CHAPTER 5

The trip down the rubble-strewn stairs seemed to take forever, and Andrew could feel every jolt even if Monica was now unaware of them. As they rushed from the building and through the crowd to the line of ambulances he never took his eyes from her face. Paul was similarly engaged and he didn’t notice Walt’s approach until the man was right next to him.

“You found her. My God, what happened to her?” he gritted his teeth at his own insensitivity, but the dried blood around her face made a shocking picture.

“She was pinned on one of the upper floors,” Paul managed to get out through his clenched jaw, and then he was climbing in the ambulance after her.

“Call me, Gatlin. Whatever you need. Anything.”

“Thank you sir,” he replied, but his gaze was already fixed on Alex’s still face and Walt wasn’t sure if he would even remember their conversation.

Only one technician went in Alex’s ambulance with Paul. She seemed stable for the moment and they sped off quickly, bound for hospital. Andrew, meanwhile was barely able to control his temper when the paramedics roughly kept him from joining Monica.

“I’m sorry, but we can’t let you go with her. She’s in critical condition. There isn’t room for us and you.”

Andrew’s green eyes seemed to go straight through the man. “I am not leaving her side. I don’t give a fuck if I have to ride on the roof,” he said, voice low and dangerous.

A second paramedic came around the side of the ambulance and saw the situation. Andrew’s frequent loving glances at the woman inside the vehicle, and his clenched fists and flushed face. The hospital was less than fifteen minutes away. They would manage.

“Let him in,” he demanded, ending the stalemate. Then he looked at Andrew. “Stay by her head and out of their way.”

Andrew nodded and didn’t waste any time climbing aboard. Just being able to touch her soft skin was enough, and he could only hope that she knew that he was right there with her. Whatever pain she was in he wished that he could take it from her, but he knew that wasn’t possible, so instead he prayed that she remain unaware of it until it was under control. Not seeing her bright eyes was difficult, but seeing pain in them was agony.

In the other ambulance Paul was gripping Alex’s hand as hard as he dared and whispering into her ear constantly. The paramedics didn’t seem as concerned about her as they did about Monica, and that was understandable, but the agent was driving himself crazy with worry and guilt. A slight sound from her lips made him sit up straighter, and the paramedic moved closer as well, taking her vitals yet again.

“Baby? Can you hear me? Please, Alex, open your eyes. C’mon girl, you can do it,” Paul was pleading with her unashamedly and he was rewarded when her dark lashes fluttered and slowly parted to reveal her blue eyes.

There was confusion and pain in those eyes and when she found she couldn’t move the confusion changed rapidly to fear. “No, don’t try to move. You’re strapped down, baby. You’re in an ambulance… you’re safe.”

Her racing heart barely took note of his words and she struggled to calm herself as Paul watched her helplessly. His hands were on her cheeks, and he was looking down at her with so much love and relief. She finally met his gaze, but she squinted, trying to decipher what she was really seeing, and horribly aware of the doubts that had moved to the forefront of her mind.

“Oh, Alex, thank God,” Paul stroked her cheeks and tried to control the fact that his throat was swelling with emotion. “Baby, I love you so much… I am so sorry for everything… everything… All I could think about was how the last words I spoke to you were spoken in anger. Please, baby, you don’t have to say anything else, just tell me you still love me.”

She looked up at him through her pain and her heart ached. “I do,” she whispered, but then she closed her eyes wondering who he had really rescued this time.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Monica was immediately wisked away to surgery and Alex to exam and x-ray, leaving the angel and the agent alone in the waiting room.  Andrew’s eyes were focused on the doors that they had just taken his little wife through, the expression on his face nothing short of mental agony.  Her terrified struggle to alleviate her pain back at the FBI building continued to play out in his mind.  He had never seen her in such pain; had never known a time when his touch had not calmed her and he only wanted to punch the people responsible for it.

At least Paul was now remarkably calmer as he had gotten to speak with Alex and he watched his angelic friend through guilt filled eyes, “She’s going to be all right, Andrew…” He offered trying to convey some semblence of hope.

“Yeah, I know, Paul.  After all, she is an angel, right?” Andrew was unable to hold back his sarcasm and actually felt a tiny shred of satisfaction when Paul flinched.

“I deserved that,” He replied softly, watching Andrew from where he sat, “Andrew, I’m sorry…I never should have said that.”

“Save it, Paul,” He couldn’t seem to help but to feel irritable with the agent, “I’m grabbing coffee.  You want a cup?”

He somehow felt even worse now, but he nodded his head, “Coffee would be great, Andrew.”

