CHAPTER 4

Andrew continued to pace in front of the curb where Paul still sat, staring at the FBI building.  He hadn’t heard anything else from Monica and he was trying to find peace in that fact, but it only seemed to make him feel more nervous.  He had missed her terribly the past week and now to know she was trapped inside a burning building that at anytime could collapse was nearly more than he could stand.

“You and Alex had had a disagreement?” He said finally, trying to distract himself from his own worries.

“No, not a disagreement.  A fight.  A horrible, stupid, uncalled for fight,” Paul replied bitterly, shaking his head, “Why do you ask?  Because I’m a fucking asshole who says things before he thinks about them, just like always.  God, she was so hurt today, Andrew and now she is in there, thinking God knows what about me, about us and I’m out here, not knowing if she is going to live or die or if I’m ever going to get the chance to tell her how sorry I am,” He brought his fist down hard against his thigh, “I didn’t even fucking mean it!  Nothing could be further from the truth!”

“What the hell did you say to her, Paul?” His eyes narrowed slightly.  He cared about Alex; loved her as a friend, and the thought of Paul saying something untrue just to hurt her was not going over well with him.

He rested his head in his hands, “I told her she would rather stay at work to be praised by all the other guys than be with me…in the bedroom,” He looked up and saw the hard look Andrew was giving him, “I know!  Don’t you think I know?”

Andrew shook his head, unable to imagine saying anything so cruel to Monica, even in anger, but he supposed that was the difference between humans and angels, “And then you let her walk away?” He almost couldn’t believe what it was Paul was saying, though he knew it wasn’t in his place to judge. 

“I let her walk away and then turned down lunch with she and Monica, figuring Monica could calm her down.  I was a fucking coward.  I should have told Monica to meet me outside and should have called Alex to come down so we could talk.”

“You were going to use Monica to try to fix your mistake,” His own concern was sparking his anger at what he was hearing. 

“I’m not proud of it,” Paul muttered, looking up to the building again, “At least you know she is going to come through this as she’s an angel-.”

“That fact certainly didn’t help her when she was raped,” Andrew snapped, his green eyes flaring as he looked at Paul, “I appreciate the fact that you feel lousy about fighting with Alex, and I can sympathize that you are fearing for her life, as I am as well, but don’t think that I’m not worried about Monica despite the fact that she is an angel.  She is in human form at the moment, Paul, and can feel every bit as much pain as Alex can and just like the thought of Alex hurting tears you apart, the thought of Monica hurting does the same thing to me.  She’s been through enough lately and maybe had you not been so fucking stubborn and hot headed, neither one of them would be inside that building at the moment!”

Paul looked stunned for a moment, and a sharp retort was on the tip of his tongue, before he saw Andrew in a light he had not considered before.  His friend was an angel, yes, but now he was a husband and he understood completely what it felt like to be connected to another and to feel helpless to be able to do anything.  Angel or no, Andrew had promised to love, honor and cherish and Paul surmised sadly that the angel had taken his vows much more seriously, at least today, “Andrew, I-.”

But the angel held up his hand to stop Paul’s words, “I need a few minutes…just don’t say anything else right now.” He turned away and walked towards the end of the block, trying to curb his temper.  He hadn’t meant to blow up like that, but using Monica’s angelic status to make himself feel better about the mistakes he had made did not sit well with him.

A deafening noise caused his head to jerk up, his focus on the building, and a lump rose to his throat as he watched more of it collapse in a dark cloud of smoke.  Monica and Alex were in there somewhere; in a building that was slowly but surely collapsing in on itself and his jaw tightened to try to keep his emotions in check.

A second later, he felt pain, fear and desperation wrapping itself around his heart and instantly he silently cried out to God to just allow him a few minutes and his prayers were answered when he vanished from the sidewalk.

