CHAPTER 7

The elevator seemed to take forever just to reach the second floor, and Andrew didn’t even bother to ask where the room was, but instead glanced down every hall until he saw the numbers going up to 207. The sign on the door read ‘oxygen in use’ and when he opened it the slow and steady beeps and hissing from several machines greeted him.

There was a stiff looking chair with vinyl cushions next to the bed and Andrew went to it quickly and sat down, immediately taking Monica’s frail hand in his.

“I’m sorry I was away, Angel. Even I couldn’t override the doctors,” he said, trying to keep his voice light. He was sure that she could hear him and he wanted to sound positive and upbeat, telling her that Alex was all right and the fire at the bureau was out and everyone who was alive had been freed, but within five minutes he was silent again.

“Sweetheart, I know how tired you are… how strong you’ve been all day, but baby, I just want you to know how much I love you… how much I cherish every moment with you. You are going to be fine, Monica, and you’ll be back to yourself before you know it. I know it seems like it hasn’t been that long since the last time you were in a hospital, but this time, I swear won’t be as hard… and this time I won’t have to hold back when I want to kiss you until you see stars.”

He reached into his pocket and scooped out her engagement ring, and then pulled her wedding band off his pinkie finger. “I think you probably want these back,” he whispered as his eyes clouded with tears. “I know I want you wearing them… my beautiful wife.” He gently pushed them over her ring finger and settled them into place, then brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

The back of her hand had an IV attached, and he brushed over it lightly with his thumb. “I have a feeling that you have a lot you need to talk to me about, sweetheart, and I’m going to be here the whole time. We were only apart for a week but if felt like forever to me. You are my world, angel… without you in it there’s just grey. You are the color, and I can’t wait to see your eyes again and tell you just how much you mean to me.”

His heart leapt to his throat as on his last word, her eyelashes fluttered and he gave her hand the gentlest of squeezes.  He watched as her tired eyes opened and she blinked against the light in the room as a look of confusion appeared in her dark eyes.  At the realization she was unable to speak, panic filled them as they welled up with frightened tears.

Andrew moved forward quickly, feeling her distress in his heart, and wanting to make sure she could see him. His free hand moved to stroke her temple as he captured her fearful look, “Shh.  You’re all right, baby.  The tube is a precaution, that’s all.  It should be gone by morning,” Tenderly, he swiped at the tears that escaped her eyes, “You’re all right.  The doctor said you’re going to be fine.”

Though there were still tears in the dark pools, she seemed to relax a little at his words and at the feeling of his touch and he found himself blinking back tears as she wrapped her small hand around his and held on tightly.  Andrew could feel her questions wrapping around his heart and he gently explained all that the doctor had told him and everything he knew about Alex.

“You don’t need to worry, angel.  The doctors and I are going to take care of you, so all you need to do is rest and get better.  I love you, baby…I was so afraid today…to see you hurting and not be able to do anything to take it away…” He kissed her fingers once more, “I’m just so thankful you are going to be all right.  I know God would have taken care of you either way, but the thought of being away from you, even for a moment was more than I could bear.”

He brushed away another tear as it escaped her eye and smiled lovingly, “Rest, sweetheart.  I will be here, I promise.”

He watched as she pulled her hand away from his weakly and held up her thumb, pointer finger and pinkie in the universal sign for “I love you”.  Andrew thought his heart would surely escape his chest, “I love you too, angel, with everything in me.  Now sleep.”

Just as Monica closed her eyes, there was a soft knock at the door and Andrew looked over to see Paul step inside, “Paul, I’m sorry.  I had to see her first before…”

“Say no more, Andrew.  I understand.  I just wanted to see how she was doing.”  He was relieved that the angel had allowed him this far into the room, but he wasn’t about to question it.

“She’s sleeping, but she was just awake.  A little scared, but she’s going to be fine,” Andrew’s eyes came back to rest on his wife’s face, seeing the pensive expression on her sleeping face, “How is Alex?”

“Also asleep and I think still a bit upset with me, but I suppose I expected that.  It will take some time, I guess.”

“And you can give that to her,” Andrew stated softly.

Paul nodded as he ventured a step nearer to Monica’s bed and was even more surprised when Andrew got up to allow the agent access to the little angel.  He gently reached for her hand and held it gently, hating how frail she suddenly seemed, “I just wanted to say hello, honey,” He said quietly, “and how relieved I am that you are going to be okay.  I have a lot more to tell you, but we’ll wait until you’re feeling better,” He leaned in and kissed her forehead, before turning back to Andrew.

