CHAPTER 3

“Monica is all right,” Andrew uttered aloud just seconds after hearing her words to his heart.  She hadn’t sounded panicked; maybe just a little afraid and looking at the building that was still engulfed in flames, she had ever reason to feel that.  He just wished he could get to her.  That he could hold her and kiss her and tell her how much he loved her.

“You heard from her?” Paul asked, his eyes shooting to the angel, “Alex.  Did she say anything…”

“No, but she didn’t sound frantic, so if they are together…” He had never even considered the fact that they might not be, but for all they knew, his wife had been on her way to Alex’s office when the building had exploded.

The agent managed to find some shred of relief in that fact, “I need to try to find out what is going on; what happened.  If they ever get those flames out, they’ll need volunteers for a rescue effort,” His eyes were drawn across the street and he was suddenly moving, leaving Andrew no choice but to follow him, “Walt!”

The older man turned around, his expression grim at the sight of Paul, “Paul, have you found Alex?”

“No.  I think she is still inside.  What the hell happened? Do we know?” He needed to ask questions.  He needed to be doing something other than thinking of what would happen if she died and he never got the chance to apologize for being the biggest dickhead on the planet.

“Three bombs minimally.  The CIA was hit as well and no one has any fucking idea who is behind it at this point,” He ran a hand through his graying hair, feeling as if he had aged twenty years in the last hour, “We’ve lost hundreds of people, Paul.  No one above the tenth floor has been seen or heard from…I hope Alex wasn’t in her office, Paul.”

“She wasn’t,” Paul stated firmly, knowing at the very least that his wife was alive simply because Andrew had not been sent for her, “What about a rescue effort?”

“They’re signing up volunteers to be on standby once they feel that they have things stabilized enough which means getting the fire out,” Walter knew if the emergency personnel couldn’t do that soon, there would be little need for many volunteers as finding people alive would be a long-shot, but he wasn’t about to voice that with Paul’s wife inside the building.

“I’m not leaving without her. Where do I sign up?”

Walter pointed to where a large RV-type vehicle was parked across the street. It had all the official markings on it from the ATF, and men and women swarmed around it, some in ATF jackets, but even more dressed as he was, FBI agents frantic to do something to help.

“Thanks Walt. Let me know if you hear anything else. Anything.”

“You know I will.” He patted Paul on the back, knowing that it was a hollow gesture but not able to think of any other way to convey how sorry he was and how much he hoped that the younger agent was right about his wife not being in her office.

“C’mon, Andrew,” Paul jerked his head towards the large vehicle. As they walked towards it and out of Walter’s earshot, he said, “Anything else? Has she said anything else? Can’t you just ask Him to let you go to her?”

“It doesn’t work that way, Paul,” Andrew replied, and then a moment later he continued, “But I did ask him. The answer was not yet.”

“Not yet… not yet? But that’s good then, right? That means that he’ll send you in eventually, right?” His disappointment was changed to hope, but almost immediately he met Andrew’s green eyes and felt his stomach lurch. “No. Not to take Alex…” he shook his head in denial.

“I don’t know. I wish I did, but I just don’t.”

“Well I don’t give a fuck whether or not you know. You are not going to take my wife! Do you hear me? I’ll fucking kill you!” his words made no sense and he knew it, but he couldn’t contain himself. “I’ll stop you. I don’t care what I have to do… I’ll do it. You can’t have her!”

Paul’s outburst was loud enough that on any other day it would have drawn a crowd, but at the moment no one even spared him a glance as they ran past. Andrew’s strong hand on his arm finally silenced him, but his eyes continued to plead.

“If it happens Paul, I won’t have a choice.”

The agent looked up at the building, smoke spiraling up into the sky, orange flames dimly visible through it. He swallowed hard and wouldn’t look at Andrew’s face again. “I know.” He tilted his head up to the sky. It was clear blue, but now strands of smoke snaked their way across it. “God… please… please don’t take her. Not today… please.” He closed his eyes for a moment before clenching his jaw and continuing on to the ATF vehicle.

The line to sign up was long, and filled with people who knew him. They took one look at him and then quickly scanned the area before looking back with sympathy written on their faces. If Alex wasn’t with him, then they knew where she was. Paul knew he was probably supposed to be doing something else, something official. His pager kept going off, but he just read the messages and deleted them without responding. His phone rang and every time he answered it hopefully, thinking that it could be Alex. It never was, and he always quickly hung up.

The activity around the site continued to increase and Paul and Andrew watched it all from behind the police barricade. More fire trucks arrived, and heavily-suited firefighters ran into the building, oxygen tanks in place, axes in their hands. Victims were brought out one and two at a time to waiting ambulances which seemed to be coming and going more like buses on a grim schedule. Paul had stopped trying to crane his neck to see each person who emerged from the wreckage. He knew they weren’t Alex and she was the only person he wanted to see. If that made him a selfish bastard it was a title he was willing to wear.

“Why don’t we move across the street and sit down,” Andrew finally said. It was disturbing to watch his friend fixated on a building that was falling down a little bit at a time.

