CHAPTER 10

As time went by, Andrew's tears rolled down his face and despair and deep sorrow consumed his heart at the realization that there was nothing else to do and nowhere to go. He and Monica were isolated in the middle of the woods, far from civilization and there was no one who could help them. On top of that, the night had been terribly cold and their long walk only aggravated Monica's condition. After much agony and with extremely high fever, the little angel had definitely lost consciousness a few hours ago. Andrew pressed her small form against his body in a desperate attempt to keep her warm but he knew it wasn't enough. As the first stars started to disappear and dawn started to break, his despair increased: it wouldn't be possible to go on following the river or to cross it as Monica's human form was extremely weak. The blond angel watched as a lonely falling star crossed the still dark sky and then turned his eyes to his dearest friend. Her pale face, her dry lips and dark marks under her eyes were evidences of her true condition.

But then it was his own heart that seemed to stop beating and he felt panic rising in his soul with what happened on the following second. A sob escaped him when he noticed that his own clothes had changed: instead of simple jeans and T-shirt, now he was wearing his beige suit.

And that could only have one cruel meaning.

Ever since he'd become an angel of death, Andrew had witnessed more people dying that he could possibly count. Some assignments were harder than others, that was true, but he'd always thought it was an honor and a privilege to escort them Home. But never in his whole existence would he imagine he'd have to fulfil such a difficult and painful mission. Never had he experienced so much sorrow.

Monica, the only living creature that had managed to touch his heart like no one else had, the kind and warm hearted little angel who was never afraid to show how much she loved him was dying in his arms. Flashbacks of several moments they had spent together came to his mind, such as the day they first met, or when they danced for the first time. And the more he remembered, the greater his pain became.

"Oh, no, Father... Please, don't let it happen... this cannot be true..." he cried, shaking his head in disbelief. Andrew held her even tighter and sobbed against her damp hair for long painful minutes, but the truth was there in his heart and he knew what he had to do – it wasn't time to be selfish, as now the hardest thing to do was the right thing to do. Albeit it would certainly break his heart forever.

Gathering all his courage he pulled away just a few inches and caressed her pale face. "Angel... Baby, I'm so sorry... I'm so terribly sorry for what I did... for all the pain I caused you... I hope one day you can forgive me, even though I guess I'll never be able to forgive myself. And now..." he took a deep breath, "... now the only decent thing I can do is to bring comfort to your soul... to alleviate the pain you're feeling... the pain I've caused you... Even though it means staying away from you for the rest of eternity..."

He took a few strands of hair from her face and placed a long loving kiss on her forehead. He also kissed the tip of her nose and spoke again, "Rest, angel. You were so brave, so strong... and I didn't expect any less from you. But I know you're tired... I know you need to go Home and I'll take you there, baby... I'll hold you tight all the way, don't be afraid."

Suddenly Monica's clothes were different too: instead of the flowered dress and the light pink cardigan, now she was wearing a long white dress. The beautiful garment and her bare feet accentuated her angelic nature, and slowly her human and her angelic forms melted into one. With tears pricking his sad green eyes, Andrew lifted Monica in his arms, always carefully as if he was holding a precious treasure. She was limp and still unconscious but now in that form he hoped the changes in her tired body would start soon.

Hues of orange and purple were coloring the horizon when Andrew, in his glowing form, started to walk towards an intense light, having the stars in the still dark sky as his witnesses. Then, both angels finally disappeared from the silent forest.

X

Andrew and Monica reappeared in an open green field, with green trees at a distance and colored flowers spread along the way. There was a stream of crystalline water flowing at the foot of the hill and a gentle breeze was blowing up against the angel's face. The sky above was blue and the sunrays only emphasized the beauty of that place. Carrying his dearest friend, who remained unconscious, Andrew walked for a few minutes until he found a tree with a huge green canopy. There was a white towel under its generous shadow along with a few white pillows. Andrew's heart was aching terribly, as from now on the blond angel didn't know what would happen to him or to his beloved Monica. But at the same time he felt relieved – the little angel who had stolen his heart forever was safe. She was at Home and at peace.

He knelt on the ground and, with infinite care, he lay Monica over the white towel and placed a soft pillow underneath her head. Then he sat down next to her, holding her hand in both of his. "It's over now, baby. I brought you Home... You're safe here and will be able to heal..."

