CHAPTER 6

Paul got Alex’s room number and didn’t waste a moment getting to her.  He had felt another twinge of guilt at leaving Andrew to wait alone for word on Monica but Alex needed him and he was fairly sure that the angel wasn’t too keen on his company at the moment.

He opened her door quietly and stood back as a nurse checked her vitals once more as he took in the sight of his wife.  Her arm was in a sling, strapped tightly against her body and the bandage on her head somehow seemed to make her appear even paler.  He had only seen her look so vulnerable one other time and it only served to make him want to wrap her up in his arms and never let go again.

“I think she’s been trying to wake up,” The nurse told him with a smile as she finished her task and moved towards the door, “She’s a very lucky young lady.”

Paul gave a small nod, thinking it was he who was the lucky one to be given a second chance with his wife, but he said nothing.  Once the nurse had departed, he made his way to Alex’s bed and took a seat in the chair next to her, instinctively reaching for her hand.  She was going to be all right.  He told himself that over and over, playing it like a mantra in his head and he was still unable to quite believe it.

“Alex?  Sweetheart?” His heart sprang to his throat as he watched her slowly open her eyes.  She blinked as if trying to clear her vision and to figure out exactly where she was, before she looked over at him.  His heart then thudded to the floor when she looked away.  He knew she had every right to still be upset with him, but he didn’t want it to go on a minute longer, “You’re going to be fine, Alex, just fine,” She gave the smallest of nods, but didn’t utter a sound, “Baby, I’m so sorry about earlier.  Please believe me.  I was just angry…”

“I know,” She interrupted, not feeling strong enough to even consider having this conversation right now.  She ached all over and her emotions felt completely raw and that last thing she wanted to do was confront his feelings when she was this weak, “How’s Monica?”

Paul lowered his head for a moment, “She’s in surgery,” He stated simply, not wanting to alarm her.

“It’s bad,” She stated, her words causing him to raise his head in surprise, “I could tell that while we were up there, even though she insisted she was fine,” She blinked back tears, “She never should have been there in the first place, but I can’t say I’m sorry she was there with me.  I wouldn’t have wanted to have been up there alone.”

It was a small jab and Paul knew it and accepted it, “I’m glad you weren’t alone either, honey,” He offered softly as he squeezed her hand, “I had never been so afraid as when I knew you were in that building.”

She wanted to counter with a dozen differerent comments, but she chose none of them, “I’m tired.”

He felt his heart racing wildly in his chest as he got the feeling he was being shut out at the moment, yet he couldn’t deny that she looked exhausted, “Then rest, sweetheart.  I’ll be right here,” He got up and moved to kiss her on the lips and he knew she was more than just tired when she moved her head a fraction of an inch at the last minute and his kiss landed just on the corner of her mouth.  She immediately closed her blue eyes, and he stared at her for a moment, wondering how on earth he would ever be able to repair the damage his words had done.

*****

“Are you Monica’s husband?”

Andrew looked up, his heart in his throat and all he could manage was a nod as his mind raced with terrible thoughts.  She had died.  She had died, God had taken her Home and he had no idea when he would see her again.

“We’ve just gotten her stabilized enough to begin operating.  I thought you might want to hold onto these for her,” The young intern felt a tug of sympathy over the pained look on his face as she handed him the small ziplock bag.

Andrew took the bag from her hands, his vision blurring slightly as he looked at the few pieces of jewelry the bag contained.  Monica’s wedding band, engagment ring, as well as the necklace, bracelet and earrings he had given her.  Of course they had to be removed for surgery,  but suddenly the thought of her not even having that much was agonizing, “Thank you,” He managed to say, his voice sounding far away and hollow.

She glanced back towards the doors, knowing she needed to get back, but instead she briefly took a seat next to him, “How long have you been married?”

“Just a month…but we’ve known each other forever,” He heard himself answering as he opened the bag and took out her wedding band.  Idly, he slipped it over his pinky though it only came a quarter of the way over his finger and he was reminded how petite the little angel was…she was so small and a beam that took six men to lift had been resting on top of her for hours, “How…how bad is it?  They said she was critical, but…”

The intern drew in a deep breath and found herself resting her hand against his forearm, “She is critical, but we’re going to do all we can for her and it seems to me that she has plenty to pull through for.” She gave his arm a little squeeze as she stood back up, “It’s probably going to be a few hours, but I’ll let you know as soon as she comes out and then the doctor will be out to speak with you.”

“Thank you,” Andrew replied softly, his focus once again going to the ring on his finger.  He remembered how she had told him she loved him right before she had lost consciousness and he now wished he had told her the same thing.  He knew she knew how he felt, but he wished he had said it just the same.

It was suddenly hard to believe that only a week ago he had been holding her in his arms after making love to her.  It felt like years since he had last been able to hold her close, being able to feel her warmth and the feel of her head against him as she snuggled closer.  How long would it be before he could feel that way again?

