CHAPTER 4

Alex and Paul tried to keep up animated chatter through lunch, still arguing over baby names and if they wanted to know the sex of the child beforehand, but it was clear to the couple that their friends were distracted. Monica had been relatively silent and Andrew was completely absorbed in watching her every action. The little angel seemed to be forcing herself to eat and was doing a beautiful job of rearranging the food on her plate.

Looking up, she saw her husband’s eyes on her and she forced what she hoped was a reassuring smile as she searched for something to say, "I did meet a nice volunteer at the hospital. He was a retired police officer and he showed me to Krista’s room, so we had a bit of a chance to talk," She purposefully left out her original fears regarding Shawn, deciding that Andrew was already worrying enough about her and she didn’t need to add to it.

"There are a lot of senior citizens who work at Mercy," Alex remarked with a smile, "They retire and get bored, I suppose, but I always think it is sweet that they care enough to volunteer."

"Oh, he wasn’t a senior citizen. He retired early... he said he could no longer handle the violent nature of his job," Monica explained, laying down her fork, "He was sweet though. When I realized how late I was going to be, he offered to bring me to meet you."

Andrew’s eyes immediately darkened as he looked at her, "And I take it you said no?"

Her eyes opened wider in surprise at his words, "No, he brought me to the building."

"Monica!" His hand coming down on the table startled her. She had seen him angry before, but not like this and not at her.

Paul looked from one angel to the other and then muttered something about paying the bill, which was followed by an offer to help him do that from Alex. Regardless of what their own opinions were of the situation, it was obvious that Andrew had things he needed to say and it was not in their place to intervene.

"Andrew, he was fine," Monica insisted softly, though her heart was racing and a knot was already forming in the pit of her stomach, "I told you, he was a retired officer and I felt perfectly safe-."

"That’s what he TOLD you," Andrew snapped, cutting off her words, "What the hell were you thinking? You don’t know who this man was! What, he just came up to you in the hospital and started talking to you and you suddenly feel safe enough to get into a car with him?" He hated the look that was in her dark eyes, but he felt powerless to stop his tirade. His only concern for months had been keeping her safe and she had intentionally placed herself in danger today and he could not take it lightly, "Are you assigned to him? Did Tess or God give you that information?"

"No." Her voice was barely a whisper. She felt like a chastised child and he had never made her feel that way before, but at hearing his words, she understood his anger.

"You’re in the city, Monica!" He was managing to keep his voice low, but was also thankful that their table was away from most of the other diners, "You don’t know who the fuck you might be dealing with!"

"I’m sorry. I trusted him…I knew you’d be worried if I was late…" She was pleading and her hands worked nervously.

"Sorry doesn’t mean a damn thing if he had hurt you! I would have rather you called and told us you were going to be late, but instead you take a ride from someone you have known all of ten minutes! You have got to stop being so damn trusting!"

She fell silent, not knowing what else to say and a moment later he was getting out of the booth, waiting for her to follow. Somehow she forced herself to move, all the while holding tears at bay.

"I’m hailing you a cab and I want you to go back the townhouse," His voice was softer, but she didn’t meet his eyes, "I’ll be there as soon as I can."

"Are you sure I should trust the driver?" The words were out before she could stop them and she caught the flash in his eyes before she looked away.

Alex’s eyes were distressed as the two angels approached them, but she forced herself to not say anything. No, it was better if anything were said, that it came from Paul and not her. It was obvious Andrew was still struggling with the past and with his new role of husband and any advice on that subject should come from another man.

"Thank you for lunch, Paul," Monica said softly, trying to look as if everything was normal when it felt anything but that.

"Anytime, Monica," He replied gently, clearly able to see how distressed she was though she was managing a smile.

Alex watched as the two angels walked outside silently, before she looked at her husband, "I’m going to run over to the bookstore before heading back and that should give you and Andrew a chance to talk. I hope in about ten minutes he’s going to feel like a total shithead."

He grinned at her words, able to tell that she was more than slightly annoyed with the angel, "Probably, but he did have a right to be angry, though he isn’t seeing things clearly."

"Probably not," She sighed as she moved to kiss him, managing a little grin of her own, "Do we fight like that?"

