CHAPTER 10

When Monica awoke much later that morning, she opened her eyes slightly, squinting against the soft sunlight that filtered in through the small parts in the mini-blind. Taking her own physical inventory, she decided she was still a wee bit tired, and her ankle still a wee bit sore, but other than that, she didn't feel too badly.

Raising her dark eyes, they came to rest on Andrew's sleeping face and emotion welled up inside of her so strongly, she had to look away for a moment. She loved him so desperately and he had hurt her so deeply. It was a lot for her to contend with.

Sensing the tiniest of movements in his arms, the blonde angel's eyes opened and a tiny smile appeared on his lips at seeing her awake, "Good morning, angel."

"G'morning," She whispered in return, still feeling terribly emotional and not wanting him to see it just yet.

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" Andrew stroked the hair away from her face tenderly, "Are you feeling more rested? You slept for a long time."

"I was very tired," Monica offered meekly, "These human forms…they aren't accustomed to going without rest…"

"No, they're not," He agreed, his heart aching at the way she avoided his gaze. She had been so terribly hurt by his thoughtless words and he didn't want to waste another minute before making things right between them again.

"Angel, listen to me, please. What I said to you a few days ago, I didn't mean it, baby. I just-."

"Andrew, please," Her doe like eyes finally met with his, "I…I can't talk about this yet," She hurriedly sat up, ignoring the protests of her still weary body. As he sat up to face her once more, she struggled to find the words, "I just can't…I still feel too…raw."

Miserably, Andrew watched the way her lower lip quivered and how she was blinking back tears, "Oh Monica," He touched her cheek gently with his fingers, "I'm so sorry, baby."

"I know," Her voice trembled and the tears threatened to not be contained, "I know you are, but sorry doesn't take away how afraid I was. I was trying so hard to keep Sarah alive and fed and warm and that was hard enough, but in the back of my mind…I kept hearing your words and I doubted I'd be able to keep her from dying," There was no harshness nor bitterness to her words, only honest, painful truth, "I know I'm not as wise as you are and I know I've made a lot of mistakes in the past, but, I just…it matters so much to me what you think and I just always thought you had faith in me…in my abilities, even though I fail sometimes…"

When she faltered and the tears pushed forward, Andrew felt as if he could no longer breathe. He could not have imagined the depth of her pain because of what he had said but here she was showing it to him. He had never felt so angry with himself. Her confidence had been so fragile since Jim and though she had taken three steps forward since that time, he had been the one to push her back two of them. Realizing she was speaking again, his own eyes clouded at her words.

"I just…I guess I wanted you to be proud of me and somehow…somehow, I messed that up-."

"No," Andrew was already shaking his head as he took her face firmly in his hands, "Baby, you didn't. Listen to me, please. This was my fault and I'll tell you why," Seeing her start to protest, he swiped at her rapidly falling tears, "Yes, it was. Angel, that first night you came here, the night you met Sarah, remember you kept asking me what was wrong? Remember? Sweetheart, I didn't tell you because I didn't want to ruin our time together, but the fact was that there had been several accidents since I've been up here. People have died and I'd just had this feeling, this horrible feeling that something terrible was going to happen again. Had I just told you that, everything would have been different, but instead when you told me you were assigned to Sarah, I panicked. I didn't want anything to happen to you and there just wasn't time to explain it all then."

A tiny sob escaped her, "You should have made time," Monica cried out softly, even has her hands moved up to rest over his that were still on her face, "Andrew, I needed to understand, don't you see? Do you realize how I felt being out there, thinking that you…" She was unable to continue and a heartbeat later, Andrew had tugged her into his arms where she wept bitter tears against his chest.

"I'm sorry," He whispered over and over against her hair as he rocked her gently in his arms, "My sweet little angel, I'm so sorry."

She cried until she was exhausted and then she just remained nestled in his arms. Despite the pain he had caused, this was still the safest place she knew other than Home, but her dark eyes still held much sadness over all that had transpired.

They remained in silence for several long moments before Andrew cleared his throat, "We have to see if the roads are clear, Angel. We need to get you to a hospital."

"No, Andrew, I'm fine," She murmured, tightening her hold on him, unable to bear being anyplace where she couldn't remain in his arms and she so didn't want to go back outside in the cold so soon after her ordeal.

"Baby, we need to have you checked out and we need to have your ankle x-rayed to make sure it isn't broken." He kissed the top of her head to reassure her, though he could still sense some tension between them.

"But I don't think it is. I was walking on it after it happened-."

Cupping her chin, he forced her gaze, "Monica, please. I have to know that you are okay."

The pleading in his green eyes was impossible to ignore and with a small sigh, she resigned herself to the fact that she needed to go to the hospital, "Okay. If you want me to go, I'll go." Her eyes hardened slightly as they met squarely with his, "But we aren't finished talking. I have more to say, but I think I need a little bit of time first."

His thumb grazed over her chin as he nodded his head, "You take all the time you need, baby and when you're ready I'm ready to listen. Just please know how sorry I am."

"Ah Andrew, you know I know that," She replied softly, the love she felt for him breaking through the sorrow in her eyes. No matter how upset she was, or how let down she felt, she could never allow him to think that she didn't love him; not when she loved him more than she could ever have imagined possible.

"Thank you for knowing that, Monica, because it's the truth," Reaching out, he took her hands as his eyes looked her up and down as if making certain she was all right, "Do you think you can eat before we get ready to leave?"

"Yes. I'm a wee bit hungry actually."

That was all it took for him to pick up the telephone beside the bed to order her something hot for breakfast and at her silent urging, something for himself as well. While they waited for the food to arrive, Andrew made sure Monica rested quietly in bed and once breakfast did arrive, they ate together, making small conversation as Monica inquired as to how Sarah was doing and Andrew told her what he knew, but always assuring her that the child was safe and well.

Once Andrew had cleared away the breakfast dishes, he sighed softly, knowing she didn't want to go the hospital, but he had already checked and the roads were indeed passable now.

Seeing him looking at her, Monica bit the inside of her lip thoughtfully as she looked up at him and then down at her bandaged ankle, "I know we have to go, but I'd really like to get a shower first."