CHAPTER 15

Paul watched with a sigh as Andrew prepared the dinner tray to take upstairs to Monica.  He had tried every tactic he had known to convince the angel to allow her to come down to dinner, but Andrew had rather tersely replied that his wife would be remaining in bed, at least for the rest of tonight if not tomorrow.  The agent knew that what had occurred that afternoon had shaken Andrew, but it was also quite obvious that some hard feelings were still present between himself and his friend.

“Okay, fine, but would it be all right if I took the tray up to her?” Paul knew he could be skating on thin ice but he held Andrew’s eyes, unwavering, despite the fact that he was trying to emotionally ready himself should the angel explode, “I think there is still some air that needs to be cleared between she and I.”

Andrew’s jaw clenched, not being overjoyed with the idea, but he also knew that the air between Paul and Monica did need to be cleared, “If you upset her…”

Andrew’s voice held a barely restrained warning and Paul was starting to wish that this part of their relationship would soon right itself.  For as close as they were, it always seemed as if one of them was just barely trusting the other one, especially where the little angel was concerned.  He had spent many an hour not trusting Andrew after the angel had made his feelings about Monica known to him, but now the agent truly understood just how defensive he had made Andrew feel. 

“I won’t, I promise,” Paul replied, taking the tray from the angel’s hands in order to not give him time to argue.  He watched as Alex gave him an encouraging smile, having watched the exchange silently and he knew she was just as anxious to have things back to normal between them and their closest friends.

Andrew watched with evident concern in his eyes as Paul left the kitchen to go upstairs, before he turned to Alex, “Are things better between the two of you now?”

She smiled and gave a nod, “Yes.  We talked everything out,” She took a hesitant step to him and touched his arm, “Andrew…I’m just so sorry…about everything.  It wasn’t that long ago that Monica had been hurt so terribly and I feel horrible that now because of Paul and I, she is again.”

His eyes warmed as he met her gaze and shook his head, “She wasn’t hurt because of you or Paul, Alex.  God put her where he needed her to be and that was in the FBI building with you.  Though I’m sorry she got hurt, that both of you were hurt, I’m not sorry she was with you and neither is she.  I can’t even imagine how she would have felt knowing you were up there alone.  She loves you, Alex, probably more than you know.”

She blinked back tears and emitted a little grin, “Well, that goes both ways, with both of you.  I couldn’t imagine our lives without knowing that at any time, angels could be popping by for a visit,” She watched as he relaxed a little bit more before she continued, “But you’re upset with Paul.”

Andrew hesitated, unsure of what to say.  Things were just being smoothed over between the couple and he didn’t want to hash any of his issues with Paul with her.  Yes, he had forgiven Paul.  For everything.  But that didn’t mean he wasn’t still holding onto some residual anger.  He could accept Paul’s mistakes; hoping Monica would fix things with Alex when he should have been the one doing that, and even having some idea of potential danger in the city.  What he was still struggling with was the agent’s callus attitude about Monica being hurt in the first place.  He had always felt that Paul, better than anyone else, understood his need to protect the little angel.  Paul had been there for McArthur and David and had even reacted in anger to Monica being hurt.  He had seen what Grady had done to her mind after she had been raped and how hard she had struggled for months.  Andrew had nearly felt that he and Paul shared a confidence when it came to Monica and how easily trouble found her. 

It was by no fault of her own, of course.  Her love of the human race, her innocent nature, her outgoing personality, those were the things that often left her unsuspecting of being in a dangerous situation.  Paul knew all of that and had witnessed all of it as well and Andrew couldn’t help but to feel let down in some way.  No, Monica was not Paul’s responsibility.  That gift belonged to he and God, but at the very least, Andrew had expected Paul to always understand.

“It isn’t worth mentioning, Alex,” He replied after a moment, though he could tell she didn’t believe him, “It’s something he and I need to work out is all and we will.  I value his friendship too much not to.”

“He thinks the world of you, Andrew,” She remarked quietly, giving his arm a gentle squeeze, “He respects you, and besides, it doesn’t solve anything to not confront it.”

Her quirky self-conscious grin caused the angel to chuckle as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders in a little hug, “Thank you for the reminder and I’ll definitely keep it in mind.”

“Well, I like to share the wealth of knowledge I have stored up in my mind and this piece is new and all the rage, or so I hear.”

*****

Paul rapped softly on Monica’s door, before opening it, relieved to find her sitting up in bed, propped back against the pillows.  At seeing him, her dark eyes widened briefly as her breath caught, before she released it and tried to relax.

Taking all of this in stride, Paul set the dinner tray down on her nightstand and took a seat on the edge of her bed, “Are you feeling better?”

Monica could see the concern in his eyes for her and she nodded her head, “Yes.  Much better than this afternoon, thank you.”

“You never have to thank me for wanting to know how you are, sweetheart.  Though I’m sure my behavior of late is going to contradict what I am about to say, I’ll say it anyway.  I love you and I never want to see you in pain.”

“I know that,” She replied softly, but before she could say anymore, he was talking.

“I’d like to think that you do, but I’ve been a real shit lately and it never hurts to remind you.  Now, with that being said, let me also say that I’m sorry I used you last week to try to fix my problems with Alex.  As your huband justly pointed out, I was being a coward and looking to you to help me, knowing you would be more than willing.  I should have been the one going to her and apologizing.”