"Us? Naah, never," He chuckled, returning her kiss and watching her protectively as she hurried outside and crossed the street. A few moments later, he was meeting Andrew’s angry strides as they headed back to the building.

"You were pretty tough on her back there," He remarked after a moment, casting a cautious glance at his friend. Andrew had been tempted to lay him out in the past and right now the angel might as well have a "Proceed with caution" neon sign above his head.

"Wouldn’t you have been?" He replied tightly, head down, hands in his pockets, "If Alex had been raped and then got into a car with a stranger six months later?"

"Yeah, I suppose I would have been," He surmised with a sigh, knowing it was the truth, "In all honesty, it seemed a little out of character for her to do that. She doesn’t trust all that easily anymore I wouldn’t think."

"I wouldn’t have thought so either."

"Almost seems like she is trying to force herself to be that angel again. The one who believes that no one is out to hurt her," Paul added, watching as his words took effect and Andrew slowed down his pace. He knew that soon to come would be the "total shithead" part.

"Don’t try to justify it," Andrew’s words were harsh and they didn’t match with the way he was suddenly furrowing his brows in doubt.

"I’m not, buddy. Believe me, I can understand why you would be upset… it makes perfect sense."

"You’re damn right it does," Andrew shot back, feeling another surge of righteous indignation. "If anything happened to her… if anyone hurt her…"

"I hate to mention this, but someone just did."

Andrew stopped and shot Paul a warning look, but again, hidden behind it was a look of guilt. "I suppose you’ve never lost your temper with Alex?"

"Oh yeah… plenty of times… and she’s let me have it too," Paul said with a chuckle before turning serious again. "But Monica isn’t like Alex, and you aren’t me. You’re her rock. And back there?" He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "Back there you just fell on her, and she honestly didn’t know she had done anything wrong."

Andrew ran his hand angrily through his hair before thrusting it back into his pocket. Yes, ‘total shithead’ had arrived. "Fuck!" he swore under his breath. "You’re right. She didn’t know. She probably thought she had done something good by being able to put herself out there without being afraid. Damnit!" He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "She probably thought I would be proud of her, but how the hell could I be? I want her to have all of her old self-confidence back. I want her to be that optimistic angel who only sees the good in people, but even I can’t do that. There are evil people out there, Paul, and we all know it. We’ve all seen it… her more than any of us."

"And there are good people out there too… and even a few angels. I’m not saying that Monica should go hopping in cars with all of them, but there just might have been a nicer way of telling her that." His eyes were piercing into the angel’s as his own protective streak reared its head.

Replaying the conversation in his head, Andrew felt his stomach revolt at the remembered look on his wife’s face. She had already been noticeably rattled from her visit with Krista and instead of making her feel better he had yelled at her like a domineering bastard and then sent her home as if she was a child he could order around. Meanwhile he had never gotten to the deeper issue of why she had gotten into a car with a strange man when she normally didn’t even like to be in the same room with one.

"I’m a fucking asshole, aren’t I?" he muttered.

"Well, Alex was thinking more along the lines of shithead, but yeah, something like that."

"I can’t believe I just spoke to her like that. I have never… in my entire existence even thought about treating her that way…"

"Yeah, well, welcome to married life," Paul said with a grin. "It brings out the best in us but unfortunately it also seems to bring out the worst, at least in us over-protective types. You may remember a certain argument I had with Alex that ended with her trapped in a twisted pile of rubble," he added ruefully.

"It would be tough to forget."

"So consider this a rite of passage. Your first fight." The agent met his eyes and the gaze briefly turned hard and cold. "Just don’t let it happen again."

Seeing that brief flash of temper Andrew shook his head. "No, I won’t, but can you tell me how long this feeling of being the fucking lowest form of life on earth lasts?"

"It’s in direct proportion to how long you wait to apologize," Paul replied. "If I were you, I’d go now."

Andrew had already turned around and was heading towards a waiting cab. "Tell Alex I’m sorry about the scene. I’ll see you both back at the house."

"See you later, Andrew. Good luck."

