CHAPTER 2

Paul’s pager and phone went off almost simultaneously, and he answered the phone first as he pulled the pager off his belt. “Gatlin, here.”

“Paul, there’s been an explosion,” the agent instantly recognized the voice of his superior, Assistant Director Walter Peyton.

“What? Walt, what are you talking about?”

“A bomb, Gatlin! There’s been an explosion at the FBI headquarters. I just got out and the place is a mad house! Fire and police are already here, and I’m calling everyone who reports to me. Is Alex with you?” She didn’t actually report to A.D. Peyton, but he knew they were married. Most of the agency knew, even when they pretended not to for professional purposes.

“No.” Paul’s heart thudded to a halt. “Last I saw she was headed to her office.” His voice was still strong although he wasn’t exactly sure how.

“Paul, you’d better get back here. I haven’t seen anyone from above the tenth floor.”

Alex’s office was on the eleventh. He didn’t even bother saying goodbye, just jammed the phone back into his pocket, turned around and started running back the way he had come. This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t be true. She had to be all right. She was tough. She was strong. She was probably just rounding people up and helping them. That was her style. He’d arrive and find her ushering out little old ladies and puppy-toting children.

“God, please… please don’t let me lose her this way. Oh, God, Alex… I’m sorry, baby,” his thoughts were a repetitive jumble as he darted through the crowd, running against traffic, all along hearing sirens and shouting getting louder and louder. He had seen explosions before. He had seen fires. He had seen panic and destruction, but he still wasn’t prepared to have it hit so close to home, and when he came in view of the steel and concrete building he ground to a halt. Smoke was billowing out of the windows and fire trucks were already parked outside, with emergency personnel running around, and panicked people streaming from the main entrance. The police were already setting up a barricade but Paul ran right through it. It took two police men to grab him and pull him back.

“I’m a federal agent!” he shouted, face hard, eyes boring into them. “My wife is in there! Get the fuck outta my way!”

“Agent, agent, calm down! You can’t go in there! We can’t let anyone but emergency personnel inside!”

“The hell with that! Move! Move out of my way Goddammit!” He tried to break free and push forward again but another officer appeared and helped to restrain him.

“Agent, if you don’t calm down we’re going to have to place you under arrest and transport you from the area!”

Paul nearly growled at them and his eyes were blazing with white hot fury. He made to push forward again, but then a strong hand pressed down on his shoulder and he turned around to see Andrew standing there, looking grim but in control.

“You’re not helping anyone this way,” he said, and Paul blinked and then pulled free of the officers and let Andrew lead him away from the barricade.

“Andrew, what are you doing here?  Alex.  Tell me  you haven’t-.” He felt even sicker as the full implication of Andrew’s presence occurred to him.

“No, Paul,” Andrew kept a firm hand on the agent’s arm as he led him across the street where they could still see the enterence to the building, but also where Paul could sit down for a moment.  The angel had never seen his friend so deathly white and it was unnerving, “Though I’m not the only angel of death here today, but I haven’t taken Alex Home, and I would think if that happened today, I would be the one sent for her.”

“Thank God,” He uttered, his eyes still on the burning building.  It would take hours for the fire to be contained and more floors of the agency would give way before that happened.  The upper portion of the building was essentially gone and the black clouds of smoke against the blue sky were a gut wretching contrast, as if evil itself had overtaken the early fall day.  He felt as if he were watching some action film on the television than anything that was actually happening and he didn’t even realize Andrew was speaking to him until the angel repeated him name.

“Paul, are you sure Alex was in the building?” The grim expression was still in place.  He had been inside that building to escort several people to God.  It was not a good situation and it would get worse for those trapped inside.

“Yes…No.  Wait.  Maybe not,” He was standing immediately, feeling a hopeful tinge of relief, “She may have gotten out.  She may have gone to lunch with Monica-.”

“Monica?  What?” Andrew’s hard gaze was now focused entirely on Paul as he felt his heart skip a beat.  Suddenly the thought of beating his way through security was not such an terrible idea.