The angel had watched the exchange and he felt a pang of guilt for his earlier words to Paul.  Though a part of him was still angry, it was obvious that Paul loved Monica and would never mean her any harm, but a second later, Andrew’s expression froze as he watched a tear slip from his wife’s eye, making a trail into her hair, at the same moment he felt intense sadness filling his heart.

“Let me know if you need anything, Andrew,” Paul offered as he opened the door to head back to Alex.

“Sure Paul.  Thanks, and you do the same.”

As his friend departed, Andrew quickly took the seat beside her bed once more, wondering if he had imagined the feeling in his heart and that her tears were only from some pain as she slept, “Angel?” His voice was a whisper in the event she was really sleeping.

But her eyes opened briefly and the sadness and guilt he saw there nearly bowled him over and he suddenly felt extremely frustrated that she was unable to talk to him as once more he was powerless to help her, “Sweetheart, whatever it is, we will fix it, all right?  I don’t want you worrying about anything, angel,” his mind was racing with possibilities.  Did she know that Paul had a lead on the people who had bombed the building today?  That would explain the sadness but not the feeling of guilt he was getting from her.  She had nothing to feel guilty for!  Was it Alex?  Did she think she could have done more to help her?  She had done all she could and had wound up in surgery for hours over what she had done.

He saw the pleading look in her eyes and his throat nearly closed as he reached up to stroke her hair, “Sleep baby. We’ll talk it out tomorrow if you’re up to it, but no worries tonight, okay?” Relief filled him as she fumbled for his hand and he took it once more as she finally closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift off to sleep.

Much too soon, the sun began its crawl up the sky, but that wasn’t what woke the angel of death. A gentle hand on his shoulder was what caused him to open his eyes. They went first to Monica’s still face, and his suddenly racing heart slowed when he saw that she was sleeping peacefully. After assuring himself of that fact, he was able to turn to the new arrival in the room.

“Tess,” he greeted her with an exhausted smile and went to stand up and hug her, but she motioned for him to stay where he was.

“I came as soon as I could, baby. The Father had me working in another part of the hospital helping some other victims of this horrible crime.”

Andrew nodded knowingly. God hadn’t spoken to him since allowing him to go to her side when she was trapped, but that didn’t mean that other angels weren’t still on the scene. He suddenly looked up sharply.

“He didn’t send you for me, did He?” His hand tightened on Monica’s and he could feel the diamond from her ring pressing into his palm. “I’m not leaving her side, Tess. I don’t care what the need. I left her alone once already and I’m not doing it again. If I have to disobey Him…” Andrew could hardly imagine it, but suddenly his love for Monica was clouding his heart and mind to anything else.

“Angel boy, calm down,” Tess said soothingly. “I’m not here to take you away. Nothing could be further from the truth.”

He let out a sigh of relief and hung his head. “I’m sorry, Tess. I guess being separated in the first place is just making this even harder to take.”

“I know, and believe me, He knows that too. He never intended for you two to be apart for any longer than absolutely necessary, and He has no intention of sending you away from her now.”

“Thank you for telling me, that. You know that I trust Him with everything… but right now…”

“She needs you. And you need her. There’s nothing in the world wrong with that.” Tess stroked the little angel’s cheek. “How is she doing?”

“The doctors yesterday were very optimistic. I never really doubted that she would pull through… but seeing her hurting…”

“Shhh, baby. Don’t think about that right now.”

He nodded and rubbed his thumb against her rings, still praying that when she woke up the medications she was getting through the IV would have eliminated all of her pain. “Her doctor thought they’d be able to remove that tube and get her out of ICU today,” he said softly.

“Well we both know how stubborn she can be. I’m sure that if there’s any chance at all, she’ll be fighting to get out of here altogether before you know it.”

Smiling, Andrew remembered that was exactly the way she was. No doubt she would be far more concerned about Alex then she was about herself. “Have you seen Paul?”

“Not yet, but I heard about Alex. She was very lucky.”

“In more ways than one,” he replied. “If Monica hadn’t gone up to get her for lunch she would have been in her office when the bombs went off. I took three people Home from her floor.”

*****

She stared up at the ceiling, looking at the tiles, and letting them go in and out of focus. Breathing hurt. Everything ached. But when she turned her head and saw her husband asleep in a very uncomfortable looking chair her heart hurt more than all of her physical aches. She loved him so much, with everything that was in her. She had never expected to fall so deeply in love after thirty years of bad relationships, but she had. Two days ago she couldn’t have imagined a more perfect life, and now she was staring at him wondering how to pull her heart back and keep from getting even more hurt. As she looked at his face his eyes slowly opened and she held his gaze for a moment before closing her eyes wearily.

