CHAPTER 20

A sad day

Though Spring generally symbolized the emergence of new life as tiny buds began to form on the trees, and the robin's were racing back and forth in preparation of nest building, to Monica, it symbolized one thing above all others this time.

She and Andrew had been living on earth for nearly a year.

The thought no longer brought a sense of panic to her gentle heart, but instead she felt acceptance and even a little eager anticipation as her marriage to Andrew was now only a few weeks away. Life down here now felt a wee bit easier to her even if not always comfortable, but she now felt reassured that as long as she had God's love and Andrew's unwavering love and devotion, she would be all right.

Friday morning she awoke with a slow sleepy smile. It was Friday and the day before her favourite weekend of the month; the weekend she and Andrew had together. By now he would already be asleep in his room across the hall, having worked all night and when she got off work this afternoon, Andrew would undoubtedly have something special planned for the two of them.

Bolting out of bed, the little angel sprang to the shower and was quickly dressed and soon ready to leave for school. Seeing she still had a few extra minutes, Monica crept silently to Andrew's bedroom door and peered inside, only wanting to kiss his cheek before she left for the day.

But his bed had not been slept in.

Panic momentarily seized her little heart. Had something happened? Had he been hurt in a fire? No, surely if he had been the captain would have called her, but still...where was Andrew? He should have been home almost three hours ago. Biting her lower lip, she hesitated only briefly before turning and hurrying to the living room and grabbing the phone. Dialling the number for the station, Monica tried to control her suddenly racing heart, but a moment later, she recognized Andrew's voice as he answered.

"Andrew!" the relief poured out into her words, "I was so worried...are you all right? I thought you would have been home by now."

"Angel," Andrew's voice sounded more than slightly weary and defeated and something in the little angel's heart suddenly ached intensely, "There...was a bad fire last night. I'm going to be here for a little while yet, but I should be home by the time you get home from work."

"All right," She replied slowly, "Is everything okay?"

His hesitation sent Monica's stress level through the roof of the little apartment, "It will be...I hope. I'll see you this afternoon, Angel."

When the call ended, nothing in Monica's heart was at peace and the uneasy feeling refused to leave her during the day with her little pupils. At lunch, she called the apartment but there was no answer and this did little to make her feel better.

When the impossibly slow day finally ended, it took Ella about half a second to know something was wrong.

"Baby? Are you okay?"

Monica was scurrying around her classroom doing last minute cleanup though not with her usual care and precision, "Ella...yes...no...I'm not sure. Andrew had to stay late at work and when I talked to him this morning he sounded...upset or sad..or just not like Andrew."

"Maybe he just had a bad night, Monica. He'll undoubtedly be waiting for you outside in a matter of minutes."

It was true. Fridays when he had the rest of the weekend off, Andrew always met Monica outside the school. This little reminder had the angel grabbing her bag and throwing her friend a tiny smile, "Have a good weekend, Ella."

"You too, baby. You call if you need anything, you hear?"

"Of course."

The angel nearly flew down the stairs and out the double doors of the school, only to stop abruptly. Andrew wasn't there. Her eyes darted around the street to see if maybe he was on his way but there was no sign of him.

Before she could even think, Monica was flying down the front steps, small feet hardly making a sound against the concrete as she started running in the direction of home. She knew something was wrong; she could feel it in her soul even though they were both human. She knew this morning things had not been right but now the overwhelming feeling that things were downright wrong refused to leave her. She darted around the people who were walking down the crowded street, her sights centered on only getting home and getting to Andrew.

Would he be home yet? He had to be. She had to know.

Slamming in the front door of the building, she skipped the elevator and raced up the six flights of stairs to their floor. Before she inserted her key in the lock, she tried the door.

It was open, which meant Andrew was home.

Monica's eyes searched for him in the living room and kitchen. Usually if he didn't plan on them going out for dinner, he would have things started in the kitchen, but the room was as tidy as she had left it that morning.

Dropping her bag to the floor, the little angel moved to his room and only knocked once before opening the door, "Andrew?"

Her heart nearly stopped beating.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, his eyes red-rimmed and exhausted...and full of great pain. Monica was on her knees in front of him a moment later, her hands searching for his, "Andrew, what is it? What happened? I knew something was wrong; I could feel it. Please, talk to me..."