“Yeah.  Andrew, she called me on my cell and wanted us to go to lunch with her. I…I declined, but she was going to ask Alex,” His voice was gaining more hopefullness, “They could be in one of the restaurants!  Monica had said she was ten minutes away…they could have had enough time-.”  He looked over at the angel and saw that Andrew’s eyes were closed and he could clearly see the pain on the angel’s face, “Tell me she’s answering you, buddy….”

A lump rose to the angel’s throat.  At the very least he had expected to feel Monica’s love for him wrapping itself around his heart, but there was nothing and that fact spoke volumes, “I don’t think they’re having lunch, Paul,” He heard himself whisper.

“Damnit!” The agent exploded, running a helpless hand through his hair, “They’re both fucking in there, Andrew!”

The angel remained silent, his steely gaze on the burning building as he forced himself to breath normally.  He felt terror filling his heart at the knowledge that his little angelic wife was inside as well.  It had been hard enough to know Alex was probably in there, but now he fully understood Paul’s panic and feeling of helplesness.  Monica had been through so much the past several months and now that they were actually married his need to protect her was stronger than it had ever been before.  He was silently pleading to be sent to her, but so far his prayers were going unanswered.

*****

“Come on, Monica, wake up,” Alex was pleading, but there was still no response and she leaned her head back against the elevator wall.  She could smell smoke, though the screams had died down to silence and that in itself was terrifying.  She needed to know what was happening.  She needed to be off this fucking elevator.

A thought gripped her heart then.  Paul.  Had he been inside the building?  Was he hurt?  Her heart flooded with conflicting emotions.  She loved him, there was no question about it, but she was still hurt; more hurt than she had ever been before.  But the thought of him being trapped or worse…

She blinked back tears, knowing she couldn’t think that way, but the fact that he had refused lunch with Monica to avoid her was driving the knife deeper into her heart.  It was hard enough to know that she hadn’t measured up, but to know that he had turned down lunch with Monica to not even try to fix things made it even worse.

“Alex?”

The soft painful murmur from the little angel, caused her to force her thoughts to the back of her mind, “Hey, there lady.  You okay?”

Monica sat up slowly, wincing at the pain in her head as her hand moved to touch the lump just above her neck “I think so.  What happened?”

“Jury is still out on that one, honey,” Alex replied, rising to her feet now that the angel was awake, “What I do know is that we have to get off this elevator.  Whatever did happen, doesn’t sound good and if the cable melts, we could be in some deep shit,” she felt her way to the door and then skimmed her hand across until she found the rows of buttons.  Unable to see what was what, she just started pushing, praying that once she found the one to open the door, that it would work.

She must have found the right button as the door gave slightly, but then seemed to stop, “Monica, help me out here…” She waited until the angel had gotten to her feet and they grabbed the door from either end, using all their strength to pry it apart enough that they could squeeze through.

“Holy shit,” The agent breathed as she gazed around her.  The ceiling of the floor where they had emerged was pretty much non-existant and all that was above them was steel beams and some precariously balanced concrete.  It would be a dangerous maze just to get a few feet over to reach the stairwell, “Let’s go.  We need to get out of here as quickly as possible.”

Monica’s head was pounding, but she managed to force her feet to move over and around the steel beams that blocked their path, stepping over blocks of cinder, the remains of desks and debris.  She froze, hearing voices of people but as her eyes darted around the room, she could see no one and a chill ran down her spine at the thought that they were buried underneath the rubble, “Alex…”

“I know. I know. But if we can get out, we can get them help, Monica,” Alex’s voice was trembling as she spoke the words.  She probably knew some of these people and had the angel not shown up today, she would probably be one of those people.  Neither thought was comforting.

She continued working her way to where the door leading to the stairwell would be, but she froze a moment later.  The entire side of the building seemed to have collapsed at the door…a door she couldn’t even see through the mounds of rubble that had once been the FBI building. 