“Baby, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” Paul was eager to show her how much he cared for her and desperate to get that sad look out of her eyes.

“Sore,” she murmured.

“I’m not surprised, but the doctor said you could probably leave today.”

“What about Monica?”

Paul reached over and picked up her hand, holding it tenderly between both of his. “I stopped by her room last night while you were sleeping.” Alex was looking at him with a trace of fear, and he swallowed before continuing. “She’s a little worse off than you, sweetheart, but she’s going to be fine. Just fine.”

Alex remembered how the little angel had looked, keeping a strong face on, but so pale, with her dark eyes reflecting such horrible pain. “I want to see her,” she said quickly.

“Alex, please don’t worry about her. You know she’s in good hands. The best hands.”

“Please. I need to see her,” she said again. Seeing her would get her mind off herself, and it would let her know for sure that the little angel was going to be all right.

Paul sighed and kissed her hand. “I’ll see what I can do, Alex. I think they’re moving her out of ICU today. Maybe this afternoon after she gets settled…”

The woman nodded slightly, the motion making her head throb, and she winced without meaning to. Paul was on his feet a second later and pushing the call button. “You need to concentrate on yourself right now. We’ll have the nurse bring some painkillers. Do you think you could eat?”

She shrugged, and Paul felt his heart clench just a little bit more. She was right next to him but she had never felt further away. He could only hope that once she was feeling a little better they would be able to talk and she would be able to forgive him and reset the clock back a week to when things were perfect.

*****

“Now, Monica, I’m going to pull this tube out, but you need to cough really hard while I do it, okay?” Dr. Fitzgerald was beside the angel’s bed, waiting for her to nod that she understood.

Andrew had her hand wrapped up in his and as she coughed and tube came out, she squeezed so hard her fingers went white. The searing pain through her chest from her ribs was not what she had expected and as soon as the tube was free she let out a breathless sob.

“I’m sorry, Monica. I knew it would hurt, but I couldn’t have you thinking about that.” The doctor had her stethoscope out and she was placing it against the angel’s chest, listening to her heartbeat and her breathing. “Better now?” she asked as her breathing slowed.

“Yes… it still hurts…” Monica’s voice was rough and scratchy sounding, and Andrew quickly brought a glass of water to her lips.

“Your ribs are going to hurt for a while, and that incision in your stomach can’t be feeling very good either, but you are a very lucky woman,” Dr. Fitzgerald assured her.

Monica glanced over at Andrew and then back to the doctor. “I know.”

Unable to hold back a smile at the obvious love between them, the doctor patted her hand. “I think that I will go and finish up my rounds and check back with you in a little while. I know you’re in good hands here, and if you’re still doing well when I come back, we can see about transferring you out of the ICU.”

“That would be wonderful, Doctor,” Andrew said, speaking for both of them.

“Take care of each other. I’ll be back in an hour or so, and don’t hesitate to call for more pain medication if you need it.”

She left the two of them alone then, and Andrew couldn’t help himself. He bent forward and caught Monica’s lips in a tender kiss; memorizing the feel of her mouth against his, and tracing his hand along her jaw. It didn’t last long enough to make her breathless, but her eyes were bright with tears when they parted.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” he explained.

“Me too,” she whispered.

“How are you feeling, angel?  The truth,” His voice was gentle as his hand continued to stroke her cheek.

She let out a tiny sigh, wincing at the sharp pain even that small action caused her, “I hurt,” She replied, her voice strained.

“I promise you will feel a little better each day, sweetheart,” Andrew whispered to her, his love for her shining in his eyes.

Looking into them, she found herself blinking back tears, “I missed you so much…I wanted you with me…to be with you…I…I didn’t think it would be so hard.”

“Neither did I, baby.  Leaving you up there…it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” He held her hand in both of his and kissed it tenderly.

“I understoood, Andrew…someone else needed you more.”

The look of sadness was back in her eyes and he realized he no longer needed an excuse to open the conversation, “Yes.  Paul. Speaking of which, angel, it upset you that he was in here last night,” He watched as she lowered her eyes, “Whatever it is, sweetheart, I think you need to talk about it.”

Monica was silent for a moment, suddenly feeling unbearably weary, but she knew he was right, “You know Paul and Alex had a fight yesterday morning.”

It was half statement, half question, and Andrew nodded his head, “Yes.  He knows he hurt her pretty badly,” He shook his head slightly at the reminder of what his friend had said to his wife.