A cloud of smoke both from the fire and from the collapse hung in the air, in the room that was now nothing more than piles of rubble and steel, but it only took him a moment to find her.  His heart nearly stopped when he saw she was trapped and hurt, but he forced himself to move when he saw her panic.  Monica was calling out to Alex constantly, her voice choked, even as she struggled in vain to free herself.  Her dark eyes were wild with pain and the fight she was putting forth to reach her friend, along with the weight of the beam, was stealing her breath.

He knelt at her head, placing his hands tenderly against her face, “Angel, calm down.  Just calm down, sweetheart.”

Monica closed her eyes at the sound of his voice and feel of his touch as she stopped her struggle.  Tears escaped her eyes, leaving tracks through the layer of dust on her face, “Andrew…please…you’re not…” She didn’t want to question him.  She tried never to question him where his job came into play, but this was Alex and she wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to let her friend go.

“No,” He whispered to her, stroking her cheek soothingly, “She’s alive, Monica, just not conscious.  I needed to see you, if only for a minute.”

A small sob escaped her, wanting so to be wrapped up in the safety of his arms, and she tried once more to move the beam that felt as if it were cutting into her, but he reached for her hands to stop her.

“No baby, you’re going to make it worse.  Just be still and rest, angel.  I’m praying that help will be coming soon.”

“Andrew…” She finally opened her teary eyes as she clutched his hands tightly against the pain she was feeling, “Please…don’t leave me…I’m scared…I need you…”

“Oh Monica, God knows, I don’t want to, but I need to be with Paul.  The same way you need to stay with Alex,” It hurt more than any pain he had ever known to leave her now and he felt like the line between being angels and being a couple was suddenly impossibly thin, “I love you so much, angel, and you are doing just fine.”

More tears fell as she nodded slightly and her voice caught on a sob, “I love you too…I love you too…”

“God is with you, sweetheart, and I’m holding you right here,” he placed their joined hands over his heart, as he blinked back tears.

There was so much she needed to tell him, to talk to him about, but instead she swallowed hard against the pain and managed a small smile, knowing how hard this was for him, “I’ll see you soon.”

His heart ached at the courage she was trying to show him, knowing it was more for his benefit, though he hoped she could hang onto the feeling, “You will, baby,” Leaning over, he brushed her lips tenderly before kissing her forehead, knowing if he didn’t leave now, he never would.  A second later, he was gone.

*****

Paul saw more of the building collapse and he was on his feet an instant later and frantically looking around for Andrew. The angel was nowhere to be seen, and the implications of that hit him like a blow to the gut. He started running towards the building, searching for someone, anyone who could tell him what was going on. Firefighters were running out of the building and more emergency crews were moving in. He didn’t dare get in their way, but he had to know what had happened.

He saw one of the ATF officers on a walkie-talkie, and as soon as the man but it back in his belt he approached him. He put on his most professional face, trying to act as if his motive wasn’t purely personal, but he didn’t know how much showed through his eyes.

“Agent Gatlin here,” he introduced himself as he thrust his hand forward. “I still have some agents inside. Can you tell me what just happened? Why are the firemen coming out?”

“Roger O’Meara. Sorry about your people, Gatlin. Near as we can tell there was another collapse, probably just part of a floor. The heat from the fires is weakening the whole structure. We had to pull the firemen back until we can make sure it’s safe for them to continue.”

“But what about the people still trapped inside?” Paul’s eyes frantically moved back to the building, wondering what floor Alex and Monica were on. Wondering where Andrew had gone.

“I’m sorry,” the man truly did look upset to be telling him bad news. “We can’t risk anymore lives. Hopefully we’ll get the all clear again soon.”

Paul wanted to grab the man and shake him. He wanted to shout out every swear he knew and a few he had invented. His hands tightened into fists and he looked back at the building, unable to look the man in the face.

“Do you know how close they were to getting the fire out? Do you know how high they’ve managed to search?”

“Fire’s nearly under control. They’ve had people up to the sixth floor. There’s a blockage on the stairs past that point. They need to bring in some heavier equipment and they can’t do that until the fire’s completely out.”

