CHAPTER 3

Where on one side of the country, a little angel wept, clear on the other end of the earth, another was feeling rather angry. When Andrew had suggested to Monica that she spend some time alone with God, he had never intended to not see her for months. However, not seeing the little angel was bad enough; not feeling her heart caused an ache in his that was almost physically painful.

When Andrew was truly honest with himself, he knew that the majority of his anger stemmed from his own dishonesty. His dearest friend had confessed her feelings to him, with the truth of the world in her eyes and he had been a coward, too afraid to admit his own evolving sentiments for her. He had loved her in silence for so long, but the silence had been safe. The silence, he liked to think, could not be a sin or an assault against the Father. Angels weren't supposed to experience the emotions of humans! He knew that even though God knew his every thought, Andrew just felt better being quiet about this particular feeling, despite the fact that it was one of the strongest feelings he had ever known.

He kicked angrily at the rock that was lying across his path as he remembered that day when the Irish angel had confessed her feelings to him. For a brief moment, his heart had been filled with the greatest joy and all he had wanted to do was to kiss the little angel until they were both breathless. Ironically, it had been that very thought that had brought him back to reality and right or wrong, that is precisely why he had chosen not to confess his own love. His silence had been a wall between them that had prevented them from acting on their emotions. Had Andrew been honest, nothing would have stopped him from finally kissing her lips, but now it seemed that his lack of truth had still caused his worst fear to come true.

He had lost her.

Andrew knew that Monica was running. These feelings he had were not going away on their own, and neither were Monica's and he agonized about that. The little angel was the epitome of innocence and purity and her sweet little movements and words had always held him captive and had filled his heart with great love for her. Now he knew that wherever she was, Monica was suffering. He had begged God to send him to her, but he had been answered with silence. Andrew had even pleaded for forgiveness for his feelings towards the younger angel as well as about his dishonesty with her, but again, there had been nothing which left him more than a little perplexed.

Andrew often wondered if she had confided in Tess as he had not seen the older angel who was his friend and mentor in just as long. Surely Tess and Monica were together and for that much he was at least grateful, though it did little to soothe his worried heart. The rock he had been kicking up the path began to embody all his frustrations as he gave it a much harder tap with his foot, sending it skittering down the path and off to the side to take up residence in the moss.

"What'd that rock ever do to you?"

The sound of Tess' voice caused the blond angel to whirl around and though he was pleased to see her, his green eyes immediately searched for the petite little angel he was accustomed to seeing at her side.

"She's not with me, baby, but she is exactly who I came to talk to you about." Tess approached him and then Andrew could clearly see the concern in the older angel's eyes.

"Is she all right?" Andrew questioned, deciding that was a safe enough thing to ask, but he was sure Tess could hear the urgency in his voice.

"As a matter of fact, Angel Boy, she isn't all right and I was hoping you could shed a bit of light on what might be bothering her. "

"Me?" He stammered, certain that his face was a picture of guilt, but it was obvious that Tess knew nothing about the conversation that had transpired between him and Monica.

Tess eyed him carefully for a moment and then gave out a sigh, "Listen, Andrew. You don't have to tell me what is going on, but I'm asking you to talk to her; to work out whatever this is between you. She's hurting, that much is obvious and I've been seeing the pain in her eyes for months and I don't like it one bit."

He gave a sharp nod, only too anxious to do what his mentor was asking of him. He had wanted to go to Monica for months now and finally he was getting the invitation to do just that, "Where is she, Tess? Do you know where I can find her?"

The older angel was quiet for a moment and then nodded her head, "The ocean, baby. Just please…"

But before Tess could even continue, Andrew had vanished from sight.

X

The night breeze coming off the ocean was chilly now that the sun had finished its descent below the horizon, but Andrew barely noticed as he stood on the porch of a tiny beach house, his eyes scanning the shore for one little angel. It only took him a moment to spot her, sitting alone and forlorn on the sand and he was down off the steps a heartbeat later. He couldn't get to her fast enough.

But when he got closer, he slowed his pace, not wanting to frighten her. The light from the moon illuminated her delicate features and he could just make out the shiny paths that tears had made against her pale skin. The sight made his jaw clench and he knelt down in the sand next to her, "Angel?"

The sound of his voice caused Monica to draw in a sharp breath as she turned her head to face him, but her words were not at all what he expected.

"Andrew….you can't stay here….please, things aren't any different. Just go. Please?" Her voice was trembling and her liquid brown eyes shone with great pain.

"No, Monica," He whispered softly to her as his hand moved to touch her cheek, "I need to talk to you. Please, listen to me. I did something inexcusable. I wasn't honest with you when you told me what you were feeling. I didn't tell you the truth."

Monica swallowed hard, suddenly trying to keep up with the conversation, "I…I don't understand…"

"I know you don't baby," Andrew replied softly, cupping her cheek in his hand, "When you told me how you felt about me, what I should have told you was that I had been feeling the exact same way about you. But I was too afraid to do that."

Monica's mind was whirling as she stared into his eyes, trying to grasp what he was telling her, "You did? You do? You feel the same way?"

"Yes, angel. I love you and I don't know if it is right or wrong, but it is how I feel….how I have felt for so long."

Then for the second time that night, she surprised him when her teary eyes turned angry and hurt, "You didn't tell me? You knew the truth then and you didn't tell me?"

"Monica, I couldn't. I was afraid that if I admitted it, I would…I would lose all control around you. There would then be nothing stopping me from kissing you the way I have wanted to kiss you for so long."

Where his words should have brought great joy to her heart, instead another sob escaped her, "So letting me think I'm so wrong in the way I was feeling was a better option?"

The raw betrayal on her face seized his heart and Andrew struggled to somehow make this right. This was not at all how he had envisioned this night going, "Monica…sweetheart, I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. At the time, it seemed the safer option for both of us, but…"

"How? Andrew, I was so ashamed! I felt so horrible inside to be feeling those things and to know you didn't want to see me until they were gone! We could have figured it out together, but you didn't allow that!" She rose to her feet shakily, her tears refusing to end, "Do you have any idea how confused I've been? How much I've missed you? How terrible it felt to know that my heart hadn't changed so I knew I couldn't find you?"

Rising to face her, Andrew tried again to soothe her, "Baby, I know. It was a terrible thing for me to do, but I was confused too-."

"I trusted you!" The little angel's voice rose in a way he had never heard before as the root of the problem came out in those three little words, "I trusted you…which is why I told you, even though I was so ashamed to say it. I trusted you to know a way for me to fix it; to make it better, but instead you sent me away."

Anguish crossed his face as Monica covered hers with her hands and wept into them, "Monica….please….I'm so sorry…." His own voice trembled with emotion as he reached for her, but as soon as his hands brushed her shoulders, she pulled away.

"Just go, Andrew….just go. I need time to think."

His expression became desperate as his heart raced frantically, "I'm sorry, Monica…I know I was wrong. I love you so much and I've missed you terribly…"

"You should have thought about that when you told me to go," She whispered through her tears, before she turned away from him and started walking in the other direction.

He didn't want to leave her. He wanted to throw himself down in the sand and beg her forgiveness, but he knew that was not what she wanted. He had hurt her and she needed time to work it all out in her mind.

"Angel!" He called out to her, hoping she could still hear him, "I love you!"

But if Monica did hear him, she gave no indication and Andrew was forced to watch her walk alone in the darkness until her form could no longer be seen.