Chapter 23

Andrew held onto her for a long time, waiting to see if her anguished sobs would diminish, but they never did.  The pain was deeper than any he ever thought she had experienced before and his heart broke along with hers.

            Finally, he pulled away a little, watching as she bowed her head as the sobs continued to wrack through her exhausted body,

            “Tess told me about Denise,” He offered softly, tears for her pain, still streaking down his cheeks,

            “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.  I know it hurts, but it was not your fault, Angel Girl, you have to believe that.”

            “No,” She cried out, shaking her head,

            “I failed Andrew…I failed at everything.  Denise was right, I’m a terrible angel, an even worse supervisor and a terrible friend.  I didn’t want to face it, but she was right.” Another anguished cry escaped her and she covered her face with her hands as the sobs turned violent once again.

            “Oh Monica, no,” He uttered, his own voice trembling with grief.  Reaching up, he pulled her hands away from her face, wanting to meet her eyes, but she was too ashamed to look at him,

            “Listen to me, please?  She wasn’t right-she wasn’t right about any of it.  Nothing could be further from the truth and you know that.”

            “You don’t understand,” She wept miserably, drawing in a trembling breath,

            “You don’t know what this feels like…”

            “No?” Andrew asked softly, his question causing her to glance up at him briefly,

            “I think you’re wrong there, sweetie.  One of the hardest things for me when I was an Angel of Death was when humans made the other choice.  The choice to not follow God, but to choose darkness instead.  It hurt, Monica, every single time it happened, but I knew it wasn’t my fault.  They had a choice to make and I couldn’t make it for them, even though I wanted to more than anything.  Denise had a choice to make too, Angel Girl, and even though it was a heartbreaking choice, you could not make it for her, no matter how much you wanted to.”

            Monica swallowed hard, trying to calm the tears that refused to subside,

            “I should have tried harder, Andrew.  I…I gave up on her and became afraid of her instead.  What kind of supervisor is afraid of her own Caseworker?”

            “One who has good cause to be,” He whispered, his hand moving to stroke her cheek, though at the loving gesture another sob broke free from her,

            “There are some angels that just don’t make it, baby and Denise, unfortunately, was one of those angels.”

            “But what if it is me, Andrew?  What if I am the reason she didn’t make it?” She uttered, finally meeting his loving green eyes.

            Andrew smiled softly at her,

            “Monica, you are the sweetest, most loving soul I have ever met in all of my existence.  God’s love just dwells inside of you and it is so strong, Monica, that anyone who is around you can feel it.  Denise chose not to feel it or accept it, and that, my friend, is her loss.  You had so much to give her, Monica, just like you give so much to everyone you come in contact with and I’m sorry that Denise will never understand or know that light that shines inside of you.  But I know it, Angel Girl, and it breaks my heart to think that Denise’s decision is going to cover that light,” His hands moved to wipe the tears from her face, even as new ones replaced them,

            “Don’t let that happen, sweetheart.  Please don’t let that happen.”

            The kindness and love in her friend’s words and expression touched her deeply as she struggled to believe what it was he was saying, but after everything that had happened, it was just so hard,

            “Tess must be so disappointed in me,” She whispered finally, after a long moment.

            “Not at all, Monica,” Came the gentle reply,

            “When the Father told Tess what had happened, she cried because she felt so badly for the pain it would cause you.  She loves you, Angel Girl and she knows how hard you tried.” He watched her face closely, trying to see if he was getting through the pain that was still so evident inside of her.

            “She’s placed so many doubts in that pretty head of yours,” Andrew commented softly,

            “But I want you to listen to what I’m saying, Monica.  It was not your fault.  There was nothing more you could have done and you did the very best that you could.  The only thing you can give is all you have and you did that.  I want you to believe that-you know I’d never lie to you, sweetheart.”

            “Oh Andrew,” Monica uttered, hearing the mention of the one word that was weighing even more heavily on her conscience than Denise was,

            “I’m so sorry and I know you can’t forgive me for my lack of honesty, but just know how sorry I am.  I can’t imagine anything worse than losing your trust or Tess’, and I’ll never forgive myself for what I did, but-.”

            Andrew reached out and held a finger to her lips to silence her, his heart aching for the pain he had caused her,

            “You know what?  The past is in the past, sweetie, and all is forgiven.  I’m the one who should be sorry.  I took a situation that had far too much hurt already and added to it.  I guess I just couldn’t accept the fact that there was anything you couldn’t tell me, but now, I do understand how afraid you were for me and for Tess as you had reason to be.”

            “But it wasn’t better until I told you, Andrew.  I wanted to tell you at the time, but I was having such a hard time believing it myself, so I didn’t know how to share it with you.  I just couldn’t believe that Denise…that she…” Her gentle voice broke off again as the tears continued to flow.

            Putting aside his own physical weariness, Andrew stood up and moved to sit on the bed, so he could wrap her up in the protection of his arms.  He felt her head rest against his chest as her arms encircled him tightly.  Sighing sadly, he pressed his lips to the top of her head and held her tightly as her shoulders shook with quiet sobs,

            “That’s it, Angel Girl,” He whispered, his deep love for her evident in his voice,

            “Let it all out.  Cry it out and then know that soon, everything will be all right again.  I promise it will be, sweetheart, I promise.” Tears once again streaking his own cheeks, he leaned back, keeping her in his arms, as he offered up silent prayers for the healing of his best friend’s broken heart.