Again, Paul struggled to hold his feelings in. “Well thanks for your time. I won’t hold you up but I may search you out again.”

“Not a problem,” O’Meara said sincerely. “I know how you must be feeling.”

He knew? He didn’t know anything! Did he have a wife trapped inside? Did he have one of his best friends trapped inside? Did he have guilt and rage and grief rushing through him? Paul felt himself beginning to shake and he nodded his thanks and quickly walked away. As he turned back to the fire trucks he saw Andrew standing between them again and ran over to him, practically pushing other people out of his way.

“Andrew! Where have you been? There was another collapse--”

“I know.”

“You know?” Paul stammered. “Andrew… tell me you didn’t…” he was shaking his head and for the first time he felt tears pushing forward.

“I heard Monica and I asked to be sent to her.”

“God let you go? You saw her? Did you see Alex? Why didn’t you get them out?”

“I was allowed to go because Monica was in so much pain and was hurting herself more because of her panic.” Andrew replied tightly, trying to remember that Paul hadn’t planned any of what had happened. He was upset too. He certainly hadn’t wanted Monica to get hurt.

Paul felt his stomach knotting up and his voice dropped. “She’s hurt?”

“Yes. A steel beam fell on top of her… and Alex.” He knew the pain his words would cause Paul, and as angry as he was he still hated to cause his friend pain.

Feeling suddenly lightheaded, Paul closed his eyes and sank to the curb. “They’re both hurt? Did you talk to them?” he asked slowly.

“I talked to Monica. Alex was unconscious and she was going crazy trying to get to her.”

Paul could well imagine what the little angel must have been doing and he winced thinking about it. “Alex… she’s not…” his eyes were pleading for sympathy he knew he didn’t deserve.

“I don’t know for sure, but if they get up to them soon I think she’ll be fine. I don’t know the extent of her injuries,” he swallowed hard, “or Monica’s.”

“I’m sorry, Andrew,” he shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know what else to do.”

“There’s nothing you can do. I know you never expected any of this to happen. Maybe in some way it will make you think the next time you speak in anger,” his voice held sadness.

“I swear to you, Andrew, I will never let Alex out of my sight again without telling her how much I love her.” He glanced at the FBI building and saw that the firefighters were heading back inside, and some of them were lugging equipment and ladders between them. His thoughts went out to God once again, pleading for another chance to make things right. The answer came in the form of an approaching ATF officer.

“You Gatlin?” he asked.

“Yeah,” he stood up as he answered.

“You two signed up to search the place.” He pointed his thumb over his finger at the ATF vehicle. “Go get suited up. They’re just about ready to send in the first group and you’re A.D. told us you wanted to go in a.s.a.p.”

Andrew was at his side a second later and they shared a look before heading straight to the van. Whatever their current difference they would be put aside until this was all over and Monica and Alex were safe and sound.

*****

“Alex?” Monica called out to her friend for what must have been the hundreth time and she was still answered with silence.  She had ceased her struggle to free herself after Andrew had calmed her, but now the pain was so great she was focusing much of her waning energy on staying conscious.  To slip into oblivion would be a welcome change at the moment, but she refused to allow herself to give into it.  Alex’s silence was terrifying.

She wanted Andrew back.  She had felt stronger when he was here, when she had been able to feel his warm and gentle hands against her face but now that he had gone, she missed him more than she had before he had appeared to her.  She could feel his love for her speaking to her heart, but it only further hurt to not be able to have him there physically.

A soft moan from Alex, caused her eyes to widen, “Alex?  Can you hear me?  Alex, please?”

“Monica?” It took nearly all her energy to say the word as the agent’s eyes slowly opened and Monica could immediately see a mirror image of the pain that clouded them.

“Don’t try to move,” The angel’s voice was barely a whisper as gasping for the breath it took to speak caused pain to course through her.