His expression was completely helpless as he shook his head, "Angel...I'm too human...I've become too human...I'm forgetting what is so important to the Father..."

His grief alone, despite the fact she didn't understand it yet, caused her to hurl herself into his arms and hold him tightly, her love for him alone bringing worried tears to her dark eyes, "No, you haven't. You never would, Andrew. Never."

"But I did..." His voice was thick with emotion, though the feel of her delicate body pressed up against him and the sweet smell of her auburn hair brought a tiny bit of peace to his troubled heart.

"Please tell me. I love you so much. I want to help you." Monica's fingers ran through his short, blond hair as she held him tightly.

Andrew rested in her embrace for another few moments before he pulled back and guided her to sit next to him on the bed. Monica never released her hold on his hands and he took another moment to center himself as he kissed her hands tenderly.

"Angel...there was a bad fire last night...and Jeff...he went back in to try and find a little girl. The mother was outside crying that her daughter was still inside, but she was really out back...she'd already gotten out but no one knew as she was afraid and hiding..." Andrew blinked rapidly to try to clear his eyes, "Jeff...he didn't come back out of the house, Angel.
He...he died in there...trying to find that child...and I never knew...I never asked where he stood with God...in all the conversations we've had, I never asked him...never crossed my mind...how could I have forgotten that? I have no way to know now...how could I have forgotten?"

Pulling him into her arms once more, Monica felt the tears trickle down her own face as well. Jeff. She had met him several times and the man had a good heart and a wonderful sense of humor, but she never had heard him refer to God in any way...and now Andrew...

"I'm so sorry," the little angel whispered against his ear, "Oh Andrew...I'm just so sorry." She held him as tightly as her small arms would allow, her heart aching with his, "It's not your fault...or if it is, then I am at fault as well. I didn't know either and I had spent time with him too and Andrew...there are teachers and children at school that I don't know where their beliefs stand either," Pulling back a little, Monica looked into his red eyes and wiped at the wetness on his face before cradling his face in her hands, "But you know the truth and you were his friend. You loved him and cared about him and he had know that you believed in something more," Her fingers stroked his face tenderly, only wanting to bring some relief to his heart, "We aren't angels anymore...at least not for now and I think we just have to do the best we can...and you give your best to everyone; me, your job, your friends, every single day."

Green eyes, normally so certain, now searched hers for answers, even as his heart was touched so deeply by her words, her tears, "It's not enough, Monica."

"Oh my sweet Andrew, it is," Monica whispered. She had never seen him like this before. He was her rock, always so sure and steady, and this pain, this hopelessness she saw now made her heart ache in a way that was physically painful. All she wanted to do was love the pain from him any way she could. Her tender though teary gaze fixed on him as her fingers combed through his hair, "Before all of this...the way we feel about each other, we were able to show humans proof of God's existence. They couldn't deny him when face to face with an angel. We don't have that ability right now and only the Father knows if we will ever have it again. So that leaves us living out our certainty of God's existence for all those whose lives we touch, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you did that for Jeff. Jeff knew that both you and Mark knew God."

Andrew drew in a deep breath and nodded his head slightly, "He did. I know he did, but what if it wasn't enough, Monica?"

"What else could you have done?" She asked softly, "You can't force someone to believe, Andrew."

"I should have prayed for him...because I didn't know..."

"The Father always knows what is in your heart and He knows what was in Jeff's'.
Please, don't do this to yourself; it hurts me so much to see you blame yourself...and I feel so helpless to help you..."

Pulling her back into his arms, Andrew kissed the side of her head repeatedly, "You help me so much, baby, all the time...and I know you're right. It's just so difficult to not have the certainty of knowing who, if anyone, escorted Jeff Home."

The little angel rested her head against his shoulder, and kissed his neck softly, "I'm so sorry you lost your friend."

The reality hit him then...a reality Monica already understood. For the first time in their existence, they were dealing with death from a purely human perspective. They had to deal with the loss of a friend and not necessarily the loss of a soul. The answer to that was only known to God and they were no longer privy to the information.

Closing his eyes, he held her tightly, "Thank you, baby. Me too."