As the angel headed down the hall, Paul let out a deep breath and rested his head in his hands.  He was expecting to hear something on Alex soon and now felt even more guilty that it would probably be much longer before Andrew knew anything about Monica.  He felt every bit as guilty for being relieved that it was not Alex who had been in such tremendous pain only a short time ago.  He had made this mess today and Alex and Monica were suffering for it.  That fact was not an easy cross to bear.

“Paul.”

The agent looked up sharply and found himself facing Zach Cohan, one of the guys from the bureau who worked for him, “Cohan, what are you doing here?”

“Looking for you actually.  How is Alex?” The man had heard that Paul’s wife had been caught in the building and later had heard that she had been rescued and brought to the hospital.

“I don’t know anything definate yet.  They took her for x-rays.  I should know something soon.”

“I guess our suspicions were right about those guys from the middle east coming into DC today.  They are suspecting suicide bombers at both agencies today.  I can’t believe we’ve been tracking the bastards for weeks and we fucking lost them today.  I guess we’ll never know if that lead I paged you about earlier would have ever paid off.”

Cohan continued to ramble on but Paul was no longer listening.  His gaze was locked on the angel’s who was standing close enough to hear every word.  He saw nothing short of rage in Andrew’s green eyes, before his friend turned and walked away, back out the Emergency Room exit.

“Not a good time, Zach,” Paul muttered, rising to his feet, “Catch up with me later…once I know Alex and another friend are all right.” He brushed past his collegue, having a feeling he was about to take his life in his hands by following Andrew outside.

His theory was proven correct when Andrew threw him up against the wall of the building almost as soon as he had walked out the door.

“You fucking knew something?!  You knew something could happen here today and you still left your wife in that building and sent mine up to fix your fucking mistake?  Tell me I misunderstood, Paul!” Andrew’s face was flushed with anger as he clung to the collar of the agent’s shirt.

“It was only a hunch, Andrew!  Something we were working on and we lost them today…”

“That should have been your first clue!” He snapped.  It was taking everything in him to not draw back his fist.

“We never in a million years would have thought they would target the agency!  The Capitol, the White House, but not the damn FBI!” Paul was pleading Andrew would at least try to understand, though the guilt he was already feeling was overwhelming and it continued to pile up by the minute.

“It shouldn’t have mattered what you thought they might target!  It was bad enough you didn’t try to fix things with Alex; that you sent Monica up there to try to fix it for you, but you did those things knowing the danger that could be around the fucking corner!”  He had never felt such rage.  It was one thing to be angry at some random criminal like William Grady or Devin Jackson, but he had always trusted Paul and this betrayal and what it had caused felt like a direct knife in his back, “You know what really pisses me off, Gatlin?  The fact that Monica was probably thankful to be in that mess with Alex.  She never would have wanted your wife to go through it alone though you left her up there when you should have been apologizing.  You backed out of lunch so Monica had to go up there because the tough guy was such a fucking coward!” Angrily he released his hold on Paul in disgust, “That angel who should be fine is in critical condition, Paul, because you were too big of a chicken shit to face Alex.  You used her today, and used horrible words to hurt Alex and the worst part is that neither one of them would do something like that to you.”

Paul wished he could get angry.  He wished he could fight back.  But the fact was that most of the things Andrew was saying were true, though he had never meant for things to turn out this way, “Andrew, if I had thought for one second that something like this could have happened-.”

“What?  You would have fixed it?  You would have done things differently?  So why the hell didn’t you?  Why would it have taken immediate danger to make you do what you should have done regardless?  That’s the fucking point, Paul!  You don’t wait for something terrible to happen to do the right thing.”

He lowered his eyes, knowing he had no argument.  Andrew was right.  He had been telling himself the whole time he had been waiting word on Alex that he should have immediately made things right with her.  He shouldn’t have been too proud to immediately admit that he had fucked things up, “I never meant for this to happen, not to Alex or Monica.”

“But it did, Paul and we don’t know if either one of them are going to be all right, angel or no.” Turning on his heel, he walked back into the hospital without another word.

Paul watched him go and then turned his eyes to the sky. The sun was setting and he could see the moon and the faint light from the evening stars in the still pale blue sky. How had the day come to this? It had started perfectly, waking up with Alex in his arms, and smiling down on her, thinking how lucky he was to have her. Now, twelve hours later he was waiting to hear from a doctor about her condition.