*****

The house was eerily quiet when Andrew entered and the sound of him shutting the front door echoed loudly in his ears. Monica’s coat was hung on the rack giving him the small comfort that at least she was home safe and sound. He guessed that she was up in their bedroom but he walked through the first floor anyway, poking his head into each room. He swallowed hard when he got to the study and saw her sitting on the window seat with her knees tucked up to her chest, small arms wrapped around them.

"Monica?" he spoke quietly when she didn’t even look over at him.

"I didn’t expect you so soon. Where are Paul and Alex?" her voice was dull and she continued to hide her face by staring out the window.

"They’re still at the office, angel. I wanted to talk to you and I couldn’t wait."

A shuddery little sigh and then, "I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Please? You were right. I shouldn’t have just trusted him. Next time I’ll be more careful."

"I think I misspoke," Andrew said as he sat down at the other end of the seat. "When I said I wanted to talk, what I really meant was that I wanted to apologize."

She looked at him then and her expression did nothing to make him feel better. Her eyes were red but the rest of her face was pale and tired looking.

"You were upset."

"Monica, no. Don’t just write it off like that. I don’t care how mad or upset I was I didn’t have a right to talk to you like I did. You’re the one who should be mad at me right now. You have every reason to throw me out on my ass."

"No!" she exclaimed suddenly. "I wouldn’t do that," she said quieter, staring into his face.

"I know you wouldn’t baby, and that’s what makes what I did even worse. I know that with you I have your complete and everlasting love, and this afternoon I took advantage of that. You don’t even have it in you to get really angry, but somehow I have managed to acquire a temper." He tried to get her to at least give him a tiny smile but instead she cast her eyes back out the window.

"I really didn’t think you would be upset," she murmured as she bit nervously at her lower lip.

"I know that. I overreacted. You were late and I had been worried, and then when you told me about your ride, it just brought all that worry back and I guess it didn’t have anywhere to go but out my stupid mouth."

"But you were right. I should have been more careful. I shouldn’t have trusted him," Monica said sadly.

"I don’t care how right I was, I didn’t have to say it the way I did, and just for the record, you did make it to the Bureau safely." He reached out and gently laid a hand on her knee. "I think I was more surprised than anything," he said tentatively. "You’ve come so far and all of your assignments have turned out perfectly but I know you still aren’t always comfortable." He looked into her face and begged her to turn and face him. "I should have known that if you felt good enough about him to drive with him, then he was trustworthy. Your instincts have always been good, angel, and I didn’t mean to doubt them."

He was shocked when tears began to spill out of her eyes and he couldn’t just sit still and maintain his distance any longer. He pulled her close and tucked her head against his chest as he kissed her forehead.

"Monica what is it? What’s wrong? I’m sorry, baby. I am. I swear it’s not going to happen again."

"No," she whispered. "I wasn’t… I wasn’t sure. I was afraid. I was afraid the whole time," she managed to say through her tears.

"What? But sweetheart, why? Why did you go with him then? Why didn’t you just call us?"

"Because I was more afraid of not being an angel." The words were spoken very quietly and he had to strain to hear them.

"Just because you don’t trust every person you meet doesn’t mean you aren’t an angel, Monica." He said as he shook his head. "It means you’re a little more cautious than you used to be. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing."

"But Andrew, I’m an angel of truth. I’m supposed to be able to see inside people to who they really are. How can I do that if I can’t even trust them enough to be around them?"

"Baby, I think there’s a big difference between being around them and getting into a car with them alone. You’re pushing again. Pushing to make everything exactly the way it used to be… to make you exactly the way you used to be…"

"But I can’t, can I?" she said brokenly as she clutched him tighter.

"No. You can’t. But angel, some of the changes in you are things I am eternally grateful for. The way you love me, and the way you are able to let me love you. The way you are even more sensitive and sympathetic to those around you. So many little things, Monica. In my eyes you are perfect right now. I’m the one who isn’t. I’m the one who needs your forgiveness. What happened today… it won’t be repeated… not like that. I know we may argue again, but I will never talk to you the way I did today. I promise you that, Monica. I promise."

She looked up and saw the truth of his words written all over his face. "I know," she murmured as she reached up and cupped his cheek in her small hand. "I told you once that I would always forgive you, and I do."

