CHAPTER 8

Physically she was feeling much better. Her ribs still hurt and there was a lump the size of a pool ball on the back of her head, but the painkillers had done their work and reduced everything to a dull ache. In fact, she was doing so well that the doctors had given her the okay to check out of the hospital. The news brought mixed feelings. She hated hospitals with an intensity usually reserved for mass murderers and the IRS, but she also knew what awaited her outside the hospital. She still wasn’t well enough to work, and even if she was, the bureau was exactly operating under business as usual. That left her at home, nothing to occupy her mind other than the thoughts she would rather push back into their tiny little box and forget about.

At the moment, Paul was rounding up a wheel chair so that she could go down to visit Monica before she was officially discharged. She knew that Monica was in much worse shape than she was, and couldn’t help feeling guilty about that. It wasn’t bad enough that she had laid a bunch of emotional crap on the little angel, now she had borne the brunt of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. She wished that she would be able to speak with her alone, but knew that the chances of that were slim and none. Even if she could convince Paul to run get the car or something, Andrew wouldn’t leave his wife’s side.

“Your chariot awaits,” Paul announced in a completely fake British accent as he backed into the room pulling the wheel chair along with him.

Paul’s complete and sincere efforts to make her feel better were another bone of contention for her. He had no idea why she was still so quiet and distant, and with every sweet gesture he made her feel just that much guiltier about the fact that she simply couldn’t let herself believe that she was anything more than a poor replacement to him.

She smiled up at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes, and he felt his own grin waver. “Did you check to make sure she’s awake?”

“Yep. Stopped down there and she woke up about an hour ago. She wants to see you too. I have a feeling she didn’t believe me when I said you were fine.”

“I know she was awake the whole time we were trapped,” she said sadly. “I think she’s surprised I got off so light when I spent most of the time unconscious.”

“Hey, you didn’t get off light, and you know Monica… she’d much rather have things this way.”

“Yeah, I know, but strangely enough that doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“I know. Maybe seeing her in the flesh will.” He bent over to lift her up but she stopped him with a soft hand against his chest.

“I think I can manage,” she said softly.

Taking a step back he looked down at her and all of the good humor drained from his face, to be replaced once more by guilt. “Are you sure?”

“Course I’m sure. You know those things are just a precaution anyway,” she said, mad at herself for being so obvious about not wanting him to touch her.

She forced a smile as she pushed herself up and swung her legs over the side of the bed.
Her chest hurt more than she let on, but she managed to make it into the chair without so much as a peep and then looked up at him expectantly.

“All set?” he asked, almost hesitant to push her.

“Let’s roll.”

*****

“Are you sure you’re up for visitors, angel?”

“I’ll be fine,” Monica whispered, voice still raspy.

She was lying very still, but the bed had been slightly inclined and she was actually finding it easier to breathe that way. The additional pain medication hadn’t hurt either, although she could tell that it was already beginning to wear off. She had meant to ask her doctor for one that wouldn’t knock her out and had completely forgotten. She would have to send Andrew to find her after Paul and Alex left.

The door slowly began to open and Paul called in, “You have a visitor.”

“Come on in, you two,” Andrew said as he moved to open the door for them.

Alex had a smile on her face as she was pushed into the room, but it quickly faded as she laid eyes on her friend. Monica was still paler than usual, and a collection of tubes and wires ran to her body, ranging from the IV in her hand to the heart monitor that Dr. Fitzgerald had insisted on leaving in place.

“It’s all right,” Monica was quick to reassure her. “It looks much worse than it is.”

“I don’t know… It looks pretty bad,” Alex said softly. “How are you doing? Honestly.”

Monica shrugged, and instantly regretted even that action. “You know I can’t lie. It hurts… and I was scared for a little while. But I’m just so thankful that you are okay. Andrew said you get to leave today.” The little angel smiled, but at the back of her mind she was wondering when she would get a chance to speak to her again.

“Yeah, but I’m pretty much bed ridden once I get home. They’re afraid one of my ribs could cause my lung to collapse, so they want me to take it easy.”

“Alex, you were just trapped in a building under a steel pole for almost seven hours. I think taking it easy is probably a good idea,” Andrew said with a bit of a smirk.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Alex quickly turned her head back to Monica. “Do you know when you’re going to be released?”

“Not yet.”

The agent lowered her voice. “Any sign that He’ll be stepping in to speed things along?” she asked, with a raised eyebrow, referring to other events she had witnessed.

“I don’t think so,” Monica replied, wondering herself if that was a possibility but sensing that it wasn’t. She had a feeling that there was still a lot she needed to do, and recovering would give her the time to do it.

“Well, you know you’re welcome to stay at the townhouse. In fact, I insist,” Paul said, completely missing the look of veiled panic in Monica’s eyes.

She wanted to help Alex and she wasn’t sure if staying at the house was the right way to do that, especially after promising that she would stay away.