“I don’t think that is even an option,” Alex lamented, trying to joke, despite the tears that were in her eyes.  The pain was excruciating and even with all her training, she had no idea of how to contain it, so she just forced herself to take as slow of breathes as possible to keep herself calm.  From her position on her stomach, she was trying to gauge the damage, but the pain was so severe she wasn’t sure if anything was broken or not as she couldn’t localize it to one particular area. She felt a warm flow around her face and surmised that she had managed to crack her head open when the beam had hit them.  She ventured a glance over at her friend and winced, “Oh Jesus…Monica…”

“I’m all right,” She lied, but the last thing she wanted was Alex worrying about her, “They’re going to find us, Alex.”

The agent closed her eyes against the flurry of emotions that statement caused.  Being found meant facing Paul and she wasn’t sure she was ready to do that yet, “Monica, about earlier…” Her voice trailed off as she started to get dizzy and the need to sleep became more intense, “Those things I said…I shouldn’t have…I should have kept them to myself…”

“No Alex…you were right and I needed to know,” Monica managed to say, though the very thought of the things Alex had pointed out caused hurt and guilt to flow through her, “I’ll find a way to fix it, Alex…I’ll stay away…do you suppose that might help?  Until things got better?” Not getting a response, she glanced over and her heart skipped a beat as she noticed the blood coming from her friend’s head and seeing that now Alex was unconscious once again, “Alex?  Alex?  You have to stay awake!  Alex?” It was all she could do keep from trying to free herself once more and instead she found herself whispering, “Andrew, please…hurry.”

****

It was three hours before the last block of concrete was removed just far enough away from the doorway for the emergency personel along with Paul and Andrew, to be able to slip into the room on the seventh floor.  Andrew’s body ached but it didn’t hold a candle to the ache in his heart.  Even from the other side of the pile of rubble, he had just been able to make out Monica’s tearful but constant calls to Alex.  His wife’s voice was weak and filled with pain and even now as he made his way to her, she continued to try to rouse her friend.

“Angel,” He spoke her name softly as Paul made his way to Alex and watched as she turned exhausted, pain-filled eyes to him as she barely managed to contain the sobs that begged to emerge at finally having him here.

“I…I tried to keep her awake, Andrew…I tried…”

Her pain was clouding her perception and he quickly took her hand, knowing she needed someone to hold onto, “Shhh.  You did just fine, Monica.  You did all you could, angel; more than anyone could expect of you.”  The trust he saw in her eyes nearly took his breath away as she gave a tiny nod, “How are you doing, sweetheart?”

“I’m okay,” She whispered, knowing it wasn’t really all that truthful.  Her eyes closed briefly before she fought her way back, “You’re not leaving again, are you?”

“No, baby.  I’m not leaving,” He could only imagine the damage that had potentially been done to her body and the possibilities running through his mind terrified him, “Hang on for me, okay?”

“Always,” she gave his hand a weak squeeze and his heart clenched once more at her love and determined spirit.

“Alex?  Come on, baby…please wake up.  I have things to tell you, sweetheart,” Paul’s hand moved to her head and he felt the stickiness of blood and his jaw tensed to hold back a flood of emotions.

She was so still it terrified him and he felt for her pulse once more, relieved to find it still steady.  He glanced up at the firemen, seeing them talking softly to one another, shooting occasional glances to the beam and its prisoners, obviously trying to find the best way to move it.  The agent’s patience was nearly to its breaking point.  He wanted his wife free and medically treated.  He wanted the same for Monica.  He wanted Alex to open her eyes, “Hey! Could you guys knock off the huddle and get this fucking beam off of them?”

His outburst shattered the quiet in the area, causing Monica to jump and she immediately bit back a cry at the pain the movement had caused her. For the second time in his existence, Andrew wanted to punch the agent, but he settled on a low growl, “Paul….”

“We’re waiting for the paramedics to arrive,” One of the men explained, “They’re going to need medical attention immediately.”

“Well, get them up here…” Paul’s tone was threatening, yet much softer as he shot an apologetic look to the little angel.

It only took a few more moments before the paramedics began to arrive and assess the situation before the rescue crew arranged themselves along the beam.  It took six men to lift what one small angel had attempted to move and a cry of pain escaped her as the pressure against her abdomen was alleviated.

