EPILOGUE

When Monica reappeared, she was standing in a beautiful field at Home. Her dark eyes took in the rainbow of wild flowers that were growing all around her and as she inhaled deeply, their scent filled her senses and brought a little bit of peace to her heart. Turning around, she already knew who she would see.

Andrew looked more miserable than the little angel had ever remembered seeing him; hands stuffed into his pockets, and his head lowered sadly. It made her heart ache but yet they had to talk and they both knew it. That was why they were here.

"Walk with me?" Monica asked softly, as she held out her hand to him, squeezing gently as the Angel of Death slipped his hand into hers.

They walked in silence for a long time, each one able to feel the sadness that emulated from each other's heart. Andrew wanted to throw himself down on the ground and beg her forgiveness, but he knew that was not what she wanted or needed.

Raising his eyes, he drank in the sight of her, long dress flowing around her legs, the sun glinting off her auburn hair as it blew gently against her lovely face, and the love he felt flowing from his heart was enough to make his breath catch in his throat. How could he love her so deeply and hurt her so thoughtlessly?

As they approached a beautiful, blue, crystalline stream, the two angels stopped walking and Monica pulled him to sit down with her on the wooden bench beneath the tallest oak tree. Shifting slightly to turn to face him, the little Irish angel took both of his hands into her own and looked up into his green eyes.

His shameful expression was once again in place, "Angel, please, I am so-."

Her fingertips placed tenderly against his lips silenced him as Monica gathered her thoughts. She didn't want to hurt him in any way, yet there were still things that needed to be said...things that had to be resolved before their relationship could go even a tiny step forward.

"Andrew," Monica began softly, taking his other hand once more, "You know how deeply I love you and that will never, ever change. I need you the way I need air on earth and you are so much a part of me that sometimes I'm not even sure of where I end and you begin. This gift we have been given is so incredibly special and I don't ever want anything to ruin it."

"But I have, haven't I?" Andrew asked sadly, seeing his own pain radiating from her doe like eyes.

"No, you haven't ruined it and it isn't just you," She looked down at their joined hands and summoned all her courage, "With loving you so much, I've also realized that no one can hurt me so deeply or make me doubt myself so much," Feeling a tremor go through him, her gaze quickly met with his once more, "I know it isn't intentional, Andrew. I know that. I do. You only want to protect me but...when you do that, it is you I need to be protected from," Tears sparkled in her eyes, seeing the great pain in his but she forced herself to continue, "When I told you how I felt about you, and you told me it was wrong instead of telling me that you felt the same way, I know you were just afraid and trying to protect both of us, but I spent the next six months not only thinking that I was never going to see you again, because I couldn't change how I felt, but also doubting what kind of angel I was to have such feelings. Andrew, those six months, I felt like I had lost everything!"

"Monica, I'm so sorry. I hurt you so deeply," His own sorrow momentarily forgotten, he reached up to touch her cheek reverently, "I never want to hurt you either."

She closed her eyes and the tears that had been clinging to her dark lashes escaped, "But you do. In your need to protect me from certain truths, you hurt me. You make me doubt myself and all that I am, but you aren't the only one at fault. Both times, I've walked away from you. On the beach that day, and in the lodge when you said those things and asked me to wait while you were on the phone, I walked away. I also have to wonder if there isn't something inside of me that makes you feel the need to protect me. I don't mean to come across as fragile and if I'm doing that-."

"No, Angel, none of this is your fault. You walk away because you are hurt and you need to retreat. And as for the rest, that's who you are and no one, especially me, should ever hurt you in the first place," The words were spoken in earnest, as he knew how true they were. The little angel who had stolen his heart so long ago would never think of hurting someone, yet he had done it to her on more than one occasion. What else could she be expected to do when she was being caused pain, but to try to escape? Her heart was too tender to be expected to endure such harm.

The depth of that harm was shown to him now as her voice trembled, "I was so happy that morning to find out that I was going to be working with you. I had missed you so much..."

As a tiny sob escaped her, Andrew pulled her fiercely into his arms, blinking back his own tears at the agony he had caused her. There were not enough apologies in the universe to make this up to her, "Baby, I know. I know. I was so wrong to not be honest with you."

Monica only cried softly for a moment before raising her head once more as he tenderly swiped at her tears, "I don't know how to make you be honest with me, all the time, but I know that I can't let this happen again either. It hurts too much, Andrew. I love you so much, I do, but..."

The color drained from his face as he cupped her cheek in his hand, "But what, Monica?"

She closed her eyes once more, savouring the tenderness of his touch, "But I think we need to spend a little bit of time apart. We need time to work this out; time to think."

His hand abruptly dropped from her face and his expression hardened, "I understand."

Monica shook her head adamantly, "No, you don't. Listen to me, please," She grabbed his hand in both of hers and held on tightly as her expression pleaded with him, "Don't you see? When you say these things to me, I believe you, Andrew, because I trust you so much, all the time. Other than the Father, there is no one I trust more, but when you say these things to me and then take them back later, and say you didn't mean them, it feels like...it feels like you lied to me in the worst possible way. In a way that has me doubting myself and my abilities. In a way that has me doubting my worth to you. I know it isn't intentional, but it doesn't make it hurt any less!"

Her liquid brown eyes held such desperation, but he could hardly bear what she was suggesting even if he could understand it. But yet, he supposed it was no more than he deserved for what he had put her through and he forced his expression to soften, "I understand, Angel and you are right to suggest this. I'm deeply ashamed of how I've treated the most precious thing in my existence. Monica, I'm not even sure if I deserve you."

"Don't say that. Please? Don't even think it."

"How can I not? I've hurt your trust in me...I've hurt your trust in yourself." He wanted her to deny it, but her silence told him it was the truth.

"I always want to trust you," she whispered.

"But right now, you can't." He finished for her miserably.

"Right now, I don't completely trust me, Andrew and if I can't do that, how can I trust myself about you?"

"I never meant to make you doubt yourself or me, Angel. Please know that."

"I want to, but I need a little time. Please, can you give me that?" She could feel her heart breaking for even asking him, but she knew there was no other way. Her relationship with him had been damaged temporarily and a tiny part of her was still angry at the blow he had caused to her self confidence and that was something only she and God could work through right now.

Andrew swallowed against the tightness in his throat, "My little angel, you know there is nothing you could ever ask me for that I would not give you if it was within my power. Monica, just know how sorry I am and I will never stop praying for your trust in me to return."

Not feeling as if he could hold himself together another moment, Andrew rose to his feet and managed a small smile, "Maybe this new relationship between us is something we just weren't yet ready for, Monica, but I'll be praying that one day soon I'll be an angel who is worthy of your love."

Her stomach twisted into a painful knot as Monica watched him walk away from her and for a moment she felt as if she could scarcely breathe. She was trembling all over and before he could get out of earshot, a small cry that contained his name escaped her lips. As the Angel of Death turned around, the Irish angel bolted from the bench and through the field to be caught up in his strong arms.

"I love you...don't ever forget or think it isn't true! Promise me!"

Andrew closed his eyes against the tears that threatened as he held her as tightly as he dared, "Never, Angel. I love you too, with all that I am and that will always be so."

A moment later, he pulled away and looked down into her teary eyes, that were both conflicted and frightened, before their lips met in a tender kiss. A heartbeat later, the field was empty as if the two heavenly beings had never been there to begin with and all that remained were two white doves, who flew gracefully into the air together and then went their separate ways.

To be continued