"I love you, angel. Even when I’m upset I love you, and I will never stop loving you."

I love you too, Andrew. Forever."

He cradled her in his arms, thanking God for letting them be together and repeating his promise that he would be a better husband to her. Her body was relaxed against his and he rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. A few more minutes and he guessed that she would drift off to sleep.

However, before that happened she pushed herself away from him, just a few inches, and looked up into his face. He didn’t have time to question her before she was pulling him down and kissing him gently and lovingly. Her hand on the side of his face was warm and soft, and her lips parted invitingly as the kiss deepened. When they parted it was just to a hair’s breadth.

"Could we go upstairs?" Monica asked, longingly, though her voice still held a trace of nervousness.

"Right now?" Andrew replied, surprised, but when she nodded her head shyly and looked away he took her chin in his hand and tilted it upwards so that he could see her dark eyes. "Of course we can, baby," he said huskily, and the words were barely out of his mouth before he was scooping her into his arms.

She was so light, and she fit in his arms so perfectly that it was nothing for him to carry her up the stairs to their room. Once there he laid her gently on the bed and then closed the curtains, keeping his eyes on her the whole time. She reached out her hand towards him and he grabbed it tightly and sank to the bed beside her.

"I love you, Monica," he said once more before their lips met.

He was happy to let his wife take the lead as she slowly unbuttoned his shirt while tracing kisses down his jaw and along his collarbone. Her blouse was the next to go, and as Andrew deftly undid the buttons each one was like a little prayer and a promise. A promise to always deserve the incredible love she gave so freely. He had a lump in his throat when she was finally laid bare before him and he tenderly moved his hands to stroke down her body, from shoulder to hip, just giving thanks as he went. When he looked into her eyes again they held infinite patience and love.

"I was just reminding myself how blessed I am," he murmured.

She stretched out her hand and pulled him down for a long kiss. "So am I," she whispered as they broke apart. "So am I."

His hands against her breasts stole her breath away as they flicked over the sensitive nipples and then soothed and stroked them. By the time he added his mouth she was moving against him in an ancient rhythm and words of encouragement and adoration spilled from her lips. Normally he drew things out, teasing her until every nerve was on fire, but this time was different. The stress and the trauma of the past two days made it different. He wanted to give her pleasure but he wanted it to be mixed with peace. He stroked her body gently and tenderly, his fingers running the length of her and pushing her higher slowly, easily. All the while they continued to trade kisses and her slender fingers alternately tangled in his hair and clutched at his shoulders. When he finally entered her it was met not with a breathless scream but with a sigh that spoke of contentment and fulfillment.

Moving together slowly and deeply, they spun out their pleasure until Monica squeezed her eyes together and breathed out his name as she tumbled over the edge. The feel of her around him sent Andrew over an instant later and he kissed every inch of her face as he spilled into her and the two of them gradually floated back to earth together.

"Alex told me once that making up was the best part about fighting," Monica said as she lay with her head pillowed on Andrew’s chest.

"She was definitely right, but next time, let’s skip the fight."

"Yes," She agreed on a whisper, looking up into his eyes and he held her more tightly. He had other things he wanted to ask her, about her visit to Krista that morning, but she was so content at the moment, he knew it could wait.

"Why don’t you grab a nap, sweetheart? Alex and Paul won’t be home for an hour or so yet and I can start dinner-." The pleading look in her brown eyes stopped him instantly from saying any more.

"Don’t go," The whispered words were a plea and he was quick to reassure her.

"I won’t, not if you don’t want me to," He felt the tension immediately leave her body and he knew this had more to do with the crimes that had been happening and her visit with Krista today then with what had occurred in the café. Though it would take him awhile to get over the way he had spoken to her today, he knew she had already put it behind her.

Moving to grab the quilt from the chair beside the bed, he covered them both with it and then kissed her forehead, "Go to sleep, angel. I’ll wake you in awhile and we can start on dinner together."

A contented though sleepy smile crossed her face as she closed her eyes to the feel of his lips laying soft kisses against her hair, "Oh, how I love you…" She murmured on a purr as she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.