Paul did his best to stay out of the way as Alex’s vitals were checked and she was strapped onto a wooden board in the event of a neck or spine injury.  He kept going over all the things he longed to tell her if only she would wake up.  But even now that the beam had been lifted, her beautiful blue eyes remained closed and Paul couldn’t help but wonder how much more weight was still lying on her shoulders after their argument that morning.

As she was strapped in, he brought his hand to her cheek, trying to tenderly wipe away some of the dust, “I love you, baby,” He whispered hoarsely, “I love you so much and we will straighten this out.  I promise.”

“She’s bleeding out!” The cry from the paramedic caused Paul to look up sharply and he felt even sicker at the sight of the blood that was spreading slowly across Monica’s blouse.  The little angel’s eyes had gone from surprise to fear in a matter of seconds, much like a child who didn’t realize how badly they were hurt until they saw blood appear.  Paul remembered Andrew’s words about Monica hurting herself more trying to get to Alex and as the guilt hit him from every side, he prayed that her struggle had not caused the beam to embed itself into her.

“A-Andrew…” Monica’s voice trembled, seeing the blood as the paramedics worked to stop its flow.  She could feel acute pain and her head was growing extremely lighter but she struggled to remain awake.  She didn’t want to leave him even long enough to lose consciousness.

“Monica, don’t move, baby. Don’t look,” Andrew felt his own hands beginning to shake and he forced himself not to move his eyes from her face.

The paramedics were shouting to each other and working desperately to stop the bleeding. It looked as though the beam had cut into her when it landed and was actually the only thing keeping pressure on the wound. If she had somehow managed to move it she would have bled to death long before help arrived.

Monica suddenly let out an agonized scream as the sensation returned full force and she was able to feel everything they were doing to her. Andrew had both hands on her face and was forcing her to look into his eyes.

“Angel, look in my eyes, c’mon listen to my voice,” he pleaded as she tried to wrench her head free. The three men holding her down were the only things keeping her from thrashing around in a frenzied effort to free herself from the pain.

“For God’s sake, give her something!” Paul shouted above the din, horrified by what he was seeing. His hand tightened around Alex’s realizing that it could just as easily have been her.

Working with practiced steadiness, the paramedics ignored both Monica’s scream and Paul’s shouting. They had already started giving her blood to replace what she had lost and they were packing the wound as tightly as they could. A local anesthetic had been injected but unfortunately not soon enough to take care of all the pain.

“Andrew… please… Alex… is she all right? Andrew… what do you want for breakfast? Are we going swimming again? Oh… please… Andrew don’t leave me… don’t let me go…” the loss of blood was beginning to affect her even more, as consciousness was pulled from her a bit at a time while she strained to hold her husband’s gaze. “Andrew… what’s… what’s happening?”

He was brushing her tears away as fast as they came, but finding it a difficult job to keep up with. “Shh… Monica… be still… you’re going to be all right… people are helping you.”

“Hurts,” her voice had lowered and her eyes were beginning to dim.

“I know…” he bent forward and kissed her on the lips, tenderly, a breath from his soul to hers. “You can close your eyes, baby. I’m not leaving.”

“I love you,” was the last thing she whispered as her pain-filled eyes finally slid shut.

“We need to give her some oxygen,” one of the paramedics gently pushed Andrew out of the way as he leaned in to place the mask over her face, a gentle hiss from the steel container following soon after.

“All right, we’re ready to move. There aren’t any more survivors up here. Let’s get out of here.” The lead medic was giving the orders and Monica and Alex were careful lifted up by men who had done it a thousand times before and still had never seen anything to compare with what they were currently witnessing.

Andrew was forced to release Monica’s hand, and he saw that Paul had let go of Alex as well. They were standing forlornly, watching as their wives were rushed as quickly as possible to the stairs. A look passed between them and they fell into step together as they immediately followed after the stretchers.