CHAPTER 15

Feeling ashamed

It was nearly 10 PM when Monica unlocked the door of her apartment. Ella was with her, as the older teacher had been informed by one of the secretaries that Monica had offered to take Rose home once her mother hadn't appeared to pick her up that afternoon. Ella had a feeling that something was not right and after a short visit to the Sparks' home she was told what happened just a few hours before.

She met Monica at the city hospital and was relieved to know that Rob's aggression didn't result in anything more serious. Yet, the old teacher could not hide her sadness to see both her friend's and Rose's mother's faces.

Fortunately, at that time, Andrew was still at work and didn't see her arriving with a purple wound on her face.

"Thank you, Ella..." the angel in human form spoke, once they came inside. Her friend had offered to go home with her as Mrs Sparks would spend the night at the hospital.

Monica sank in the sofa with her gaze lost in some invisible point ahead of her. The old teacher took a seat next to her and place a gentle hand over her shoulder. "You don't have to thank me, baby... I wish I had been there with you..."

"You couldn't have guessed, Ella... And it was wrong of me going there all alone... I should have known better..."

"Is there anything you need, baby? I feel bad about leaving you here all alone..."

"I... I'll be fine..." she said, thinking about Andrew's reaction.

"You cannot be fine here all on your own, Monica... You should at least let Andrew know..."

"I'll talk to him... "

"And does he live far from here? Isn't there any way you can contact him?"

Monica was fidgeting with her fingers nervously, not managing to look at Ella's face. "I... I will..."

"I can do it for you, tell me which number to call, he needs to know that, you need his support..."

"Ella..."

"Don't do this to yourself, baby!"

"Andrew lives here too..." she finally spoke, biting her lower lip and only then facing her friend. She could see surprise written all over her face. "Andrew and I... we live together..."

"Oh... I... I didn't imagine..."

Monica was suddenly embarrassed and afraid that her only friend would condemn her like others had done before. "It's... it's not what you're thinking, I-"

But Ella interrupted her by covering her hand. "You don't owe me any explanation, baby. I'm not here to judge you."

Feeling the presence of tears and sudden relief inside her heart, the angel nodded and offered a bittersweet smile. "Thank you... Andrew and I have been judged and taken for granted quite often lately..."

"I can tell that by the look on your face, Monica... But all my life I've tried to live by God's teachings and one of the most precious of them is understanding."

Monica held her friend for a brief moment, as a light sob escaped her. "Thank you..."

"Not for that, baby. Not for that." Ella spoke, and it was then that they heard the door being unlocked for a second time. Andrew was there.

The former Angel of Death's face went from relaxed to confused, to full blown concern in a matter of seconds and it only took Ella a moment to realize that Monica was already overwhelmed.

"She's fine, Andrew," The older woman explained as she rose to her feet and reached for her coat, wanting to leave the young couple alone to talk, "She had a run in with a student's father, but thank God the man is now in jail and his daughter is safe."

"Angel?" Andrew approached her quickly and sat down on the couch next to her, his worried green eyes taking in her bruised and swollen cheek and the small bandage that covered the cut made by the man's ring.

"I'm okay," Monica murmured shakily, not meeting his eyes.

"I'll let them know you won't be in tomorrow, Monica," Ella stated firmly, "You rest and let that swelling go down."

"Thank you," She managed a painful smile at her friend, even as her stomach churned nervously.

"Yes, thank you, Ella," Andrew replied, though he was unable to take his eyes off the little angel.

"I'll show myself out."

Once the door had closed, Andrew raised a hand to brush it against Monica's cheek, watching as she flinched in pain at the smallest touch, "Rose's father...he came to the school and did this?"

Still not meeting his eyes, she realized Andrew had never gotten the message she had tried to call him. Not that it mattered; she had promised and he had been right.

"N..no...it happened at his apartment..."

The words were a mere whisper, but Monica felt him tense up immediately as she tried to gauge his reaction. But it wasn't at all what she had expected and near panic filled her gentle heart when he rose from the sofa and walked wordlessly into the kitchen.

Part of her wanted to follow him, but yet she was unable to help but wonder if he just needed a moment. Despite her rationalizations, her dark eyes flooded with tears at the knowledge she had disappointed him and she wrapped her arms protectively around herself. Her liquid gaze remained on the kitchen door, though the picture on the wall next to it was blurred to a watercolour painting. It was several minutes before he returned and he carried ice wrapped in a dishtowel.

"Lean back," Andrew instructed, waiting until she rested her head back against the sofa to lay the ice against her cheek.

But as he held it, he uttered not a word and the silence was eating away at her. Monica was unable to stop the tears as they slipped down her face, "I'm so sorry." She whispered, unable to stand the tension between them a moment longer.

"I asked you not to go. You promised me." His voice was tight as he tried to reconcile what could have happened to her with the reality.