They didn’t go far, and the crush of people kept them from moving very fast, but on the curb between two fire trucks they found a slice of empty pavement. The dust from the explosions was beginning to settle, leaving a grimy film on the bright red trucks, and turning Paul’s hair salt-and-pepper grey. He ran his hands through it and brought them down filthy, then swore as he rubbed them against his pants and pressed them into his forehead.

“I know that Monica is up there too… and you know I love her, but I can’t help think that God will pull her through, the same way he pulled her through when she was shot. But Alex… she’s just got to be okay… she’s got to be… I just want to tell her I love her, that’s all I want… Damnit!” he was disgusted to feel his throat growing tight, and viciously rubbed the heels of his hands against his temples again.

“Paul, she knows that. You’ve told her hundreds of times…. Probably thousands.”

“You don’t understand… we fought… we fought today. That’s why I wouldn’t go to lunch. Damnit! If I wasn’t such a bastard I would have been in there with them. I’d be in there right now, able to see them, able to hold her… able to tell her how sorry I am.”

Andrew wanted to tell him that he was sure she knew that, but the words would have no meaning coming from him. Paul needed to hear them from Alex, and that was something he couldn’t help with at the moment.

Chapter 3

“The smoke is getting worse,” Monica said, fear creeping into her voice. She had been able to remain strong so far, but the longer they remained trapped, as the shouts and screams from below gradually faded, the more her confidence waned.

“It’s coming from below,” Alex explained. “With the damn windows blown out up here it’s coming straight up and in.”

“Do you think we could get to the windows and signal down that we’re here?”

“No!” Alex’s head shot up from its position against her knees. “You could get sucked out the window. We’re safer right where we are.”

“I’m sure they’ll get the fire under control soon,” Monica assured her, feeling helpless to comfort her friend, and unaccountably guilty about the things the woman had said. “And then just think, Andrew and Paul will probably come bursting in here right after the firemen. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they pushed them out of the way.” She watched as Alex turned away and stared at the blocked stairwell.

“Until this morning I would have believed that,” she muttered.

“It’s the truth. Paul loves you.”

Alex thought about all of the loving memories she had shared with him, but she still shrugged. “Yeah… I guess he does… but not as much as I love him… not as much as he loved her.” Her voice grew soft, “I always wondered… always… but I was afraid to ask. I didn’t want to remind him. Why did I have to volunteer this morning? Why did I do that? If I hadn’t then we never would have fought, and I would still be believing that he loved me more than anything… the way Andrew loves you.”

The angel felt her face flush, another wave of inexplicable guilt washing over her. She gathered her thoughts about her and dug down into her heart, looking for the right words to say.

“You keep saying that he doesn’t love you they way he loved Lauren,” she said, hating the way Alex flinched at the sound of the dead woman’s name, “and I’m sure he doesn’t.” That got the agent’s attention as she turned hurt-filled eyes towards Monica. “Every love is different… but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you with everything that he is. I didn’t hear your argument. I don’t know exactly what he said. But Alex, I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” She believed every word she was saying, and yet prickling doubts lingered and she prayed that Alex couldn’t see them. The woman needed hope and peace right now, and she was the only one able to give it.

“I want to believe you, Monica,” Alex whispered as she rubbed angrily at her teary eyes, “but right now all I can feel is the hurt.” She realized that trying to contain her tears was useless and let them fall although she stared off into the middle distance, refusing to look at Monica and let her see how vulnerable she truly felt. “I keep praying that I’ll be able to see him again and hug him again… but then a tiny part of me wonders if he’ll really be hugging me… and I never felt that way before. I never let myself think about it… but now I can’t stop.”

“He’ll prove it you, Alex, just as soon as we get out of here-.”

It started off as a creaking sound, causing both of their heads to turn upwards at the sickening sound, but gradually it grew louder, and they both screamed as the rubble over their heads began to collapse on top of them.  Monica barely heard Alex’s cry to get down and to cover her head, but the angel’s eyes seemed transfixed on what was happening around her as she realized the unbearable creaking was coming from a steel structure which was now scaping sickeningly against concrete as it fell downward and towards them.

She tried to move out of the way, ignoring the pain from the contant rain of debris and plaster, but a split second later, she cried out as the steel beam caught her midsection and pain exploded through her body as she struggled to breath.  The pain, combined with her panic at not being able to move caused her breathes to come in short anguished gasps as she closed her eyes, trying to ward off the agony she was suddenly feeling.

The dust began to settle and the angel’s eyes turned to Alex, her already racing heart speeding up even more.  Her friend had been caught on her stomach and the same beam that trapped Monica, now held Alex as well, having caught her across her shoulders.  Alex didn’t appear to be moving.

“Alex!” She cried out her name, but there was no response.  Monica struggled to move, trying to fight her way out from under the beam, despite the searing pain such action caused.  Her breath caught and she began to cough from the dust and smoke that had invaded her lungs, “Alex!” She was barely able to get the word out and there was still no reply.

Her breathing came faster, each one a gasp and she began to feel lightheaded as she spoke in a forced whisper, “Father, please….help…”