Tears stung her eyes and she allowed them to fall now at the hopelessness of the situation.  She was going to die in here.  She was going to die and would never even know if her husband had meant what he said to her.  A gentle hand on her shoulder, caused her to turn around, “We’re trapped, Monica…” A small sob escaped her, “Where was Paul when you talked to him?  Do you know?”

The angel bit her lip and shook her head, “I’m sorry.  He didn’t say,” She was blinking back tears of her own at the thought of her friend being in the building as well.  The thought of anything happening to either Paul or Alex was completely overwhelming, “Alex, something else happened today, didn’t it?” She had never known her friend to look so defeated and she knew that under normal circumstances, Alex would be searching for another way out, “Aren’t there maybe another set of steps on the other side?” She offered when her friend remained silent.

“Monica, this place is a fucking death trap…we’ll never get to them…”                 

“We won’t know unless we try,” The angel insisted.  She managed to ignore the pounding of her head as she started moving to the other side of the room, clammoring over, around and under the obstacles in her way.

Alex watched her briefly, before wiping at the tears on her face.  She felt as if she had just had a role reversal with the angel who was now taking what would normally be her lead and she surmised that maybe the difference was a feeling of confidence in knowing what awaited them if they got out.  If Andrew was nearby, which she would venture to guess that if he wasn’t, he would not be long in getting there, Monica knew exactly what she was fighting for.  Andrew loved her with everything in him and Monica had no doubts about that, where suddenly Alex was doubting everything, even as she was trying not to.  In a five minute argument today, her entire life felt as if it had been changed.

She thought she had been measuring up, that she had been meeting the standards that someone else had set; someone she hadn’t even known, but with one cruel sentence, Paul had caused her already fragile confidence in this situation to come crashing down.  Maybe it wasn’t fair.  He knew nothing of these fears as she had kept them deep in her heart as sharing them with him would have caused him to think about the person she had been trying so hard to get him to forget.  Now, if she got out of here alive, she had to face the fact that he had not forgotten and the only alternative to that was if Paul was still inside this building and she wasn’t sure which option was more painful.

“Are you coming?”

Monica’s demanding voice caused her head to jerk up and she almost chuckled, not accustomed to that tone coming from the little angel, but right now, even looking at her friend caused a twinge of pain in her heart.  The resemblence really was uncanny and knowing that at one time, Paul had feelings for the angel, only caused her convictions to feel even more tangible.

Alex nodded her head as she hurried to catch up, and together they worked their way across the floor, trying to steel themselves against the weak cries for help that were filling the debris filled air.  It took them nearly twenty minutes to make their way across, but the door to the stairwell was clear, and a moment later, Monica was pushing it open and it was only Alex’s strong hand on her arm that kept her from falling.  The stairs were gone.

“It was a bomb,” The agent muttered, keeping her hand on Monica’s arm as she felt her friend tremble slightly, “Several of them to say the least.”

“Who would do such a thing?” The angel turned her anguished eyes to the agent.

“Something of this caliber…a terrorist attack most likely,” It felt much better to talk business at the moment and she focused entirely on the situation, “They could have hit other agencies as well, maybe to shut us all down as they are planning something on a greater scale.  Everyone who got out will be heading to the backup site.  That building is kept pretty low key and hopefully wasn’t hit.”

Monica blinked back tears, understanding all too well.  She had seen hatred between countries before though never anything of this magnitude and the death and destruction broke her heart and would be something she would never understand.

“We can’t do anything else.  We just have to wait and hope they get things under control enough to find us-.”

Monica’s eyes gazed up at the wall, focusing on a First Aid kit and she moved to it and yanked it from the wall, “There is something we can do.  There are people here who need help, Alex.”

Alex nodded her agreement before she managed a smile, “So is this off the record or are you officially working now?”

Monica gave her head a rueful shake, “Off the record as between you and me, I think this is another one of those times where I was somewhere God didn’t necessarily intend me to be.  I think I’m becoming famous or rather imfamous for those moments,” A small smile crossed her face as she looked into Alex’s eyes, “But again, between us girls, if this had to happen today, I’m very glad to be here.”

