CHAPTER 13

After Katie had a discussion with Andrew about setting him up in a room, the nurses elected to move a recliner into Monica's room. Yes, it was outside of normal protocol, but the still recovering angel was adamant that he was not going to leave Monica's side. Though the recliner allowed him to rest, more importantly, from his point of view, he was able to keep his ever watchful eyes on his angel and was able to keep hold of her hand.

Andrew had been fitfully dozing in the chair when the sound of Monica's voice brought him completely back to wakefulness. He sat up as quickly as his healing sutures would allow, feeling both hopeful and apprehensive about Monica waking up, but as Katie had warned him, her murmurs were those of someone hallucinating, though her words were enough to bring tears to his eyes.

"No…no, please…please…" With her words, tears were instantly trailing down her pale cheeks, "Andrew…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…I didn't want to…I didn't…"

His heart ached as he wiped at her tears, trying to speak around the emotions that were threatening to consume him, "No, baby. Sweetheart, no. You didn't do anything wrong. I love you so much, Angel."

Her dark eyes fluttered open briefly and the raw pain that was in those brown pools nearly took his breath away. But a moment later, they closed, causing more tears to escape, "I'm sorry.."

"Shh," Andrew whispered, his hands stroking her hair back from her forehead as his own eyes burned with tears, "No apologies, Monica. I'm the one who is so incredibly sorry, but please know that no matter what, I am here for you. No more time away from each other, baby. We'll get through this together; I promise you we will. You're everything to me, my little angel, absolutely everything…"

"Andrew…"

"I'm here, baby. I'm here."

He continued to speak softly to her even though her expression remained troubled and when the door to her room opened, the blond angel turned desperate eyes to Tess and Katie, "Isn't there something you can give her? Something to help her to rest?"

"We've tried, Andrew," Katie explained gently, seeing the anguish in his expression, "She doesn't respond to it. We've given her as much sedative as is safe, but it only calms her for a short time." She approached him, her eyes sympathetic, "You need to rest too."

Andrew stubbornly ignored the comment and looked at Tess, "Did you find out? Did they do a rape kit when she was brought in?"

The older angel shook her head, "They didn't, baby. Monica had lost a lot of blood and her body was in shock. They were so busy trying to stabilize her, that it never crossed their minds."

His tortured eyes turned back to the restless angel in the bed. He had hoped the emergency staff had tested her. He wanted to spare her the pain of telling him when she woke up.

"Angel Boy, Katie is right. You need to get some rest," Tess admonished him carefully.

"If I fall asleep, then I'll be leaving her alone again," His voice was filled with self-loathing, his anger with himself nearly palpable.

"You'll be right here and I will be too. If she wakes up, I'll wake you up," Still seeing his stubborn expression, she played the one card she knew would work, "She's going to need you when she wakes up and you won't be any good to her if you've slowed down your own recovery."

That one bit of strategically placed guilt worked as both angel and nurse watched Andrew's shoulders droop with defeat. Using the bar on Monica's bed, he pulled himself to his feet and ignoring the pain, he leaned over and brushed Monica's forehead with his lips, "I love you, baby and I'll be right here, okay? Try to rest, Angel. I'm not going anywhere."

Though he didn't protest further as he sat back down in the recliner and allowed Tess to cover him with a blanket, his eyes never moved from the little angel's face until he finally, against his will, fell asleep.

x

The next two days passed with agonizing slowness for the two angels who kept their vigil beside of Monica's bed. The little angel's fever continued to spike and wane and her restless murmurings were a source of constant pain for Andrew. The fact that she was incoherent only served to remind him that Monica didn't truly know he was there with her as she often called out for him, begging for someone to help him and pleading for absolution for herself.

The fact that her tortured mind allowed her to blame herself caused an ache in his heart greater than any he had ever known before. Though Andrew tried not to dwell in the past, he was unable to forget that he had started this entire avalanche of emotions the day she had confessed her feelings to him so long ago. That had been the first time in his existence he had not been honest with her and the repercussions of that moment had just snowballed to bring them to this moment in time. He would give anything to be able to do it all over again.

"I should have been there, Tess," he stated softly, "I never should have left her alone with that animal."

"Angel Boy, you had been shot," The older angel replied evenly, relieved that he was at least starting to talk about it openly. The last two days had been entirely too quiet, "Your human form is no match for a bullet."

"I should have fought harder. I knew what was at stake. I knew what he wanted to do to her. She looks to me to keep her safe and I failed to do that."

"Andrew, we don't even know if the worst happened yet-."

"Then why does she keep apologizing, Tess?" He whispered, bringing the little angel's hand to his lips, "What else does she possibly think she should be sorry for?"

"She could be apologizing for anything, Andrew, because her words have made little sense because of her fever. Only Monica and the Father know what went on that night and no matter what it was, He will see her through it."

"He's given me such a gift and I have taken such terrible care of it."

The older angel leaned forward in her chair to meet her eyes squarely with his, "Now you hold it right there, Mr. Halo. For two angels who are venturing where no angel has ever gone before, you two have done remarkably well. You're finding your way, baby and you are both bound to make mistakes along that way. Both you and Monica have had to deal with all these new emotions and situations and you've both made some of the same mistakes as some of your assignments," She drew in a deep breath and then continued, "But one thing I do know for certain and that is how much the two of you love each other. That love, Andrew, is what is going to sustain you both, no matter what happens next. Your love for each other and the Father's love for both of you will get you through whatever is to come."

He was quiet for a moment, his tender gaze focused on Monica's face, "I love her more than I could ever have imagined possible and I just…I just want to hold her until this is all over; until she's healed, no matter what that entails."

"And you will, baby. You will."

x

By late that afternoon, Andrew wasn't sure he could take much more. His beloved angel was having a particularly bad nightmare that he was unable to calm her through and the sound of her anguished voice growing louder and louder as she called out his name, caused the tears to fall freely from his eyes. She was calling out for him to help her and he had been unable to do anything. The guilt was eating him alive.

"Baby, please…it's okay, Angel…it's going to be all right...I promise…"

But she still called out for him until he could stand it no longer, "Baby, I'll be back. I need to find your nurse…they have to be able to give you something. I won't be long." He kissed her hand repeatedly, trying to gather the courage to leave her side, even if only for a moment.

His gait was slow due to residual pain, and he wished that Tess were still here to either find a nurse or sit with Monica while he did. He didn't want to leave her alone. He didn't want to leave her alone ever again.

His eyes searched for Katie even as his mind went over every possible scenario of what Monica had been through. What frightened him more than anything was what her reaction to him would be. He had seen women before who had been raped; he had seen the fear in their eyes when being near any man after undergoing such an ordeal. How could he not hold her? What if she couldn't allow it?

He nearly stumbled at the mere possibility, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. Looking up, he saw the chapel and a moment later he was inside, dropping down into a pew. His arms rested on the pew in front of him as he lowered his head.

What would this do to her confidence? To her self worth? He could hardly imagine it. Would it cause their new relationship to be over before it had really begun? No. That couldn't be true; he wouldn't let it be true. He would convince her that he loved her just as much as he ever had; more if that was even possible. Nothing any human could say or do to her could possibly change how precious she was in his eyes and he would make her see that. He had to. He couldn't imagine anything else.

Opening his eyes, they focused on the floor, catching a tiny glint of something shiny and small. Reaching down, Andrew picked up a little ring; a child's ring, like the ones they would get out of a twenty-five cent machine or out of a box of cereal. The little "diamond" was plastic and he sadly placed it on his finger, though it didn't even reach his first knuckle. But staring at the ring suddenly made him certain of what he needed to do.