 This had been too soon.  Too soon after William Grady for her to be hurt, though in thinking about that time, he was reminded of just how much of a little fighter she was.  She had worked her way back from the rape one small step at a time and even when something else had been thrown at her, Monica had never given up, even if at times she had wanted to.  He only wished that she hadn’t had so many reasons to fight the last few years.

“Father,” His voice was a whisper as he closed his eyes, “She’s hurt…and I know You are holding her right now when I can’t.  You know how much I love her, and the thought of losing her, even briefly….please, just bring her through this.  You’ve blessed us with so many special gifts, the greatest of them being our marriage and I know that when You gave Your blessing I said I would never want for anything more, but…let her survive this surgery and help me contain my anger, at Paul, at the men who did this.  I know Paul didn’t mean for either of them to get hurt, but he used her today to fix what he had done.  She gives of herself so freely and without a thought to her own well being, and Paul knows that about her.  He took advantage of that innocence I love so much about her, even if he didn’t specifically ask her to help with the fight he had with Alex,” He shook his head, trying to shake off the twinges of anger in his heart, “Monica probably knew something was wrong when she talked to him and he knew that there was danger in this city today and he still left Alex up there and didn’t stop Monica from joining her.  I’m finding those things hard to forgive, even if you have already forgiven him.”

He felt a little more peace creep into his soul as he opened his eyes, once again finding them unable to leave the door that his heart was behind.

****

The minutes ticked by with impossible slowness and Andrew counted each and every one. He barely noticed the other activity in the waiting room, and although he knew that as an angel he should be concerned with everyone and trying to help them all, he couldn’t make himself do it. For good or for ill, Monica was the only one who mattered to him at the moment.

Paul ventured down twice to check in, and despite the fact that Alex was going to be fine, Andrew was struck by the fact that Paul still looked haggard and ill at ease when he asked about her. The angel could feel that God was working to alleviate his anger at the man, but in its place a deep disappointment had settled. Paul was his best friend, for lack of another word, and the man had always been above reproach when it came to how he treated Monica and Alex. Andrew knew that it was unfair to judge him against anything other than purely fallible, human standards, but somewhere along the line, Paul had eclipsed those standards and it was hard to accept that he was just as capable of mistakes as any other man.

When Andrew thought about it longer, after the agent retreated back to Alex’s room, he realized that perhaps part of his anger and disappointment stemmed from the fact that he knew that he wasn’t perfect either. He had unintentionally hurt Monica before, and there was every chance that he would do so again, no matter how hard he tried not to. Part of loving her made him intensely human and as much as he wanted to believe that he could never have done what Paul had, a very small voice told him that anything was possible.

He was deep in thought when the doors to the operating rooms opened and a doctor he had not seen before appeared, accompanied by the intern from earlier. He was on his feet a moment later and the two women quickly approached him.

“You operated on my wife?” he asked before the doctor could even introduce herself.

“Yes, I did. Dr. Fitzgerald,” she said, extending her hand. He shook it without thinking, his eyes never leaving her face as they searched for some clue to how Monica was doing. “The surgery went extremely well. Better than expected, to be honest. She lost a lot of blood at the scene, and even more here, but once we got that under control, the damage to her internal organs was relatively light. The bleeding was coming from an artery to her liver that was severed. Unfortunately the lack of oxygenated blood to that organ while she was trapped caused a part of it to become damaged.”

Andrew’s face went from slight relief to complete distress again. “What does that mean, exactly? Is she all right?”

“We had to remove that part of the liver, but thankfully that organ is able to regenerate itself and she should make a complete recovery. Right now we have her on a breathing tube as well, to take some pressure off her lungs and heart. She suffered three cracked ribs, which are minor, but painful, and we just want to be safe. She was in a severe amount of distress when the paramedics got to her and that kind of stress can easily damage those organs.”

Andrew’s head was spinning. The doctor said she was going to be all right, but then she said something else that made his heart race. “But… she’ll be fine… won’t she?”

Dr. Fitzgerald instantly recognized the face of a man who was getting too much information all at the same time when all he really wanted was one simple question answered. “We’ll be watching her very carefully but she should be perfectly fine. I’m sorry for hitting you with so much all at once.”

“Am I able to see her now?” That was the second and almost as important question.

“She’s in ICU for the night, but yes, you can see her. Visiting hours end at eight o’clock, but I think we can make an exception in this case.”

Finally, Andrew could breathe again and he relaxed his hands which had closed into fists so tight his knuckles were white. “Where is the ICU?”

“Second floor. She’s in room 207. You can head up and I’ll call the nurse’s station and give them a head’s up.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Andrew remembered his manners and managed a relieved smile at both the doctor and the young intern who had been so kind to him earlier.

“I’ll be praying for her,” the young woman said, as Andrew turned away, and he looked back over his shoulder and let his green eyes meet with the young woman’s as they shared a glance that made Andrew wonder if there weren’t such things as angels in waiting.