Andrew bent down and kissed her forehead lovingly, and remained there, in silence, his green pools fixed on her sleeping form while her hand remained in his own. Several minutes had passed until the blond angel heard a familiar voice coming from behind him, "Angel boy..."

For the first time, he turned his gaze away from Monica, "Tess... She... she's very sick and... and so weak, I..." he tried to speak, tears never ceasing to fall from his eyes. The supervisor soon realized the anguish and despair caused by the heavy burden he had to carry over the two previous days. Tess knew better than anyone else that it had been the most painful assignment of his existence and was quick to try to put his heart at ease. "I know baby, I know. You did what you had to do! You brought her to the safest place in this universe; you brought her Home," she said, sitting next to him and caressing Monica's hair, equally moved to see her dear angel girl back.

"Is she going to get better? Does... does she feel any pain?" he wanted to know.

"Oh, no! No, she's recovering."

"Then why doesn't she wake up, Tess? There must be something wrong..."

"There's nothing wrong, baby. Monica has been terribly sick and her human form was greatly damaged. That has caused an impact on her angelic form as well and what she needs now is some time to heal."

"How much time?" he desperately wanted to know.

"I don't know, baby. I don't know."

He turned his eyes back to Monica and tenderly stroked her cheek wit the back of his hand. "I'll stay here, by her side, until she wakes up... I have to..."

Before Tess could say anything, another voice interrupted that conversation, "I'm sorry, Andrew, but your presence has been requested some other place."

The blond angel stared at Sam with disbelief and with anguish tearing up his very soul, "Sam... You can't ask me that..."

"It's not me who is asking, Andrew, and you know that..." the older angel replied, aware of the immense sorrow that had settled in Andrew's heart.

And the angel of death knew it was true – it wasn't Sam who was ordering him to leave, it was God Himself. What he and Monica felt for each other could never happen between two angels. They were heavenly creatures and there could not be romantic love between them – that was for humans only. Andrew's greatest fear had finally become a reality: he and Monica would have to go separate ways, maybe forever. That was the only way to prevent their feelings to grow, even though he knew it was too late, as his love for that sweet little angel had created deep roots.

The angel Monica had become part of his very soul, and no distance of place or lapse of time could erase the permanent imprint she'd left in his angelic heart.

Andrew still felt as if he were rooted to the spot after hearing Sam's words. This could very well be his last moment with Monica for the rest of eternity and he didn't even have time to…Have time to what? Get used to the idea? There would never be any getting used to this! Yes, God could separate them, but the largest piece of Andrew's heart would always remain with one precious little angel.

"Sam, I understand, but can I…."

"Of course," The older angel immediately knew what Andrew was asking. No one, not even he or Tess, knew how this story would all play out. Only the Father knew if Monica and Andrew would ever cross paths again, "Tess."

As the two senior angels vanished, Andrew turned his attention back to the little Irish angel and knelt down at her side. Her sleeping face was so delicate; her dark lashes lying so beautifully against her skin, it made his heart nearly cease to beat.

What could he possibly tell her before he was sent away? What words could possibly describe all the things he felt for her? Were there even words invented that could sum up her inner beauty or the way she made him feel? How could he possibly relate to her just how special he felt when he saw himself through her eyes, how he was a better angel just for simply knowing her? Monica could take what seemed to him to be the most ordinary of days and by her curiosity and inquisitiveness, by her ability to see beauty in everything, could make that day extraordinary for him. Who would do that for him now or would all of his days simply be reduced to shades of gray once he left the color behind, here in Heaven.

He sat in silence for a few moments, drinking in every tiny detail of her face as he pondered what to say to her. He knew he didn't have long before Tess and Sam would return and he would have to leave her, but no words seemed sufficient to sum up the ache in his heart right now.

Like a river, flowing ever closer to the sea, Andrew moved nearer to her and dared to brush his lips against hers, as his tears fell against her pale cheek.

"I will always love you," He whispered, hoping that the words would somehow find their way to her soul.

A heartbeat later, he was gone.

Heaven is not aware of time. There are no clocks with which to measure it, no nightfall to symbolize the ending of a day. The sun neither rises nor sets, but yet there is always light. It is always warm and beautiful and fragrant and it was in this lovely, perfumed creation of the Father, that Monica finally became aware of her surroundings.