She turned to go back the way they’d come and together, they slowly made their way back to where they had heard voices coming from under the rubble. A steel beam blocked the way and they had to crawl under it, first Alex, then Monica. Alex had regained some of her determination now that she had a sense of purpose, and she rushed forward. Monica came through the small opening and looked over at the pile of debris, she froze. He was standing there in his white suit and pale grey tie, sad expression on his face, and hands clenched.

“Adam?” she stepped towards him as Alex stared at her, wondering who she was talking to.

He turned to her, surprised at hearing his name.

“Monica, what are you doing here?”

“I… I’m here with my friend,” she said, gesturing to Alex who was looking at her as if she was crazy. She realized that Alex couldn’t see him, and then quickly looked back at Adam. His back had stiffened and his face took on an even more troubled look. “Adam… no…” Monica stepped in between the angel only she could see and her friend.

“Monica, who are you talking to?” Alex finally asked.

“I don’t have a say in what happens,” Adam said grimly.

“No! You can’t!”

“I won’t be the one to take her if it happens,” he replied.

Monica immediately knew who would be. “Adam, where is he? Is he here? Is he in this building?” She had been so frantic earlier that she hadn’t even thought to try and talk to her husband, but now the need was almost overwhelming.

“Monica!” Alex was poking her and staring at the space in front of the Irish angel.

She glanced at Alex quickly. “Another angel,” she said softly. “An angel like Andrew.” She didn’t need to specify. The young woman already knew what Andrew’s primary assignments consisted of.

“I have to go,” Adam’s voice brought Monica’s attention back to him, and she cast her eyes to the now ominously silent jumble of concrete and steel. Her tearful eyes met his in question. “I’m sorry, Monica,” he answered.

She nodded and took a step back as Adam faced the rubble again and extended his hand. Slowly, two people, shadowy and barely visible, emerged, and as they touched Adam’s hands they became more solid. He smiled at each of them, trying to ease their fear and confusion, and they seemed to realize what he was there to do. Moments later, he led them both away and disappeared into a warm, welcoming tunnel of light.

Monica swiped at the tears on her face in frustration and sorrow. She had hoped to at least make some sort of difference, but now that opportunity was gone. Rarely had she felt so helpless, and she longed to have Andrew wrap her up in his arms. Knowing that he was near and yet still unable to be with her left her heart aching. Did he know where she was? The thought suddenly occurred to her that if he did, he was probably out of his mind with worry, and she fought to slow her breathing down and close her eyes.

“I’m all right, Andrew,” she sent the words out to his heart. “I’m all right and I love you.”

Almost instantly she felt his frantic heart answering hers, and the rest of their communication was without words. He was there. He was looking for a way to help. And Paul was with him. When at last she opened her eyes again she spun around, in a slow circle, wondering where Alex had gone. She spotted her a few paces away, sitting on the floor with her knees tucked up to her chest.

“Alex? Alex, what’s wrong?” she asked as she approached her.

The woman looked over at where Adam had stood, and answered slowly, “You were telling him no. Did he come here for me? For Paul?” She looked up at the angel before her. “Am I going to die here?”

Monica reached out to grab Alex’s hands. “No. You’re not going to die,” She insisted strongly, “and Paul is safe. He’s outside, and Andrew is with him, and they’re doing everything they can to get to us.”

“Paul’s outside?” she felt a weight lifted from her chest yet at the same time her relief was tempered with fear. “He’s trying to help us?”

“Of course he’s trying to help us,” Monica was astonished to hear such words. “Alex, what happened? Did you two fight? What is it?” Alex shook her head, but Monica stared at her. “We have nothing but time, Alex. And I have no one left to help but you.”

“There’s nothing you can do…” She whispered, feeling the tears brimming in her eyes unbidden and she shook her head, angry at their presence.