“It’s more than that, Andrew,” Her voice was soft and there was hurt present and he felt the stirrings of his protective nature kicking into gear, “It was more than just what he said.  It was what Alex believes is the truth behind those words.”

“Monica, the truth is that Paul was angry.  He didn’t mean what he said, even though that doesn’t excuse it.  He-.” Andrew stopped himself as the grief in her dark eyes deepened.

“Have you ever known Paul to say anything that he didn’t mean on some level?”  In the few years Monica had known and been close with the agent, he had always calculated everything, from how he handled a case to the things he said.  Why would this be any exception?

“Alex believes he has never gotten over Lauren,” The words were a whisper and when she looked up at him, there were tears in her eyes, “And I’ve been a constant reminder for him.”

Andrew blinked, trying to take in what she was telling him, “Angel, what…?”

“Don’t you see?  I look like her, Andrew and it all makes sense.  The way he has always been so protective of me, even where you are concerned.  The times he has been able to help me….it wasn’t really me…it was Lauren,” Tears escaped and she closed her eyes tiredly, “I think the best thing I can do right now is to stay away.”

He suddenly felt angry and he didn’t even know at whom.  He only knew his wife was hurt and that was enough to upset him, though his anger was certainly not at Alex and as he wasn’t completely convinced of what Alex believed, he couldn’t really be angry with Paul, at least no more than he already was. 

His head was spinning, trying to decide what he believed.  Paul loved Alex.  He knew that for a fact.  He also believed that the agent loved Monica and not just for the simple reason that she reminded him of his late fiancee, “Angel,” His voice was soothing as he moved his hand to her face once more, waiting until she looked at him, “Isn’t it possible that whatever Alex may think could be stemming from some kind of insecurities that have nothing to do with the truth?”

“Yes, but I don’t want to take a chance right now by being around him.  What if she’s right?  What if he never let Lauren go?” Her voice caught in a sob and pain immediately filled her dark eyes.

“Shh,” He knew she was tired, and in pain, and her emotions were feeling raw from those two things alone and because of that now was not the best time to flat out tell her he thought she was wrong.  There would be time to gently lay that before her later, “Regardless of what the truth really is, I think Alex will be released from the hospital today or tomorrow, where you are going to be sticking around a few more days, so that will give Paul and Alex some time to mend what has come between them.  Maybe by that time, she’ll be seeing things more clearly, though I will tell you that he was frantic about her being in the building.  He loves her, Monica, that much I know for certain.”

She nodded her head and closed her eyes again against his gentle touch, wishing she could be wrapped up in his arms.  The pain was getting worse and she was struggling to breath normally instead of in the short and shallow bursts that kept her ribs and incision from hurting so badly.

Andrew hit the call button, able to see the pain on her face she was trying to hide, “I think more medication is in order, angel.  There is no sense in you hurting like this when it can be alleviated.”

“I know,” Monica replied softly, deciding that arguing would get her nowhere.  He loved her and she was in pain.  He needed to fix it for her, “It’s just that I can’t be with you when I’m sleeping.”

He smiled down at her, once again reveling in the honesty that revealing their love for each other had inspired, “You’re always with me, baby, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m glad you’re here…”

“Nowhere else I’d ever want to be, Monica.  For better or for worse and though this is a touch of worse, I’m going to make it better and on top of that, if you recall, sometimes out of terrible things, come wonderful things.”

She reached up with her other hand and laid it over his that was resting against her face.  He was talking about the rape and how it had taken that for their feelings to come to the surface. The love that they now shared nearly made it impossible to completely regret what had happened to her nearly four months ago, “Next week…” She began, but he cut her off gently.

“I know,” Andrew whispered and a tiny smile appeared on her face at knowing he remembered, “I’m so proud of you, angel.”

Her nurse came in then and she and Andrew spoke briefly about Monica’s pain before she adjusted the drip on the angel’s IV.  As she departed, He leaned over and kissed his wife gently on the lips, “Sleep now, sweetheart.”

“I love you so much,” Monica told him quietly, squeezing his hand as tightly as she could.  Despite all that was wrong in her world right now, she had him and nothing else mattered quite as much.

Andrew smiled, his heart tugging at those words he would never get tired of hearing, “I love you more, angel.”

“Not possible,” She closed her eyes sleepily as the medication began to take hold.

Chuckling softly, he kissed her forehead, “You just rest and concentrate on getting better, and then I’ll show you just how much.”

In the moment that sleep claimed her, Monica smiled softly, “Deal.”