Before her dark eyes even opened, she was aware of peace and great love and strong arms around her, cradling her close. There was no pain and she could hear Tess' deep, rich voice singing the words to a majestic song of praise that had never been heard by human ears.

It was then that the little angel felt safe enough to open her eyes.

Feeling the slight movement in her arms, Tess looked down and smiled gently, "Hello, baby."

Monica's eyes were wide as she slowly sat up and looked around her, realizing where she must be. The smell of Heaven's flowers could never be compared to any floral garden on earth, and the scent filled all her senses as it wafted delicately across the meadow.

"I'm Home," She uttered, the words both bringing relief and confusion when spoken. Her brow knitted as a serious expression came over her face, as she tried to remember how she had gotten here or what had led her to this point. Usually when she went Home in between assignments, she didn't wake up in Tess' arms. Usually, she would just appear here, with Tess and Andrew beside of her.

Andrew.

In small, confusing fragments, the bits and pieces of her last few days on earth flowed back into her consciousness. She had been captured, and had been ill; terribly ill. Andrew had found her and had taken care of her. Monica remembered walking, and a river and things in her memory grew faint from there, with the exception of a feeling of absolute panic.

"Tess!" She turned her worried dark eyes to her supervisor, but all she saw there was infinite patience, "What happened? How did I get here?"

"Calm down, Angel Girl," She soothed, reaching for the little angel's hand, "You were very sick, baby. Andrew had to bring you Home."

Those words brought a sensation of pain and grief to her gentle heart. Only Monica could know just how devastating that must have been for her dearest friend, and her hand moved to her heart as if to calm it. She knew without having to be told that bringing her Home must have broken the Angel of Death's heart.

"Oh Andrew…." She breathed out his name, even as her dark eyes looked around for him, needing to see that he was all right; wanting to make sure that he was not berating himself for the danger that had befallen her.

"He's back down there, baby," Tess explained softly, watching the wide range of emotions that crossed the little angel's face. The older angel already knew the whole story, but she was going to wait to see how much Monica wanted to hear.

"He…he left?" Monica's mind was racing, trying to comprehend what that meant exactly. Had be been made to leave because of their feelings for one another? Would she ever see him again? Did he know that she forgave him for everything even if she had never told him? She then realized that at the moment, she didn't have the courage to ask the questions.

To hear with certainty that the most incredible relationship of her existence was over would be more than she could possibly bear. She loved Andrew so much and even if they could never express that love for each other, she hadn't even gotten the chance to tell him that she forgave him. She'd assumed he just knew, but doing that had been selfish and inconsiderate on her part. Yes, she had been sick, but Andrew needed to know that she forgave him for not being honest with her. It would be difficult and heart aching enough to be apart forever, but to be apart and to not feel forgiven?

Tess watched worriedly as Monica rose to her feet, "Angel Girl, where are you going?"

"I just…I need to think, Tess," Her tone was desperate and laced with tears.

"Don't you think that maybe you and I should have a little talk?"

Her heart began to pound so loudly she was sure that Tess could hear it. She knew! Tess knew about how she and Andrew were feeling! Tess had the answers and suddenly Monica could not bear to hear them. Tearfully, she shook her head as she backed up a step, "No, Tess. I can't…it's more than I can bear…" She felt frightened and ashamed and so incredibly lonely for the Angel of Death, it seemed to be consuming her. Despite what had happened six months ago, Monica knew that Andrew would know how to handle this moment and she had no idea. She needed him there to hold her hand and to tell her it would all be all right, no matter what happened. She was trying to tell herself that, but it wasn't working. All she could imagine was an existence without Andrew and the very thought was enough to make her feel as if she had plunged to the very depths of her own personal hell. She could not cope with that kind of lonely. Even though God was always with her, Andrew was a part of her soul and surely if even an angel lost part of her soul she would wither away and die.

"Miss Wings, I need you to listen to me…" Tess was starting to feel quite concerned. The look on her Angel Girl's face was one she had never seen before; a look of loss so great that she feared Monica would collapse from the weight of it.

"I can't, Tess…I'm not ready…I'm sorry," Turning on her heel, the little angel ran as fast as her bare feet would carry her, through the meadow, as tears blinded her way.