CHAPTER 43

Things will never be the same

The following week, with the cast now off his leg, Andrew and Monica walked hand in hand through a city that was now forever changed and not just the skyline. The people of New York had come together through the tragedy and though the clearing of Ground Zero would take months or even over a year, once the air had cleared and the dust had settled, people began to regard each other as friends instead of strangers.

Andrew's story had been aired on the news and he was embarrassed by the fact that he was so easily recognized now, yet it gave him and Monica a chance to touch more lives, to offer more hope or comfort to those who were still mourning loved ones.

But despite his awe at the change in the human aspect of the city, and his slight discomfort at having people approach him to offer him thanks for the work he had done on September 11th, what Andrew was most inspired by was the little angel who clung tightly to his hand as they walked in the direction of St. Paul's chapel. Monica's bravery in the face of so much pain made him strive even more diligently to be deserving of her love. Neither angel had yet returned to work though they both would at the beginning of the week, and he had not once left her side since he had come home. It didn't escape him how at night in bed, she clung to him a bit more tightly or how he would catch her looking at him with tears shimmering in her dark eyes, and he was certainly aware of the occasional nightmare he had to soothe her through in the wee hours of the morning, but he knew the trauma of her days spent alone after the terrorist attacks would take time to fade from her memory.

"Are you sure about this, Angel?" Andrew asked softly as the chapel came into view as they rounded the next corner.

Monica gave a sharp nod of her head. She needed to see how things were going at the chapel and she wanted to see her friends, but there was no denying the memories that would also lie within those walls and partially due to her pregnancy hormones, and partially due to the recent pain of those days without Andrew, she was unsure of how she might react. Yet the little angel knew that Andrew understood all of that and the thought caused her to smile shyly up at him, "I won't say I'm not a wee bit nervous, but I want to see how everyone is holding up, you see. I feel a little bit guilty for not being there any longer," She admitted, nibbling her lower lip.

"Baby, you put in plenty of time there during a very difficult time and I am certain no one holds it against you that you are taking some time to recover. You're not just taking care of yourself now but of our baby as well and please know that those two people are the most important in my existence."

Monica stopped walking and impulsively flung herself into his arms, holding onto him tightly, ignoring the people that continued walking around them, "I love you so much," She whispered fiercely, feeling him close his own arms around her, "I am just so blessed to have you back to be able to say those words to you."

"I'm the one who is blessed, angel; so incredibly blessed it takes my breath away." Andrew kissed the side of her head as he heard a tiny sob escape her. He held her tightly until she had reined in control of her emotions once more and then he pulled away slightly, "Ready?"

"Yes," She replied, slipping her small hand into his once more as they walked up the path to the chapel.

When they walked inside, it seemed to Monica as if time had stood still. Though her own life had moved on with finally finding Andrew, things here were exactly the same as she had left them. Rescue workers were either eating, talking to volunteers or catching a well deserved nap on one of the pews, while others sat quietly in the front of the sanctuary deep in thought or possibly prayer. The pain and grief was still present, even as the ever growing number of banners that lined the walls presented hope.

Feeling a swell of emotion in her chest, Monica squeezed Andrew's hand tightly as her eyes took in things that only her memory could see; such as the corner pew in the back where she had shed many a helpless tear at not knowing what had happened to her husband, or the exact spot she had stood when Ella had gently tried to tell her that maybe Andrew wasn't coming back.

"Monica!" The soft but yet excited voice belonged to Janet and the little angel felt herself relax a little bit.

"Janet," The two hugged as Andrew stepped back to give them some room, though his affectionate gaze remained fixed on his wife.

"Janet, this is Andrew, my-."

The slightly older woman's eyes clouded as she took Andrew's outstretched hand in both of hers, "Your Andrew," She finished for Monica, "It is so good to meet you, and to know that you have not only been found, but are safe. Many were not so fortunate."

"I know. My fire company lost ten men and woman that day. I'm thankful and more than blessed to be here."

Janet looked over at Monica, who looked more relaxed than Janet had ever seen her, "We were blessed to have your wife here. She did a lot of good in those days following 9-11."

"I have no doubt," He replied, unable to keep the hint of pride from his voice. He knew those days had been more than harrowing for Monica, yet she had remained where she would be of the most use in helping others, no matter how heavy her own heart. Her courage amazed him constantly.

They visited for awhile, talking to some of the volunteers and Andrew took a few minutes to speak with some of the fire fighters from other stations.

Andrew noted how quiet his wife was as they walked home, though when he squeezed her hand in question, she offered up a smile to try to pacify him. He knew she wasn't ready to talk yet and he knew better than to force it; eventually she would open up to him.

After being greeted by Bear at their front door, Andrew started for the kitchen to debate what to cook for dinner. Now that he was off crutches and healed, he was determined that he resume his job of taking care of his little wife. Monica had been taking care of everyone at the chapel for two weeks and then when she had finally found him, she had been taking care of him ever since. It was time for her to rest and recover and he was determined it happen beginning immediately.

But he was stopped when Monica grabbed his hand. Turning to look down at her, he saw the pleading in her eyes, "Angel?"