“I can listen,” The angel argued gently, “I love you and Paul…you’re my family, Andrew’s family…please, I want to help.”

Alex looked at her, then turned her head away and closed her eyes, hearing her husband’s insinuations in her mind once more, “Yeah,” She uttered, tears escaping, “We had a fight and it was a doozy let me tell you…”

Monica pulled up a piece of floor in front of her friend, keeping her hands firmly in her own, “About what?”

She looked up at what was once the ceiling, trying to will the tears to stop, “I volunteered for a project that he wasn’t too happy with.  There is danger involved and I didn’t confer with him first.  I didn’t think I had to.  Should I have?” She looked at Monica questionally.

“Well.  My decisions come from above, Alex, but if there was one I had to make, and it involved the risk of my getting hurt….” She thought about it harder, trying to decide what she would do, “If it had to be an instant decision, that had to be acted on right then and there…I would just choose and Andrew would trust me with that choice.  But if it was something that would not happen immediately, I think I would talk to him about it.  He loves me and I think he would support me, but it isn’t just he and I anymore…it’s us.”

Alex nodded her head slowly, “Yeah, well, maybe if Paul had put it that way, he wouldn’t have made me feel so fucking incompetent.  But he was relatively pissed off about the situation and started talking about how he had given up Witness Protection when we got married and insinuating that I was selfish…and about how…” She shook her head, the hurt deeply visible in her eyes.  She felt Monica squeeze her hands and her throat began to close, “And about how…I hadn’t lived up to his expectations as a wife…”

Monica felt more than startled by this revelation, “He said that?”

“He insinuated it.  He insinuated that I had been absent in the bedroom, but it isn’t true!  It isn’t fucking true!” Anger blazed in her eyes, even as a sob escaped her, “I’m battling a goddamn ghost, Monica!  I know I’ve been there, and if he is suddenly complaining, it’s because I can’t live up to the expectations SHE set!”

The angel suddenly felt as if she were barely keeping up with the conversation.  She was having trouble imagining Paul saying such a thing, knowing how much he loved Alex, but Alex wasn’t one to get this worked up over nothing, “Lauren?” She heard herself asking, now realizing who her friend was referring to.

“Yes, Lauren,” The name was bitter on her tongue, “He’s never gotten over her and he obviously settled for me, after he couldn’t get you, as you looked so much like her.  It all makes sense now.  The way he looks after you, the way he never criticizes you…you remind him of her.”

Monica suddenly felt as if she had just been punched.  Paul was her friend.  Certainly, his part of that friendship wasn’t just based on the fact that in some small way, she reminded him of Lauren, but the thoughts Alex had just placed in her head made her nothing short of queasy, “Alex…”

“Don’t you see it, Monica?  Everytime he’s been able to save you, it was making up for not being able to save her,” She shook her head, “Even when we got together he was after the son of a bitch who had killed her.  He’s never let her go…”

“And everytime he sees me…” Her voice trailed off, not wanting to think that she had helped keep Lauren’s memory in the forefront, “No,” She shook her head, “You’re wrong.  You’re wrong, Alex.”

“Am I?” She asked tearfully, looking at the angel and seeing the pain in her dark eyes, “Look at all the shit he gave Andrew when your relationship changed.  It’s not your fault, but it is still the truth.  I wasn’t good enough to make him forget her and she is the standard to which I am measured.  I don’t stand a fucking chance.”

Monica lowered her head, fighting tears and not wanting to think about the things Alex had said, but yet she couldn’t help it.  She had been at the farm for months with them and everything between the two of them had seemed fine.  But now, looking back, she started thinking of little things that suddenly didn’t feel right, like the night she had taken the pills.  Paul had completely overreacted then and each time he had questioned Andrew about his intentions…it all suddenly felt wrong and completely overwhelming.  The need to see and speak to her husband was growing stronger by the minute.  Andrew could reassure her that Alex was wrong, that these thoughts she was having were completely irrational.

She couldn’t bear any other possibility.