Andrew was studying his wife closely, taking note of each nervous glimmer in her dark eyes and the way she was toying with her engagement ring with her thumb.  The last thing he wanted was for her to be upset, but after careful deliberation, she realized that she was going to be that no matter what was decided about future accomodations.

“Thanks for the offer, Paul.  We’re not sure how much longer her doctor will want to keep her or what God has planned, so we’ll keep that in mind,” Andrew smiled and nodded his head in thanks towards his friend.

“Andrew, Monica just told Alex she didn’t think He’d be intervening and the doctor isn’t going to keep her here for a full recovery,” Paul argued gently.  He had things to make up for, and he knew Monica wasn’t going to get much rest in the hospital as no one ever did, “The townhouse is close and comfortable.  What else are you going to do?  Take her to a hotel?”

“Of course not,” He forced a chuckle, “The Father will provide, Paul.  You know that.”

“Seems to be He just did, buddy,” Paul didn’t necessarily want to push but as pissed off as the angel was with him, he wasn’t going to watch him jeopardize Monica’s health because of it.

Andrew’s eyes darted back to the little angel, feeling her distress wrapping around his heart and he cursed softly under his breath, “Paul, let’s continue this outside and give the girls a chance to talk,” He placed a hand on the agent’s shoulder and steered him from the room, though he planned on going no further than outside Monica’s door.

Alex had been listening to the exchange but her blue eyes had never left Monica’s face.  She looked positively panicked and Alex vaguely remembered a conversation she and Monica had while they had been trapped.  She had apologized to the angel for the things she had said about Lauren and Monica had told her she thought she was right.  But Alex felt sure that there had been more just before she had lost consciousness.

The agent had a feeling that whatever else Monica had said had something to do with staying away and Andrew must also now know the things that she had told his wife, “Listen Monica…it’s okay.  I want you to stay with us,” Alex tried to persuade her, not only because the angel was her friend and she was feeling badly that her injuries were more severe.  But also because having the two angels around would be a welcome diversion.  She didn’t want to face the things she now knew to be true and sharing them with Paul was certainly not an option.  But Monica was already shaking her head.

“Alex…no.  You and Paul need time and I don’t want to hinder anything…”

“I never should have told you those things, honey; it wasn’t fair of me.  Paul is your friend and I don’t want-.”

“My friend based on what, Alex?  That I look like his late fiancee?” The words were laced with guilt and hurt but she hadn’t been able to stop them, “I want you two to work this out and that means I need to stay away,” the pain in her chest and stomach were increasing with her agitation and she was already changing her mind about wanting to stay awake.  If she was sleeping she would no longer be having this conversation.

“Monica, I never said that your friendship with Paul was only based on your resemblence to Lauren,” Suddenly despite her own heartache, she now had one more thing to feel badly about.  She was just preparing to argue further when the door opened and immediately silenced her.

“Now that that is solved,” Paul was grinning rather triumphantly, “I think it is time I took my wife home and put her to bed.”

Andrew was looking undeniably guilty and Monica shot him a look of betrayal that nearly broke his heart.  He had his reasons, but he had to wait for their friends to leave to explain them to her and hope that she understood.

Alex had not missed the look in Monica’s eyes, making her feel even worse to have caused any contention between the newlyweds, “If I can’t get here tomorrow, I’ll call to check on you, all right?” She reached for Monica’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

The little angel closed her eyes, feigning sleepiness as she nodded her head and Paul frowned.  Monica had not once met his eyes while he had been in the room and he had to wonder what all Andrew had told her, or if just knowing about his argument with Alex had her upset with him.  He had a feeling he was going to be working overtime, with first making things right with his wife and then with the angel and it was only fair.  After all, he had done double duty pissing them both off.

“Take care of yourself, sweetheart,” He approached Monica’s bed and bent to kiss her cheek, “Better yet, have this guy take care of you, but I know he will.”

“Absolutely,” Andrew replied, trying to place extra confidence in his voice, “We’ll talk to you both soon.”

Once Paul had pushed Alex out of the room, Andrew approached Monica’s bedside somewhat tentatively, “Angel…”

Her eyes opened and she looked at him accusingly even as her eyes were clouded with physical pain, “Why did you agree when you knew how I felt?”

Her hurt was obvious and he hated it.  He only hoped he could fix it, “Sweetheart, Paul was not taking no for an answer and the fact is that we do need a place to go once you are released.  Unless God does intervene, it is going to take you a bit of time to heal-.”

“We could have gone someplace else…anyplace else…” She blinked back tears, “I don’t want to cause anymore problems then I already have.”

“First off all, Monica, you haven’t caused any problems,” His voice bordered on stern, unwilling to accept her blaming herself in any way for the differences their friends were having, “And angel, I’m not even convinced that what Alex believes, what she has you believing is even a reality.”

“How can you say that?” Lying in bed with nothing to do but think had unfortunately made her more and not less convinced that Alex was right.