"We can eat later," She whispered softly as she approached him and stood up on tip toe to brush her lips against his, "It's been too long; I need to be one with you, Andrew. Please..."

Love and desire clouded his green eyes as he took her face into his hands and kissed her gently at first and then with more hunger. Sweeping her slight body up into his arms, he carried her back to their bedroom, all the while laying kisses against her lips and face.

Despite the fact that every time they were able to connect physically was a gift, Andrew, ever sensitive to every little thing about his angel, knew something more was going on this time. Through the passion and urgency, he could sense a hint of desperation he didn't understand, yet he loved her too much to question things yet, and his own human body was hungry for hers.

Only afterwards, when Monica burst into tears and buried her face against his chest, did Andrew know he couldn't wait any longer to find out what burden she was still carrying in her heart. He held her tightly against himself, his fingers working into her hair and his lips repeatedly kissing her forehead as he allowed her to cry herself out, certain the release was long past due. He whispered of his love for her and how proud he was of all she had done to help him and others over the last few weeks, since that horrible Tuesday morning. His soothing voice talked about how excited he was to become a father and how happy she had made him, and little by little, he felt Monica's sobs quiet as she rested her cheek against his bare chest.

And even then, Andrew remained quiet for a few minutes, stroking her hair and back, doing all he could to bring peace to a troubled soul that he loved with every fiber of his being. Finally, he began talking again, preparing to open the door for whatever was upsetting his precious wife.

"You know, I cannot begin to imagine how difficult the last few weeks have been for you. I know I've said that before, but I can't stop thinking about how you must have felt, baby; how afraid you must have been and I was lying in a hospital completely oblivious to your pain."

Her fingers brushed up against his warm skin, reminding herself once more that he was really here with her again, "I know I told you that I never doubted you would come back to me, but that wasn't completely the truth," Monica whispered finally, "Ella came to me one day and tried to tell me you might not be coming back. They hadn't found any survivors in days and she was trying to get me to go home," The soft words continued to flow from her; words she had not told him because she hated thinking about those horrible days of fear and uncertainty, "Do you know the whole two weeks before I found you, I only stayed here one night? I couldn't bear it; being here without you. Maybe...maybe it should have been comforting but it wasn't. It was so painful because without you, it wasn't home."

"I'm so sorry, baby," Andrew murmured, kissing the top of her head.

"When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't know what to feel. I mean, I loved this wee one the second I knew of her existence, but I was so afraid and then when Ella spoke aloud the words I had been afraid to think...that you might be dead, I didn't handle it well. But I was still sure that if you were dead, I'd know it, because something inside of me would have died along with you," She lifted her head to look into his eyes as her own clouded with fresh tears, "and I was right. I knew that God couldn't take you from me; that He wouldn't, right? Surely after all this time we don't need to be afraid of that, do we? Of being separated?"

Her tears were falling faster than he could wipe them away, "Monica? What is this about? Please baby, where is this all coming from? You know I don't think the Father will separate us now or ever; you know it too. Something is causing these fears of yours to come to the surface again, but we have been blessed with a baby, Angel," Andrew stilled his hand from wiping away her tears and rested it against her cheek, "This gift is proof of his love for us, baby, so what has you so afraid all of a sudden?"

She searched his green eyes, trying to find certainty that would overshadow all her insecurities. Another tiny sob escaped her as her trembling fingers reached up to grasp his, "Tess was here."

"What?"

Monica had instantly felt Andrew's body tense up beneath her own at the mention of Tess' name as his intense gaze held her own, "y-yes. She was here a few days before I found you..."

"What did she say? What did she want?"

The sharpness of his voice was frightening her, making her again wonder if Andrew thought Tess was here to pull them apart. What if she was? How could they stop it if the Father wanted it?

"S-she said she wanted to talk, to apologize...she said she knew she had placed us in a terrible situation..." Monica shook her head slowly, tearfully, "But all I could think was that she had all the time in the world to do those things, but she waited until things were the way she had wanted them. We were apart!"

"But we aren't now," Andrew replied firmly. His own heart was racing but he could tell his reaction had frightened his beloved.

"I won't go! I won't leave you if that's what she wants! I'll forever give up my existence as an angel to be by your side, Andrew!"

Forcing his own growing concern aside, he cradled her in his strong arms, "No one is going anywhere, baby. You have my word on that. Please calm down, Angel. I promise you...I promise you no one is going to separate us, now or ever. I love you so much, Monica, and I won't allow anyone to come between us."

He continued to speak softly to her until he realized she had cried herself to sleep and he breathed an imperceptible sigh of relief. She was long overdue for some rest, her apparent exhaustion having only faded slightly from when he had first seen her when he woke up in the hospital. She had been caring for him and fighting off nightmares in the night and he supposed some of those dreams had stemmed from her harbouring Tess' visit in her heart.

As she snuggled into his arms, Andrew tenderly wiped the dampness from her cheeks and kissed her forehead as he listened to her even breathing. The news of Tess' appearance worried him; he couldn't lie to himself about that, but he found himself hoping the older angel would make her next appearance to him. He would have no problem demanding answers from her and he would make it perfectly clear that regardless of what the plan was, he and Monica would be together for it, along with their unborn child.