"I tried to call you but you weren't there. Nobody came to pick Rose up from school and I didn't have any other choice, Andrew."

"You could have called social services, or the police and let them handle it. That's their job, Monica, not yours."

"But Rose was afraid and she trusts me..."

"He could have killed you."

"But he didn't."

"And that makes it ok? What about the next time, Monica?"

He was visibly upset and the little angel knew he had a right to be, yet she didn't know what else to say to make it right or maybe there was nothing to say to make it better. She only knew that she could never remember a time that he had been upset with her and knowing she had hurt him was breaking her heart.

Grabbing the ice pack from his hand, she laid it down on the sofa and stood shakily to her feet, finally meeting his eyes, "I'm sorry. You were right," Her lower lip began to tremble and more tears made their way down her pale face, "I don't know how to make it right...just that I want to, but I don't know what else to say, Andrew. I never meant to hurt you or upset you."

As she shrugged her shoulders helplessly, the anger left him, not that his anger had ever been with her. Not really. Yes, he was upset, but part of him understood; she had done what her heart had led her to do and it was one of the things he loved most about her.

"Baby," Rising to face her, Andrew gathered her close and felt her melt into his sheltering embrace as she began to cry in earnest, "I'm sorry too," He whispered against her hair, before he fell silent, allowing both of them to calm. He could feel the overwhelming emotions that flooded out through her tears; shame, fear, sadness and he led her back to the sofa as he noticed how badly she was trembling.

"It's okay, angel," He murmured, holding her as close to himself as he dared, "You're safe now."

"You're angry with me..." She stated through her tears, hardly able to bear the thought.

"No, you're wrong, baby," Andrew pulled away enough to look into her face, pain flashing in his green eyes at the sight of the ugly bruise that was already beginning to form.

"You should be. I promised you...and I should have kept it...but I didn't know what else to do..."

"Hush," He laid a firm finger against her lips to silence her self-loathing, hating the tears that continued to well up in her dark eyes. His gaze swept over her face, his breath catching in his throat at the tremendous love that filled his heart simply from looking at her, "I love you so much, my precious angel, and the thought of anyone daring to harm you is what made me angry. That man is lucky to be in prison as he is safer there than face to face with me." His voice was tight, but Andrew knew he meant the words he was saying.

"Please don't say that. I shouldn't have been there...then it never would have happened."

He sighed softly as he carefully chose his next words, "It's true I wish you hadn't gone, but I understand why you did. You tried to call me but I was out on emergency, but none of that matters now. What truly matters is that you are safe and in my arms. That's all I care about, angel. Only that."

Monica felt his eyes trace over the swollen side of her face and she tried to smile but it was painful, "It looks worse than it is."

"It looks bad enough to me, angel..."

"He... He was about to hurt Rose... I... I tried to convince him not to-"

"You put yourself in between them to protect that little girl." He spoke, not a tiny bit surprised that such a selfless attitude had come from his beloved angel. Not too sure of what to say, she lowered her head, wishing that things weren't that difficult.

Andrew pulled her to his arms carefully, dreading to hurt her more than what she already was. Once she was leaning in his strong arms, he gently stroked her hair. "You truly have the nature of an angel, baby... Even though you're in this human form, you're possibly the only angel I know who would gladly give up yourself to save another one of God's children..." He bent his head and kissed her temple lovingly. "That's why sometimes I feel undeserving of your love..."

That last statement caused her to turn her head up and look at him with a worried frown. "This is not true... You're as much as deserving of my love as I am of yours..."

Andrew tried to smile, which wasn't easy at that moment. "You'll always have my love, baby. Always."

After some moments of silence, Andrew pulled away with infinite gentleness and kissed her forehead. "You lie down for a while and try to keep the ice pack against your face, angel. I'll prepare something for us to eat."

"You don't need to worry about me I... I'm not really hungry right now, Andrew..."

"I can imagine you're not, but in this human form and being through such a hard day, you need to eat something..." He took her hand and guided her through the corridor, up to her bedroom.

Despite the fact that neither of them were in the mood to eat, Andrew prepared them a sandwich and some fruit juice and they ate silently a while later. The atmosphere between them was better, it was true, but Monica knew that she would have to struggle with the terrible sensation of guilt that was still tearing up her heart for some days. In the silence of the night, the angel in human form snuggled against Andrew's strong arms and closed her eyes. And then she prayed to their loving Father, asking for protection for both of them. Protection against a world of humans that was filled with kind and generous people like Ella, sweet little children such as her students and also with hurtful and dangerous human beings like the man who attacked her.

And finally, beaten by exhaustion and lulled by Andrew's gentle caresses against her hair, Monica fell asleep, oblivious to the fact that the angel of death's prayers were exactly the same as hers.