CHAPTER 17

Dreams

Sleep came quickly to the Irish angel that night after such a long day and so much shopping. Though Andrew had insisted they eat a little something, Monica had nearly fallen asleep during the meal, leaving Andrew chuckling and she looking somewhat sheepish.

Though she had been sleeping soundly, Monica suddenly stirred and opened her eyes to the darkness of her bedroom, before she sucked in a sharp breath.

"Tess..." The words were a whisper on her lips as her sleepy eyes gazed at her one time supervisor, friend and mentor. But despite the plea contained in the word, a heartbeat later, the older angel seemingly vanished from the room, if she had even been there to begin with.

Sitting up in bed, Monica rubbed her eyes furiously before looking back to the spot where she was sure she had seen Tess.

But no one was there.

She'd been dreaming. The angel ornament in the store; the one Andrew had purchased for her must have triggered one of the deepest desires of her heart, and now that same heart was suddenly stricken with overwhelming sadness that she had not felt for months. The tears welled up from someplace deep inside the recesses of her soul and all the little angel could do was wrap her arms around her knees and weep over a loss that now felt breathtaking. Never in a million years would she give up what she had gained, yet the loss was still present.

Across the hall, Andrew suddenly bolted awake, but not by any sound that could be heard by a human ear. By a sound that could only be heard by his heart.

"Angel?" His voice was frantic as he knocked only once on her bedroom door before pushing it open and entering. The sight and sound of her crying nearly undid him. The not knowing what was bringing out such heartbreaking emotions in the little angel devastated him.

Wasting no time, Andrew tugged her body into his arms, cradling her close as she buried her face against his t-shirt. He knew better than to ask her any questions yet; Monica was far too overcome with emotion to answer. Instead, he held her close, kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair, waiting with all the patience he could muster, so great was his need to comfort her heart.

As the minutes ticked by, her bone deep sobs lessened to a quieter weeping where she could finally hear the beating of his heart beneath her ear. The sound and the reassurance it gave, finally caused her to quiet completely, though she never moved from her nearly catatonic state in his arms, her small body now completely exhausted from the outpouring of emotions.

Andrew swallowed and finally ventured words, softly; carefully.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

Monica shook her head slightly, still pillowed against his chest, "A dream yes. But not bad. Sad, Andrew. So very sad."

The quiver was still present in her lilted voice and he gave her a tighter squeeze, feeling the shuddering sigh that went through her body. Kissing the top of her head once more, Andrew spoke softly again, "Can you tell me about it?"

She was quiet for a moment before she raised her pale and tear-streaked face up to look at him. Carefully, laying a small hand against his jaw, Monica whispered, "Only if you know what is in my heart first; that I would not trade what we have right now for anything, Andrew; not now and not ever."

The lone tear that trickled down her cheek with her words caused his heart to race both with joy and with anguish, "You know I feel exactly the same."

"I dreamed Tess was here. She didn't say anything...she was just here...standing over there by the dresser and when I called out her name she disappeared." The little angel felt another knot rising to her throat and she struggled to speak around it, "It just made me so sad...and though I'm ashamed to say it, Andrew...it made me a little...a little angry too."

Though Monica tried to lower her eyes, Andrew cupped her cheek to stop her, "Why angry, Angel?"

Drawing strength from the compassionate and ever so patient green eyes she loved so much, she blinked back more tears, "Because...because I don't understand why she said those terrible things to me...about us turning our backs on the Father, and being too curious and that I not only destroyed my status in heaven but yours too...and..."

"No baby. No more," His heart ached as he drew her close as fresh tears escaped her dark and already swollen eyes, "None of those things were true; you know that."

"I know, "Monica wept softly in his arms, "I know they aren't true; that isn't what hurts...what hurts is that she said them at all! She was my friend!"

Andrew's heart ached at the pain in her words and over the fact that she had been keeping this inside of her for all these months, but he allowed her to cry it out as he rocked her gently in his arms.

He was unable to keep himself from feeling anger at Tess once again, for hurting the sensitive little angel who would never say such hurtful things to anyone, yet alone someone she loved. But Tess had known the words that would hurt Monica the most and in a moment of anger, she had used them all and they had found their intended target: Monica's gentle heart.

As her sobs began to lessen once more, Andrew pulled away enough to see her face, tender fingers brushing away her tears and the wayward strands of hair that intermingled with the wetness on her cheeks, "In your heart, you know she didn't mean them, baby, though that doesn't take your pain away."

"If she didn't mean them, then why hasn't she checked on us? How long can it possibly take to talk to the angels in charge?"

Her questions rattled him more than he would care to admit as he simply didn't have the answers she was looking to him to provide, "I don't know, Angel. Maybe she hasn't spoken to anyone or maybe no one knows what to do about us, but the fact remains that what we feel is real."

"Other than God's love, Andrew, it's the most real thing I've ever felt before. I don't regret being here with you for a moment, but at the same time...I miss her, at least the Tess I knew before any of this happened."

"I do too, Angel," He replied softly, wishing he could draw some wisdom from the older angel in order to bring the peace back to Monica's dark and soulful eyes. But Tess' wisdom had been missing in those moments before he and Monica had been sent to earth to dwell, "Sweetheart, I so want this to be a happy time for you..."

"Andrew, it is!" She insisted, her expression now showing great concern, "You make me so undeniably happy, all the time. You always have. I guess that even though this is a happy time of year, it also makes me sad for some things we no longer have, even though we have the things that are most important; the Father and each other."

Her sweet face was so hopeful that Andrew was unable to help himself. He leaned down and met his lips with hers in a tender kiss that promised his eternal love and when their lips parted, he rested his forehead against hers, "Promise me that when you feel sad about any of this that you'll talk to me, Monica. I want to know everything you are feeling all the time, so please allow me to help you with the things that are hard."

She nodded her head, feeling too consumed with her love for him to speak, so instead she inched up to softly kiss him again, "I suppose I should let you get back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you."'

"Yes, we should both get some sleep," Andrew replied matter of factly, though he made no move to leave. Instead he lied back in her bed with her still tucked into his arms and then reached for the blanket to cover them both as he waited patiently for her to nestle her head against his chest.

"I love you so, Andrew," Monica whispered as she felt him lay a loving kiss against her forehead.

"And I, you. Now sleep, baby. I'm right here with you."

"I know, and you never let me forget it."

But Monica had been fast asleep for some time even as Andrew lay awake, his fingers running through her hair and his thoughts far away. He loved the life they had created here in so many ways; fewer separations, none of them lasting as long as some of their assignments had lasted, their time off spent together, the happiness in Monica's eyes as she chattered away about her little pupils at school, the ability to kiss her without fear of who may see them.

But as much as he loved it, the fact remained that their situation was still up in the air. They had no idea how long they would be here or if they would suddenly be called Home to face whatever those above them deemed the answer to be. The uncertainty was keeping the little angel from relaxing completely. It was keeping her from feeling secure and from being able to accept this new reality wholeheartedly. There was still the possibility that they could be snatched away from each other and the mere thought caused his arms to tighten around her a little more.

This decision had never been theirs. They hadn't asked for this, so why should they remain in limbo indefinitely? No, it wasn't fair and Andrew knew it was time for him to act. It was time for Monica to be given a real sense of security.