CHAPTER 5

It had started out innocently enough and she had barely given it a thought. Monica's nerves had been frayed to the point of snapping in the days and weeks after she had last seen Andrew. Everything had changed that night and not having him close now was crippling her emotionally. Not having anyone to talk to about it, no one to reassure her that one day there would be a solution was nearly driving her mad, so when she snapped back at Tess one day after the older angel made a more snarky than usual comment, the little angel had not been overly surprised at her own reaction. Once upon a time, Tess had been her confidante, her comforter, her friend and then her supervisor, but now that had all changed and the little angel's frustration had finally hit an all time high.

But the argument had caught fire as Tess had been harboring her own frustrations and Monica had not gotten another word in; she considered herself blessed that she had contained her sobs until Tess had vanished and left her alone. Monica was ashamed of her words as it was so unlike her, but she barely felt like herself at all anymore, and once Tess departed, Monica allowed herself to cry into exhaustion. They were the first tears she had shed in three months; the morning she had last seen Andrew. She had been trying to be strong as he had asked, but the stress of their situation had her feeling exhausted most of the time. Yes, she still handled each and every assignment with absolute love and precision as when God's love was flowing through her, for those moments she felt absolute hope in everything; the human race, the world, her relationship with Andrew.

But in those terrible moments after the argument with Tess, the little angel felt as if she were hitting rock bottom and she cried to the point that her stomach lurched and her human belly lost its all too human lunch. Monica had then willed herself to calm down and though her tears dried, her sadness remained. She had never felt so alone in the world and she was often too afraid to go Home in between assignments as she simply didn't know what might await her there. Other than Adam and Raphael, no other angels had attempted to see her to show their support and more judgment would simply be more than she could handle.

Monica had tried to apologize to Tess at the start of their next assignment, but there was only more proof that the relationship may be beyond repair.

"I don't need your apologies, Monica, unless what you are really apologizing for is this mess with Andrew. That's the root of the real problem here and we both know it."

Her expression completely broken, the little angel looked at Tess sadly, "I'll never apologize for that, Tess, and I'll never be sorry for how I feel about him.."

And that had been the end of that conversation and Monica was just grateful there had not been another battle. But it did remind her of how terribly lonely she was, how much her heart ached and how afraid she was that their beginning had indeed been the end.

Her human form had very little appetite, which was probably a good thing as the further she launched into despair, the more temperamental her stomach became. Monica felt as if she were breaking her promise to Andrew about remaining strong but her human form had always been particularly sensitive and now was no exception, and given her limited time at Home to avoid any judgment, she was on earth more than usual.

Three months after her night with Andrew, Raphael showed up and the startled expression on his face when he saw her, told her that she must look as terrible as she had been feeling.

"Angelito? Monica, are you well? Senorita, you are so pale," He rested his hands on his friend's shoulders and looked into her weary eyes with great concern.

His kindness gave some warmth to her heart, "Rafe, I could really use a friend right now…"

She didn't cry; she was simply too tired to do so, but she allowed him to lead her to a quiet place where she poured out her heart about missing Andrew, about her problems with Tess, about her fear of going Home. He listened intently, a brotherly arm wrapped around her shoulders and was not at all surprised when she finished with a desperate question, "Have you seen him? Have you seen Andrew?"

Regret filled his brown eyes as he sadly shook his head, "No Monica. I'm so sorry, but I haven't. Maybe Adam has but I haven't seen him either."

"Rafe," Monica whispered, her own eyes haunted, "I'm afraid it was the end for us."

"Keep the faith, little angel. I don't believe that for a moment." And he didn't, but he was already making a mental note to try to locate Andrew. Monica's human form looked too thin, too pale, too sad and the Angel of Death needed to know it.

But it was during her next assignment that it all came to a head. Her run down human form had swooned and she had lost her balance, hitting her head against a table, which had rendered her unconscious. Her own assignment had called an ambulance as Tess was nowhere to be found and when Monica had finally come around in the Emergency Room, lying on a stretcher and surrounded by a doctor and two nurses, she had found out the truth.

She had refused to stay overnight, but she was completely numb inside. A small bandage concealing three stitches on her forehead, the dazed angel had walked out of the building and off her assignment. There was no choice now; there was no way she could stay. Monica had no idea where she would go or what she would do, but as Tess would certainly find out the truth, leaving was the only option and she needed time to process all that had happened and to decide what it meant.

But that question was beyond her ability to comprehend.

Monica had no idea if it was a blessing from God…or a punishment.

With a few hours before his next assignment, Andrew had wandered down the city streets until he found a small café. Slipping inside, out of the heat, he ordered a ginger ale and leaned back in his chair. As always, it was Monica who came to his mind.

He was doubting the wisdom of what had happened that night in the woods. He didn't regret it and he was certain Monica didn't either, but that was the source of his problem. He had no idea how she was feeling. What had happened had changed everything between them and as an angel, he was having trouble wrapping his mind around it, but then again, he often internalized everything. Monica on the other hand, tended to talk out her feelings, a trait that endured her to him, but who was she talking to now?

Andrew was pretty sure it wasn't Tess.

They had never planned it; their love for each other had simply taken over, fueled by the impending separation and the knowledge that they had no idea when they would see each other again. They had been placed in an impossible situation, one they had no idea how to win. They had never planned to fall in love with each other..

…and they had never planned to experience physical human love either.