Leaning up against the wall, he let it support him as he slid down it to sit on the ground, gaze still focused upwards. He was very hesitant to speak, but he finally did, clearing his throat first and lowering his eyes. “God… I…” he cleared his throat again, “I’m probably about the last person you want to hear from today. I’m guessing that no one else got his wife and one of your angels hospitalized. And I know that you aren’t even the one I should really be asking for forgiveness, but unfortunately everyone I should be groveling to is either not able or willing to talk to me. You know my heart. You know I never wanted any of this to happen, but Andrew was right. If I hadn’t been such a prick… sorry ‘bout that… jerk… then none of us would be here right now. I swear I started out with the best intentions. I was scared. I worry about Alex… maybe I shouldn’t but I do, and I needed to let her know that, but the way I did it.” He shook his head and looked up again. “Well you know everything that happened after that. So, like I said, I know you aren’t the one I should be talking to right now, but Alex and Monica are inside, and I’m just asking you to please watch over them even closer than usual right now. Please, give me a chance to make this up to them.”

He let his head fall to his hands as he silently thought that he also needed a chance to make it up to Andrew. He had only seen him that furious once before; with Grady. Knowing that right now, Andrew was placing him on the same level as Monica’s rapist made his stomach turn. Very slowly he pushed himself to his feet. He could only avoid the angel for just so long. He needed to find out about Alex. As he approached the door his insides rebelled once more, wondering if Andrew would even allow him near his wife when she came out of surgery.

Perhaps Paul shouldn’t have been surprised to see Andrew waiting for him, but he was. He still looked angry, but it was contained for the moment.

“The doctor was here looking for you. He’ll be back in a minute. They’re transferring Alex up to a room.”

Paul’s face filled with gratitude, but his smile left almost immediately. There still wasn’t any word about Monica, and Andrew looked less than willing to share his relief. “Thanks, Andrew,” he said, trying to infuse his voice with repentance as well as gratitude.

Andrew nodded his head and then went back to his silent vigil, with eyes staring at the double doors Monica had been wheeled through. He had already prayed for God to take away his anger and frustration at Paul, and it had lessened, but remained a knot in his chest. Maybe after he knew that Monica was all right he would be able to completely forgive him, but at the moment that seemed well beyond his grasp.

Knowing that a doctor could be coming any moment made it impossible for Paul to sit down and even attempt to relax. He paced the waiting room and cast frequent glances to the admittance desk. The nurses and admins were completely absorbed in trying to sort out everyone who had been brought to them from the disaster, and as much as he wanted to ask them if they knew anything Paul kept his distance. The last thing he needed was more people pissed off at him.

Thankfully his wait was short and Andrew saw the doctor walking towards them and alerted the agent. “That’s him,” he said, nodding in the man’s direction. Paul was at his side before he was half-way there.

“My wife… Alex… you worked on her? How is she?”

“You must be Paul Gatlin?” the doctor asked, and Paul nodded emphatically. “Doctor Sullivan. Yes I worked on your wife. The paramedics told me a steel beam fell on top of her and frankly I didn’t believe them.” Paul’s worry shot up a notch and the doctor stretched forward a hand and laid it on his shoulder. “What I mean is that she didn’t sustain the severity of injuries I would have expected. I’m guessing some rubble around her took some of the weight. She does have two cracked ribs, her shoulder was dislocated and she suffered a fairly severe concussion, but believe me, it could have been much, much worse.”

As relieved as he was, Paul couldn’t stop thinking about just exactly how much worse it could have been. The embodiment of that particular scenario was currently in the middle of surgery. “I can see her now? Is she awake?”

“She’s been transferred upstairs to a room, on the third floor and you can go up to be with her, but no, right now we’re letting her sleep, although we’ll be monitoring her closely due to the head injury. Standard procedure, so don’t let the frequent visits disturb you.” Dr. Sullivan was smiling at the look of relief on Paul’s face. Unfortunately he hadn’t been able to give such good news very often today.

“Thank you, Doctor. Thanks a lot,” he said, shaking the doctor’s hand.

“You’re welcome. I’m glad I was able to help her. If you ask the nurses at the desk on he third floor they’ll be able to direct you to her room.”

As the doctor walked away, Paul turned to Andrew, painfully aware that the angel had heard every word. “Andrew…”

“Paul, I’m glad that Alex is going to be all right. You know how much she means to me and to Monica.”

“Of course, but…”

Andrew shook his head. “Go be with your wife, Gatlin.”

“You’ll tell me when Monica’s out of surgery?” Again, Paul was wondering if he’d even be allowed near her.

“I’ll tell you. Now go. Take advantage of the fact you have a second chance to make up for your mistakes.” Andrew hadn’t meant for his voice to sound so harsh, but he knew that it was and he grimaced. “I’m sorry, Paul. This is going to take me a little time to get over.”

“Andrew, I’m just surprised you didn’t lay me out. I’m gonna get out of your hair now. I’ll be praying for Monica, buddy.”

“I know. So will I.”