He sat down and gently stroked her arm, hoping that the action would serve to calm her. “Because I know Paul, and so do you. He loves Alex. I believe that in the beginning part of what drew him to you was a feeling of a sort of “second chance”, and a way to make up for not being able to save Lauren, but that was in the beginning. He knows and loves you for who you are, and he loves Alex for who she is. Do you really think that he only sees Lauren when he looks at you?”

She was concentrating her gaze on the steady drip of the IV and her shoulders moved just slightly. “I don’t know anymore.”

“Well I do. You are precious to him for so many reasons that have nothing to do with what you look like. Or are you forgetting that thanks to you he has a relationship with God… and a relationship with Alex.”

“But what about what Alex said?”

“Baby, Alex was hurt, and Paul was a bastard for saying what he did, but I don’t believe it was anything more than spur of the moment anger. This is obviously something that’s been stored away at the back of her mind for a very long time. Unfortunately their fight has pulled it all out of hiding, but that doesn’t mean it’s true.”

“She’s so hurt, Andrew, and now I think she’s just ignoring it again.”

“I know she is, but that isn’t your fault. I think that you and I both know that helping her to work through this is exactly why you are still here in this bed.”

She nodded slightly. “I just want the two of them to be happy. It seems like just yesterday we were all at the farm celebrating and now…” she trailed off as the pain along with her emotions pushed tears from her eyes.

Her husband quickly brushed them away and squeezed her arm gently. “Don’t you worry. Things will be back to normal before you know it. Right now let’s concentrate on getting you rested and well enough to leave.”

Blinking away what was left of her tears she nodded and granted him a tiny smile. “I wish you could climb up here with me. It’s hard to rest when you’re not holding me. That was the hardest part about being away from you.”

Andrew swallowed hard and leaned forward to kiss her gently. “You know there’s nothing I want more, but I just can’t. I don’t want to hurt you and there are so many machines right now.”

“It’s okay,” she replied, letting out a shuddering breath. “Just stay here with me?”

“As if you have to ask.” He cupped her face gently in his hand and kissed her once more.

She smiled, but the disappointment at not being closer was still written on her face and he could feel it in his heart. His own was strong enough that he couldn’t tell where it left off and hers began.

“Can I leave you just for a minute?” he asked tentatively after she shifted restlessly for the third time. “Just for a minute.”

“Yes, I’ll be all right,” she answered but her eyebrows drew together in question.

He was out the door before she could say another word and she wondered if he had been called to another floor by God. She hated that he would feel he couldn’t do his job because of her, but at the same time she didn’t want him to leave either. She let out a little sigh. Being married was the most wonderful thing she could imagine, and it gave her more joy than she had even expected, but she was beginning to realize that sometimes God’s needs were going to override theirs. She had always known that was true, but this was the first time it was hitting her how hard that was going to be. She found herself praying that Andrew hadn’t been called away.

Five minutes passed and she was beginning to really worry when the door opened and Andrew came in with Dr. Fitzgerald in tow. Monica looked at Andrew, puzzled, but then the doctor was next to her and lifting her wrist to check her pulse.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t in earlier, Monica,” she said. “Your husband tells me that you’re feeling a bit like a lab rat with all of these machines hooked up, so I’m here to check you over and see about at least getting the heart monitor off. Unfortunately you’re going to have to keep the IV, at least for your pain medication.”

The angel’s dark eyes had brightened the second the doctor mentioned taking away the wires that were currently running from her body to the softly beeping machine beside the bed. “I’ve been feeling better,” she insisted, and when the doctor raised one eyebrow she reluctantly continued, “well, maybe not a lot better… but I feel a little stronger.”

“And that’s good. That’s what I like to hear.” She briefly warmed her stethoscope in her hands before pressing it to Monica’s chest. A minute later she removed it and checked the paper readout from the heart monitor. “All right. Your heart and lungs are both sounding good, so I think we can get you off the monitor and just keep checking you periodically.” She looked over at Andrew. “I know she doesn’t want to go back on it, but if she has any trouble breathing or any sharp pains in her chest you need to get the nurse in here immediately. She’s still in danger of a collapsed lung and the monitor would have caught the jump in heartrate if that happened, so now consider yourself her new and improved monitor.”

“Not a problem,” Andrew assured her.

A few minutes later the leads were removed and the monitor was clicked off and pushed to the corner. “The nurse will be in to refill the morphine drip in about half an hour, and I want you resting. Understood?”

“Crystal clear,” Monica replied with a grin.

“Good.” She smiled and glanced quickly at Andrew again. “I have a feeling he’ll keep you in line.”

Andrew chuckled as the doctor left but almost as soon as the door was closed Monica was moving herself closer to the edge of the bed. “Monica…”

“Please? Isn’t this why you got her?” Her eyes were pleading and gave him all the convincing he needed.

“Only because you’ll rest better this way,” he said as he carefully squeezed in behind her. When he finally wrapped his arm around her and felt her heartbeat through her back he could sense his own slowing to match it. In the middle of the hospital, he was home again.

“Thank you, Andrew,” she whispered as she closed her eyes and clutched at his hand. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. Now get some sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”