Yet they had. Nature had simply taken over and the little angel had been so innocent and so trusting and Andrew had been amazed at her openness and the way she had clung to him in desperation as the night had stretched into morning. They hadn't slept, but instead had remained in each other's arms, whispering love promises, their hopes and their dreams for their future. They never imagined for a moment that there would not be one.

Now Andrew felt a protection for Monica that was more fierce than anything he had ever felt in the past and he had been pretty sure he had already cornered the market on that one. So feeling a need to keep her safe from anyone especially that might judge or hurt her, yet having no idea where she was drove him at times to the edge of angelic insanity.

He had never expected to be able to love the little angel more than he already did, but he had been wrong.

Andrew also never expected to see Raphael walking in the door of the café then take a seat at the table across from him.

"Amigo, we need to talk."

Andrew had listened in stunned silence as his friend told him about his encounter with Monica; her depression, her physical appearance, her tumultuous relationship with Tess, and the pleading way she had asked if Raphael had seen him. None of what his fellow angel was telling him made him feel any better about the current situation. He had already been worried about her; now he knew he had a reason to be.

"She needs to see you, Andrew. When I saw her, Monica just didn't seem herself. She seemed…perdida…"

Lost. Much like Andrew had been feeling without her, "When did you see her, Raphael?"

"Two days ago, Andrew. She was just getting ready to begin an assignment and she thought it would be a long one so there is a good chance she is still there."

Andrew pulled out his pocket watch and glanced at the time. He still had a few hours, "Will you take me to her?"

"Si amigo. She needs to see you and to talk."

Walking out the door of the café, they vanished and appeared near the stream where Raphael had spoken to the little angel not so long ago. However, there was no sign of Monica now. Thankfully, the Hispanic angel had been with her until she had met her assignment.

"Over there. That's Renee, Monica's assignment."

Andrew wasted no time in introducing himself to the young woman, but when he asked if she had seen Monica, the news was far from reassuring.

"That poor girl. She passed out at work the other day and hit her head; cracked her skull pretty good. The new supervisor, Tess, was not around so I took her to the ER and I haven't seen her since. Tess said she quit."

The brief explanation caused Andrew to feel as if he had been punched in the stomach. Monica was hurt and she had left her assignment. What on earth had happened?

"Tess, do you know where she is?"

"Patrolling the park just over there," Renee pointed in the direction and Andrew felt a wave of anger go through him as he could just make out the older angel in the distance.

"Thanks, Renee," As Raphael waited, Andrew walked briskly in the direction where he could see Tess, all the while trying not to feel completely defensive about speaking to her. Monica had been hurt and she had not been there for her, but at the same time from what Raphael had said, Tess had not been there for Monica long before the accident. The anger in his gut burned the closer he got to her.

"Tess."

The older angel whirled around at the sound of his voice and Andrew was surprised to see conflicting emotions in her eyes, "If you know where she is, Andrew, I need to know."

"I don't know, but you should," He was unable to help his accusatory tone and he still thought he was doing well as what he really felt was unbridled anger.

"I talked to the doctor at the hospital and he said she probably had a mild concussion. She had three stitches but she refused to stay under observation. That's all he would tell me, Andrew. I assumed she went to find you," Tess stated dryly, eyeing him with suspicion.

"I wish that were the case, but I haven't seen her. I'm worried, Tess, and you should be too."

"Of course I'm worried," The older angel snapped, "You know how much I care about that angel, Andrew."

"Perhaps, but the question is does Monica still know that? I have a sinking suspicion that she doesn't. Regardless of how angry you have been with us, she still needed you; especially now." Andrew didn't want to be standing here sparring with Tess; he wanted to be out searching until he found the little angel and then he wanted to hold her for the rest of eternity, "You know, when we first discovered these feelings we had for each other, we were afraid to tell you as we didn't want to disappoint you. It seems our fears were well founded as you reacted badly. You took something that was already confusing and dismissed it, trying to pretend that it never happened and that keeping us apart was the answer. But we all know and tell humans all the time that the truth cannot be ignored, Tess, because ignoring it is nothing more than trying to sweep it under the carpet. It simply attempts to hide it but it is still there, just beneath the surface. You are like a mother to Monica, and you tried to ignore the things that were foremost on her heart, and you took me away from her so who did that leave her to talk to?"

"The Father. You know that."

"You made her feel ashamed. Do you really think she would take that perceived shame to Him?" Andrew was unable to contain the bitterness in his voice and he was sure he saw Tess flinch. It brought him a tiny bit of satisfaction, "Look, I didn't come here to argue with you. I came because I'm worried about Monica and need to find her. Raphael said when he last saw her, she didn't look well."

"She was fine-."

"Was she really or are you just trying to convince yourself?"

"Well, she was obviously upset about this little thing between the two of you, but I wasn't about to discuss that with her."

"No, of course not," He replied. In light of his new relationship with the Irish angel he felt more sure of himself than ever before. He was now certain that Tess and Sam were not right and he also knew he would fight tooth and nail to protect Monica. The petty judgments of those who chose to pass them he no longer had the time nor the patience for as he had a feeling there were now much greater things at stake, "This little thing between us is love, Tess and it doesn't matter whether you like it or not. You and Sam say we were not created to feel those things, yet we do, so where else does love come from? And don't worry; Sam and I will be having the same conversation. If the Father opposes my searching for Monica, that is one thing. You and Sam opposing it? Well, I suppose that will just have to be a problem the two of you have. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an angel to try to find."

Andrew turned away and never looked back. Monica was in trouble in some way, he his job was now to shelter and protect her and unless God Himself intervened, that was exactly what he was going to do.