She raised an eyebrow as she looked up at him and stated softly, “Had you done that, you would probably both be dead, Paul.  No one from her floor survived. You didn’t put me there that day.  God did.”

He seemed to consider this for a moment, “Okay, but I feel like I helped and my plan was anything but Divine,” He smirked and gave a shake of his head, “I suppose you know as well that my team was tracking the men who very well may have done this bombing.” He watched her lower her eyes and knew immediately that this was the piece he had been missing, “Monica, I didn’t know enough to alert anyone of anything.  They were suspicious, but that was all.”

“You didn’t tell Alex,” The words were but a whisper.

“No, I didn’t tell her.  We have certain ethics in this business that sometimes don’t allow for-.”

“She’s your wife, Paul,” Monica raised her head and met his gaze once more, “and she understands this business every bit as much as you do, but if this city was endangered, if you had that kind of burden on your shoulders, if Alex was potentially in danger, you should have told her.  God and family come first, Paul, before anything else, including ethics.”

His shoulders sagged somewhat at her words, before his eyes filled with conviction, “You’re right.”

“I know,” She was unable to surpress the small grin that tugged at the edges of her mouth.

Catching her smile, his expression warmed, “Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

“You’ve been forgiven all along, Paul,” Monica informed him gently, “I just needed to do a little work on my trust towards you.”

He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze, “That is something I value very much, honey and if I need to earn it back from you, I will.”

Tears filled her eyes and a moment later he had wrapped his arms ever so gently around her to hold her close, “You and Alex are the two amazing ladies in my life, little angel, and have no intention of losing either one of you.”

“You won’t.  Are you and Alex all right now?” Her voice was hopeful.

“Better than all right and I owe you a huge thank you for that.  I’m just sorry that your intervening caused you any pain today, but I have to admit, seeing you and Andrew together while the doctor was helping you…it made me realize a lot things.”

Monica felt a smile cross her face.  Today had been no accident, though she had never really believed it had been.  God had known how to reach Paul and He had simply used her to do it.  If it involved some temporary pain, then so be it.

“That is one angel who loves you so much, Monica,” He chuckled softly as he pulled away, “So much that I feel like I’ve been barely scraping by without him kicking my ass for hurting you at all.”

She looked briefly horrified, “Andrew would never-.”

“Don’t you believe it!” He was only partially teasing to hear the giggle she left out, “In case you hadn’t noticed, sweetheart, he has become even more protective of you lately and there is never any excuse good enough for hurting you, not that there ever was.”

“Since the rape,” She whispered, her eyes solemn once more.

Paul was relieved to not see any pain in the dark eyes over the mention of such a terrible time, so he continued, “Yeah.  I don’t know if you even realized it, as you were struggling with what happened, but what happened to you shook him hard, Monica.  There were times I thought he was hurting for you every bit as deeply as you were.”

“I knew he was upset,” she said thoughtfully, “but he tried to keep most of that away from me I think. Every once in a while though, I still catch him looking at me with a sad expression. I think he still thinks he should have been there to stop it.” A shake of her head showed how futile she felt that belief to be, but Paul knew exactly how he felt.

“I have a feeling it could be a while before he stops feeling that way. Right now I can’t even imagine looking at the bureau and not remembering how it felt to know that Alex was in there and I was the one who left her there.” He saw that Monica was about to contradict him again and he quickly went on. “I know, I know… God’s plan and all that. I’m just saying that when it comes to seeing the one you love in pain, it kinda smudges that line between what you think you should have done and what you know that He has in mind.”

Monica nodded in understanding and Paul turned to pick up the tray from the nightstand. “So you and Alex talked?” she asked, gently hinting that she wanted a few more details before she could fully relax.

“Yes. About everything. A little bit of honesty went a long way towards making her finally put aside her doubts.”

“It always does.”

“Yes, I suppose it does. It did wonders for you and Andrew,” he teased.

Monica blushed, remembering how she and her husband had both tried to keep their blossoming feelings a secret from everyone. “Well that’s why I can tell you that,” she retorted. “A wee bit of first hand knowledge.”

Paul chuckled before he replied, “Trust me, when I see the two of you it makes me see how marriage should be. You haven’t been at it long and you’re already running rings around us long-timers,” he joked.

“Hmm…” Monica picked up her fork as she thought. “You and Alex may have been married for longer, but Andrew and I have known each other for a lot of years… so really I think we’re the long-timers.” She grinned and raised one eyebrow before putting the first bite of food into her mouth and watching Paul smile in amusement. She hadn’t seen many smiles out of him or Alex lately. It was great to be getting back to normal.

Of course she didn’t know how far from normal things really were for the two agents. Even if their personal lives were now back on track, it did nothing to help their working ones. At that very moment the evening paper hit the front door, thrown by the neighborhood paperboy. Paul’s fate was written in its pages but he didn’t even care. He thought back to days when it would have been completely devastating to have his career marred by anything much less a tragedy of such magnitude. It was just that tragedy that had reminded him that there were a hundred things more important than his career, and Alex was chief among them.