’s self-diagnosis. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

She took a few deep breaths to demonstrate and then reached for Paul’s hand and held it against her chest. “I am positive. I just can’t lie on top of you, that’s all.”

“What about beside me? Would that do?” he inched himself closer and rested his head next to hers on the pillow.

“That would be perfect.”

Their eyes met and Paul inched closer and kissed her gently on the cheek. “It isn’t even four o’clock. I should be calling around and seeing exactly what the press damage is,” he said although he made no move to leave.

“Wouldn’t you rather take a little nap with me?”

Hugging her gently, he drew the covers up over them. “Absolutely.” He eyed the door semi-guiltily but then kissed Alex’s temple and closed his eyes. Rob was a big boy. He could take care of himself, and he already knew where he would find Monica and Andrew.

*****

“Monica, you’re supposed to be asleep,” Andrew chided gently as he watched his wife try to quickly close her eyes and feign sleep.

Her mouth puckered and then broke into a little grin. “I’m feeling much better,” she insisted. “I just wanted to check on Paul and Alex.”

“You aren’t leaving this bed, so don’t even think about it. They are adults and they can fend for themselves.”

“Yes, but clearly I was sent her to…”

“To help Alex while she was trapped and be able to relate to her feelings now so that she and Paul can work things out. You’ve done that, and the rest is up to them.”

“Has it been quiet?” she asked after a minute of silence as the knowledge that he wasn’t going to let her get out of bed to check finally sank in.

“Very quiet. Nothing to worry about. So close your eyes and go to sleep.”

She pouted at him but he smoothed his hand over the crinkles in her forehead. A few minutes later and she had drifted off to sleep, leaving Andrew to watch over her and wonder about how Alex and Paul really were. He thought he had heard a muffled cry from down the hall, and his lips curled up into a smug smile. He had a feeling everything was working out well. Now they just needed to get Monica healthy and the press under control.

It was very strange. Before meeting Paul, his assignments with Monica had been frequent but always brief. They touched into the human world but were never really a part of it. Now, since their first encounter with Paul, they had become more and more immersed in humanity. It had its definite drawbacks. Monica was put in real danger more than she ever had been before, and his all-to-human emotions had gotten the better of him more than once. Being away from Home for extended periods had even made him doubt God’s plan and nothing had done that more than Monica’s rape. However, when he glanced down at his wife he knew that he wouldn’t change anything. Just looking into her eyes made him feel just how close God was each and every day. In fact, he felt even more determined to carry out His will and deliver His message because he knew firsthand just how wonderful and perfect His plan was.

Outside, the sun began to sink, another day drawing to a close as the two couples lay happily ensconced in their rooms. Half-way across the city in the basement of the Washington Post the presses were humming, paper skimming through the massive machines and neatly coming together at the end. It was a special evening edition, and Robert Bennett’s article was front and center.

The man of the hour was sitting his above the street in his eight by eight cubicle, reading over the copy for the hundredth time. It was definitely fair and truthful but he still worried about its possible affect on Paul and his sister. He hadn’t backed away from stories very often in the past, but this was one he wished he hadn’t heard about. At least he could tell himself that it was better him than one of the more malicious reporters who liked nothing better than to dredge up information for the sake of making people look bad and inciting public dissent. He folded the sheets again and slipped them into his drawer. Alex wouldn’t be happy, but it wouldn’t be the first time. Paul had a good head on his shoulders. He’d sit back and weather the storm just like he always did.